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Dizzy
07-26-2012, 06:24 PM
The Zebra Storyteller (http://www.archipelago.org/vol3-1/holst.htm)



Once upon a time there was a Siamese cat who pretended to be a lion and spoke inappropriate Zebraic.

That language is whinnied by the race of striped horses in Africa.

Here now: An innocent zebra is walking in a jungle, and approaching from another direction is the little cat; they meet.

“Hello there!” says the Siamese cat in perfectly pronounced Zebraic. “It certainly is a pleasant day, isn’t it? The sun is shining, the birds are singing, isn’t the world a lovely place to live today!”

The zebra is so astonished at hearing a Siamese cat speaking like a zebra, why, he’s just fit to be tied.

So the little cat quickly ties him up, kills him, and drags the better parts of the carcass back to his den.

The cat successfully hunted zebras many months in this manner, dining on filet mignon of zebra every night, and from the better hides he made bow neckties and wide belts after the fashion of the decadent princes of the Old Siamese court.

He began boasting to his friends he was a lion, and he gave them as proof the fact that he hunted zebras.

The delicate noses of the zebras told them there was really no lion in the neighborhood. The zebra deaths caused many to avoid the region. Superstitious, they decided the woods were haunted by the ghost of a lion.

One day the storyteller of the zebras was ambling, and through his mind ran plots for stories to amuse the other zebras, when suddenly his eyes brightened, and he said, “That’s it! I’ll tell a story about a Siamese cat who learns to speak our language! What an idea! That’ll make ’em laugh!”

Just then the Siamese cat appeared before him, and said, “Hello there! Pleasant day today, isn’t it!”

The zebra storyteller wasn’t fit to be tied at hearing a cat speaking his language, because he’d been thinking about that very thing.

He took a good look at the cat, and he didn’t know why, but there was something about his looks he didn’t like, so he kicked him with a hoof and killed him.

That is the function of the storyteller.

I don't get it! What did this mean?

Zarathustra
07-26-2012, 07:33 PM
It means FUCK ZEBRAS.

Kirin
07-27-2012, 09:05 AM
It's hard to put one over on a storyteller, because they've already thought about all the good lies.

Also, yes, Zebras are assholes, along with many Siamese cats.

Grignr
07-28-2012, 12:04 PM
I think it's something about critics and the dangers of guessing authorial intent.

also:
"If the Siamese cat won't stop speaking zebraic, kill it!" says Nobunaga.

KCar
07-28-2012, 05:47 PM
I think perhaps it's presenting the function of a story as operating two ways historically - as a seduction and as a warning, revolution and criticism.

Zeroneight
07-28-2012, 08:46 PM
It means that only science fiction authors and readers are equipped to deal with future shock.

Octopus Prime
07-29-2012, 03:51 AM
How can a Siamese cat manage to bring down an ENTIRE ZEBRA without said Zebra saying "Hey, quit killing me, you jerk". I mean, they got to outweigh 'em by a few hundred pounds.

The moral of the story is "Zebra are idiots."

Olli T
07-29-2012, 06:05 AM
The zebra storyteller is a stand-in for the person who wrote that story, a really smart badass.

Meditative_Zebra
07-29-2012, 06:31 AM
It means FUCK ZEBRAS.

Zebras are assholes

The moral of the story is "Zebra are idiots."

http://www.the-weaving.com/images/temp/emot-smith.gif

Grignr
07-29-2012, 10:11 AM
The zebra storyteller is a stand-in for the person who wrote that story, a really oppressive fascist.

It does seem a lot like the story the dictators of the Arab Spring would tell each other, where the zebraic-speaking cat is the voice of the common people tweeting their Occupation, eaten zebras are the foolish rulers who didn't move quick enough to oppress them, and the Storyteller is the wise Syrian government.


Why a Siamese cat though?

Octopus Prime
07-29-2012, 10:13 AM
It does seem a lot like the story the dictators of the Arab Spring would tell each other, where the zebraic-speaking cat is the voice of the common people tweeting their Occupation, eaten zebras are the foolish rulers who didn't move quick enough to oppress them, and the Storyteller is the wise Syrian government.


Why a Siamese cat though?

The story is mainly about warning against the designs of people born physically attached to their siblings.