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reibeatall
06-03-2007, 06:52 PM
So, I'm sitting here wondering why I'm still playing Chicago Enforcer, and I'd like to know, what are the worst games you've played? Old, new, whatever.

BEAT
06-03-2007, 06:58 PM
Eve of Extinction.
Worst PS2 Game of all time.

But the absolute worst video game I've ever played would have to be Clue, for the Sega Genisis.

Chu
06-03-2007, 07:02 PM
There was some game that I believe was called AC!D that my friend had for her old Playstation. As far as I could tell, all you did was direct a turret to fire at your friend's turret (I think?) from a first-person perspective. It was slow, ugly, and incredibly boring. I don't even know why she had that game.

Legend of Dragoon is also probably the worst RPG I've ever played. Maybe I haven't played enough to know of even more evil concoctions, but WOW. I borrowed it from another friend because I had been curious about the game for years. My apartment and I tried to play it even though it was terrible, in the hopes that MST3king it would help us through. We didn't make it very far.

"You can not be called a real Dragoon getting stunned like that, by bursting with the power."

dangerhelvetica
06-03-2007, 07:02 PM
When I think of worst games, I typically think of those with squandered potential. So, here are the ones I can think of right now.

Star Wars: Galaxies
Outpost

As for just plain awful:
Some alien fighting game for SNES
The first Ranma fighting game
Scorched Earth
Mall Tycoon (it was a demo, OK?)
Back to the Future

20XX
06-03-2007, 07:06 PM
Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu, or Hooters Road Trip.

edit: wait, Scorched Earth? Noooo!

dangerhelvetica
06-03-2007, 07:09 PM
Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu, or Hooters Road Trip.

edit: wait, Scorched Earth? Noooo!

I should clarify- this is the Scorched Earth RTS that came out around the late '90s, not the immensely cool tank angle simulator. I might have the wrong name though.

CONQUEST Earth is the name actually. I apologize for besmirching the name of Scorched.

Coinspinner
06-03-2007, 07:09 PM
A $0.25 Frosty the Snowman platformer for Windows 95. On consoles, NES Ghostbusters.

Eusis
06-03-2007, 07:10 PM
Double Dungeon. That's what I get for buying a game off the VC without even really looking into it or waiting for impressions/reviews. There's other games I didn't like, but at least either it was objectively alright, or simply had more worth to it than that damned thing.

nadia
06-03-2007, 07:23 PM
Muppet Adventure. And I actually finished it.

I was very much at the stage of my life where a Nintendo game was a Nintendo game.

Sarcasmorator
06-03-2007, 07:49 PM
That 1980s Mickey Mouse game for the NES ranks near the bottom.

ozacrot
06-03-2007, 07:50 PM
Either Friday the 13th (NES) or Unlimited SaGa (PS2).

I have a weird fascination with the SaGa games, but I'm a human being, and I have limits.

JCDenton
06-03-2007, 07:53 PM
Enter the Matrix was pretty bad, but I seem to remember an old Itchy and Scratchy game that was almost unplayable.

Potato
06-03-2007, 07:53 PM
Muppet Adventure. And I actually finished it.

I was very much at the stage of my life where a Nintendo game was a Nintendo game.This is exactly what I was going to say.

cartman414
06-03-2007, 08:18 PM
I should clarify- this is the Scorched Earth RTS that came out around the late '90s, not the immensely cool tank angle simulator. I might have the wrong name though.

CONQUEST Earth is the name actually. I apologize for besmirching the name of Scorched.

Whew. You made me jump there.

ShakeWell
06-03-2007, 08:31 PM
Wrestlemania for the NES? Or maybe Deadly Towers for the NES? That's hard, there're alot of terrible games out there.

Oooo... I played that awful PC port of Street Fighter they talked about on this week's Retronauts, that was goddamn awful.

Vahn16
06-03-2007, 08:52 PM
Remember that Razor: Freestyle Scooter game for the PS1? You don't? Well, I'll never forget it because it was that awful. Every aspect of it screamed, "bad Tony Hawk rip-off, but with scooters because they're cool!" So it was essentially cashing in on two fads at once, extreme sports ala Tony Hawk, and portable scooters. I'm pretty sure God smote me with extreme idiocy when I decided to buy it; ya know, for kicks.

Beat, I thought I was only one who played Eve of Extinction. A combination of youthful stupidity and OMG-pretty-PS2-graphics overwhelmed me. It played to my weaknesses in the same way the Bouncer did at the time.

As for Star Wars Galaxies, I still hold candle-light vigils on a regular basis for the game that it could've been.

Maggie
06-03-2007, 08:58 PM
The Flintstones for the SNES. Based on the movie. Terrible, horrible, hideous. The controls are sluggish and Fred is just a bastard in every way. I never would have played it so much if my parents hadn't bought it for us for Christmas and I felt obligated to get their money's worth out of it. It wasn't their fault they got a terrible game unknowingly, I reasoned. So I figured I owed it to them to try, against all odds, to enjoy it.

Err, I failed.

Torgo
06-03-2007, 08:58 PM
Scorched Earth fans would do well to check out Pocket Tanks (http://blitwise.com/ptanks.html).

At least so I'm told. I've never played Scorched, but Pocket Tanks is a fantastic game that apparently is pretty much just like it. The minimalistic presentation is wonderful. It has an unlimited play, adware free shareware version, so no one has an excuse not to try.

Vahn16
06-03-2007, 09:06 PM
Pocket Tanks is excellent. I was addicted to that game for a couple months. It's kind of like Gunbound and Worms. You aim your weapon (many of which are pretty crazy) and, based on wind resistance and how much power you fire with, your attack may or may not reach its target. Attacks can also destroy land, which adds another layer of strategy to it. Plus, the regular version is free. How can you turn that down?

You may now return to lamenting about bad games.

mr_bungle700
06-03-2007, 09:08 PM
Pocket Tanks looks exactly like Scorched Earth. That makes me happy. I'll have to grab it.

As for the thread topic, this one's easy for me: KISS Pinball. Awful, awful non-game that didn't even utilize the license effectively. I played it because it was my job. There is no other acceptable reason.

Torgo
06-03-2007, 09:10 PM
My answer is every game that SoE has laid its grubby mitts on. They ruin everything they touch, even the good games. Even the best game I've ever played online.

Squall
06-03-2007, 09:11 PM
TMNT Battle Nexus. Oh god how much one suffers trying to unlock a bad arcade port of the classic TMNT. Rest assured, this is far worse than Eve of Exctinction.

Jeanie
06-03-2007, 09:11 PM
I remember Pocket Tanks, we had it when I was in Iraq. We used to play it all the time. We even had all the crazy weapon packs too. Good times.

Worst one lately: Lunar for DS. Seriously, I can either kill the enemies for xp OR money but not both. Who the F*** had major brain damage to think that up. And I lose HP for running? Thanks for killing the Lunar francise jerks.

Vahn16
06-03-2007, 09:17 PM
Lunar DS and the new Mana game on the PS2 are tied for worst game design choices, in my book. It really makes you wonder how not only one person, but a whole development team decided it was a good idea. These things keep me awake at night.

Torgo
06-03-2007, 09:23 PM
The rest of them think it's a good idea because it nets them a paycheck and maybe a promotion one day for being good.

Of course, then the game bombs and they lose anyway. FAIL.

Kolbe
06-03-2007, 10:31 PM
Tenchu DS. Garbage.

Vahn16
06-03-2007, 10:53 PM
You know a game is going to be pretty bad when it's dubbed a "Gamestop Exclusive."

admozan
06-03-2007, 11:05 PM
I finished Tomb Raider III only because I refused to give it the satisfaction of defeating me.

Hilariously bad was Escape from Monster Manor, played on my college roommate's 3DO.

alexb
06-03-2007, 11:24 PM
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.

Tomm Guycot
06-03-2007, 11:28 PM
The only answer is Urban Champion

Sanagi
06-04-2007, 12:20 AM
I played some PSX game that was like a really bad beta. Actually, beta is too kind - it was barely playable at all. I've forgotten what it was called, though. Repressed memories.

dangerhelvetica
06-04-2007, 03:46 AM
I thought of some more.

Dragon Ball GT - Over 9000 Battle or somesuch like that (my brother was a big fan)
Mega Man PC - it's real, and it's frighteningly bad. I had a friend who feverishly wanted to convince me it was as good as the NES version. He failed.

Deadguy2322
06-04-2007, 04:19 AM
The absolute worst game I have ever played is Speed Racer for SNES. It ran so choopy in the mode 7 racing levels it was nearly impossible. Then I actually managed to win the race in level one, and found out the platform levels were worse! I returned it to the store, insisting it was defective. Luckily they didn't have another copy.

GiantPooka
06-04-2007, 04:30 AM
I'm so tempted to say Pit-Fighter, but it's teetering on the edge of 'so bad it's good' Seriously. Just play it once, laugh, then put it back from where it came.

I will have to go with Ground Zero Texas for the Mega-CD. Horrid to the point of being unplayable without clawing your own eyes out. Honourable mentions are Awesome Possum (Recycling is fun!!!) and Moto Roader (sort of like Micro Machines but minus the fun)

nadia
06-04-2007, 06:29 AM
Mega Man PC - it's real, and it's frighteningly bad. I had a friend who feverishly wanted to convince me it was as good as the NES version. He failed.

Remember, Kids: Anyone who offers you drugs or pretends Mega Man PC is decent is not your friend.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

Fozzie's stage was the worst. It went on, and on, and on...

R^2
06-04-2007, 07:28 AM
I remember my stepfather's brother (step-uncle?) once gave me a copy of Dungeons & Dragons: Warriors of the Eternal Sun for the Genesis. Dull, dull, dull. Turns out years later I'd get an itch to play it again, and that itch would mutate into some sort of long-term mental seizure that ended with me writing a guide for it (http://www.intentionallyblank.net/gameguides/wotes.txt), up to and including save-state hacking.

It's over two years later and I still don't know why.

Lumber Baron
06-04-2007, 07:35 AM
Rise of the Robots (http://www.1up.com/do/feature?cId=3130156)

Deadguy2322
06-04-2007, 07:47 AM
Rise of the Robots (http://www.1up.com/do/feature?cId=3130156)

I believe that Rise of the Robots is not classed as a game, but as a Geneva Convention-condemned torture device.

TheSL
06-04-2007, 07:54 AM
I still think X-Men for the NES is probably my least favorite game ever. I mean, just look at it:
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c74/TheSL/media8.png

Well, and pretty much any other NES game by LJN.

djSyndrome
06-04-2007, 08:07 AM
I can't believe no-one has mentioned E.T. for the 2600 yet.

Then again, most of you are probably too young to have suffered through receiving that turd as a Christmas present.

reibeatall
06-04-2007, 08:09 AM
I can't believe no-one has mentioned E.T. for the 2600 yet.

Then again, most of you are probably too young to have suffered through receiving that turd as a Christmas present.

Hahahahaha grandpa.


Fortunately, I haven't had the chance to play that one. I still don't like Indiana Jones for the 2600, only because it's so damn hard and I keep getting eaten by snakes.

Deadguy2322
06-04-2007, 08:16 AM
I can't believe no-one has mentioned E.T. for the 2600 yet.

Then again, most of you are probably too young to have suffered through receiving that turd as a Christmas present.

I think the reason it hasn't been brought up is because it exists on its own plain of suck, far beyond what any other game can achieve.

Zef
06-04-2007, 08:23 AM
I can't believe no-one has mentioned E.T. for the 2600 yet.

Then again, most of you are probably too young to have suffered through receiving that turd as a Christmas present.

Heck no. The thing is, I actually FINISHED ET. I could even do speedruns on it (at an age when I didn't even know what a speedrun was.) Now, Sega's Buck Rogers, THAT was a horrible game.

Deadguy2322
06-04-2007, 08:31 AM
Heck no. The thing is, I actually FINISHED ET. I could even do speedruns on it (at an age when I didn't even know what a speedrun was.) Now, Sega's Buck Rogers, THAT was a horrible game.

Do you mean the Atari 2600, ColecoVision, or Coleco Adam version? Because the ColecoVision version is actually really good.

Mightyblue
06-04-2007, 08:40 AM
I own a 2600 and a copy of ET. Hand me down from an uncle, but yeah, that was one horrible game. Can understand the landfillage.

Zef
06-04-2007, 09:22 AM
It was the Atari version of Buck Rogers ...and the Planet of Zoom! (always felt it needed an exclamation mark.)

nadia
06-04-2007, 09:26 AM
I ... kind of enjoyed ET, in a masochistic way. You know how when you scratch at a mosquito bite it hurts like hell but feels good at the same time...?

Deadguy2322
06-04-2007, 09:30 AM
It was the Atari version of Buck Rogers ...and the Planet of Zoom! (always felt it needed an exclamation mark.)

Well, there's the problem right there. The 2600 ports of anything past about 1981 were terrible.

sraymonds
06-04-2007, 09:41 AM
BMX XXX. I cheated to unlock all the "secrets" though...

shivam
06-04-2007, 09:48 AM
i liked dragon ball gt.

the worst game i ever played was magna carta. i really like the dude's art style, but that damn game was incomprehensible. Also, legend of dragoon was seriously retarded.

street fighter the movie the game, anyone?
prolly a bunch more i've blocked out.

reibeatall
06-04-2007, 09:52 AM
BMX XXX. I cheated to unlock all the "secrets" though...

Man, those "secrets" didn't even make it worth the purchase.

ArugulaZ
06-04-2007, 10:28 AM
Hahahahaha grandpa.

Fortunately, I haven't had the chance to play that one. I still don't like Indiana Jones for the 2600, only because it's so damn hard and I keep getting eaten by snakes.

Here's a mindblower for 'ya. Those two games [E.T. and Indy] were by the same developer!

Annnnyway, someone mentioned a craptastic alien fighting game for the Super NES, and I have to believe that it was Doomsday Warrior by Renovation. They really stank up the Genesis with Beast Wrestler, too. A wrestling game with monsters... how can you go wrong? Believe me, you can go very wrong with a game like this. Beast Wrestler is MADE of wrong.

JR

hank_tree
06-04-2007, 10:44 AM
I hope someone can help me remember the name of this game. It was published by Konami (in Europe at least) ,was for the PS1 and was a first person Survival Horror title. There was only one enemy and he chased you everywhere (slowly) and as the game progressed he would mutate into different forms. You also had a sidekick character and if the monster caught you then only your sidekick would die. There were a few different characters you could have with you and presumably different endings depending on who you finished the game with. It may or may not have started with a train crash. Oh and the most important part - you couldn't attack the moster/guy. You just had to run away all the time.

Anyway it was a truly terrible game. So bad I wish I still had a copy.

Edit: According to GameFaqs it was called Dark Messiah in Japan and Hellnight/Hell Night in Europe. Don't think it was released in America. If you can find a copy it's almost worth it to see how bad it is.

nathan
06-04-2007, 10:58 AM
Lately I have been doing the whole yard sale thing and buying a massive bulk of really crap NES games. It's fun and enlightening at the same time.

I dont' really feel like posting a list but the two that have given me the most pleasure lately by wallowing in their awfulness is Amagon and Wrath of the Black Manta. At times I think they are brilliant in an almost Ed Wood type of way. They just try so hard but end up becoming cliches of cliches, if that's possible.

ArugulaZ
06-04-2007, 11:08 AM
I want to hunt down the Famicom version of Wrath of Black Manta. Evidently, it had anime-style illustrations which were far more palatable than the grotesque American comic book art that we got. Not to say that all American comic book art is grotesque, but the stuff in Wrath of Black Manta definitely was.

JR

nathan
06-04-2007, 11:26 AM
Does the Famicon version also have really random and creepy 'Don't do drugs, kids' cutscenes too?

ArugulaZ
06-04-2007, 12:10 PM
It's got the same ridiculously long cut scenes, although since they're in Japanese I can't tell you what's going on in them. What I CAN say is that the graphics are just as fugly; just in a different way. You've got to check some of this stuff out!

http://www.lakupo.com/grblitz/NinjaCop2.png
He's strong to the finish, 'cuz he eats his wasabi!

http://www.lakupo.com/grblitz/NinjaCop3.png
The anatomy of this picture just confuses me. And who's the Black Manta choking, a radio deejay?

JR

alexb
06-04-2007, 12:12 PM
I'm with you. How exactly are his arms jointed to his body?

ArugulaZ
06-04-2007, 12:21 PM
Wait, wait, I've got one more!

http://www.lakupo.com/grblitz/NinjaCop5.png

Oh crap, it's the Children of the Corn! Check out the thick seams on the ninja suit too... I've seen less obvious zippers in Godzilla movies.

JR

ShakeWell
06-04-2007, 12:27 PM
I can't believe no-one has mentioned E.T. for the 2600 yet.

Then again, most of you are probably too young to have suffered through receiving that turd as a Christmas present.

You mean falling in holes and floating out painfully slowly isn't a great game experience for you? What the fuck is wrong with you, Syndrome?

Sporophyte
06-04-2007, 12:46 PM
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.

These words instantly brought back horrifying memories. There are only 2 games I ever owned that I did not finish. This is one of them. The other? Star Wars: Bounty Hunter. For whatever reason that game gave me motion sickness something fierce so I couldn't say whether the game was any good or not.
Home Alone 2 has no such defence.

Healy
06-04-2007, 01:00 PM
I can't really say if it's the worst game I ever played (I may be holding back some memories here) but Dual Orb II does have the distincion of being the most mediocre game I almost beat and then quit for some reason. The gameplay wasn't too bad, but it got repetitive fast, and the story was a cliched suck-fest of epic proportions. Seriously, it's like the designers read Copying off of Final Fantasy 6 and Other Square Games for Fun and Profit and followed it religiously. Add in a weapons upgrade system that you never seem to have enough money for (and was made near pointless by how many weapons seemed to pass through your hands) and you'll get an idea of the tedium involved to play through it.

Positronic Brain
06-04-2007, 01:14 PM
I too, finished ET. I remember I could do so pretty fast, too. Looking back, I did like the game. Then again, I don't think I was even 10 years old and I hadn't adquired any taste in videogaming yet, so how was I to know?

(since I *love* FF:Mystic Quest, some of you might argue that I still don't have any videogaming taste)

Anyway, awful games... I remember playing a Goonies II clone called Dr Chaos that was almost unplayable. Hideous and cheap level designs, awful controls, unavoidable and almost unkillable enemis that were able to trap you into corners and kill you in three hits... *sigh!* The good old NES age.

I also have very unfond memories of Back to the Future II & III. I remember saving for months just to get the game (NES games were awfully expensive in Mexico)... I learned not to trust movie to game adaptations the hard way.

Red Hedgehog
06-04-2007, 01:54 PM
E.T. for the 2600 has been mentioned, but I also remember playing an awful game called Tax Avoiders where you had to avoid red tape and IRS agents while collecting money or something.

Superman for the NES is a bad game, but I enjoy it in a so bad it's good kind of way. I mean, it is pretty open ended and you have to follow the clues to go the area that has the current boss. Every time I play it, I get stuck at one point and have yet to bother looking for a FAQ.

A NES game that is just plain bad, on the other hand, is Star Trek: The Next Generation. I don't remember if I asked for this game, or if my parents just got it for me because they knew I was a Star Trek fan, but boy is it horrid. Oh, and Total Recall. A friend and I rented that one day and we would take turns just trying to beat the first few levels. I remember we learned to jump over the alleyways so that midgets wouldn't pull us into them. We managed to get to Mars a few times, but then you started some completely horrid driving portion that we could never pass.

The most recent putrid game I remember was back on the SNES - Beavis and Butthead. Yeah, the concept really transfers well to a game.

Red Hedgehog
06-04-2007, 02:13 PM
TMNT Battle Nexus. Oh god how much one suffers trying to unlock a bad arcade port of the classic TMNT. Rest assured, this is far worse than Eve of Exctinction.

Is that the one that had a rocket snowboarding level or was that the other one? While I wasn't a huge fan of the hack and slash of most of the levels I played, my friend and I had a great time trying to 100% the snowboarding level. It felt just like an old-school "You must memorize what to do or die" NES game.

hank_tree
06-04-2007, 02:25 PM
Yeah those rocket snowboard levels are in Battle Nexus. They might be in all the TMNT games.I've only played Battle Nexus. Oh and Mutant Melee. Which, come to think of it, is the worst game I've ever played. Battle Nexus is Ico compared to Mutant Melee.

dangerhelvetica
06-04-2007, 02:30 PM
Wait, wait, I've got one more!

http://www.lakupo.com/grblitz/NinjaCop5.png

Oh crap, it's the Children of the Corn! Check out the thick seams on the ninja suit too... I've seen less obvious zippers in Godzilla movies.

JR

Hey, this ninja's just a regular guy underneath his suit!

Dhroo
06-04-2007, 04:15 PM
Lester the Unlikely for SNES.

A friend and I tried playing through it just to make fun of it, but we didn't make it very far.

locit
06-04-2007, 07:47 PM
Made Man for the PS2. I had to review it for my university paper and I actually finished it out of obligation- for the record it ended on a cliffhanger. It was annoying, terrible, and actually pretty offensive. Especially the part where you had to kill Vietnamese women during 'Nam flashbacks!

Yep, 'Nam flashbacks! In a Mafia game!

Fun!

The review: http://media.www.dailytexanonline.com/media/storage/paper410/news/2007/03/26/LifeArts/made-Unimpressive-2790903.shtml

Torgo
06-04-2007, 08:25 PM
(since I *love* FF:Mystic Quest, some of you might argue that I still don't have any videogaming taste)
Mystic Quest is fine.

Also: It's standout tunes are some of the best in the franchise.

reibeatall
06-04-2007, 10:50 PM
Made Man for the PS2. I had to review it for my university paper and I actually finished it out of obligation- for the record it ended on a cliffhanger. It was annoying, terrible, and actually pretty offensive. Especially the part where you had to kill Vietnamese women during 'Nam flashbacks!

Yep, 'Nam flashbacks! In a Mafia game!

Fun!

The review: http://media.www.dailytexanonline.com/media/storage/paper410/news/2007/03/26/LifeArts/made-Unimpressive-2790903.shtml

I'm actually about to purchase this game.

Yes, I have some sick fascination with getting really BAD stuff. You should see my movie collection.

spineshark
06-05-2007, 12:23 AM
I have ET for 2600. Something that nobody seems to realize is that you actually die if you don't finish the game fairly quickly (within 15 or 20 minutes, I think). Honestly though, I feel it's overrated in its awfulness. Sure it's horrible, but it would've been just as forgettable as anything else without all the hype. But maybe not. We own a lot of crappy 2600 games and ET is the only one I really remember because everybody mentions it all the time.

I don't play many bad games, I'd say the worst I've played in the past few years (since I became remotely serious about gaming) would have to be MMX5 and MMX6. I actually like X6 anyway, I just skip the Museum and Recycling Center stages. Of course there's no way around the fact that Gate 2 is the worst platforming game level ever, but...at least the game had some tolerable challenges too, didn't interrupt you like crazy and had a better soundtrack (not that X5's was bad by any means). I can recognize that it's a crappy game, but I can't bring myself to hate it beyond my reason.

MetManMas
06-05-2007, 01:56 AM
One of the worst games I ever played would have to be Digimon World (One) on the Playstation, which I only played because, at that time, I actually liked the anime for some reason.

Oh, the fond memories of my Digimon not doing anything I told it to do, because its A.I. came from the same crap pile that the visuals, audio, and glitches spawned out of. Good ol' memories.

ArugulaZ
06-05-2007, 02:01 AM
I have ET for 2600. Something that nobody seems to realize is that you actually die if you don't finish the game fairly quickly (within 15 or 20 minutes, I think).

If only the film had ended the same way! Oh well, a man can dream...

JR

bobservo
06-05-2007, 06:12 AM
When compared the majority of the 2600's library, E.T. isn't that bad of a game.

My choice is Ephemeral Fantasia, a TERRIBLE RPG that came out early in the PS2's life. I have no idea why I bought it, other than the fact that there were absolutely no PS2 games out at that point and I wanted to play anything. It's has a broken Majora's Mask-ish system, and the town layout was created by Satan HIMSELF. I'm just happy I was able to pawn this off on eBay before word got out about how bad it was.

sraymonds
06-05-2007, 06:32 AM
Made Man for the PS2. I had to review it for my university paper and I actually finished it out of obligation- for the record it ended on a cliffhanger. It was annoying, terrible, and actually pretty offensive. Especially the part where you had to kill Vietnamese women during 'Nam flashbacks!

Yep, 'Nam flashbacks! In a Mafia game!

Fun!

The review: http://media.www.dailytexanonline.com/media/storage/paper410/news/2007/03/26/LifeArts/made-Unimpressive-2790903.shtml

A game so bad it took two people to review it, lest one go mad, the other has to carry him home.

ArugulaZ
06-05-2007, 07:26 AM
A legendary review for a legendarily bad game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C48FoLv3xQY

Once you listen to this guy, you'll never go back to the Angry Video Game Nerd again! And you'll definitely never play Heroes of the Lance on the NES.

JR

blitzchamp
06-05-2007, 09:11 AM
Summoner for PS2. HORRIBLE rpg. I wandered cities and towns for hours trying to find out where the heck to go.

blitzchamp
06-05-2007, 09:12 AM
Eve of Extinction.
Worst PS2 Game of all time.

But the absolute worst video game I've ever played would have to be Clue, for the Sega Genisis.

I actually liked Clue...with a pen and paper. The music was kinda creepy too.

Red Hedgehog
06-05-2007, 01:49 PM
You know what else was awful? Dark Castle for the Genesis. Gee, let's port over a game that pioneered using the mouse and keyboard together onto a system with a three-button controller. I'm sure that will go over swimmingly.

nadia
06-05-2007, 02:32 PM
I think Heroes of the Lance was programmed after somebody took a dare to make a game using only three colours.

ArugulaZ
06-05-2007, 02:34 PM
AIIIGH! That game [Dark Castle] made me want to cry. It was all the best moments from classics like Galaga, Donkey Kong, and Prince of Persia, all rolled into one... completely unplayable mess. People keep telling me that the Macintosh version is better, but I've been so completely traumatized by the Genesis game that I don't think I could stand to play it on ANYTHING.

JR

Red Hedgehog
06-05-2007, 02:51 PM
I grew up with a Mac and can vouch for the fact that Dark Castle was an amazing game (though it really came into its own with the sequel). But what made the game work was the combination of keyboard and mouse control. Your character moves with the keyboard and aims and throws rocks (or fireballs) with the mouse. Not unlike modern FPS, except this was more of a 2D side view platformer.

As a kid, I was so pumped when I heard there was a port for the Genesis because, hey! color!, but I didn't stop to consider the control differences. I convinced my friend to rent it and we spent about two hours trying to get it to work, but failed miserably.

locit
06-05-2007, 04:02 PM
A game so bad it took two people to review it, lest one go mad, the other has to carry him home.

This is closer to the truth than I'd prefer to admit. We actually had to take shifts so we could stand it- the worst might've been the level where you fight faux-ninjas with a katana in a triad headquarters which may have also been a Chinese restaurant filled with people speaking jilted, stereotypically bad English. I think most forumites here know enough to understand how stupid that last sentence was. Actually it might've been two levels, I forget/don't care.

It was either that or the "stealth level". Ugh.

The best thing I can say about this game is that if you can muster the strength to play through it the dialogue is amazing. Every other word is 'fuck', everyone is a stereotype (and speaks like one), and the story makes almost no sense on any level. Come to think of it that's probably why it was possible to make it through the game- when you're not playing it's absolutely hilarious to watch. "So long, fucko!" was my personal favourite line.

So, if you're really going to buy it, use the buddy system.

Healy
06-05-2007, 04:14 PM
A legendary review for a legendarily bad game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C48FoLv3xQY

Once you listen to this guy, you'll never go back to the Angry Video Game Nerd again! And you'll definitely never play Heroes of the Lance on the NES.

JR

Hahaha! That guy was hilarious.

Anyhow, to get things back on topic, I had the misfortune to play that game's sequel (released only in Japan), which wasn't much better. Kinda fun for a while though.

Calorie Mate
06-05-2007, 04:29 PM
As I thought, everyone that has posted so far is just plain wrong. *ahem*

The worst game of all time is Days of Thunder for NES.

I pride myself on the sheer number of bad games I've played over the years, and let me tell you, I still haven't come across one worst than that. I went back to play it 6 months or so ago when Urban Champion was brought to my attention, and Days of Thunder EASILY crushed Urban Champion in a head-to-head competition for worst game I've ever played. A fighting game with one move where your ultimate goal is to punch a doppleganger of yours into a manhole is definitely better than a racing game with one track, no other cars, no way to crash, and you go the same speed whether or not you steer.

Seriously, I want each and every one of you to go try it right now.

Disposable Ninja
06-05-2007, 04:35 PM
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time (or whatever it was called). There are so many reasons to hate that game -- I didn't even make it to its utterly idiotic twist.

tungwene
06-05-2007, 04:53 PM
My choice is Ephemeral Fantasia, a TERRIBLE RPG that came out early in the PS2's life. I have no idea why I bought it, other than the fact that there were absolutely no PS2 games out at that point and I wanted to play anything. It's has a broken Majora's Mask-ish system, and the town layout was created by Satan HIMSELF. I'm just happy I was able to pawn this off on eBay before word got out about how bad it was.Yeah, that was the game I was going to say but I couldn't remember the name because I think I'd blocked the name from my memory. It was the game with the kid that has a talking guitar that talks to women about why their boobs are so big that had some of the ugliest looking character models EVER.

Incidentally, SO3 was the first RPG on the PS2 I enjoyed. I've sort of grown tired of trying to defend it against its haters, so yeah, whatever.

ArugulaZ
06-05-2007, 08:34 PM
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time (or whatever it was called). There are so many reasons to hate that game -- I didn't even make it to its utterly idiotic twist.

And while we're on the subject of mediocre RPGs, what about Grandia III? Gee, I sure am glad I spent fifty bucks on that turd. This series was a whole lot better before GameArts was infected- er, ACQUIRED by Square-Enix. Once Enix gobbled up GameArts and forced them to release Grandia XXXTREME!!! it was all over.

JR

tungwene
06-05-2007, 08:40 PM
And while we're on the subject of mediocre RPGs, what about Grandia III? Gee, I sure am glad I spent fifty bucks on that turd. This series was a whole lot better before GameArts was infected- er, ACQUIRED by Square-Enix. Once Enix gobbled up GameArts and forced them to release Grandia XXXTREME!!! it was all over.

JRGrandia III is one of those grand tragedies of RPG history. It has one of the best, and certainly one of my favorite battle systems of all time and such a half-assed excuse of a plot that SO3's looks like Shakespeare in comparison.

ArugulaZ
06-05-2007, 08:51 PM
Grandia III is one of those grand tragedies of RPG history. It has one of the best, and certainly one of my favorite battle systems of all time and such a half-assed excuse of a plot that SO3's looks like Shakespeare in comparison.

Totally with you on this one, my man. What I hated about Grandia III is that it was all Squared up. The characters went from charming super-deformed heroes to the usual rendered, realistic Square crap, and the dialog and storyline were both head-slappingly bad. Someone needs to make a splinter thread about former video game classics eviscerated by greedy, short-sighted corporations, because this would be at the top of the list. Well, next to Sonic, anyway.

JR

Torgo
06-05-2007, 08:55 PM
Which version of Grandia II is better, DC or PS2? I've heard people say DC, but most of them are... well, Dreamcast fans, a subset of gamers whose statements must always be taken with a grain of salt.

blitzchamp
06-05-2007, 08:55 PM
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time (or whatever it was called). There are so many reasons to hate that game -- I didn't even make it to its utterly idiotic twist.

I was excited when I got that game, because it was always fully covered in magazines like Expert Gamer. Boy was I wrong.

ArugulaZ
06-05-2007, 09:06 PM
Which version of Grandia II is better, DC or PS2? I've heard people say DC, but most of them are... well, Dreamcast fans, a subset of gamers whose statements must always be taken with a grain of salt.

Then you're probably not going to want my opinion. I didn't see much difference between the Dreamcast and Playstation 2 versions of Grandia II, but I only watched someone else play the PS2 game, and that was just after I got up in the morning and was still wiping the crud out of my eyes. My friend assured me that the Playstation 2 game was the weak sister of the pair, though, and he owned a PS2 well before I had.

My only gripe with the PS2 game is that they didn't take the opportunity to remove that dumb battle theme that sounds like it was lifted from an episode of CBS Sportsbreak. Anyone who's spent more than an hour with the game will know what I'm talking about.

JR

Mightyblue
06-05-2007, 09:18 PM
I liked most of the music in the game, so I won't say anything.

Still can't decide if I like Millenia or Elena more.

gamin
06-05-2007, 09:35 PM
I've played many bad games, but Star Ocean Till the End of Time really stands out for me right now.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I tried really hard to like this game. There weren't any other rpgs being released then, and it was getting all hyped up. I bought it the day it came out and rushed home and played it for hours straight. And it took a while, but after about a week or so I just got tired of it and stopped playing.

Until I got a roommate who was curious about it and decided to play it. And so I resumed my old file to see if maybe, just maybe I was giving it a bad rap. He decided to use my file as well, since the introduction was too slow and dumb for him. We managed to get as far as the "big revelation" and we realized what idiots we were to put up with this bullshit.

Aside from the story packed with every anime and Star Trek cliche ever combined into one giant mess of a plot, the game had serious issues. The battle system (which gets a lot of praise) seemed like it would be a lot of fun, and it is until you get a party, and you have to give them AI commands. Only they don't follow your AI orders, instead they either waste all their MP, or they avoid fighting. Getting a 100% map appealed to my OCD completionist urges, but then you get to 99.8% and you're like, where the hell is the last .2?!? And the talking and cinematics are so insanely boring. What could've been said in a succinct few sentences gets drawn out into 5 minute scenes with repetitive dialog. They just wrote out copious amounts of text with no editing or even a sideways thought as to how much was actually needed.

ahhh it felt good to finally get that off my chest.

Actually though, playing through some of it with my roommate around did make it kinda fun, cause then you can do the MST3K thing with it.

tungwene
06-05-2007, 10:12 PM
The battle system (which gets a lot of praise) seemed like it would be a lot of fun, and it is until you get a party, and you have to give them AI commands. Only they don't follow your AI orders, instead they either waste all their MP, or they avoid fighting.See, the reason your AI controlled characters would do that is tri-Ace made the rather retarded decision of KOing characters if their MP hit zero the same way it did with HP. While in theory it was in interesting idea, in practice it was retarded. No matter what commands you gave your AI if they were hurt badly enough all they would do is run away. Which means they also ran away if their MP was low. While some enemies did have attacks that depleted your MP they weren't as common as ones that just hurt your HP. But the AI was too dumb to know that and if their MP was low they would STILL run away from enemies that had no way of hurting their MP anymore. For the most part, I thought the AI was pretty good for its time. It was light years ahead of, say, Kingdom Hearts'.

I think if tri-Ace were to take out the stupid MP death thing, fixed a few other minor things like allowing you to manually set the price in item creation, ditched the matrix rip-off angle of the plot, but keep everything else EXACTLY the same they could very easily make SO4 a very awesome game.

Maggie
06-05-2007, 10:27 PM
So what's the big revelation in Star Ocean? Has anyone said yet? I'm not about to play it to find out.

Disposable Ninja
06-05-2007, 10:32 PM
Grandia III is one of those grand tragedies of RPG history. It has one of the best, and certainly one of my favorite battle systems of all time and such a half-assed excuse of a plot that SO3's looks like Shakespeare in comparison.

Oh, God, Grandia III. It hurts so bad, because I was so looking forward to that game. I absolutely loved the first two games, and III did look like it was going to be pretty good. And it was, actually...

... For the first seven hours. Then Miranda and Alfonso, the two most and only interesting characters in the game, left the party, never to be heard from again. Shame, too, as their final scenes together on Alfonso's ship were pretty fun to watch.

What about the gameplay? Well, special move acquisition was basically random, which is never a good design choice, but Magic and Skills were handled right awesomely. It was clever, too, with the equipping Mana Eggs and Skill Books, and extracting Skills and Magics from them, and equipping them onto characters. And the classic Grandia battle system! You can't go wrong with the Grandia battle system!

Unless you make it needless difficult. When a generic enemy takes a full round of hits from each of your four characters, and loses barely half of his health, and there are four of him in the battle, in addition to two bigger monsters with even more HP, and it takes all your most powerful spells and attacks just to make it through a random encounter... there's problems with the battle system.

The sky whale was pretty cool, though.

Red Hedgehog
06-05-2007, 10:52 PM
Aside from the story packed with every anime and Star Trek cliche ever combined into one giant mess of a plot, the game had serious issues.

Star Ocean being filled with Star Trek cliches is appropriate, given that the original game in the series completely duplicates the opening of Star Trek VI.

tungwene
06-05-2007, 10:55 PM
Oh, God, Grandia III. It hurts so bad, because I was so looking forward to that game. I absolutely loved the first two games, and III did look like it was going to be pretty good. And it was, actually...

... For the first seven hours. Then Miranda and Alfonso, the two most and only interesting characters in the game, left the party, never to be heard from again. Shame, too, as their final scenes together on Alfonso's ship were pretty fun to watch.

What about the gameplay? Well, special move acquisition was basically random, which is never a good design choice, but Magic and Skills were handled right awesomely. It was clever, too, with the equipping Mana Eggs and Skill Books, and extracting Skills and Magics from them, and equipping them onto characters. And the classic Grandia battle system! You can't go wrong with the Grandia battle system!

Unless you make it needless difficult. When a generic enemy takes a full round of hits from each of your four characters, and loses barely half of his health, and there are four of him in the battle, in addition to two bigger monsters with even more HP, and it takes all your most powerful spells and attacks just to make it through a random encounter... there's problems with the battle system.

The sky whale was pretty cool, though.Yeah, I feel your pain. The game sounded SO good before it came out. Aerial combos, Miranda, it all just made me drool with anticipation. If I remember correctly it also got rave reviews from main stream gaming publications. Of course I didn't realize at the time the reason it was getting so much praise was because it had the SE name attached to it (there's some unspoken rule that any J-RPG released by SE that's not SaGa, Drakengard, Compilation, anime related or World of Mana automatically gets one or two extra points added to its score by a main stream gaming publication. Seriously, if a non-SE J-RPG gets a 7, that pretty much the equivalent for a 9 for a SE RPG). Basically from the point after Emelius (sp?) showed up, the plot went down the crapper.

I liked the increased difficulty. I always thought the Grandia games were way too easy. It was nice to finally have a challenge. I only had to grind once in the entire game and that was at the beginning of Disc 2. Also, using your powerful spells in random battles so frequently wasn't a big issue because your SP replenishes much more frequently which helped to balance things. Though I was sad I only got to hear the Perfect Victory theme two times in the game, both near the very beginning.

Makkara
06-05-2007, 11:12 PM
My only gripe with the PS2 game is that they didn't take the opportunity to remove that dumb battle theme that sounds like it was lifted from an episode of CBS Sportsbreak. Anyone who's spent more than an hour with the game will know what I'm talking about.

I have to admit that the only thing I remember about the music is that the vocal themes were amazing. I do know that the battles annoyed me, though, but only because they were so frequent. Doing away with random battles is all well and good, but was it really necessary to pack enemies that tightly? Grandia 1 was even worse.

SlimJimm
06-05-2007, 11:58 PM
After listening to the Secret of Mana podcast a while ago i started to play Secret of Mana AND Secret of Evermore.

Guess which one is a piece of crap. :\

Loki
06-06-2007, 12:30 AM
I actually played through both last summer. I felt that Mana hadn't aged very well while Evermore was a lot more fun than I had remembered.

Ahead of it's time or do I just have skewed tastes?

cartman414
06-06-2007, 01:18 AM
Which version of Grandia II is better, DC or PS2? I've heard people say DC, but most of them are... well, Dreamcast fans, a subset of gamers whose statements must always be taken with a grain of salt.

By all accounts it was a pure port job that had issues with load times and IIRC textures.

blitzchamp
06-06-2007, 07:17 AM
i liked dragon ball gt.

the worst game i ever played was magna carta. i really like the dude's art style, but that damn game was incomprehensible. Also, legend of dragoon was seriously retarded.

street fighter the movie the game, anyone?
prolly a bunch more i've blocked out.

What? Dragon Ball GT was so slow, it took forever for the characters to respond to commands. Dragon Ball should be fast, like it is on TV.

Kolbe
06-06-2007, 08:43 AM
Someone needs to make a splinter thread about former video game classics eviscerated by greedy, short-sighted corporations, because this would be at the top of the list. Well, next to Sonic, anyway.

What about Final Fantasy?

Swordian
06-06-2007, 08:56 AM
Lagoon on the SNES. I had just gotten into RPGs in a big way and was renting any that Blockbuster had. The shortest sword ever was very annoying.

Indigo Prophecy on the PS2. The creator pretentiously palces himself in a tutorial where he makes grand proimises and then delivers on none of them. Instead I was greeted with bad stealth sequences, lots of Simon, the illusion of choices, necrophilia, and a lame story.

Little Sampson
06-06-2007, 11:05 AM
Beyond the Beyond was pretty terrible.

thomp538
06-06-2007, 11:08 AM
Beyond the Beyond was pretty terrible.
Yes! Damn, I was just going to say this!

thomp538
06-06-2007, 11:12 AM
Mystic Quest is fine.

Also: It's standout tunes are some of the best in the franchise.
Its fine, and I think it was like $30 at the time. My only problem with the game is that I was just coming off of the high that was Final Fantasy II and I was presented with ... that.

Kirin
06-06-2007, 11:31 AM
What about Final Fantasy?

(I am probably dumb, but I can't get this board to multi-level quote despite clicking the "multi-quote this message" button which probably does something else. Anyway this was in response to "video game classics eviscerated by greedy, short-sighted corporations".)

I don't this S-E has *eviscerated* FF so much as whored it out, and I do think there's a difference. The glut of games with FF in the title right now is pretty insane, but I've still yet to ever be truly disappointed by paying for a main-line FF game. (Only caveats: I've only payed for FF2 in a bundle with FF1, and I've never played XI due to lack of a platform to play it on.) I have my less-than-favorites, but they were still well worth playing.

I know there are people who disagree with that, but still, I'd be pretty amazed to find almost *anyone* saying something similar about, say, the Sonic series.

Coinspinner
06-06-2007, 12:56 PM
Star Ocean 3 isn't the worst game I've ever played, or even the worst RPG, but it might be the most disappointing game I've ever played.

Balrog
06-06-2007, 01:08 PM
I remember Werewolf on the NES being a turd. How they made being a werewolf not fun is beyond me.

TheSL
06-06-2007, 01:18 PM
I know there are people who disagree with that, but still, I'd be pretty amazed to find almost *anyone* saying something similar about, say, the Sonic series.

Well, I'd say that if you consider the numbered ones the main series and Adventure/Heroes/etc to just be spin-offs.

estragon
06-06-2007, 01:25 PM
Beyond the Beyond was pretty terrible.

All I remember about Beyond the Beyond was that, early on in the game, one of your party members was permanently poisoned/cursed in battle. I don't remember the details, just that it was really obnoxious. I'm sure that if I would have kept playing that it would have gotten better, but the battles were already annoying and ugly. It completely sapped any motivation I had to play.

I really wanted to like it, because there weren't really any other Playstation RPGs at the time. But, oh man, it was awful. Thank god it was just a rental.

cartman414
06-06-2007, 01:28 PM
What? Dragon Ball GT was so slow, it took forever for the characters to respond to commands. Dragon Ball should be fast, like it is on TV.

If fast means taking no less than 5 minutes to power up, I would hate to fathom what slow is.

Torgo
06-06-2007, 01:37 PM
How about that there TimeStalkers guys? I bought it thinking it was Nightstalkers.

(In fairness, the tiny bit I've played didn't seen too awful, but I've heard that its absolute crap from enough people over the years that I haven't bothered with the game since.)

ozacrot
06-06-2007, 01:43 PM
Unless you make it needless difficult. When a generic enemy takes a full round of hits from each of your four characters, and loses barely half of his health, and there are four of him in the battle, in addition to two bigger monsters with even more HP, and it takes all your most powerful spells and attacks just to make it through a random encounter... there's problems with the battle system.

Ooh! I had forgotten about Xenosaga Episode II until you brought up the problem with it in regards to an unrelated game. Who thought it would be a good idea to take Xenosaga, and then make both the side quests and the battling as ponderous as the plot?

Maggie
06-06-2007, 01:52 PM
I rented Timesplitters the day before I was given Zone of the Enders as a gift.

Never did finish the first stage. It's a wonder I even remembered to return it to Blockbuster.

Torgo
06-06-2007, 01:56 PM
The single-player mode for the first Timesplitters made absolutely no sense. The entire game lived and died on how much you liked four-player splitscreen or duking it out with its (admittedly not too shabby) bots. Also level-making, if you have the patience for such things.

I guess Future Perfect was actually pretty good even though it doesn't venture too far from the Goldeneye/Perfect Dark cloth from which it was cut.

tungwene
06-06-2007, 03:17 PM
Unless you make it needless difficult. When a generic enemy takes a full round of hits from each of your four characters, and loses barely half of his health, and there are four of him in the battle, in addition to two bigger monsters with even more HP, and it takes all your most powerful spells and attacks just to make it through a random encounter... there's problems with the battle system.Ooh! I had forgotten about Xenosaga Episode II until you brought up the problem with it in regards to an unrelated game. Who thought it would be a good idea to take Xenosaga, and then make both the side quests and the battling as ponderous as the plot?Grandia III wasn't nearly THAT bad. The first two games were very easy. In the series you can get something called a Perfect Victory which means you get past a random encounter without taking any damage in one round. In the first two games it was fairly plausible to get Perfect Victories even very late in the game. The regular monsters just had more HP in III so you couldn't kill all of them in one round. And if you weren't lazy and didn't run past all the enemies you encountered on the map you didn't even have to grind to keep apace with the difficulty of the game. The battle system was not by any stretch of the imagination broken.

Sanagi
06-06-2007, 03:24 PM
The single-player mode for the first Timesplitters made absolutely no sense. The entire game lived and died on how much you liked four-player splitscreen or duking it out with its (admittedly not too shabby) bots. Also level-making, if you have the patience for such things.

I guess Future Perfect was actually pretty good even though it doesn't venture too far from the Goldeneye/Perfect Dark cloth from which it was cut.

The mapmaker in Timesplitters Future Perfect is endless fun, although it could really use some more tile sets.

nadia
06-06-2007, 03:31 PM
You know what, I hate Kid Icarus and I'm nailing Pit's name to the Church door, so screw popular opinion.

KID. ICARUS.

blitzchamp
06-06-2007, 03:38 PM
If fast means taking no less than 5 minutes to power up, I would hate to fathom what slow is.

I did NOT mean powerups. I meant simple punches and kicks and when they go all crazy in the sky. You can't do that in Dragonball GT.

Little Sampson
06-06-2007, 03:55 PM
You know what, I hate Kid Icarus and I'm nailing Pit's name to the Church door, so screw popular opinion.

KID. ICARUS.

THANK YOU!

That game is so overrated.

Calorie Mate
06-06-2007, 03:56 PM
As I thought, everyone completely ignored my post about Days of Thunder NES.

I'm telling you guys, it's worse than all these games you're talking about.


On a related note, when I was moving into my new apartment last week, I found a copy of Rising Zan.

thomp538
06-06-2007, 03:56 PM
You know what, I hate Kid Icarus and I'm nailing Pit's name to the Church door, so screw popular opinion.

KID. ICARUS.
That game was way too difficult for me to play very far when I last played it

20 years ago

ArugulaZ
06-06-2007, 04:08 PM
As I thought, everyone completely ignored my post about Days of Thunder NES.

Probably because you're wrong?

I've played Days of Thunder, and thought it was a thoroughly unremarkable experience. It wasn't memorable enough to be considered the worst game ever, or even close to receiving that dubious honor. It was just... there. The 3D was impressive by the NES's low standards, but that's all that could be said for the game.

Annnnyway, Kid Icarus is not one of my favorites either, but I think it has as much to do with denied expectations as it does the quality of the game itself. I thought I was getting a Greek Metroid, and what I got instead was a fundamentally flawed experience that was too linear to be an engrossing adventure game, and too frustrating and unfair to be a memorable action game. Games like Kid Icarus are the reasons why gamers are no longer punished with instant death when they fall into bottomless pits. Kid Icarus was nothing BUT bottomless pits!

JR

thomp538
06-06-2007, 04:16 PM
Probably because you're wrong?

I've played Days of Thunder, and thought it was a thoroughly unremarkable experience. It wasn't memorable enough to be considered the worst game ever, or even close to receiving that dubious honor. It was just... there. The 3D was impressive by the NES's low standards, but that's all that could be said for the game.

Annnnyway, Kid Icarus is not one of my favorites either, but I think it has as much to do with denied expectations as it does the quality of the game itself. I thought I was getting a Greek Metroid, and what I got instead was a fundamentally flawed experience that was too linear to be an engrossing adventure game, and too frustrating and unfair to be a memorable action game. Games like Kid Icarus are the reasons why gamers are no longer punished with instant death when they fall into bottomless pits. Kid Icarus was nothing BUT bottomless pits!

JR
Even the un-bottomless pits became bottomless pits once you scrolled past them. Sort of like killing you if you tried to go backwards in Super Mario brothers.

ArugulaZ
06-06-2007, 04:21 PM
Yeah, Kid Icarus was incredibly limiting for an action-adventure game. You can't put a game on rails like Nintendo had with Kid Icarus and pass it off as an adventure, because it defies the definition of the term.

JR

Kishi
06-06-2007, 05:01 PM
On a related note, when I was moving into my new apartment last week, I found a copy of Rising Zan.

Consider this: Wikipedia has an article for Rising Zan's protagonist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zan_%28Rising_Zan%29)--but not one for the game itself.

Torgo
06-06-2007, 05:42 PM
... so that's why Zan uses Duracell?

Mightyblue
06-06-2007, 07:39 PM
Consider this: Wikipedia has an article for Rising Zan's protagonist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zan_%28Rising_Zan%29)--but not one for the game itself.That....is just several kinds of awesome. I love incomprehensible plots that are that way by design, not by melodrama and WTF moments.

Red Hedgehog
06-06-2007, 08:50 PM
All I have to say is that all of that are bagging on Kid Icarus are wrong. It's a good time (or at least was at the time of its release). It's no Zelda or Super Mario Bros., but they can't all be the top tier of the system.

Sorry, I don't even think Kid Icarus is as great as much of the internet makes it out to be (indeed, I had rose-colored glasses myself until I replayed it recently), but it's still a good game and someone has to defend it. And I've said before and will say again that I think it's a better game (or at the very least has aged better) than Metroid.

To contribute something, another bad game was The Rescue of Princess Blobette for Game Boy. Take a fun, innovative game for the NES and put it in a poorly designed world with no goal that can be beaten in five minutes. Boo.

bobservo
06-07-2007, 07:50 AM
It seems like most of this thread is devoted to talking about the terrible downfall of Tri-Ace and Game Arts.

spineshark
06-07-2007, 10:32 AM
Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

I love SO3, but I too am tired of defending it. I'm actually surprised nobody has complained about VP2 and its insane battle system/difficulty and ridiculous plot filled almost entirely with weak characters. That wasn't me doing that though. The battle system is awesome and the difficulty is overrated.

And I've never been one to hate an otherwise great game because of plot. I haven't played Grandia 3 (or any of them) but I'm sure I'll love it. On the other hand, I can't play a bad game just to see a plot, no matter how great it is, either.

alexb
06-07-2007, 10:34 AM
You know what, I hate Kid Icarus and I'm nailing Pit's name to the Church door, so screw popular opinion.

KID. ICARUS.

You....! He needs encouragement!

Loki
06-07-2007, 10:50 AM
What really dispointed me about Grandia 3 is that it started off with this plot about first flight and there was hope that maybe it would avoid some of the usual jrpg cliches. Instead it was just a throwaway device to get me into a forest to kill spiders.

I didn't play long after that.

bobservo
06-07-2007, 11:47 AM
Thanks for pointing out the obvious.



Just voicing my approval of the disdain for two of gaming's most overrated developers.

Tomm Guycot
06-07-2007, 02:16 PM
I had never played Kid Icarus UNTIL three years ago, and I absolutely adore it.

alexb
06-07-2007, 03:55 PM
We are on the same side of this issue, Tomm.

nadia
06-07-2007, 04:34 PM
Samus has a heavy metal suit, but she can fall down a shaft. Pit has wings, but God help you if you attempt to step on a ledge that scrolled off the screen five pixels ago. WTF, Videoland?

tungwene
06-07-2007, 04:45 PM
What really dispointed me about Grandia 3 is that it started off with this plot about first flight and there was hope that maybe it would avoid some of the usual jrpg cliches. Instead it was just a throwaway device to get me into a forest to kill spiders.

I didn't play long after that.Your error was assuming that ANY Grandia game could manage escaping from JRPG cliches. Grandia games are like a series of generic quests strung together to make a plot.

thomp538
06-07-2007, 04:49 PM
Samus has a heavy metal suit, but she can fall down a shaft. Pit has wings, but God help you if you attempt to step on a ledge that scrolled off the screen five pixels ago. WTF, Videoland?
This is what I am saying.

Alex
06-07-2007, 04:55 PM
The big twist in Star Ocean 3 isthe whole thing is a video game!

Torgo
06-07-2007, 05:48 PM
It was cooler in Max Payne.

Eusis
06-07-2007, 06:00 PM
It was cooler in Max Payne.
I don't remember that twist.

ArugulaZ
06-07-2007, 07:21 PM
The big twist in Star Ocean 3 isthe whole thing is a video game!

Somewhere M. Night Shyamalan is crying.

JR

jovewolf
06-07-2007, 07:42 PM
It was cooler in Max Payne.

I don't remember that twist.

http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i171/jovewolf/payne-horrible2.jpg

As for the worst game I ever played - hands down to Battlecruiser 3000AD Version 1. Though it's not so much that it was bad as it was horribly and completely broken. Even so, it wasn't overly great if it wasn't all busted.

And yeah it's too easy, but I was one of the fools that did pay money for that when it first came out before waiting for reviews, so that's my winner for worst game I ever played.

Vahn16
06-07-2007, 07:45 PM
That's awesome. I almost want to play Max Payne, now.

Torgo
06-07-2007, 09:48 PM
The game is not as tongue-in-cheek as that shot might lead you to believe, but I cannot recommend the game enough. I usually don't go for over-the-top dark and gritty, but Max Payne is fantastic.

I haven't played the sequel, but by all accounts it's just as good. If you try it and must go for a console version, avoid the PS2 versions if possible. I'm told they're pretty gimped experiences.

Vahn16
06-07-2007, 10:14 PM
At this point, I'd go for the PC version. Both of the Max Payne games are pretty old. I run Oblivion well enough, so they shouldn't be a problem.

jovewolf
06-07-2007, 10:15 PM
I wholeheartedly agree with Torgo - I thoroughly enjoyed both the original and the sequel of Max Payne. Yeah the games aren't as tongue-in-cheek as that - in fact they are rather dark, and have an overall dark sense of humor to them.

I'd recommend the PC versions if possible, as those are the ones I mostly played, but the Xbox versions seem perfectly capable as well.

Eusis
06-07-2007, 10:21 PM
Oh yeah. I only vaguely recall it admittedly, but still. Definitely better than what SO3 threw at us. :P

And yeah. Max Payne's awesome. Maybe I replay those games someday, though I only rented the Xbox version of 2.

juanfrugalj
06-08-2007, 11:37 PM
I see a lot of Giglis mentioned.


I have played the Power Rangers Zeo racing game on SNES. I fear not your Lunars, your Secrets of Evermores and whatnot.


I'm too young to have endured the ET game, though. I'll have to take your word for that one.

Deadguy2322
06-09-2007, 06:23 AM
Discussions like this tend to be made up of two types of game, games where the expectation of quality exists, due to fairly professional production, like Star Ocean 3, and games that nobody in their right mind should have expected quality out of, like Spec Ops for PS1, the first $10 game.

I prefer to see dissections of the first type, but it's more fun to actually play the second type. Things like Home Alone 2 for NES almost have a certain charm, like watching an Ed Wood movie.

The first type tends to be more aggravating, because you aren't getting what you went in expecting, kind of like half of Oliver Stone's movies.

sraymonds
06-09-2007, 07:19 AM
Has anyone mentioned the Guy Game yet? My friends and I played it just to see how stupid it was, and you bet, it was totally stupid. And we cheated so we could see the boobies. Later on, whenever we reminisced about the Guy Game, we always wondered, which girl in that game sued them because she was underage?

DemoWeasel
01-11-2009, 01:21 AM
The worst game I've ever played is this stupid Chinese-pirated NES game based off a Russian cartoon that replaces said cartoon's rabbit character with a bootleg Bugs Bunny. I think it was called Wait and See!

cartman414
01-11-2009, 01:35 AM
This is what I am saying.

Perhaps, but man, Metroid had its own set of issues. And! Has been improved on by its very own remake Zero Mission, and of course, Super Metroid.

keele864
01-11-2009, 01:49 AM
I love SO3, but I too am tired of defending it. I'm actually surprised nobody has complained about VP2 and its insane battle system/difficulty and ridiculous plot filled almost entirely with weak characters. That wasn't me doing that though. The battle system is awesome and the difficulty is overrated.

I hated SO3, at least once I finished it, but I thought VP2 was fantastic. I never finished it though, as my PS2 developed issues just as I got to the final boss. I keep meaning to go back to it one of these days. I don't think it was too hard of a game either - It was challenging, but generally fair. I only recall one "cheap" boss fight, and even that wasn't too bad if you could survive the beginning.

I still wish they let you keep Lenneth in the party though.

SpoonyGundam
01-11-2009, 02:08 AM
I still wish they let you keep Lenny in the party though.

You can get her, along with the other Valkyries and assorted story characters, back in the post game dungeon. And you can use them outside of that dungeon afterwards.

I kind of really like the game too. I never really had problems adjusting to the battle system, and the plot was the best kind of trainwreck. And I fed all of the generic recruits to Freya in the postgame so she could one-shot the superbosses. That was fun.

No comment on SO3, though. I can't really work up the enthusiasm to even try it.

spineshark
01-11-2009, 02:11 AM
You get all three Valkyries back early in the Seraphic Gate bonus dungeon, which is my favorite part of the game. I've spent as many hours there as in the actual story, if not more.

SO3 is pretty bad overall and I can't lie and say that most particular elements are done well, but for me, the combat is still far ahead in depth from any other action RPG, it has cutscene skip, and the music is fantastic. I'm willing to put up with all of the bullshit because I like those things so much, and I seriously hope 4 manages to top it in every way. It's possible, but I'm not getting my expectations too high.

ArugulaZ
01-11-2009, 02:18 AM
Anything by Pony Canyon and especially Micronics. If you've ever played a shitty game on the NES, and I mean the kind of game that made you regret your own existence as well as that of the programmers, there's a fifty percent chance it was written by Micronics.

http://www.insertcredit.com/wiki/micronics

spineshark
01-11-2009, 02:26 AM
Man! Ikari Warriors, Elevator Action AND Athena! They really never fail to disappoint.

mopinks
01-11-2009, 03:16 AM
http://www.insertcredit.com/wiki/micronics

I always knew Elevator Action and Tiger Heli seemed a little off.

still pretty fun, though!

Daikaiju
01-11-2009, 04:32 AM
Kings Knight.
To this day I have no idea what the hell I was doing in that game or what those randomly appearing icons did.

Octopus Prime
01-11-2009, 06:05 AM
I seriously do not think I've played much worse then this. (http://www.gamespite.net/talkingtime/showthread.php?t=6790)

Ethan
01-11-2009, 07:35 AM
The worst game I've ever played is this stupid Chinese-pirated NES game based off a Russian cartoon that replaces said cartoon's rabbit character with a bootleg Bugs Bunny. I think it was called Wait and See!

Holy shit... could this be a video game of Nu, Pogodi? I must find it. (Watch this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmAEvR8C1ns) Nu, Pogodi is a show from the '70s about a disgustng sleaze wolf in a pink shirt trying to fuck an underage androgynous rabbit.)

Prince Of Persia: The Warrior Within is the worst piece of shit ever made.

Pheeel
01-11-2009, 08:05 AM
As I thought, everyone completely ignored my post about Days of Thunder NES.

I'm telling you guys, it's worse than all these games you're talking about.



Worse than...THIS? (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=swvy4qE_AYM)

Just remember, even though it looks exactly like something an amateur programmer knocked up in his bedroom for a laugh, this was an actual commercially sold game which they expected people to pay money for. Incredible, isn't it.

dussssstin
01-11-2009, 08:49 AM
Worse than...THIS? (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=swvy4qE_AYM)

Just remember, even though it looks exactly like something an amateur programmer knocked up in his bedroom for a laugh, this was an actual commercially sold game which they expected people to pay money for. Incredible, isn't it.

i love the that low buzzing sound of an engine in the morning.

taidan
01-11-2009, 09:24 AM
Prince Of Persia: The Warrior Within is the worst piece of shit ever made.

Its really not. The platforming, while a bit lessened in quantity, is devilishly good. The "mature angsty prince" schtick is not played up nearly as much as the internet claims.

Ethan
01-11-2009, 09:59 AM
All I remember is that I went in thinking it was gonna be an amazing game – Sands of Time with better fighting – and then I saw that I was playing as the lead singer of a Disturbed cover band and one of my character's first lines was saying "you bitch!", in a generic football dude voice, to some generic bigtits villain. I made it several hours in waiting for an improvement but it became clear that the game wasn't even finished. I have never heard audio glitching that bad in any other game. The music, environmental presence, and certain sound effects would cut out regularly – especially during the chase sequences, which played out like silent movie clips with a couple footsteps dubbed in – and the sound effects that did play were perilously bad. I remember one of the earliest moments that impressed me with suck is when the ship you're on gets busted open by a cannonball or another ship or something, and the sound effect for an exploding pirate ship hull was like somebody spilling a box of matches on their kitchen floor. It's a crime, not a saving grace, that they managed to bury a little bit of quality platforming under that vomit clump of a game.

Worst piece of shit ever. Offensive, even. I'm still mad about it apparently.

MCBanjoMike
01-11-2009, 10:13 AM
Worst piece of shit ever. Offensive, even. I'm still mad about it apparently.

Yeah, uh, seriously, you're overreacting. If you could get past the horrible baditude in the intro, it has some very good level design and, I daresay, a better plot than the other games in the series.

alexb
01-11-2009, 10:27 AM
The level design was okay, but the music and characterization were rancid. I'm halfway convinced the people who made the game are assholes based on their music and design choices alone.

Andrew
01-11-2009, 10:37 AM
Worse than...THIS? (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=swvy4qE_AYM)

Just remember, even though it looks exactly like something an amateur programmer knocked up in his bedroom for a laugh, this was an actual commercially sold game which they expected people to pay money for. Incredible, isn't it.

From the same reviewer:

HUMAN KILLING MACHINE! : http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=5zUkK14bHDk

Willm
01-11-2009, 10:56 AM
From the same reviewer:

HUMAN KILLING MACHINE! : http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=5zUkK14bHDk

VULCAN TESTICLE PINCH

Wow, he's like the calm, collected version of Yahtzee I always wanted!

chud_666
01-11-2009, 11:16 AM
Worst games - someone said Deadly Towers, I would have to agree. It is such crap. The graphics are pretty good though, for an 8 bit game. I bought this for my wife for our anniversary. She said she finished it as a kid. har har

The worst game this year was gta4. SO boring and hard to make your own fun. A real chore

ecchi squirrel
01-11-2009, 11:31 AM
Burger King's Sneak King for Xbox.

Terrible, terrible game (even for the 1.99 asking price,)... Though playing it did make me want to eat at Burger King, so mission accomplished, I guess.

Kishi
01-11-2009, 11:32 AM
I bought this for my wife for our anniversary.

Man, you should at least try counseling before you leap at divorce.

ringworm
01-11-2009, 11:32 AM
Burger King's Sneak King for Xbox.
I gave that to my brother for Christmas two years ago as a joke. He regifted it to me, unopened, this year.

locit
01-11-2009, 11:41 AM
Burger King's Sneak King for Xbox.
It's better if you replace the music with a custom soundtrack, I'm told. Just super creepy tracks to better fit the psychological molestation the king foists upon his unwitting targets.

That said I'm sure it's still a piece of shit.

DemoWeasel
01-11-2009, 12:07 PM
Holy shit... could this be a video game of Nu, Pogodi? I must find it. (Watch this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmAEvR8C1ns) Nu, Pogodi is a show from the '70s about a disgustng sleaze wolf in a pink shirt trying to fuck an underage androgynous rabbit.)

That's exactly what it is; it even has Nu, Pogodi! in Cyrillic on the title screen.

ajr82
01-11-2009, 01:09 PM
Yeah, uh, seriously, you're overreacting. If you could get past the horrible baditude in the intro, it has some very good level design and, I daresay, a better plot than the other games in the series.

I never even played the game, and I still remember this from the Penny Arcade post about that game:

The Prince is back, apparently from rehab. He is beset on all sides by improbably garbed whores. The good news is that game we liked is in there, but it's underneath a bunch of crap I ordinarily wouldn't touch without gloves.

Brenna refused to believe it when I told her that the plot revolves around the Empress of Time, who lives on the Island of Time where the Sands (all together now) OF TIME were created. All the same, that's the kind of situation we're talking about. Jesus Christ, people. Just call the island fucking Chronos or something. Spell it with a K if you have to. I can figure out that there's some kind of time thing going on.

MCBanjoMike
01-11-2009, 01:14 PM
Oh, there's no doubt that the surface layer is about as appealing as pond scum. But there are some great levels to be traversed, the Dahaka chases are simply nuts, and the story actually becomes pretty intriguing once you get past the part that initially appears to be the end. It's not Oscar-worthy writing, but I liked the game better overall than The Two Thrones, which looked/behaved nicer but otherwise seemed less inspired from a gameplay standpoint. Warrior Within gets a really bad rap (and it is pretty buggy), but to call it the worst game ever is patently ridiculous.

Anonymooo
01-11-2009, 01:21 PM
I thought of some more.

Dragon Ball GT - Over 9000 Battle or somesuch like that (my brother was a big fan)
Mega Man PC - it's real, and it's frighteningly bad. I had a friend who feverishly wanted to convince me it was as good as the NES version. He failed.Ugh, I owned both of these.

The Guy Game was fucking terrible, but I honestly like Sneak King. Yes, it is better with a custom soundtrack.

Ethan
01-11-2009, 01:26 PM
I would have enjoyed the chases if the sound had been there. In more than half of them, though, the Dahaka literally made no sound at all. Complete silence except for the Prince's footsteps and pitter-patters. Getting caught and killed by him was also silent in those chases. Maybe there was something wrong with my disc... though a friend of mine was also playing it on his GameCube as I was, and he had the same issues. Perhaps it's actually a working game on the PS2.

I just fired up Sands Of Time for the first time in a long time. That game also has sound issues, though it's an issue of poor mixing and bad-sounding compression, not glitches. What a game, though.

I concede that Warrior Within is probably not the worst game ever made, but I still call it my personal worst game ever since I can't think of a game I reacted to more negatively. I don't react badly to games that are truly terrible in every way, because I usually know they're bad going in and I have fun with their badness.

Octopus Prime
01-11-2009, 01:35 PM
Well, the GC version of Sands of TIme had pretty awful sound, as I recall.

Maybe that problem carried over to the sequel as well?

alexb
01-11-2009, 01:36 PM
Those were sound glitches. The other thing about the sound design is that they were always playing the same garbage riffs all the damn time. Godsmack and ancient Persia go together like peanut butter and watery diarrhea.

Adrenaline
01-11-2009, 01:50 PM
The worst game this year was gta4.

Prince Of Persia: The Warrior Within is the worst piece of shit ever made.

You are very silly people.

chud_666
01-11-2009, 02:00 PM
You are very silly people.

It was the worst game I played this year. I mena there are probably worse games out there. Lets just say I enjoyed Baroque a lot more. And Alien Syndrome Wii. And Star Trek Conquest

Regarding the Deadly Towers gift:

I got her someything else too....

Django
01-11-2009, 02:01 PM
My g/f works at a pawn shop and sometimes brings home an odd PS2 title or two. We both tried to make it through the lameass-fantasy Pryzm Chapter One: The Dark Unicorn... but were too put off by it. The thing I remember* was that a troll rode around on a unicorn (which I recall as being white?). The troll would bitch about the unicorn being slow, then the unicorn would quip about the troll being fat. They repeated the same exact dialogue about every 70 seconds. That got old real fast...

*(I couldn't even remember the atrocious title, had to look it up. Hmmm, when's Chapter Two coming out?)

Ethan
01-11-2009, 02:02 PM
I guess I don't see much value in listing the actual worst we've ever played, since it would just be a laundry list of infamously broken and half-assed games like Jekyll & Hyde and Superman 64. Disappointment is both worse-feeling and more discussion-worthy than sheer failure.

Ample Vigour
01-11-2009, 02:16 PM
Burger King's Sneak King for Xbox.

The wonderful thing about this post is that I never have to take anything you say seriously again. =)

Sneak King is more fun than two dollars should ever get you on Xbox.

The worst game ever made is Amagon.

spineshark
01-11-2009, 02:20 PM
Lord no. I don't care how bad the game is, it at least caused this amazing box art (http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/bigboxshots/9/587089_49860_front.jpg) so it's got at least one redeeming quality.

Adrenaline
01-11-2009, 03:29 PM
I guess I don't see much value in listing the actual worst we've ever played, since it would just be a laundry list of infamously broken and half-assed games like Jekyll & Hyde and Superman 64. Disappointment is both worse-feeling and more discussion-worthy than sheer failure.

So call it the most disappointing game ever, not the worst piece of shit ever made.

cartman414
01-11-2009, 04:09 PM
Anything by Pony Canyon and especially Micronics. If you've ever played a shitty game on the NES, and I mean the kind of game that made you regret your own existence as well as that of the programmers, there's a fifty percent chance it was written by Micronics.

http://www.insertcredit.com/wiki/micronics

Well that explains why G'n'G for the NES was so choppy. Which I even noticed when it was new!

McClain
01-11-2009, 04:57 PM
too much good stuff to go back and read, so I don't know if it came up, but Lunar: Dragon Song crushed my soul. :(

And I recently found a used PS1 game on sale for $1.50, so I had to buy it: Sheep.
It's awful, but worth the buck fifty for the crazy opening FMV http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLCniUW4gtg

Wolfgang
01-11-2009, 05:32 PM
Anything by Pony Canyon and especially Micronics. If you've ever played a shitty game on the NES, and I mean the kind of game that made you regret your own existence as well as that of the programmers, there's a fifty percent chance it was written by Micronics.

I looked at that list, and those were definitely not the worst the NES had to offer. There's a game based on the first Dragonball series (the game art is slightly altered in the US release, I'm sure a lot of you know which one I mean). I had that as a kid, and man. It was terrible. The early 8-and-under bit systems had some of the most unplayable garbage ever.

Bubsy 3D was pretty evil. So was Ruff Trigger on PS2 - even more so because it was a shameless Ratchet & Clank clone.

Falselogic
08-30-2011, 02:45 PM
It was a fairly awful series but the last in it really killed it, more: Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leisure_Suit_Larry:_Box_Office_Bust)...