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ringworm
04-08-2009, 02:04 PM
We should have a thread where we post things from The Onion. I'll start:

Study: Children Exposed to Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/study_children_exposed_to) (may be NSFW! Tiny bit of boob!)

reibeatall
04-08-2009, 02:06 PM
This one brings me to tears every single time I read it.

Ninja kills office co-workers (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39001)

Al Baron
04-08-2009, 02:19 PM
Oprah Launches Own Reality (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/oprah_launches_own_reality)

If only for the Stedman burn at the end.

Alixsar
04-08-2009, 02:26 PM
This one brings me to tears every single time I read it.

Ninja kills office co-workers (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39001)

This is my all time favorite Onion story.

This (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29738) is a close second.

"Pancakes are delicious, but their wily ways are not to be trusted," said Alzheimer's sufferer Marie Klapisch, speaking to a group of ducks gathered in front of the U.S. Treasury Building. "Get those underpants away from my grandchildren's foot medicine, you filthy, dirty-minded bastards!" She then burst into tears and ran off, scattering the assembled waterfowl.

Pancakes, according to officials at the International House Of Pancakes' headquarters in Geneva, are consumed by approximately 40 million Americans each morning. They are, IHOP spokespeople said, extremely delicious whether served with syrup or a variety of fruity toppings, and are available 24 hours a day. Yet they admit that, as of now, there is no cure in sight.


But honestly, almost every Onion story is pretty good.

Sanagi
04-08-2009, 02:29 PM
SUPER MONKEY COLLIDER (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30420)

Sarcasmorator
04-08-2009, 02:31 PM
This one brings me to tears every single time I read it.

Ninja kills office co-workers (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39001)

Related. (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ninja_parade_slips_through_town)

liquid
04-08-2009, 02:41 PM
This one is creepy as hell. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/girl_would_be_terrified_if_she)

Wolfgang
04-08-2009, 02:47 PM
You Want A Piece Of Me? By: A Pie (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33672)

Pretty much my favorite of all time.

A close second is Blood... Blood Everywhere (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/blood_blood_everywhere)

O..O~
04-08-2009, 02:47 PM
we had this one taped next to the record player at the record store I sort of worked at for 4 years. (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39670)

Yeah, fuck you dave matthews.

Knight
04-08-2009, 02:49 PM
I don't watch Lost, but I remember picking up a print copy of the Onion outside of Stubbs BBQ once, and this article made the long ass wait enjoyable.

Area Man Likes To Compare Circle Of Friends To Cast Of Lost (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_likes_to_compare_circle)

"Dave [Engler] is definitely Jack," said Krewalski, comparing the 31-year-old line cook whom he has known since college to the selfless doctor and leader of the survivors. "Always has a plan. Always making the tough decisions. Just last week, none of us could decide where we wanted to eat, when Dave all of a sudden steps in and says Outback Steakhouse, and boom, it was like the scene where they all follow Jack to the caves."

...

"Tom's like Hurley because he's fat," Krewalski added.

...

Krewalski also claims his friend Chris is "exactly like" Charlie, as both have struggled with a heroin addiction.

Sarcasmorator
04-08-2009, 02:52 PM
If only it handn't been true. (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784)

Paul le Fou
04-08-2009, 03:06 PM
My favorite Onion article ever. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/harry_potter_books_spark_rise_in)

In most cases, Onion headlines are totally hilarious, but the articles themselves are merely amusing (I would say the article I just linked is one of the few reverse cases). I appreciate the Onion, but I can't say I actually like it all that much.

ringworm
04-08-2009, 03:06 PM
From the dark days of 2004: Nation's Liberals Suffering From Outrage Fatigue (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30624). That article inspired the domain I purchased shortly after.

Sheana
04-08-2009, 03:06 PM
Harlowe pleads with senators to ask the King of America to do something about "all the goddamned spiders." (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/meth_addicts_demand_government)

That was the first Onion article I ever saw and read. It was love at first sight.

Sarcasmorator
04-08-2009, 03:09 PM
In most cases, Onion headlines are totally hilarious, but the articles themselves are merely amusing (I would say the article I just linked is one of the few reverse cases). I appreciate the Onion, but I can't say I actually like it all that much.

I'm pretty sure this is by design. Part of the joke is the slavish adherence to dry, impersonal newswriting style, and that is reflected in the way most stories are difficult to read straight through. Most people read the headline and the first few paragraphs of a real news story, at most. Onion stories are the same way. The TV segments are pure gold, though.

ringworm
04-08-2009, 03:13 PM
I've read/heard various accounts of what it's like in The Onion's writers' room, and they're all very similar. The writers only pitch headlines. They pitch hundreds and hundreds of them a week, most very funny. Only like 10-20 make it through.

This American Life did an awesome episode that had a segment about it (http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=348).

Brer
04-08-2009, 03:17 PM
A few of their tech pieces:

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece of Shit that Doesn't Fucking Work (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony_releases_new_stupid_piece_of)

and

The Macbook Wheel (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary)

My personal favorite video to-date is:

Prague's Franz Kafka International Airport Named World's Most Alienating Airport (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/pragues_franz_kafka_international)

JDS
04-08-2009, 03:23 PM
School Bully Not So Tough Since Being Molested

Sarcasmorator
04-08-2009, 03:24 PM
Area Man Dies as He Lived: Of a Heart Attack

ringworm
04-08-2009, 03:29 PM
Links!
School Bully Not So Tough Since Being Molested (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34693)
Area Man Dies as He Lived: Of a Heart Attack (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30104)

Protip: It's easy to find stuff on sites like The Onion that have extensive backlogs using google's "site" feature:

site:theonion.com school bully

Al Baron
04-08-2009, 03:31 PM
I like this Area Man story: God Help Him, But Area Man Loves That Crazy Bitch (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/god_help_him_but_area_man_loves)

Also, I love how nerdy (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obama_disappointed_cabinet_failed) they portray Obama. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obama_depressed_distant_since)

Sarcasmorator
04-08-2009, 03:31 PM
Protip: It's easy to find stuff on sites like The Onion that have extensive backlogs using google's "site" feature

Yes yes but I am lazy

Adrenaline
04-08-2009, 03:54 PM
Study: Children Exposed to Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/study_children_exposed_to) (may be NSFW! Tiny bit of boob!)

I have a few collections that I'm slowly working through, but I should check out more of their video stuff now.

The emotional side of killing whores.

estragon
04-08-2009, 04:07 PM
In most cases, Onion headlines are totally hilarious, but the articles themselves are merely amusing

This gets said a lot, but I kind of feel like everyone who does so is not reallly reading the articles. The articles are by far the best part.

Example:

Later, the defense secretary attempted to find common ground with Obama by making casual references to the comic book Spawn. But the 44th president reportedly brushed him off with an abrupt laugh, saying, "no one in [his] administration likes Spawn."

When asked by the press corps if this week's hiccup has caused him to rethink any of his appointments, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton interrupted the president to assert that she and her colleagues have already begun educating themselves about comic books, and will soon be "an invincible team of Supermen and Wonder Women working to save America."

"Wonder Woman? That's not even Marvel," Obama responded before storming out of the press room. "Who are you people?"

If I didn't have to get out of here to get to work in 3 minutes, I could go on forever.

The articles = funny.

Dadgum Roi
04-08-2009, 04:13 PM
Bush Regales Dinner Guests With Impromptu Oratory On Virgil's Minor Works (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31077)

Figure Four
04-08-2009, 04:52 PM
Rumsfeld Hosts No-Holds-Barred Martial Arts Tournament At Remote Island Fortress (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30496)

My all time favorite Onion article is from the "Our Dumb Century" book:

HOLY SHIT! MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON!

Oh God, some wonderful person has made a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIkHLO93lCA) out of the article.

Guy
04-08-2009, 05:30 PM
DNA evidence frees black man convicted of bear attack (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/dna_evidence_frees_black_man)

Merus
04-08-2009, 05:52 PM
My two favourites:
Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/fun_toy_banned_because_of_three)
Black Guy Asks Nation For Change (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/black_guy_asks_nation_for_change)

ohGr
04-08-2009, 07:48 PM
The Onion's 1997 Man of the Year: The Man (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29703)

My favorites are usually the Opinion/Columnist pieces, particularly the ones buy Dept. Head Rawlings (http://www.theonion.com/content/topics/Dept.+Head+Rawlings) (By Now, The Uzbekistanis Have Discovered The Disappearance Of Their Orbital Platform (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25878) is such a great headline), Smoove B (http://www.theonion.com/content/topics/Smoove+B) and Gorzo the Mighty (http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/view/gorzo).

Pseudonym
04-08-2009, 07:48 PM
My all time favorite Onion article is from the "Our Dumb Century" book:

HOLY SHIT! MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON!

Oh God, some wonderful person has made a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIkHLO93lCA) out of the article.

That's my favorite one too. A couple of The Onion writers are giving a talk tomorrow night at the school that I work at. I hope they inscribe something about the fucking moon in my copy at the signing session.

Lucas
04-08-2009, 08:46 PM
My all time favorite Onion article is from the "Our Dumb Century" book:

HOLY SHIT! MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON!

Oh God, some wonderful person has made a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIkHLO93lCA) out of the article.

I love that one too. And thanks to the Hindenburg article, I now exclaim "Oh, the luminosity!" at impressive explosions.

spineshark
04-08-2009, 08:56 PM
Black Guy Asks Nation For Change (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/black_guy_asks_nation_for_change)
The better one was the one about how America finally sucks enough (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_finally_shitty_enough_to) for people to vote for a black president.

I also enjoy linking this one (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33208) whenever it's remotely, tangentially related to a conversation, because it's so hilariously stupid.

Finally, the "Point/Counterpoint" series is fucking awesome.
European Men are So Romantic vs. American Women are Incredibly Easy (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34198)
I am so starving vs. I am so starving (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34165)
Life Begins at Conception vs. Life Begins at 40 (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34210)
The Spartans are fags vs. The Spartans did indeed engage in homosexual activity (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34183)
No blood for oil vs. Exactly how much oil are we talking about? (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34132)

Also, about the headlines being funnier than articles, I think for me the articles generally beat the jokes into the ground even if they have a lot of funny individual parts. But then that's the way most humor vehicles work now so I can't just fault it.

Andrew
04-08-2009, 09:10 PM
Is one of the Onion folks a fan of the Nostalgia Critic? :P

http://www.theonion.com/content/magazine/the_theme_song_from_duck_tales

Hughtron
04-08-2009, 09:49 PM
I've always been a big fan of Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades. (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930)

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades.

Al Baron
04-08-2009, 09:55 PM
The sheer, unbridled arrogance of that article is great. Better than the fact that we now do actually have 5-blade razors, anyway.

Figure Four
04-08-2009, 10:10 PM
I also really love the Onion's political cartoon (http://www.theonion.com/content/cartoon/dec-08-2008). It's the little guy in the corner that really makes it.

Merus
04-09-2009, 04:21 AM
I also really love the Onion's political cartoon (http://www.theonion.com/content/cartoon/dec-08-2008). It's the little guy in the corner that really makes it.
I wouldn't have spotted that it was a satire unless someone had told me, but that DUI one is the most obvious of the ones I've seen, because the Honest Hard-working Citizens is clearly the cartoonist character except handsome.

I do love how the Statue of Liberty crying gets worked in at any opportunity, though.

Dadgum Roi
04-09-2009, 05:05 AM
Finally, the "Point/Counterpoint" series is fucking awesome.
European Men are So Romantic vs. American Women are Incredibly Easy (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34198)

This got published a couple of months after I got back from a semester abroad. I about had a heart attack.

spineshark
04-09-2009, 12:03 PM
I wouldn't have spotted that it was a satire unless someone had told me, but that DUI one is the most obvious of the ones I've seen, because the Honest Hard-working Citizens is clearly the cartoonist character except handsome.

I do love how the Statue of Liberty crying gets worked in at any opportunity, though.
Even when the content lies, I told myself the first couple times I read it that there's just no way there'd be such an insane conservative cartoonist in that context. Eventually it became more and more obvious. Or maybe it's just bias confirmation.

Anyway, this one (http://www.theonion.com/content/cartoon/dec-15-2008) was linked on the same page as that one, and I laughed hard enough to spit on my monitor. I'm such a horrible person.

ahahaha holy shit (http://www.theonion.com/content/cartoon/apr-13-2007)

R. Kasahara
04-09-2009, 12:17 PM
I wouldn't have spotted that it was a satire unless someone had told me, but that DUI one is the most obvious of the ones I've seen, because the Honest Hard-working Citizens is clearly the cartoonist character except handsome.
Speaking of Honest Hard-Working Cartoonists... (http://www.theonion.com/content/cartoon/mar-16-2009)

Mmm, beefy.

Healy
04-09-2009, 01:13 PM
This got published a couple of months after I got back from a semester abroad. I about had a heart attack.

So, uh, was it on the mark?

ringworm
04-09-2009, 01:13 PM
Even CEO Can't Figure Out How RadioShack Still In Business (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/even_ceo_cant_figure_out_how)
Haha that's awesome. One of the ones where reading the article is just as funny as the headline, if not moreso. I'm a big fan of the graph showing what RadioShack's revenues should look like.

dwolfe
04-09-2009, 01:18 PM
Smoove B (http://www.theonion.com/content/topics/Smoove+B)

This man gets it.

Corn will also be served.

Dadgum Roi
04-09-2009, 01:26 PM
So, uh, was it on the mark?

Month 1: The praises of Latin men, especially as regards dancing, were widely sung.

Month 2: Mass discontentment sets in.

Month 3: Rebound.

SlimJimm
04-09-2009, 02:25 PM
The Chicago Meatwave (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28237) holds a special place in my heart for obvious reasons.

I was always partial to Herbert Kornfeld too. H-Dog in tha house (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37327)

Wolfgang
04-09-2009, 02:29 PM
Is AV Club stuff on the table, too? I like their weird food reviews a lot, and their weekly roundup of the Fox Sunday animated sitcoms - it was reading those reviews that made me want to check out American Dad! more and led me to appreciate it. And who doesn't have a use for Savage Love?

spineshark
04-09-2009, 02:47 PM
And who doesn't have a use for Savage Love?
Uhh...me. (It is entertaining, though) They also don't print it in the Onion in DenverBoulder, but it's in the Westword so I guess that's all the same.

I really like the AV club movie reviews, but they have the same problem as most reviewers, that they're not very enjoyable when they're praising the movie. Fortunately they go over plenty of bad ones. And I agree even more on the weird foods thing. "It's like drinking a tire fire!"

Also, American Dad really is better than Family Guy has been since AD started, since it's less about randomness and shock value, but at the same time...Roger is wayyy overplayed.

Abominable K
04-09-2009, 02:48 PM
2008 Tax Records Reveal Sasha Obama Made $136 In Allowance Money (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/2008_tax_records_reveal_sasha)

Wolfgang
04-09-2009, 02:51 PM
Also, American Dad really is better than Family Guy has been since AD started, since it's less about randomness and shock value, but at the same time...Roger is wayyy overplayed.

It's like, they knew they couldn't really do the exact same thing as Family Guy, so they had to create an actual show this time. Though I love Roger, especially when he does stuff with Steve. Something about McFarlane's Paul Lynde impression just tickles me to no end.

Ample Vigour
04-09-2009, 02:58 PM
And who doesn't have a use for Savage Love?

If I'm going to get preached at by a self-righteous Catholic, I'd prefer it be in church.

ringworm
04-09-2009, 02:59 PM
If I'm going to get preached at by a self-righteous Catholic, I'd prefer it be in church.
He's not Catholic. Well, maybe culturally in that he was raised Catholic.

Wolfgang
04-09-2009, 03:02 PM
He's not Catholic. Well, maybe culturally in that he was raised Catholic.

Yeah, he might be self-righteous, but at least it's about the right stuff. Ie. getting people to dump their terrible significant others, something I wholeheartedly endorse.

Ample Vigour
04-09-2009, 03:05 PM
He's not Catholic. Well, maybe culturally in that he was raised Catholic.

I don't care if Jesus lives in your heart or not; if you were raised Catholic, you're still Catholic enough to count.

ringworm
04-09-2009, 03:08 PM
Regardless of self-righteous and preachiness (both of which he totally is), I think Dan Savage is pretty damn funny. I get a lot of enjoyment out of both the column and the podcast every week.

And he gave us definitions for "santorum" and "saddlebacking". Awesome.

ravinoff
04-09-2009, 06:59 PM
Ocular Penetration Restriction Act of 2007 (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/live_from_congress_the_skull) [NSFW]

Sanagi
04-10-2009, 12:59 AM
http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/3593/onionimagearticle81.jpg (http://img14.imageshack.us/my.php?image=onionimagearticle81.jpg)

Healy
04-10-2009, 05:52 AM
Area Man Hasn't Told Co-Workers About His Billy Joel Fanpage Yet (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39019)

Hudek said he spends approximately 10 hours a week on maintenance and upkeep of the website, typing in trivia questions, scanning photographs he took at various Joel concerts, and posting the results of weekly fan polls.

"This week's question is: What is your favorite song on Turnstiles?" Hudek said. "Surprisingly, 'Miami 2017' is in the lead, with seven votes. I was sure it would be 'James' or, at the very least, 'I've Loved These Days.' Not that '2017' isn't a great song--it is. But the best on all of Turnstiles? My suspicion is that there's one person out there who really likes it and is casting multiple votes. Right now, there's nothing to prevent that."

Wolfgang
04-10-2009, 05:05 PM
Stop Anthropomorphizing Me (http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/stop_anthropomorphizing_me?utm_source=b-section) by Gerald the Dog

Some of my favorites are their opinion pieces.

nadia
04-11-2009, 07:31 AM
From the dark days of 2004: Nation's Liberals Suffering From Outrage Fatigue (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30624). That article inspired the domain I purchased shortly after.

The Onion is there for us on our darkest days.

For instance, shortly after 9/11: Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves in Hell (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38673)

"We Expected Eternal Paradise For This," Say Suicide Bombers.

Alixsar
04-13-2009, 01:58 PM
The Onion does it again. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/michael_bay_signs_50m_deal_to_fuck?utm_source=a-section)

And again. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/supremes_court_upholds_stopping_in)

Mr. Sensible
04-13-2009, 02:35 PM
An oldie, but a goodie:

Bounty Officials Approve Third Ply (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28856)

My favorite Onion article of all time. Paper towels are serious business.

Dynastic Bird
04-13-2009, 06:53 PM
If Obama saw this, he'd either laugh or sue somebody. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/black_guy_asks_nation_for_change)

Aquadeo
04-13-2009, 08:28 PM
I find that the News Briefs hit the sweet spot between funny headline and dry reporting style. And here's one that's stuck with me since 2006. (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/55370)

Brer
04-13-2009, 10:22 PM
Panicked, Sweat-Covered Pope Reverses Longstanding Ban on Abortion (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/panicked_sweat_covered_pope)

ringworm
04-14-2009, 02:28 PM
Cost of Living Now Outweighs Benefits (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cost_of_living_now_outweighs)

ringworm
04-15-2009, 02:25 PM
The Onion has been pretty awesome lately:

Media Having Trouble Finding Right Angle on Obama's Double-Homicide (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/media_having_trouble_finding_right?utm_source=onio n_rss_daily)
Homoerotic Overtones Enliven NRA Metting (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/homoerotic_overtones_enliven_nra?utm_source=onion_ rss_daily)

ringworm
04-22-2009, 12:37 PM
Hat Trick!

Seymour Hersh Uncovers New Thing Too Sad To Think About (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/seymour_hersh_uncovers_new?utm_source=onion_rss_da ily)

Rosencrantz
04-22-2009, 12:47 PM
I love Oprah jokes. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/oprahs_african_school_forced_to)

Sheana
04-22-2009, 03:19 PM
DAY 92: Secretary of Energy Steven Chu converts self into a sentient ball of energy

spineshark
05-04-2009, 08:17 PM
What about sexy Pyramid Head? Or maybe Pyramid Tits or something? :PDidn't we have enough of those on the PS1?That's every female character in a PSX game.

EDIT: Awesome, I'm not the only one.
Relevant to these interests, this here (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/new_video_game_technology) is the best News in Brief I've seen in a long time.

Red Hedgehog
05-04-2009, 09:38 PM
Trekkies bash new Star Trek film as 'Fun, Watchable' (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film)

spineshark
05-13-2009, 07:45 PM
Nation ready to be lied to about the economy again (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_ready_to_be_lied_to_about).

Sheana
05-14-2009, 03:07 PM
I have no idea why but I can't stop laughing at this. (http://www.theonion.com/content/from_print/startled_glen_davis_retracts?utm_source=twitterfee d&utm_medium=twitter)

spineshark
05-29-2009, 03:20 PM
Report: Increasing Number of Educators Found To Be Suffering From Teaching Disabilities (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_increasing_number_of?utm_source=a-section)

ringworm
06-01-2009, 04:51 PM
Conservatives Warn Quick Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays, Marriage (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/conservatives_warn_quick_sex)

ringworm
06-04-2009, 12:37 PM
Woman In Burqa Condemns Woman In Chador (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/woman_in_burqa_condemns_woman_in)

Red Hedgehog
06-09-2009, 02:54 PM
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them (http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it?utm_source=twittershar e&utm_medium=twitter)

I feel like this is supposed to a be a wake up call as much as it is a joke.

Shadax
06-09-2009, 03:30 PM
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them (http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it?utm_source=twittershar e&utm_medium=twitter)

Lord knows I've brought this upon myself way too often

ringworm
06-09-2009, 03:33 PM
Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_drastically_scales_back)

The ONN videos have been really, really good lately.

Evil Dead Junkie
06-11-2009, 09:46 PM
This One Had Me HOWLING (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_terminator_movie_brings_j_d?utm_source=a-section)

This one too (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/pragues_franz_kafka_international)

Lit Geeks say what!

Brer
07-13-2009, 11:19 AM
New Live Poll Allows Pundits to Pander to Viewers in Real-Time (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/new_live_poll_allows_pundits_to)

Merus
07-13-2009, 11:23 PM
This one too (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/pragues_franz_kafka_international)

I love this one.

ringworm
07-14-2009, 10:19 AM
Obama Axes Pentagon Plan to Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_axes_pentagon_plan_to_build)

peterh
07-14-2009, 11:41 AM
Being a Massachusetts guy and a Red Sox fan, this story caught my eye, and probably nothing has ever made me laugh harder.

Excited Red Sox Fans Eagerly Await Debut Of Matsuzaka's 'Ultimate Galactic Dragon Gyroball Pitch Power Explosion' (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/excited_red_sox_fans_eagerly_await)

Merus
07-14-2009, 12:45 PM
The best thing about the videos is that they launch right into another ridiculous story.

JDS
07-20-2009, 02:24 PM
BREAKING NEWS: CHINA STRONG (theonion.com)

Patrick
07-20-2009, 02:29 PM
I love it. (http://www.yuwanmei.com/)

JDS
07-20-2009, 02:37 PM
This is literally the best thing to happen to the Internet in forever. The only thing better is if they took over the AV Club and started rating movies based on the productivity of the main characters.

THIS WEEK, INTERVIEW WITH GREATEST AMERICAN AUTHOR ELMORE LEONARD

BLOG: FIVE REASONS WHY DEGENERATE BIOGRAPHIST JUNG CHANG IS LIAR WITHOUT MORALS OR RESPONSIBILITY

mopinks
07-20-2009, 02:42 PM
China’s Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is


laffin' hard

Paul le Fou
07-20-2009, 04:32 PM
American Children Like Me Are Lazy And Insolent And Must Try Harder

by Jimmy McDonalds

locit
07-23-2009, 06:11 PM
Holy crap I just went to the Onion for the first time in a month and oh god the China thing. If they kept it like this forever I really wouldn't mind. I hope there's a print edition.

ringworm
08-03-2009, 12:53 PM
Drug Use Down Among Uncool Kids (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29880)

redstuff
08-03-2009, 01:04 PM
Bush on North Korea: "We Must Invade Iraq" (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27599)

Thinaran
08-07-2009, 01:42 PM
This one was a bit uncomfortable. But still funny. (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ex_pedophile_shares_tips_on_how?utm_source=a-section)

Lumber Baron
08-07-2009, 10:49 PM
What Are We Angrily Shaking Our Fists At? (http://www.theonion.com/content/statshot/what_are_we_angrily_shaking?utm_source=featureband )

Healy
08-18-2009, 12:05 PM
Mom Has Some Wild New Ideas For Dressing Son This Year (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mom_has_some_wild_new_ideas_for)

ringworm
08-26-2009, 01:38 PM
'Kennedy Curse' Claims Life of 77-Year-Old Tumor-Riddled Binge-Drinker (http://www.theonion.com/content/from_print/kennedy_curse_claims_life_of)

Sanagi
08-26-2009, 08:52 PM
'Kennedy Curse' Claims Life of 77-Year-Old Tumor-Riddled Binge-Drinker (http://www.theonion.com/content/from_print/kennedy_curse_claims_life_of)
Trust the Onion to know exactly how tasteless they should be.

ringworm
08-27-2009, 10:22 AM
Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture? (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/is_using_a_minotaur_to_gore)

Healy
08-29-2009, 06:15 PM
Unstable Relative, Toddler Compete For Attention At Family Get-Together (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/unstable_relative_toddler_compete?utm_source=a-section)

Healy
09-12-2009, 02:48 AM
Lichenstein, Andorra Forced to Fight by Larger Countries (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/liechtenstein_andorra_forced_to)

Merus
09-12-2009, 07:29 AM
Anyone here named Philip Jenkins? (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/half_of_26_year_olds_memories)

ringworm
09-17-2009, 11:34 AM
Derek Jeter Honored For Having Fewer Hits Than Harold Baines (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/derek_jeter_honored_for_having)

Adrenaline
09-17-2009, 01:35 PM
Man, some of the praise lately for Jeter is nauseating, and I love the guy. Someone seriously argued that he should get the MVP over Mauer despite worse numbers because of the hit record.

Brer
09-18-2009, 09:04 PM
Melting Ice Caps Expose Hundreds of Secret Arctic Lairs (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/melting_ice_caps_expose_hundreds?utm_source=a-section) (It really should be antarctic since I'm pretty sure the Arctic ice cover has never been more than a few meters thick in most spots, but oh well).

Andrew
09-18-2009, 09:15 PM
"I'm Such A Shitty Senator", by Sen Max Baucus (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33420)

(video) U.S. Condemned For Pre-Emptive Use Of Hillary Clinton Against Pakistan (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/u_s_condemned_for_pre_emptive_use?utm_source=most_ pop_pop)

U.S. Government Finds $20 Trillion Buried By Absentminded Reagan In 1987 (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_government_finds_20_trillion?utm_source=most_p op_pop)

Alixsar
09-25-2009, 08:55 PM
Is using a minotaur to gore detainees a form of torture? (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/is_using_a_minotaur_to_gore)

Ominous music heard throughout US sends nation into panic (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ominous_music_heard_throughout_u)

Americans observe 9/11 by trying not to masturbate (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/americans_observing_9_11_by)

The best part is the porn site. "It's 9/11. Will return on 9/12...WITH ALL NEW AMATEUR FUCK CAMS"

rockintomordor
09-28-2009, 08:22 PM
Crime Reporter Finds Way Of Linking Warehouse Fire To Depraved Sex Act (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/crime_reporter_finds_way_of?utm_source=a-section)

rockintomordor
10-12-2009, 07:26 AM
New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke' (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/new_anti_smoking_ads_warn_teens)

ringworm
10-28-2009, 12:54 PM
Obama's Declaration Of Swine Flu Emergency Prompts Pro-Swine-Flu Republican Response (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obamas_declaration_of_swine)

tdrumboar
10-29-2009, 10:50 PM
Activision Reports Sluggish Sales For Sousaphone Hero (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/activision_reports_sluggish_sales)

R.R. Bigman
11-06-2009, 01:14 PM
Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident)

Sanagi
11-08-2009, 04:44 AM
I was reading "The Onion presents Homeland Insecurity" and came across a headline snatched from my own life: "Cocky Attempt to Operate ATM in Spanish Backfires"

Al Baron
11-10-2009, 08:45 AM
Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ultra_realistic_modern_warfare)

Sheana
11-24-2009, 06:12 PM
Like Hell I'm Going To Let Some Black President Help Me Pay For Dialysis (http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/like_hell_im_going_to_let_some)

Pajaro Pete
12-07-2009, 12:16 PM
New study reveals most children are unrepentant sociopaths. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_study_reveals_most_children)

ringworm
12-15-2009, 11:04 AM
Sumerians Look On In Confusion As Christian God Creates World (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sumerians_look_on_in_confusion_as)

Merus
12-15-2009, 06:57 PM
Sumerians Look On In Confusion As Christian God Creates World (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sumerians_look_on_in_confusion_as)

That's brilliant.

ringworm
12-21-2009, 01:55 PM
Oldie but a goodie: Activist Judge Cancels Christmas (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43438)

Merus
01-07-2010, 06:27 AM
VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/vh1_reality_show_bus_crashes_in) (nsfw)

ringworm
01-11-2010, 09:59 AM
Woman Married To Fat, Emotionally Distant Vampire Escapes Into 'Twilight' Novels (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/woman_married_to_fat_emotionally)

Andrew
01-12-2010, 11:39 AM
Zombie Reagan raised from Grave to Lead GOP (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/zombie_reagan_raised_from_grave)

ringworm
01-12-2010, 04:33 PM
Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/gay_teen_worried_he_might_be)

ringworm
02-05-2010, 12:32 PM
I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore (http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_dont_even_want_to_be_alive) by Rush Limbaugh

Quite possibly the meanest thing I've ever seen come out of The Onion. It's magnificent.

locit
02-07-2010, 01:38 PM
Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bunch_of_phonies_mourn_j_d)

Sheana
02-16-2010, 04:13 PM
This is an oldie, but it just got linked on their Twitter account so I couldn't help it.

Video-Game Character Wondering Why Heartless God Always Chooses 'Continue' (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28288)

ringworm
02-16-2010, 04:28 PM
U.S. Economy Grinds To Halt As Nation Realizes Money Just A Symbolic, Mutually Shared Illusion (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_economy_grinds_to_halt_as)

Andrew
02-17-2010, 12:39 AM
Gaffe-Prone Biden Embarrasses Nation Yet Again By Sneezing During Meeting (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/gaffe_prone_biden_embarrasses)

Wal-Mart Cuts Over 13,000 Of What It Calls Jobs (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/wal_mart_cuts_over_13_000_of_what) (The picture of Mike Duke seals it for me. :P )

spineshark
02-17-2010, 02:32 AM
U.S. Economy Grinds To Halt As Nation Realizes Money Just A Symbolic, Mutually Shared Illusion (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_economy_grinds_to_halt_as)
This right here basically sums up all of the economics courses I've ever taken, and is funnier at the same time.

ringworm
03-25-2010, 08:26 PM
Like Hell I'm Going To Let Some Black President Help Me Pay For Dialysis (http://www.theonion.com/articles/like-hell-im-going-to-let-some-black-president-hel,11509/)

ringworm
04-08-2010, 09:39 AM
Republicans, Leukemia Team Up To Repeal Health Care Law (http://www.theonion.com/articles/republicans-leukemia-team-up-to-repeal-health-care,17215/)

Merus
05-26-2010, 07:34 PM
Christian Groups: Biblical Armageddon Must Be Taught Alongside Global Warming (http://www.theonion.com/video/christian-groups-biblical-armageddon-must-be-taugh,17491/)

Pajaro Pete
05-26-2010, 07:35 PM
New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It (http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-social-networking-site-changing-the-way-oh-chr,17465/)

Seriously, read the whole article.

ringworm
05-27-2010, 12:32 AM
Seriously, read the whole article.
Awesome.

estragon
05-27-2010, 02:47 AM
New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It (http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-social-networking-site-changing-the-way-oh-chr,17465/)

Seriously, read the whole article.

The best/worst part is that the NYT link is real.

Al Baron
05-27-2010, 08:35 AM
Baratunde (http://twitter.com/baratunde) probably wrote it, too. Seriously, 4Squares are a quarter of his tweets.

Healy
05-29-2010, 04:08 PM
One Look at my Music Collection Will Show You How Much I Respect Woman (http://www.theonion.com/articles/one-look-at-my-music-collection-will-show-you-how,10671/)

teg
05-30-2010, 06:14 AM
Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo&feature=player_embedded)

Sheana
06-25-2010, 02:57 PM
The Search For Batlantis (http://www.theonion.com/articles/manny-embarks-on-journey-to-find-legendary-realm-o,17674/)

This thing is so stupid but it made me laugh so hard.

ajr82
06-25-2010, 11:22 PM
Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be (http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-passionate-defender-of-what-he-imagines-c,2849/)

Merus
08-31-2010, 10:24 PM
TIME Announces New Version Of Magazine Aimed At Adults (http://www.theonion.com/video/time-announces-new-version-of-magazine-aimed-at-ad,17950/)

spineshark
08-31-2010, 10:59 PM
It's funny because it's true (I haven't even read Time seriously since middle school), but the part that isn't funny is how you can basically re-apply that to almost anything that's still in print.

I wish I was still subscribed to The Economist, though.

Pajaro Pete
10-24-2010, 11:58 AM
American public actually kind of endearing in some ways (http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-public-actually-kind-of-endearing-in-some,18277/?utm_source=recentnews), study shows.

Thinaran
11-28-2010, 03:24 AM
It had to happen eventually:

http://img535.imageshack.us/img535/5955/foxnationonion.png

Merus
11-28-2010, 05:20 AM
It happens every few years and it's always delightful when it does.

Paul le Fou
11-29-2010, 06:11 PM
I have to wonder how much of THAT is part of the joke. But then I remember that we're talking about Fox and America and I kind of stop wondering.

ringworm
03-10-2011, 10:17 AM
Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy (http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/)

Elements
03-10-2011, 02:28 PM
Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy (http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/)

Provokes strong feelings of... ambivalence.

Wolfgang
03-10-2011, 07:52 PM
There's now an Onion franchise here in Philly, which is weird. Seeing local stuff pop up in the AV Club's newsfeed is surreal. On the one hand, I don't think the city deserves it, and on the other I think the insufferable hipsters that compose the entirety of this city's "counter culture" deserve to be made that much more ironically corporate.

Dizzy
03-10-2011, 08:09 PM
There's nothing hipper than a slick businessman.

Open-Minded Man Grimly Realizes How Much Life He's Wasted Listening To Bullshit (http://www.theonion.com/articles/openminded-man-grimly-realizes-how-much-life-hes-w,19273/)

Netbrian
03-28-2011, 05:23 PM
I stopped visiting the Onion due to wasting too much time on this, but I saw this elsewhere and couldn't resist.

NYTimes.com's Plan To Charge People Money For Consuming Goods, Services Called Bold Business Move (http://www.theonion.com/articles/nytimescoms-plan-to-charge-people-money-for-consum,19847/)

Dizzy
03-29-2011, 01:54 PM
It's about time the NYT started charging for the content. That means I'll be reading less, but how do you expect to make any money when you give away stuff that you produce for free? It's kind of stupid how journalists crow about the internet taking away all their profit margins or whatever when their market has migrated to the internet. Duh! It's also a good thing because it curtails that page hit/SEO/ad-based model that AOL news seems to be operating on to generate revenue.

NavelsAreNeat
04-26-2011, 11:01 AM
Today Now! Interviews The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of "Fast Five" (http://www.theonion.com/video/today-now-interviews-the-5yearold-screenwriter-of,20188/)

Sprite
06-20-2011, 05:01 PM
The latest Onion is a hilarious and shameless plea to win a Pulitzer, with each article praising itself and The Onion and why haven't we won yeeeeeeeet.

This one wins, I think. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-massive-wildfires-geopolitical-crises-aids,20830/)

Abominable K
06-22-2011, 03:03 PM
This is the best I've seen The Onion, as they're firing on all cylinders on this one, with the shameless plugs for the award (http://www.theonion.com/articles/aids-baby-lays-tiny-hand-in-palm-of-onion-reporter,20849/), smear jobs against historically respected journalists (http://www.theonion.com/articles/son-of-edward-r-murrow-says-father-real-dirtbag-co,20848/), as well as celebrity endorsments (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RMZHkrmSmY) (and threats (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CovaKwqyAxU)).

Lumber Baron
06-22-2011, 09:14 PM
This Pulitzer brou-ha-ha is great and all, but it's no Yu Wan Mei.

No sir.

Patrick
06-23-2011, 08:32 AM
This Pulitzer brou-ha-ha is great and all, but it's no Yu Wan Mei.

No sir.

I agree, but the current pulitzer thing is still really enjoyable.

Lumber Baron
06-23-2011, 11:06 AM
That is certain.

Alixsar
06-23-2011, 11:43 AM
The latest Onion is a hilarious and shameless plea to win a Pulitzer, with each article praising itself and The Onion and why haven't we won yeeeeeeeet.

This one wins, I think. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-massive-wildfires-geopolitical-crises-aids,20830/)

Amazing

Merus
07-04-2011, 09:32 AM
In case people haven't seen the conclusion to the Onion's campaign for a Pulitzer. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/media-watchdog-spokesman-sought-on-embezzlement-ch,20875/)

Figure Four
07-04-2011, 03:33 PM
Lady Gaga Kidnaps Commissioner Gordon (http://www.theonion.com/articles/lady-gaga-kidnaps-commissioner-gordon,17789/)

ringworm
08-10-2011, 11:21 AM
New GOP Strategy Involves Reelecting Obama, Making His Life Even More Miserable (http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-gop-strategy-involves-reelecting-obama-making,21113/)

blinkpen
08-10-2011, 12:34 PM
Lady Gaga Kidnaps Commissioner Gordon (http://www.theonion.com/articles/lady-gaga-kidnaps-commissioner-gordon,17789/)

Hahahaha! That is the best one!

Paul le Fou
08-11-2011, 04:16 AM
New GOP Strategy Involves Reelecting Obama, Making His Life Even More Miserable (http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-gop-strategy-involves-reelecting-obama-making,21113/)

I saw this thread and thought "Oh I should post that one about the Republicans wanting to re-elect Obama."

http://sayingitsocial.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/88892-thumbs_up.jpg

ringworm
08-15-2011, 11:09 AM
Somebody's Got to Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me (http://www.theonion.com/articles/somebodys-got-to-save-this-country-from-certain-do,21135/)

Merus
08-15-2011, 11:15 AM
The Onion appears to have set up a paywall. Not a joke paywall, either, an actual one.

Turns out the paywall has yet to work out how to counter anonymous browsing mode.

Adrenaline
08-15-2011, 11:25 AM
Must be an Australian thing.

ringworm
08-15-2011, 12:02 PM
Yup, the Onion (not the AV Club though) has set up a paywall for those outside the US. They're mostly just testing it right now though, so I would expect holes.

Sheana
09-29-2011, 02:35 PM
whoops (http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/09/the-onion-roils-capitol-with-fictional-congress-perpetrated-hostage-situation.php)

Al Baron
11-10-2011, 09:52 AM
Sports Media Asks Molestation Victims What This Means For Joe Paterno's Legacy (http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/sports-media-asks-molestation-victims-what-this-me,26609/)

"The victim I spoke to, who was 12 years old when Sandusky first took advantage of him, looked very upset throughout the entire interview," Sports Illustrated writer Stewart Mandel said. "And when I asked whether he was concerned not just for how Joe Paterno would be remembered, but also for the football program's ability to recover, he told me the interview was over and I should get out of his house."

"Can you blame him, though?" Mandel added. "A coaching legend's reputation hangs in the balance. I'm just as hurt and frustrated as he is."

Adrenaline
11-10-2011, 12:23 PM
What's crazy is that's how students at the school are currently acting.

blinkpen
11-11-2011, 03:19 PM
Monster At End Of Book Claims Life of TV's Grover (http://www.theonion.com/articles/monster-at-end-of-book-claims-life-of-tvs-grover,4113/)

Seth Marati
11-12-2011, 08:39 AM
Monster At End Of Book Claims Life of TV's Grover (http://www.theonion.com/articles/monster-at-end-of-book-claims-life-of-tvs-grover,4113/)

I showed that to my mom, and she thought it was hysterical. I showed it to my dad, and he said "...Wasn't Grover the monster at the end of the book? This makes no sense."

Rosencrantz
11-12-2011, 10:06 AM
That article cracked me up, not just because I loved that book as a little kid, but because I've been watching a ton of Sesame Street with Zach lately.

Healy
12-17-2011, 08:22 PM
Area 36-Year-Old Still Has Occasional Lidsville Nightmare: (http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-36yearold-still-has-occasional-lidsville-nigh,1503/)

"It happened again last night," Meijer said. "I dreamed I was driving to work, in my father's car for some reason, and the sky started getting darker and darker. Then, from out of nowhere, the giant cowboy hat that talked like John Wayne jumped in front of my windshield and started peering into the car with a look of murderous hate."

"That was when I woke up with a jolt," Meijer continued. "I never got back to sleep."

Sheana
01-04-2012, 03:00 PM
It's a valid question, I think. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-openly-asks-nation-why-on-earth-he-would-wan,26933/)

Seth Marati
01-12-2012, 07:41 PM
How the FUCK did they manage this? (http://www.theonion.com/video/grover-norquist-i-engaged-in-a-weeklong-drugfueled,27023/)

Wolfgang
01-13-2012, 08:05 AM
Man Suspected Of Being Bumbling Spy (http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-suspected-of-being-bumbling-spy,26940/)

blinkpen
02-13-2012, 05:33 PM
Meet the man inside the Nicholas Cage costume ( http://www.theonion.com/video/meet-the-man-inside-the-nicolas-cage-costume,27318/).

Healy
03-01-2012, 07:22 PM
Nation Trying, Okay? (http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-trying-okay,27444/)

Droewyn
03-02-2012, 07:00 AM
Nation Trying, Okay? (http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-trying-okay,27444/)

Well, we can't all be Dave.

le geek
03-02-2012, 01:57 PM
perhaps the best weekender (http://www.theonion.com/articles/20-tips-for-turning-ordinary-jello-into-jello-with,17389/)

ajr82
07-06-2012, 10:39 PM
Hank Williams Jr. Honored by Institute For Football Preparedness (http://www.theonion.com/articles/hank-williams-jr-honored-by-institute-for-football,8812/)

Al Baron
07-09-2012, 10:10 AM
Economically Healthy 'Daily Planet' Now Most Unrealistic Part Of Superman Universe (http://www.theonion.com/articles/economically-healthy-daily-planet-now-most-unreali,28718/)

Evil Dead Junkie
07-10-2012, 08:47 PM
This is solid gold. Best non Goomf Onion video for my money. (http://www.theonion.com/video/ron-paul-makes-campaign-stop-in-whimsical-jalopy,28724/)

Wolfgang
07-10-2012, 09:16 PM
Hank Williams Jr. Honored by Institute For Football Preparedness (http://www.theonion.com/articles/hank-williams-jr-honored-by-institute-for-football,8812/)

I love that story. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjYZpuctOLc)

Pajaro Pete
07-19-2012, 10:14 PM
Sex House is the greatest (http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL622682EF88B3C077). It's going places y'all. Increasingly uncomfortable, possibly apocalyptic places.

estragon
08-02-2012, 08:03 PM
Anyone who didn't follow Turnip's recommendation to watch Sex House is missing out.

I thought it would be a one episode only self contained parody, but episodes kept coming out and it's not only hilarious but also has a surprisingly engaging narrative arc as the situation gradually expands to be worse than it seems at first. I am legitimately excited to see where this goes, and I can't wait for episode 5.

(link to playlist of all episodes so far (http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL622682EF88B3C077&feature=plcp))

Pajaro Pete
08-30-2012, 12:28 PM
Make sure y'all check out today's all new Sex House~

Seth Marati
09-02-2012, 10:36 AM
Male Marsh Wren Chirping His Balls Off To Attract Mate (http://www.theonion.com/articles/male-marsh-wren-chirping-his-balls-off-to-attract,29398/)

ajr82
10-04-2012, 07:28 PM
This (http://www.theonion.com/articles/biden-implores-obama-to-rub-one-out-before-debate,29785/) is the best headline/picture combination they've ever done.

Pajaro Pete
10-10-2012, 07:41 PM
Ballin new articles y'all should read:
Ask An Elderly Black Woman As Depicted By A Sophomore Creative Writing Major (http://www.theonion.com/articles/ask-an-elderly-black-woman-as-depicted-by-a-sophom,29855/). <= Highly, highly recommended.

Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt (http://www.theonion.com/articles/mr-autumn-man-walking-down-street-with-cup-of-coff,29866/).

spineshark
10-10-2012, 08:01 PM
Ballin new articles y'all should read:
Ask An Elderly Black Woman As Depicted By A Sophomore Creative Writing Major (http://www.theonion.com/articles/ask-an-elderly-black-woman-as-depicted-by-a-sophom,29855/). <= Highly, highly recommended.
oh god
Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt (http://www.theonion.com/articles/mr-autumn-man-walking-down-street-with-cup-of-coff,29866/).
I'm confused. Is the message I'm supposed to be getting that I'm a hipster? fuck

Pajaro Pete
10-10-2012, 09:53 PM
the disease is inside u

spineshark
10-10-2012, 10:57 PM
Is the line somewhere beyond liking fall and wearing sweaters? Do I need an ugly plaid shirt and starbucks first or not

Pajaro Pete
10-10-2012, 11:13 PM
i don't think it was calling the dude a hipster (it mentions liking football for chrissakes!!!), it was just a funny non-story that the onion loves to publish.

Paul le Fou
10-11-2012, 01:07 AM
Mr. Autumn Man made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

spineshark
10-11-2012, 01:20 AM
Look, I was kinda just boggled that I didn't get the joke, which is both because and why I read too hard into it.

Healy
10-11-2012, 02:04 PM
I think it's the last line that completes it, though:
According to reports, Mr. Fall will then put on a down jacket with a fur-trimmed hood, buy a lift ticket at a local ski slope, and start getting short with people at work because the early sunset “affects his mood,” thus signaling the completion of his metamorphosis into Mr. Wintertime Asshole Man.
By god! We are all Mr. Autumn Man, aren't we?

q 3
10-12-2012, 07:03 PM
Sex House is the greatest (http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL622682EF88B3C077). It's going places y'all. Increasingly uncomfortable, possibly apocalyptic places.

It sure went places.

He had won the victory over himself. He loved Sex House.

Pajaro Pete
10-25-2012, 12:16 PM
I hope y'all are watching Jim Haggerty's Porkin' Across America, from the makers of Sex House (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwQns6vGfj4).
e: then i started watching episode two and couldn't make it to the two minute mark before it got too depressing for me

q 3
10-25-2012, 07:18 PM
I hope y'all are watching Jim Haggerty's Porkin' Across America, from the makers of Sex House (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwQns6vGfj4).
e: then i started watching episode two and couldn't make it to the two minute mark before it got too depressing for me

I'm pretty sure he's going to be dead by the end of episode four. This one is escalating fast.

Municipal Lake Dredge Appraisal, on the other hand, continues to be improbably compelling.

Googleshng
10-25-2012, 09:13 PM
I hope y'all are watching Jim Haggerty's Porkin' Across America, from the makers of Sex House (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwQns6vGfj4).
e: then i started watching episode two and couldn't make it to the two minute mark before it got too depressing for me

Yeah... the whole "watch a jerk self-destruct" formula doesn't work so great when there's innocent victims in there.

Dizzy
11-27-2012, 08:21 AM
China's party paper falls for Onion joke about Kim (http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/Article/Article_2012-11-27/id-1fa15c84edf74f26a5762d325703e869/recordType-Spot%20Development)

spineshark
12-05-2012, 02:58 PM
http://www.theonion.com/articles/department-of-transportation-announces-new-highway,30619/

Traffic Jam 2013

Healy
12-15-2012, 05:56 PM
Fuck Everything, Nation Reports (http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/)
WASHINGTON—Following the fatal shooting this morning at a Connecticut elementary school that left at least 27 dead, including 20 small children, sources across the nation shook their heads, stifled a sob in their voices, and reported fuck everything. Just fuck it all to hell.

All of it, sources added.

spineshark
12-20-2012, 05:54 PM
I hope y'all are watching Jim Haggerty's Porkin' Across America, from the makers of Sex House (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwQns6vGfj4).
e: then i started watching episode two and couldn't make it to the two minute mark before it got too depressing for me
I finally made it through this. It was pretty much unwatchable, but considering that it's less satire and more a Kafka story written for episodic video that's almost a good thing. And now that I'm not watching it, I can think back on the completely fucked up shit that happened like the episode where he "attends" a funeral on skype while dressed as a king at a medieval-themed restaurant and laugh at how over-the-top surreal and twisted it was.

So yeah, a pretty good hour of my time in the end. I can't say I'd recommend it though...unless Sex House just wasn't bleak enough for you.

Issun
01-17-2013, 09:15 PM
From the "You Laugh so you Don't Cry" dept. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/uhoh-photo-of-crying-woman-on-cover-of-national-ne,30942/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:quote:default)

Googleshng
01-27-2013, 04:47 PM
So today, when checking her IMDB page for anything new before calling to wish her a happy birthday, I noticed that oh hey, my cousin's been working on The Onion's web stuff (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3059269/filmoseries#tt2447958). Apparently my cousin's responsible for that soft palette damage that made so many people stop watching Porkin' in disgust. I am so darn proud.

I also, as a result of that, only just now watched the Onion Talks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEzMNp2d6Bk&list=SP4NL9i-Fu15hhYGB-d0hmSWD1fcIvLvn1) videos. It's kinda scary how little exaggeration there is between those and some real ones I've seen.

blinkpen
02-10-2013, 11:40 AM
One of those ones that cracked me up with the headline alone. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-reveals-majority-of-suicides-occur-while-try,27286/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default)

q 3
02-10-2013, 11:47 AM
America's Best (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN71uCbj-wc) continues the Onion's proud tradition of video series involving terrible people being terrible.

Olli T
02-11-2013, 01:30 AM
Sweating Obama Admits Drone Strikes Have Been Happening On Their Own (http://www.theonion.com/articles/sweating-obama-admits-drone-strikes-have-been-happ,31219/)

O..O~
02-25-2013, 12:21 PM
The onion has done far worse than calling a little girl a cunt over twitter (http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/02/25/net-us-oscars-onion-idUSBRE91O0VE20130225). Is that really the offensive straw for people?

Nodal
02-25-2013, 12:41 PM
The onion has done far worse than calling a little girl a cunt over twitter (http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/02/25/net-us-oscars-onion-idUSBRE91O0VE20130225). Is that really the offensive straw for people?

I dunno, it was a little much for me. I would have laughed if it said bitch, but what they used just made me feel uncomfortable. I mean, she is a little kid.

Dizzy
02-25-2013, 01:00 PM
In the context of an evening filled with Seth MacFarlane's "ironic" crass humor...

Wolfgang
02-25-2013, 01:13 PM
Yeah, they did the right thing in apologizing. That was actually offensive as opposed to the blandly crass humor on display during the awards themselves.

Sarcasmorator
02-25-2013, 01:35 PM
The onion has done far worse than calling a little girl a cunt over twitter (http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/02/25/net-us-oscars-onion-idUSBRE91O0VE20130225).

[citation needed]

It was a really nasty thing to say about a child, in a very public space, and doesn't meet the definition of satire. In what way is calling a child a cunt "holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn"? It's not. It's just being a dick. The Onion was right to take it down and apologize.

Nodal
02-25-2013, 01:48 PM
[citation needed]

It was a really nasty thing to say about a child, in a very public space, and doesn't meet the definition of satire. In what way is calling a child a cunt "holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn"? It's not. It's just being a dick. The Onion was right to take it down and apologize.

They were making fun of people saying that she was awful. It's clearly sarcastic.

Patrick
02-25-2013, 01:54 PM
They were making fun of people saying that she was awful. It's clearly sarcastic.

Yeah, I'm a bit split because I see this side and sometimes I like that kind of humor. However, in this case it's a really mean thing to say about a child publicly. It's just too much.

Nodal
02-25-2013, 01:56 PM
Yeah, I'm a bit split because I see this side and sometimes I like that kind of humor. However, in this case it's a really mean thing to say about a child publicly. It's just too much.

Agree, if they had used a different word I would have laughed.

Dizzy
02-25-2013, 03:37 PM
See, if The Onion wasn't The Onion people would have read that tweet literally and The Onion would be truly without allies at this moment. But that's about it in terms of signaling to any reader that the tweet was not meant to be read literally. And again, in the context of a night filled with MacFarlane's jackass sexist and racist humor, it was fated to backfire big time.

Trolls, satirists: Poe's law is not be trifled with.

estragon
02-25-2013, 04:49 PM
Agree, if they had used a different word I would have laughed.

If they used a different word, it wouldn't be as funny. The joke works based on the juxtaposition between the target and the harshness of the language.

[citation needed]

It was a really nasty thing to say about a child, in a very public space, and doesn't meet the definition of satire. In what way is calling a child a cunt "holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn"? It's not.

It's satire because it takes a common hollywood gossip trope (e.g. "Ann Hathaway is an ugly drama queen!") and pushes it to the absolute limits by making both the target of the joke and the language used ridiculous, revealing the absurdity of this kind of discourse. The root of the joke is that there is absolutely no reason to criticize her, and that the type of criticism is completely over the top. Similar, again, to actual criticism of (especially female) stars all the time. That's what it was satirizing.

That being said, they realized that this in reality it was resulting in completely justified hurt feelings and anger. Even a good joke can legitimately have negative effects. So, they issued an excellent apology that apologizes for the action rather than a wishy washy apology for how it made people feel. (https://www.facebook.com/TheOnion/posts/10151500974969497)

The joke was a good joke, and the apology was a good and necessary apology.

11/10 would onion again

Edit: Here's an article that makes the point I was trying to argue here but does it much better. (http://www.wired.com/underwire/2013/02/onion-tweet-wallis/)

Sarcasmorator
02-25-2013, 06:47 PM
Good article. But part of the point it makes is that it was a BAD joke, not a good one (a point The Onion itself concedes). I now understand better the intent of the tweet, and that it was an attempt at satire, but I maintain it was just too nasty to pass.

Zef
02-25-2013, 07:01 PM
The problem with the joke is that, for satire to work, then both it and its target have to be widely understood. Not understood by everyone, but by most of the audience, at least. And as we've seen right here, when you have to explain it in order to tell what it was satirizing, and that it was satirizing something at all (as opposed to being a direct jab at the girl) then the joke has failed.

I didn't even know that vicious jabs at celebrities were enough of a thing IRL to merit this joke. Right from the start I thought The Onion WAS "attacking" her, and that the juxtaposition of the magnitude of the insult vs the age of the girl was the joke.

estragon
02-25-2013, 07:03 PM
Good article. But part of the point it makes is that it was a BAD joke, not a good one (a point The Onion itself concedes).

This completely misses the point of the article. When I say "good," all I mean is that it made me laugh. I agree with the article completely that in that it was "bad" because, despite the intentions of the joke, it caused pain, necessitating the apology. I also agree that a good apology apologizes for the actions, not just something lame about "those who were offended." That I say the intentions were good does not mean the apology for the action wasn't warranted.

You're conflating two different aspects of the issue to create a false disagreement. That the joke made me laugh (was "good") in no way creates a gap between me and the author on the point of the article (well intentioned, but wrong--was "bad").

Here's the heart of it:

And yes, it’s complicated, particularly in the world of comedy. There’s an entire (hilarious) blog devoted to people who don’t “get” that The Onion is a comedy site, and when comedians walk the line of satire and irony, there’s always going to be some disagreement about when they cross it. So at what point does satire intended to skewer sexism transform from mocking it to being it?

Here’s a hint: It has a lot more to do with the impact of your actions than your intentions because – and if we’ve learned anything from the idea of hipster racism, I hope it’s this – your intentions are not more important than the effect they have. Not meaning to cause harm is an explanation, not an excuse. And if this unfortunate incident offers us anything, it’s a teachable moment about the best way to respond when we screw up and say things that are sexist/racist/homophobic/insensitive without understanding their impact.


Her argument is, in fact, precisely about the effect of the joke rather than its intentions/content. When someone says the feel pain, their pain is real (joke=bad). This can be true even if the joke made me, personally laugh, as someone who got the target of the satire (joke=good). These two things can exist simultaneously, and not dumbing it down to GOOD JOKE/BAD JOKE is precisely why that article is great.

This article is strong because it both understands that (1) the joke clearly meets the definition of satire and that it satirizes a target that deserves it (media discourse on women) but that (2) despite those intentions, it caused a lot of pain, necessitating an apology.

Dizzy
02-25-2013, 07:21 PM
So... I read this (http://lhote.blogspot.com/2013/02/bullshit-social-climber-faux-antiracism.html) and now I wonder how much brain matter I want to spill over this issue.

Nodal
02-25-2013, 07:25 PM
so... i read this (http://lhote.blogspot.com/2013/02/bullshit-social-climber-faux-antiracism.html) and now i wonder how much brain matter i want to spill over this issue.

ABORT ABORT ABORT l

Zeroneight
02-25-2013, 08:16 PM
So... I read this (http://lhote.blogspot.com/2013/02/bullshit-social-climber-faux-antiracism.html) and now I wonder how much brain matter I want to spill over this issue.

This guy is on to something. All arguments should be solved by adding up the objective value of each person's life accomplishments.

Googleshng
02-25-2013, 09:57 PM
Wrong thread?

Evil Dead Junkie
02-25-2013, 10:06 PM
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Bill Ryan is a smart dude. (http://wwwbillblog.blogspot.com/2013/02/these-are-jokes.html)

taosterman
02-25-2013, 10:11 PM
Wrong thread?

The post is about the Onion tweet, it's just a couple of steps removed.

Zeroneight
02-26-2013, 12:19 AM
Wrong thread?

Yeah, it seems like it, but the guy in Dizzy's link is ranting about The Onion's tweet. Unfortunately his argument has no basis in what was actually said by various people during the backlash, but instead focusses on one dude's alleged success in helping people not serve jail time. Which is totally irrelevant to what he's purportedly writing about.

Dizzy
02-26-2013, 07:41 AM
I regret linking that now, and linking it here since it's not the appropriate thread for discussing it.

GOOD JOKE/BAD JOKE = GET IT?

sheridanmovieguy
02-26-2013, 10:28 AM
I do think it's a good article expressing the negatives of social justice warriors, though.

estragon
08-27-2013, 12:14 PM
Let Me Explain Why Miley Cyrus’ VMA Performance Was Our Top Story This Morning (http://www.theonion.com/articles/let-me-explain-why-miley-cyrus-vma-performance-was,33632/)

Falselogic
08-27-2013, 12:33 PM
Let Me Explain Why Miley Cyrus’ VMA Performance Was Our Top Story This Morning (http://www.theonion.com/articles/let-me-explain-why-miley-cyrus-vma-performance-was,33632/)

I've seen this story all over the internet. It was so popular that the real Meredith Artley responded to it on her twitter (http://www.theepochtimes.com/n3/264928-the-onions-cnn-article-draws-response-from-networks-meredith-artley-over-miley-cyrus/)

Sprite
08-27-2013, 01:13 PM
"Tx for the pageviews" is the best response she could have made to that article.

Healy
09-13-2013, 04:09 PM
Depraved Masochist Enjoys Following the News (http://www.theonion.com/articles/depraved-masochist-enjoys-following-the-news,33849/):
Sources confirmed that Petrillo makes no effort whatsoever to conceal his insatiable desire for self-inflicted torment, going so far as to take pride in his familiarity with issues such as America’s distribution of wealth, the latest jobs report, what’s happening in Congress recently, and the nation’s current incarceration rate. In fact, he is reportedly not content with simple masochism, and often spreads the anguish of his knowledge to his fellow citizens.

“Whenever I come across an interesting article online, I like to email it to my friends and try to get a conversation going,” said Petrillo, his voice betraying no shame. “For example, a while back I sent around a story about how hundreds of Rohingya Muslims have been [omitted for sake of decency] by the Myanmar government. It’s really important stuff, but there’s just not much awareness of the issue.”

MikeDinosaur
04-06-2014, 01:38 PM
Something great about the hateful but blasé tone here. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/10-overthetop-letters-from-the-alphabet,31940/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:NA:InFocus)

Healy
04-06-2014, 07:33 PM
In the same vein, kinda: 6 Startling Before and After Photos of Meth Users (http://www.theonion.com/articles/6-startling-before-and-after-photos-of-meth-users,34472/)

Pajaro Pete
05-01-2014, 02:26 PM
Woman A Leading Authority On What Shouldn’t Be In Poor People’s Grocery Carts (http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-a-leading-authority-on-what-shouldnt-be-in-p,35922/)

Wolfgang
05-01-2014, 03:25 PM
Woman A Leading Authority On What Shouldn’t Be In Poor People’s Grocery Carts (http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-a-leading-authority-on-what-shouldnt-be-in-p,35922/)

Posted this earlier today, to the delight of my friends in Northampton, MA. It's basically the perfect place to set this.

Healy
06-18-2014, 06:56 AM
Sonny Corleone Would Still Be Alive Today If He Had E-ZPass (http://www.theonion.com/articles/sonny-corleone-would-still-be-alive-today-if-he-ha,36297/)

liquid
06-18-2014, 01:38 PM
Christ, Article A Video (http://www.theonion.com/video/christ-article-a-video,36101/)

madhair60
06-18-2014, 01:50 PM
Are any of the Onion print books worth buying?

MCBanjoMike
06-18-2014, 01:58 PM
Are any of the Onion print books worth buying?

I have Our Dumb World, their atlas, and that's pretty good. It's also all-original stuff that isn't on the website, I think.

simpsnow
06-18-2014, 03:39 PM
For anyone who may not have heard, The Onion now has a spin-off site called ClickHole (http://www.clickhole.com/). It's basically a giant parody of Buzzfeed and its ilk.

Googleshng
06-18-2014, 04:18 PM
News to me. On the one hand, selling ad space to the real thing really hurts the premise. On the other hand, this is pretty impressively dark. (http://www.clickhole.com/article/10-messy-animals-who-need-bath-329)

Seth Marati
06-18-2014, 08:54 PM
Study: More Men Opting To Be In Room When Wife Conceives Baby (http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-more-men-opting-to-be-in-room-when-wife-conc,36308/)

“I’m glad he was in there,” said Houston resident Kelly Mitchell. “Overall, it took a lot longer than I would have wanted and he didn’t really know what to do, but having him around was really special. I couldn’t have done it without him.”

spineshark
06-19-2014, 01:16 AM
i adore clickhole

almost all of the ones i've looked at work both as parody and actual jokes (or anti-humor (http://www.clickhole.com/article/10-hilarious-chairs-think-theyre-people-235). i can't stop laughing at this and i don't know why)