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Stephen
06-14-2007, 11:23 PM
Yeah, yeah, the new episodes stink and Futurama rules the night, but in the old days...

Bart: I feel so full of...what's the opposite of shame?
Marge: Pride?
Bart: Not that far from shame.
Homer: Less shame?
Bart: Yeah

philliam
06-14-2007, 11:24 PM
Marge: Oh Homer.
Homer: DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Stephen
06-14-2007, 11:32 PM
Wow, insightful and incisive.

philliam
06-14-2007, 11:40 PM
Oh boo hoo fine.

Grampa: "Quick! We have to kill the boy!"

Marge: "How'd you know he's a vampire?"

Grampa: "He's a vampire? Aah!" *runs away*

Red Hedgehog
06-14-2007, 11:43 PM
Do not make me run. I am full of chocolate!

Maggie
06-14-2007, 11:44 PM
I'm a rage-aholic! I just can't live without rage-ahol!

philliam
06-14-2007, 11:53 PM
But seriously though, this guy was awesome.

http://img390.imageshack.us/img390/2994/hank9ly.jpg

Maggie
06-14-2007, 11:54 PM
Yeah, Mr. Scorpio(n) should've been a returning character. Did he ever return? I don't remember it.

ecchi squirrel
06-14-2007, 11:56 PM
While watching the movie entitled "Too Many Grandmas":

Boy in movie: Hurry Grandma, Grandma is gaining on us!


... And yeah, I registered for these forums for the sole purpose of posting that.

Maggie
06-14-2007, 11:57 PM
"Man has always loved his buildings... but what happens when the buildings say 'No more!'"

Makkara
06-15-2007, 01:22 AM
Lisa: Remember, dad, "all glory is fleeting."

Homer: So?

Lisa: "Beware the Ides of March."

Homer: No!

Sheana
06-15-2007, 01:37 AM
To the Book Depository!

Lumber Baron
06-15-2007, 01:44 AM
Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls...

...two, I suppose.

Jeanie
06-15-2007, 06:22 AM
Well kids you tried and failed. The lesson here is... never try.

nadia
06-15-2007, 06:31 AM
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

sraymonds
06-15-2007, 06:38 AM
Bart: Dad! You killed zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?

Torgo
06-15-2007, 07:19 AM
"We understand, Homer. After all, we are from ze land of chocolate!"
Homer: "Mmm... the land of chocolate." (http://youtube.com/watch?v=ziO14aZAEqs)

nadia
06-15-2007, 07:26 AM
"Homer ... Homer ... Homer!"

"Wha--oh, sorry. We were talking about the Land of Chocolate?"

"That was ten minutes ago!"


Speaking of "Things You Usually Say," I often mutter, "I seeee..."

And

"Such aasss...?"

TheSL
06-15-2007, 08:08 AM
From the Scorpio episode:

Homer: [reading] Project Arcturus couldn't have succeeded without you. This will get you a little closer to that dream of yours. It's not the Dallas Cowboys, but it's a start. Drop me a line if you're on the East Coast, Hank Scorpio. [stops reading] Aw, the Denver Broncos!
Marge: I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good.
Homer: Yeah, yeah.
Marge: Well, explain to me why it isn't.
Homer: [sighs] You just don't understand football, Marge.


...and then Denver Broncos won the Super Bowl the following season.

Makkara
06-15-2007, 08:15 AM
Hey, does anyone know the name of the music during the Land of Chocolate scene? I love that little melody.

yakkotank
06-15-2007, 09:46 AM
Chinese fire drill! Serious this time!

JCDenton
06-15-2007, 10:10 AM
Holy crap, don't do this too me. Too many quotes.

"25 pounds of butter per cubic inch. Chocolate so dark, not even light can escape its pull."

"Now we play the waiting game................aw, the waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos."

"Singing is the lowest form of communication."

Homer: Come on kids, let's go home
Lisa: We are home.
Homer:That was fast

Leonard Nimoy: My work here is done
Barney: What do you mean? You didn't do anything
Nimoy: Didn't I?

Hopefully the movie won't suck, but I'm not holding out much hope.

ecchi squirrel
06-15-2007, 10:53 AM
Jimbo, Nelson and that other kid cover Milhouse with campaign stickers from head to toe, and sit him inside a shopping cart, and then push him down a hill.

Jimbo: "Alright, now the mummy is ready for his mystical journey!"

nadia
06-15-2007, 11:22 AM
Leonard Nimoy: My work here is done
Barney: What do you mean? You didn't do anything
Nimoy: Didn't I?

That was quite possibly the greatest episode ever.

"A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet ... goes on."
"Anyone want to switch seats...?"

yakkotank
06-15-2007, 11:58 AM
That was quite possibly the greatest episode ever.

"A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet ... goes on."
"Anyone want to switch seats...?"

Speaking of Leonard Nimoy episodes....

Marge : There's a man here who says he can help you.
Homer : Is it Batman?
Marge : No, he's a scientist.
Homer : Batman's a scientist?
Marge : It's not Batman!

Red Hedgehog
06-15-2007, 12:16 PM
"We were there on the 13th hour of the 13th day of the 13th month to discuss the misprinted calendars."
"Lousy Smarch weather!"

AND

Sign: "DON'T TOUCH. -WILLY"
Homer: "Don't touch Willy. Hmm, sounds like good advice."

Maggie
06-15-2007, 12:27 PM
"Why would a sign lie to a person?"

Oh, and...

"I work hard for the money. So hard for the money. Something something something so give me lots of honey."

Lumber Baron
06-15-2007, 12:32 PM
Willy's retirement grease!

Red Hedgehog
06-15-2007, 01:02 PM
Willy: Lunchlady Doris, have you got any grease?
Doris: Yes. Yes we do.
Willy: [Rips of shirt, revealing finely chiseled pecs] Then grease me up, woman!
Doris: [Looking him over approvingly] Okey dokey.

"There's nary an animal alive that can escape a greased Scotsman!"

bobservo
06-15-2007, 01:06 PM
"holy crap lois"

- bart simpson

Maggie
06-15-2007, 01:24 PM
My favorite Simpsons quote of all time:

"Dear Lord, please protect the rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house."

This one's pretty good, too, though:

"He reminds me of a young me!"

"Are you kidding? Jung Mi was a hack compared to this guy!"

Guy
06-15-2007, 01:44 PM
(Homer is attempting to retrieve a letter he wrote to Mr. Burns in a fit of anger.)

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.

Post Office Guy: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?

Homer: ... I don't know. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kqAWWNZqjM)

Lumber Baron
06-15-2007, 02:27 PM
How many gazebos do you she-males need?

Stephen
06-15-2007, 02:42 PM
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting a woman's bottom? We all thought it was hilarious, but it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.

Torgo
06-15-2007, 02:45 PM
Lisa: "G'night, Chief Wiggum. Enjoy Bob Saget!"

Wiggum: "Haha, no Lisa, Bob Seger."
*checks ticket*
"...aw crap."

(The fact that I recognize almost all of these quotes tells me that pretty much nothing past the seventh or eighth season is worth bothering with.)

Lumber Baron
06-15-2007, 04:32 PM
(I think eight is slightly premature. You can find good episodes up into the 10th season, and even intermitantly beyond that. Two thirds of my submission were past season eight.)

Assistant: Sir, there's an unruly mob here to see you.
Quimby: Does it have an appointment?
Assistant: [consults clipboard] Yes, it does.
Skinner: I phoned ahead!

ArugulaZ
06-15-2007, 05:16 PM
Oh, there are just too many of these...

"When Marge joined the police academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting, like that one movie... Spaceballs! But instead it was painful and disturbing, like that other film Police Academy..."

and for more Guttenburg-bashing fun...

"Dammit Bart, why do you think I took you to Police Academy? For FUN?! Well, I didn't see anyone laughing, did you?"

Here's a doozy from the cast of X-Files...

Mulder: "Why's Homer on a treadmill?"
Scully: "No reason. I thought he could just stand to lose some weight."
Mulder: "The jiggling is almost... hypnotic."
Scully: "Kind of like a lava lamp!"

And one of my faves from an early season...

(Random guy dumping an unmarked box into a well)

"I was a fool to think that people would want naked pictures of Whoopi Goldberg!"
(Well spits out the box)
"What the-?"

JR

Torgo
06-15-2007, 06:29 PM
(I think eight is slightly premature. You can find good episodes up into the 10th season, and even intermitantly beyond that. Two thirds of my submission were past season eight.)
Eight was a ballpark estimate, really. Although I once considered myself a fan, I've never actually followed the show. As in, like, new episodes. Most of my viewing over the years has been strictly reruns.

Season ten does sound a little more accurate, though.

Sheana
06-15-2007, 06:52 PM
I'd say Nine was the cutoff point, really. The first eight were brilliant, nine see-sawed a lot, and by the time Season Ten started it was off to hell in a handbasket. It's had its moments but it just isn't the show I grew up watching. Alas.

"The sun is shining, birds are trying to have sex with bees, as is my understanding..."

Armored Robo Zaza Gabor
06-15-2007, 06:57 PM
All of these

http://www.oldmansimpson.com/index.php?page=quotes

Lumber Baron
06-15-2007, 07:04 PM
"Ooh, a friendly bee!"

Torgo
06-15-2007, 07:19 PM
Season nine? Season ten?

Am I the only one who notices an extremely morbid correlation here?

Schmidt
06-15-2007, 07:59 PM
I guess. Clue me in. Was that when Phil Hartman died? 9/11? The Dreamcast failed?

Torgo
06-15-2007, 08:09 PM
Yeah, Phil Hartman died in early '98, which would place it right around then.

Not saying that's the reason, but it does seem a funny coincidence. That's assuming of course that season nine/ten is where a lot of people agree the show pretty much started to break down, but I don't keep tabs on such things. If not, then I guess the point is a wash.

Red Hedgehog
06-16-2007, 12:25 AM
Yeah, the 97-98 season was the last one I found truly good throughout. Granted, the first seasonwasn't very good either.

And for a Simpson quote from my favorite episode:

"Well Homer, looks like you're the winner by default."
"Dee-fault! The two greatest words in the English language."

Sheana
06-16-2007, 02:36 AM
A bee bit my bottom and now my bottom's big.

nadia
06-16-2007, 10:48 AM
The problem with Simpsons quotes is it's hard to think of some on the spot, but as the hours go on you remember more ... and more...

(The Founding Fathers get rowdly at the signing of the Declaration of Independence: )

"Please, sirs! You're wreckin' my establishment!"

"We just created the greatest Democracy in the world, you lowlife commoner!" ::boot::

And for some good old fashioned ethnic stereotypes:

Kent Brockman: "Ladies and gentlemen, what we are seeing here is a blatant disregard for everything St Patrick's Day stands for! All this drinking, violence, destruction of property ... are these truly the things we think of when we think of the Irish?"

And:

Rabbi Krustofsky: "Some people got nothing to do but call people and hang up. There's all kinds of mishegoyim in the world."

Guy
06-18-2007, 03:22 AM
Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWorVoeZd3A)

TheSL
06-18-2007, 08:05 AM
I stand by the belief that Phil Hartman dying is what drove the Simpsons into mediocrity. None of the newer bit characters could ever hold a candle to Troy McClure or Lionel Hutz.

nadia
06-18-2007, 08:52 AM
Lionel Hutz was very special.

"I move for a bad court ... thingy."

"You mean a mistrial."

"That's why you're the judge and I'm the law talkin' guy!"

Or when he was defending Marge and he heard the opening statement from the prosecuting lawyer:

"Oooh, he's good! He's gonna win!"

Jeanie
06-18-2007, 09:03 AM
The loss of Phil Hartman drove EVERY show he was on into, at best, mediocrity. Look at bad SNL sucked after he (and all the other good actors) left. Or Newsradio, which made Andy Dick and Joe Rogan seem funny, when they brought in Jon Lovitz (Also part of the HORRIBLE Simpsons-The Critic crossover,which many belive to be the Worst. Episode. Ever.) and that show Jumped the Shark.

nadia
06-18-2007, 09:36 AM
"Behold, the ravages of age!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5tE8iSs42w)

I was always kind of annoyed the The Critic. The DVD sets give you an idea of the show's quality: The "special bonuses" featuring memorable content have the same handful of clips over and over (usually movie parodies).

I kind of liked the crossover episode, though.

"Wow. I'll never drink another beer again."

"Beer here!"

"I'll take ten."

Lumber Baron
06-18-2007, 11:48 AM
"Smithers! Get the amnesia ray!"
"You mean the revolver sir?"
"Yes, thats the ticket!"

Red Hedgehog
06-18-2007, 12:25 PM
No, worst Simpsons episode ever while still in its good run was the one where Bart and Lisa play ice hockey.

I guess I'm the only one who enjoyed The Critic. For the brief period in which The Critic and The Simpsons were back to back, there were two or three times when The Critic episode was better than The Simpsons episode. The crossover episode wasn't one of the best, but come on, the Monty Burns movie was pure gold.

William Shatner: "Ex-cel-lent!"

philliam
06-18-2007, 12:30 PM
i don't have any poblem with these kind of threads, but i think these fit more in talking about everything

nadia
06-18-2007, 12:35 PM
No, worst Simpsons episode ever while still in its good run was the one where Bart and Lisa play ice hockey.

I loved that episode, but I also live in Toronto so that probably counts for something.

Oh, I know an episode that sucked! The episode where the Simpsons went to Toronto! Seriously, it was terrible.

Makkara
06-18-2007, 12:41 PM
i don't have any poblem with these kind of threads, but i think these fit more in talking about everything

COCK WIGS FOR DING DONGS!

Better now?

Maggie
06-18-2007, 12:59 PM
Worst episode I saw was when Homer lost his job and Marge wrote a romance. Ugh. Most of it relied on visual gags, too. "Wow, Homer can't possibly bend that way. Almost like this is a cartoon!"

It did have that one good joke where Homer farts, then turns up the radio to cover the smell.

philliam
06-18-2007, 01:14 PM
COCK WIGS FOR DING DONGS!

Better now?

YOU JUST MADE IT WORSE YOU FOOL

Red Hedgehog
06-18-2007, 02:37 PM
I loved that episode, but I also live in Toronto so that probably counts for something.

Yes, apparently being Canadian helps in ones enjoyment of that episode. But not liking hockey. Because I do. And I still don't like the episode. Come to think of it, the one with Bart and the Flanders kid playing golf was pretty bad too so maybe the Simpsons doesn't do sports well. But that was also from the second season when the show hadn't quite yet found its stride (third season, FTW!)

But the second season had its moments. To wit:

Mr. Burns: Thanks for not making fun of my genitalia.
Marge: I thought I did.

Sanagi
06-18-2007, 04:16 PM
Marge, where's the metal thing you use to... dig food.

Sheana
06-18-2007, 05:56 PM
Moe is their leader.

katz
06-18-2007, 07:30 PM
You suck diddly-uck Flanders! Here ye, here ye! Ye old town crier proclaimed crappy by all! Choseth Homer Simpson and he will rock thy world!

Sweet merciful crap!

Bonjourrrrr, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!

If I don't save the wee turtles, who will? Gah! Save me from the wee turtles! They were too big for me!

Lumber Baron
06-19-2007, 01:51 AM
Now I'm going down to Emit's Fix-It shop... *cocks gun* ...to fix Emit.

*Andy Griffith Show Theme Song plays*

nadia
06-19-2007, 08:49 AM
Now I'm going down to Emit's Fix-It shop... *cocks gun* ...to fix Emit.

*Andy Griffith Show Theme Song plays*

Husband grew up in Mount Airy wherein the Griffith Show was "based," so we quote that one a lot.

Torgo
06-19-2007, 09:28 AM
Homer: Lisa honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!

Homer: *laughs* Oh, yeah right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=uJqx-AvUjCg)

thomp538
06-19-2007, 09:57 AM
Its a perfectly cromulent word

Maggie
06-19-2007, 03:30 PM
"I'm not a stabbin' hobo, I'm a singin' hobo."

Sanagi
06-19-2007, 03:32 PM
I'm wizzin' with the door open... And I love it!

thomp538
06-19-2007, 04:32 PM
<whole dolphin pierces man through the chest>

Torgo
06-19-2007, 05:00 PM
Heheheh, just like Oscar the Grouch.

Sarcasmorator
06-19-2007, 06:01 PM
"I'm not a stabbin' hobo, I'm a singin' hobo."

Nothin' beats the hobo life/stabbin' folks with my hobo kniiiiiife ...

Ghost from Spelunker
06-20-2007, 02:19 PM
Skinner: I'm going to have to cancel the apple picking trip we had scheduled, so I bought you this bag of store-bought apples instead.
Ms. Krabapple: The apples were not the reason for this trip!
Skinner: Then why were we going apple picking?

Maggie
06-20-2007, 02:58 PM
I take a whiskey drink.
I take a chocolate drink.
And when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink!

I sing the song that reminds me I'm a urinatin' guy!

Mr. Sensible
06-21-2007, 02:56 AM
Willie: Lunchlady Doris, have ye got any grease?
Doris: Yes. Yes we do.
Willie: Well then grease me up, woman! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuIDXOELpLg)
Doris: ...Okey-dokey.

Red Hedgehog
06-21-2007, 08:51 AM
Willie: Lunchlady Doris, have ye got any grease?
Doris: Yes. Yes we do.
Willie: Well then grease me up, woman! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuIDXOELpLg)
Doris: ...Okey-dokey.

Repeated! (http://www.gamespite.net/talkingtime/showpost.php?p=5202&postcount=29)

And so... the cat was caught by the very person who was trying to catch him!

How... ironic.

Ghost from Spelunker
06-21-2007, 09:27 AM
Adult Lisa to adult Bart during one of her fantasies:
"Hush, field trip-boy!"

halverde
06-26-2007, 07:16 AM
No deer for a month.

valhalladeath
06-26-2007, 08:00 AM
Ralph Wiggum is one of my favorite characters.

"My cat's breath smells like cat food"

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."

"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."

"My knob tastes funny."

Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

"It tastes like ... burning"

"I ate too much plastic candy."

and so on.

thomp538
06-26-2007, 10:22 AM
Ralph Wiggum is one of my favorite characters.

"My cat's breath smells like cat food"

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."

"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."

"My knob tastes funny."

Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

"It tastes like ... burning"

"I ate too much plastic candy."

and so on.
I bent my wookie

Lumber Baron
06-26-2007, 12:30 PM
Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse?

Ghost from Spelunker
06-26-2007, 12:39 PM
Willie after learning Skotchtoberfest was all a sting to catch Bart:
Ya used me Skinner!
Ya uuused meeeee!

dosboot
06-26-2007, 01:16 PM
This is from possibly my favorite episode, where Homer takes his family on the company ski retreat (Carl: What..Homer you brought your family? Homer: Doh!)

Later on, Bart is talking to a statue of Smokey the Bear at a park ranger visitor lodge:

Smokey: Only who can prevent forest fires?

* there are two buttons, 'me' and 'you', Bart presses 'you' *

Smokey: You have selected 'you', referring to me, which is incorrect.