The Return of Talking Time

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  #61  
Old 10-14-2016, 01:23 PM
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PART 18

WELCOME BACK
CHAPTER 2.11 - CHAPTER 3.1

WE MISSED YOU
FanboyMaster - ATurtleDoesBite - GCrusher - Caliscrub


After a month-long respite caused by a combination of anniversary vacations and Hurricanes, I grit my teeth, steel my soul, and dive back into recording with fire in my eyes and hatred in my heart. I wanna get this shit done.

NOTES
  • THE COMMENTATOR CREW GOT SOME FRESH BLOOD! You should all already know aTurtleDoesBite from his fantastic posts on this forum. I will forgive you for not already knowing GCrusher, a super-excellent dude that I met on twitter ages ago and have been trying to get on a stream forever. Welcome to the gang guys! It's horrible here!
  • 2.11 GETS SOLVED BASICALLY IMMEDIATELY. After all those unsuccessful attempts in the prior recording, turns out all I needed to do make it all click was move Pope rat a few inches to the right. I'm rewarded for my ingenuity with an animation of a cat being torn apart by piranhas. That's just awesome.
  • I FIGURE OUT A WORKAROUND FOR THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION CURTAIN GLITCH. If you zoom way the hell in, the camera will move past the curtain and you can see what's going on back there. The bad news is that means I can't really keep counting "The curtain fucked up" in my original solution tally. The good news is it doesn't matter because the original solution still failed in the normal "ball never reaches goal" way! So that's nice.
  • CHAPTER 3 INTRODUCES DIFFERENT KINDS OF BALLS. After 22 levels of a soccer ball, 3.1 gives us an 8 ball. Like from a pool table. I think it's probably supposed to change gameplay somehow but if it did have different physics, it wasn't different enough for me to actually notice.
  • IT ALSO INTRODUCES STEAM VENTS. Or maybe reintroduces is the proper word, since they showed up in OG Bad Rats as well. Weirdly, they seem more consistent here than they were in the first game.
  • I HAD SOME TROUBLE GETTING THE BALL AWAY FROM THE FIRST VENT. I first tried using Kung-Fu Rat, which was obviously terrible idea because Kung-Fu Rat has never succeeded at anything ever. Pope rat and Mafia rat are similarly useless.
  • "ALL IS LOST ALL IS LOST ALL IS LOST" We briefly discuss the fucking amazing article All Is Lost: The Death Of Basketball. If you haven't read it yet, drop what you're doing and read it right now. I swear, you won't regret it.
  • EVENTUALLY I BUMBLE INTO A SOLUTION FOR THE FIRST VENT PROBLEM WITH YOGI RAT. From there everything else just immediately clicks into place and I'm able to fill in the remaining missing pieces effortlessly. I hit play and watch as the ball unerringly moves towards the goal, my victory assured!
  • SO OF COURSE THAT'S WHEN THE GAME CRASHES. You son of a bitch game. Don't you realize you're just postponing the inevitable?! Don't you know that this will only make things worse?!
  • I WIN PRETTY QUICKLY AFTER THE RELOAD. Had to yank out Sacrilege Rat, who I'd totally forgotten I'd put on the top-left of the map, so it's not quite a one-and-done, but after that quick change it reaches the goal no problem. Another hollow victory.
  • WE ARE SPARED THE CAT DEATH ANIMATION BY THE GAME CRASHING AGAIN. How the fuck did this game get released? Doesn't valve have any bare minimum requirements of stablity for a game to get released on steam? Who let this happen?
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 2.11 BY ZOOMING IN PAST THE CURTAIN, WE CAN SEE THAT THE GAME STILL HAS NO IDEA WHAT IT'S DOING!
CHAPTER 3.1 CRASHED BEFORE IT EVEN LET ME CLICK SHOW ORIGINAL SOLUTION.
TOTAL: 13

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
14:10
BEAT: NO. NO! NO! NO THIS IS NOT FAIR! NO I HAD IT! THE GAME CRASHED! I HAD IT AND THEN IT CRASHED! IT CRASHED OUT OF SPITE IT HATES ME! FUCK YOU!! IT'S NOT OVER. THIS IS NOT OVER.

TOTAL: 41

Last edited by BEAT; 11-15-2016 at 09:24 AM.
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  #62  
Old 10-14-2016, 03:19 PM
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...I did not realize my voice sounded so weird when recorded. Huh.
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  #63  
Old 10-14-2016, 09:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
"ALL IS LOST ALL IS LOST ALL IS LOST" We briefly discuss the fucking amazing article All Is Lost: The Death Of Basketball. If you haven't read it yet, drop what you're doing and read it right now. I swear, you won't regret it.
You are correct, I do not regret this!
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  #64  
Old 10-17-2016, 11:33 AM
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PART 19

THEIR TIME TO SHINE.
CHAPTER 3.2 - CHAPTER 3.4

B-LISTERS.
FanboyMaster - ATurtleDoesBite - GCrusher - Caliscrub


Isn't it time the lesser, more hated rats like Kung-Fu Rat & Disco Rat and Football Rat got a chance to show their stuff?

NOTES
  • CHAPTER 3.2 GETS SOLVED ON THE VERY FIRST TRY. Pope + Jebus + Mafia. Wow, it's almost like I know exactly how to break the game to my advantage under exceedingly specific circumstances or something!
  • THEN THE GAME IMMEDIATELY CRASHES ON THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION. Real shame. I was kinda looking forward to seeing what the fuck it wanted me to do with the spinners. Ah well, back to the password screen.
  • "THEY THOUGHT TO MAKE THE WALLS THICK. I'M SO MAD AT THEM RIGHT NOW I CAN'T EVEN." Chapter 3.3 contains walls with actual mass to them, meaning I can't just cheese the level with Jebus. I'd be madder about this if I didn't totally fucking hate Jebus Rat and the terrible "DOES THIS OFFEND YOU, YEAH?!" mentality that brought him into existence. Time to Bring in the B-listers.
  • KUNG-FU RAT ALMOST DOES SOMETHING USEFUL. He manages to send the ball in a stupid, crazy-high arc over the map that eventually lands in vaugely the right area. It's the awful, painful sort of useful but it's there. Good job Kung Fu Rat, you worthless piece of garbage.
  • FOR SOME REASON THE VIDEO STARTS CHOPPING THE HELL UP. God I need to get a new computer already. This one's clearly on it's last legs.
  • WHEN IT FINALLY LOOKS LIKE I HAVE EVERYTHING IN PLACE FOR 3.3, KUNG FU RAT DECIDES TO START FUCKING UP. Every time before then, it was all up and right. So when I've got all my rube Goldberg shit locked in on the other side of the map? Up and left. FanboyMaster takes the opportunity to remind me of back when I started this LP, and was worried the game might be too consistent. I think we've safely laid that fear to rest.
  • FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER ONE OF MY RATS JUST... LEAVES. I didn't remove or offscreen or even touch disco rat and suddenly he's just gone. So we put him back in. Whatever.
  • I FORCE US TO START TALKING ABOUT POLITICS. And this the let's play is forever tainted and dated, tied to this exact moment in history. Oh also the solution I had in place suddenly works for no reason but whatever who cares. GCrusher asks if I'd like to say something about sports as well? "Fuck the Knicks."
  • 3.3'S ORIGINAL SOLUTION "WORKS". As in, when I zoom way the fuck in on the ball to see through the curtain that once again never parted, you eventually see the ball hit the goal. I have no idea what mechanisms got it there, you can't see ANY of them in this awful choppy recording. I REALLY gotta figure out what's making OBS start off fine, then slowly start sucking.
  • THEN THE MENU FLIPS THE FUCK OUT? For some reason I hit escape on the keyboard instead of "next" and the game, instead of giving me the usual pause screen went all the way back to the level select, where absolutely none of the chapter 3 maps were unlocked. Because fuck working menus.
  • PASSWORD: PENISDUMDUM "That one's for free".
  • CHAPTER 3.4 INTRODUCES THE BEACH BALL. It's physics are appropriately Beach Ballish, soit's light and floaty and airy and fucking annoying. Also, rewatching these videos I realized that the poolball that got introduced last time has a thing as well: not bouncing when it hits the ground. So hey looks like they're not totally pointless. Just 99%.
  • CHAPTER 3.4 IS ALSO STAGGERINGLY OBVIOUS. I mean there's easy levels and then there's EASY levels. But as FanboyMaster points out, there's a difference between me finding the correct solution, and the game allowing the correct solution to succeed. And sure enough my perfectly placed setup is immediately foiled by the Beach ball's "Physics" and Mafia Rat's twitchy trigger finger.
  • FOOTBALL RAT SAVES THE DAY. When I placed him all I wanted to do was for him to get the ball off the first platform so motorcycle rat could take it from there. I certainly didn't expect him to pick himself up after falling from the top of the map and finish the whole thing after motorcycle rat's spectacularly useless suicide. Good job football rat. Nice Work.
  • THEN WE ALL WATCH THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT LEVEL. JK, the game crashed again lol.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 3.2 CRASHY SMASHY
CHAPTER 3.4 SMASHY CRASHY
TOTAL: 15

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
03:20
BEAT: [HORRIBLE FUCKED-UP LAUGHTER] HEY GUYS! GUESS WHAT HAPPENED! GUESS!
Caliscrub: It crashed?
BEAT: YES, IT CRASHED AGAIN! OH IT NEVER STOPS CRASHING! THERE IS NO END TO THE CRASHING.
FanboyMaster: It's been out for months! The degree of instability is unimaginable!

07:25
BEAT: This is the part where Marsdragon if she were on would start singing "Fly Me To The Moon" and I'd get all pissed at her. You know, like I do.
FanboyMaster: [Starts singing Fly Me To The Moon]
BEAT: YOU'RE NOT MARSDRAGON!

09:15
BEAT: WOW REALLY?! REALLY?! REALLY?! WOW, OKAY.

18:04
BEAT: Yes. YES. YES! WOW. WAIT WAIT WAIT! COME ON FOOTBALL RAT! YES! YES FOOTBALL RAT! FOOTBALL RAT! [HORRIBLE FUCKED UP LAUGHTER]
FanboyMaster: You need to stop feeding him.
BEAT: I'M COUNTING THAT AS A VICTORY!
FanboyMaster: What is- No.
GCrusher: Yep!
FanboyMaster: No!
BEAT: YES!
FanboyMaster: No!
BEAT: YES!
Caliscrub: Wait what just happened?
FanboyMaster: No, I'm really upset!
BEAT: YOU SHOULD BE!
ATurtleDoesBite: Why?!
FanboyMaster: Why did this happen?!
BEAT: WE DESERVE THIS!
ATurtleDoesBite: No.
FanboyMaster: Do we?!
BEAT: THIS IS THE WAY IT SHOULD HAVE GONE!
FanboyMaster: I try to be a good boy!
ATurtleDoesBite: Well you didn't try hard enough.
BEAT: SHOW ME THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION! LET ME DRINK DEEP OF YOUR- THE GAME CRASHED! I DON'T GET TO SEE THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION APPARENTLY! AGAIN! HOLY SHIT! OK.

TOTAL: 44

Last edited by BEAT; 12-07-2016 at 12:50 PM.
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  #65  
Old 10-18-2016, 06:39 AM
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So in keeping with tradition, since the last 3 levels were quickly and easily solved, the next one took me 30 straight minutes, otherwise known as WAY TOO FUCKIN LONG.

I am torn. Should I.

A.) DO MY BEST TO HACK THE VIDEO DOWN TO A MUCH MORE MANAGEABLE LENGTH?
or
B.) SAY FUCK IT AND POST IT AS IS?
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  #66  
Old 10-18-2016, 06:41 AM
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Trick question the answer is C.) JUST START WORKING ON MY WRITEUP WITH IT AS IS BUT KEEP IT IN YT EDITOR SO IF ANY PART OF IT STRIKES ME AS OUTLANDISHLY BAD I'LL CHOP IT.

You are all grateful for this enlightening look into my creative process.

EDIT: TURNS OUT IT WAS NOTHING!

Last edited by BEAT; 10-18-2016 at 12:47 PM.
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  #67  
Old 10-18-2016, 12:34 PM
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PART 20

PURGATORIO
CHAPTER 3.5

WAITING FOR REDEMPTION
FanboyMaster - ATurtleDoesBite - GCrusher - Caliscrub


It was pretty cool how I managed to get not one, not two but three levels done last video, huh? Ahahaha oh god all I SEE IS BLOOD AND FIRE AND I SHALL FILL THE EARTH WITH BOTH IN EQUAL MEASURE UNTIL NOTHING ELSE REMAINS.

NOTES
  • "BEAT I'M THINKING YOU HAVE TO RESTART YOUR MACHINE, MAN." "Do not assume that this is somehow his machine's fault! I mean, his computer's garbage but that doesn't mean it's at fault."
  • MY FIRST INSTINCT IS TO GO STRAIGHT FOR THE MAGICAL SPACE ADVENTURE. Unfortunately my time-tested way of accomplishing that fails me: Jamming Motorcycle Rat into the same spot as the ball just causes it to lazily roll forward instead of fly out into the foreground. A shame.
  • THE MAFIA RAT IS SO EFFECTIVE HE'S NOW BASICALLY USELESS. How's that for a paradox. Every time you use him you run the risk of shooting the ball way out into the stratosphere because "they forgot the roof". But they didn't' forget the roof because there are bits and pieces of roof all across the top of this map, all of them almost completely obscured by the stage made of red rocks that doesn't even serve an asthetic purpose. Fuckin-A this game.
  • THE MOMENT I BRING OUT YOGA RAT IS THE MOMENT I'M WELL AND TRULY DOOMED. There were other ways to get the ball moving but for some fucking reason I decided the one I would throw my weight behind was strapping fake rodent Dhalsim to a fan. The horrible jank-ass randomness of it, combined with the vain desperate hope for a space adventure effectively destroys the parts of my brain that would be able to recognize how terribly foolish I was being. I am so, so sorry.
  • THE GAME'S INCONSISTENCY IS NOW BASICALLY LEGENDARY. I run this shit again and again and AGAIN with absolutely no adjustments to the rats and get wildly different results every single time.
  • 08:20 IS THE TIMESTAMP FOR UNLIMITED SORROW. So fucking close! SO FUCKING CLOSE! Like it was RIGHT THERE but for some reason it decided to just do more stupid 3D shit even though it was definitely well and truly back in the 2D plane. Words cannot convey my anger.
  • "I'M RUNNING OUT THE FUCKING CLOCK." Turns out the game actually has a time limit for how long you can wait for a single solution to finish. 88 seconds, which is a weird number to pick, because why not the full minute-and-a-half? I never thought I'd ever spend that much time waiting for a single attempt to work, but here we are.
  • WHEN THE GAME CRASHES WE ARE NO CLOSER TO A SOLUTION THAN WHEN WE BEGAN. But during the break, Turtle gave me a truly revolutionary idea! Why don't you just Jebus it out?
  • "BEATLES RAT IS BIGGER THAN JESUS RAT." "God I hate you so much."
  • THE BALLOON IS STILL HORRIBLE. What the fuck.
  • SO WE PUT JEBUS ON THE BALL SIDE OF THE WALL INSTEAD OF THE OTHER SIDE. Here's a weird quirk. Sometimes when passes it through the wall it shoots off in the correct direction with nice momentum, and sometimes it just stops dead the second it's through! Bad Rats constantly finds fascinating new ways to completely fuck everything up.
  • THEN FOR SOME REASON MOTORCYCLE RAT STARTS TOSSING THE BALL OUT OF BOUNDS. I try to counter this by putting Jebus on the far side of the wall again, which works about as well as anything else. My voice has taken on a desperate, sorrowful tone. I am broken, but I refuse to stop.
  • THEN FOR SOME REASON SHIT JUST STARTS WORKING AGAIN AND I WIN. The only REAL change I made was taking out the motorcycle, and yet somehow the thing that failed us again and again and again for the last 10 fucking minutes just... works! I have won "for a certain definition of winning".
  • ORIGINAL SOLUTION? "If this works, I'm going to be so furious- Oh! It didn't! Thank god!
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 3.5 THE BOX IN THE MIDDLE? SERIOUSLY? FUCK WERE THEY EVEN GOIN FOR?
TOTAL: 16

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
02:25
BEAT: What… this time it didn't? NO! NO THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED! EVERY OTHER TIME IT SHOT OFF INTO SPACE WHEN I DID THAT WHY IS NOW DIFFERENT?!
ATurtleDoesBite: Because you wanted it to work!
FanboyMaster: It wasn't supposed to be this wayyyy!

07:51
BEAT: EVERY SINGLE TIME IT'S BEEN RADICALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST! I'M JUST GONNA KEEP HITTING PLAY UNTIL IT WORKS! BECAUSE LAW OF AVERAGES SAYS IT'S GOTTA COME OUT IN MY FAVOR ONE OF THESE TIMES!

08:20
BEAT: WAIT WAIT WAIT! WAIT... HOLY- HOW FAR IN THE FOREGROUND IS THE BALL?!
FanboyMaster: What- WHAT.
BEAT: YOU GUYS ALL SAW THAT, RIGHT?!
FanboyMaster: WHAT. WHAT?! WHAT?!
Caliscrub: Give up.

09:55
BEAT: COME ON POPE RAT I NEED YOU TO SEE IT. WAIT WAIT WAIT YES! IT'S ROLLIN BACK. IT'S ROLLIN BACK! IT'S ROLLIN BACK! OOOOHH SO SLOWLY! COME ON! COME ON!! WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT! COME ON! COME ON I WANT YOU TO FUCKIN DO IT!

21:20
BEAT: OKAY YES YES YES! YES!! YESSSS!! You son of a bitch.

TOTAL: 49

Last edited by BEAT; 11-15-2016 at 09:26 AM.
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  #68  
Old 10-19-2016, 01:34 PM
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PART 21

STAGGERING ONWARDS
CHAPTER 3.6

DEAD MEN STREAMING
FanboyMaster - ATurtleDoesBite - GCrusher - Caliscrub


It would be inaccurate to say we "survived" Chapter 3.5. It's more like the latent hatred in my bones somehow propelled our collective corpses tumbling through the next map before they finally came to rest on the other side.

NOTES
  • I CLAIM THAT IF THIS MAP DOESN'T JUST "FALL INTO MY LAP" I'LL GIVE UP AND TRY AGAIN LATER. In other news, I am and have always been a liar.
  • SHOUT OUTS TO KALIR! He couldn't be in the call due to microphone issues, but he still dropped by to say hey in the Hitbox chat! We briefly discuss his Let's Plays of Golden Sun and Golden Sun: The Lost Age, both of which are absolutely phenomenal and should be read immediately.
  • AFTER MESSING AROUND WITH BOMB RAT FOR A LONG MINUTE, I SUDDENLY REALIZE I'M WASTING MY TIME. I mean obviously I'm wasting my time because I'm streaming Bad Rats Show. What I mean is I'm wasting my time using any rat that's not Jebus Rat. I strongly denounce my commentary team for not pointing out my error. Of course Jesus rat proceeds to completely fail me, making all my ranting and raving moot.
  • FOR SOME REASON MY NEXT IDEA IS ALL ABOUT MOTORCYLE RAT. From this we learn two things: 1.) It's not nice to hit people who are just standing there doing nothing with motorcycles, and 2.) when Jebus is force holding the ball, NOTHING will move it.
  • I IGNORE TURTLE'S & GCRUSHER'S ADVICE TO JUST JAM A PLANK INTO THE PIT IN FAVOR OF ADDING DISCO & MAFIA TO THE MIX. It's a stupid, stupid idea that never should have worked so of course it works after just a tiny amount of tweaking.
  • ONCE AGAIN THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION IS HIT BY THE CURTAIN GLITCH. When I zoom in past the obstructing fabric and hit play what I see is... odd. I know they wanted me to do some stupid mid-air collision crap (which is never worth the trouble), but then we see football rat just zoom by way faster than I've ever seen him in-game and the ball just shoots off into space for no discernible reason. Honestly I kinda wish the curtain had rose this time just so I could see what the hell they were trying to accomplish.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 3.6 YOU I DON'T GET. WHY IS IT YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO?
TOTAL: 17

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
02:19
BEAT: This is easy, what was I thinking?! What the hell- WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU CORRECT ME WHEN I STARTED DOING THIS DUMBASS IDEA?!
FanboyMaster: You think my brain is processing at this point?
BEAT: I'M JUST SAYING, LIKE, THE REAL ANSWER WAS SO OBVIOUS! IT WAS STARING ME RIGHT IN THE FACE AND NONE OF YOU SAID "HEY BEAT WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKIN' CHEAT IT WITH JESUS RAT?" NONE OF YOU SAID THAT! YOU HAVE ALL FAILED ME.
GCrusher: Cheeses with Jesus!
BEAT: I AIN'T MAD, I"M JUST DISAPPOINTED.

TOTAL: 50

Last edited by BEAT; 11-15-2016 at 09:26 AM.
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  #69  
Old 10-21-2016, 10:31 AM
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PART 22

THE COLORS! THE COLORS!
CHAPTER 3.7 - CHAPTER 3.9

ROY G BIV
FanboyMaster - ATurtleDoesBite - Rebelfire - MarsDragon


I'm currently trying to figure out ways to make OBS not break down sobbing every time I try to record this horrible fucking thing. I'm pretty sure if I recorded using game capture instead of window capture I'd get much better results, but for some reason game capture just doesn't want to show up. I will figure this out though.

NOTES
  • INJECTING SOME MORE FRESH BLOOD INTO THE COMMENTARY CREW! This time it's fellow tyrant Rebelfire! Technically this isn't his first time on one of my streams, but the other time was a terrible visual novel that I still haven't posted, so it doesn't count.
  • CHAPTER 3.7 IS SO EASY I SOLVE IT ON THE FIRST TRY. Bad Rats Show is a well designed game with an excellent difficulty curve. The ending animation is the fucking nuclear bomb, so we all know what that means.
  • IT MEANS I HIT "SHOW ORIGINAL SOLUTION" ANYWAYS. LIKE AN IDIOT. Why do I keep hoping that the most recent update to the game will fix this obvious, glaring issue?! Because it never gets fixed! It will be as it is until the end of time!
  • "WELL WHATEVER, [MY SOLUTION] WORKED, IT'LL WORK AGAIN, AND I CAN JUST HIT NEXT." But it doesn't. My plan to just hit play on the solution that just worked flawlessly on the first try so we can beat the level again and quickly move on to 3.8 fails. Mafia Rat gets too trigger happy, bullet combos the ball in a single spot until announcer rat starts bitching about the time limit. The game is now punishing me for daring to hope that it could have been fixed.
  • AFTER I SOLVE IT AGAIN, THE GAME STARTS EXPERIENCING SOME TRULY HORRIFIC SLOWDOWN. This has happened before on other puzzles where it had to show the nuclear bomb animation more than once. The optimization on this game is basically a joke. Ah well, what's another reset between friends.
  • KUNG FU RAT IS STILL JUST THE WORST. There's no roof! Goodbye ball! See you in hell!
  • CHAPTER 3.8 ISN'T QUITE AS EASY AS 3.7 BUT WE STILL SOLVE IT PRETTY QUICK. Sick rat to Karate rat to Sacrilege Rat to Pope rat. I'm not sure what the fuck is happening when we zoom in past the curtain in the original solution, but it "works" so bleh.
  • YOU CAN LINK THE FAN TO THE RATS. Up till now whenever I used a fan and a rat I just sort of shoved one behind the other and let nature take it's terrible course. But apparently you can connect them to each-other, thus ensuring that whatever rat you strapped on will definitely die when the fan explodes, instead of just probably die. I can't bring myself to feel good about any of that.
  • FOR SOME REASON, MY RECORDING STARTS CHOPPING THE HELL UP AFTER THE FIRST PAINFULLY LONG KUNG-FU RAT SESSION. The bit I transcribed at the bottom as a series of endless "Come on"s. You'll know it when you see it. I really hate it when that happens but I don't really have any way to fix it. Sorry guys. : (
  • I REALLY SHOULD HAVE JUST FOUND A SOLUTION THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE KUNG FU RAT BUT... I DIDN'T. Bad rats has crushed what little remains of my brain into putty. I am truly lost.
  • ESCAPING OUT OF THE CAT MURDER ANIMATION RESULTS IN SOME TRULY WEIRD RESULTS. So the Mutated Super Cat/Rocket Launcher animation has a bit where this terrible psychedelic color filter goes over the screen while the cat transforms into monster cat. When I skipped the animation while the filter was still in effect, so it NEVER WENT AWAY. Everything from that point forward, was almost completely obscured by a giant barely see-through rainbow haze, including the original solution! My already-suffering recording setup handles it about as well as you could expect, which is to say we're at brand new levels of the video just begging for death. We'll call this unique new glitch FAILURE #1.
  • THEN THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION LOADED BEHIND THE CURTAIN. AGAIN. I know we know how to get past it now, but in this context it counts. So that's FAILURE #2.
  • AND THEN THE BALL NEVER MAKES IT TO THE GOAL! That's right! in addition to the first two It also fucked up in the normal Bad Rats way for FAILURE #3! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER BAD RATS HAS OBTAINED THE VAUNTED 3X FAILURE MULTIPLIER! FUCK YES!
  • I WAS REMARKABLY SUBDUED THIS WHOLE EPISODE. Fortunately FanboyMaster picked up my slack. Thank you FanboyMaster. Thank you.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 3.7 BECAUSE THEY STILL HAVEN'T FIXED THE NUCLEAR BOMB GLITCH.
CHAPTER 3.9 SPECIAL BONUS 3X MULTIPLIER RAINBOW COMBO!
TOTAL: 19

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
16:12
FanboyMaster: This is what hatred planned.
Rebelfire: Is this what we call intelligent design?
MarsDragon: It didn't have to be this way.
BEAT: WAIT WAIT WAIT YES YES YES. YES YES YES YES YES! YES! YES! YES! YES YES YES YES YES COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON! COME OOOOONNNN! COME OOOONNNNNN! YES. Okay thank god. Uuuuhhhhghggggg.

TOTAL: 51

BEAT REMAINS SURPRISINGLY COMPOSED:
15:06
BEAT: There we go. I have solved this map. This map is now solved and it will work on the first try. Yes.
FanboyMaster: Uh huh.
BEAT: I've solved it. I've solved it and I will not accept any of your- No. No no no. Okay Yes. Yes yes yes. Come on. Come on come on. Come on come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Any minute now. Come on. come on.
FanboyMaster: Whelp!
BEAT: I'm so mad right now.

TOTAL: 1

FANBOYMASTER FLIPS HIS SHIT:
05:40
BEAT: I can't believe I'm re-solving this, I'm so mad about this-
FanboyMaster: I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU DON'T DO IT!

16:34
FanboyMaster: BEAT followed his wrath.
MarsDragon: Followed his rat.
FanboyMaster: UuuaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH! Metal Gear Rising is ruined now!

16:55
BEAT: You didn't' give a crap about what I was doing man.
FanboyMaster: WHY WOULD WE?! LOOK AT IT! I'M INSULTED THAT YOU THINK I SHOULD CARE!

17:52
BEAT: It failed. It failed! it failed. I'm so happy about this!
FanboyMaster: I'm going blind in my dreams, that I might one day see this.
BEAT: I'm so happy.
FanboyMaster: I- GEH- CAN YOU TELL IT FAILED?! I CAN'T EVEN TELL WHAT'S HAPPENING!
BEAT: Oh I know, I know. I've become the Bad Rats Whisperer. I know when it's failed and it failed.

TOTAL: 4

Last edited by BEAT; 11-23-2016 at 08:25 AM. Reason: HAHA I MISSPELLED REBELFIRE'S NAME EVERY SINGLE TIME I TYPED IT FIXING.
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  #70  
Old 10-21-2016, 09:02 PM
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Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
The ending animation is the fucking nuclear bomb, so we all know what that means.

IT MEANS I HIT "SHOW ORIGINAL SOLUTION" ANYWAYS. LIKE AN IDIOT. Why do I keep hoping that the most recent update to the game will fix this obvious, glaring issue?! Because it never gets fixed! It will be as it is until the end of time!
I have just realized that BEAT is Charlie Brown and Bad Rats is Lucy holding the football.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
"WELL WHATEVER, [MY SOLUTION] WORKED, IT'LL WORK AGAIN, AND I CAN JUST HIT NEXT." But it doesn't. My plan to just hit play on the solution that just worked flawlessly on the first try so we can beat the level again and quickly move on to 3.8 fails. Mafia Rat gets too trigger happy, bullet combos the ball in a single spot until announcer rat starts bitching about the time limit. The game is now punishing me for daring to hope that it could have been fixed.
Bad Rats is not deterministic. It is a piece of garbage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
CHAPTER 3.9 SPECIAL BONUS 3X MULTIPLIER RAINBOW COMBO!
Bad Raves

Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
I WAS REMARKABLY SUBDUED THIS WHOLE EPISODE. Fortunately FanboyMaster picked up my slack.
FanboyMaster : pinch shit-flipper

Last edited by Torzelbaum; 10-21-2016 at 09:13 PM.
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  #71  
Old 10-25-2016, 12:40 PM
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PART 23

RON PAUL 2012
CHAPTER 3.10

EXCITED VOTERS
FanboyMaster - ATurtleDoesBite - Rebelfire - MarsDragon


He'll make anime real!

NOTES
  • WE DISCUSS TERRIBLE 90S VR. Man, Master System VR right? Can you imagine? What a time. Oh also 3.10 is stupid easy and I solve it on the first try. Or at least I would have if not for...
  • ANOTHER GAME CRASH. Siiiigh.
  • SO I RESET, RUN THE PUZZLE, THEN ABANDON THE STREAM TO GO GIVE MY WIFE A KISS. While I'm gone Fanboy takes the opportunity to talk shit behind my back. Not cool man! Not cool!
  • WHEN I GET BACK I RUN THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION. It "works" but only because I'm no longer counting the fucking curtain glitch as a failure. Even though it totally is.
  • BONUS AUDIO! RON PAUL 2012! RON PAUL 2012! RON PAUL 2012! Ahahaha inside jokes.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
NONE, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'M NOT COUNTING THE FUCKING CURTAIN GLITCH.
TOTAL: 19

FANBOYMASTER TALKS SHIT:
02:56
FanboyMaster: He's actually making out with Bad Rats.
MarsDragon: Are you saying he married Bad Rats? That sounds like vile lies and slander.
ATurtleDoesBite: That sounds like Hell.
FanboyMaster: No no, I was at his marriage- I know that his wife is much much better than Bad Rats. I'm just saying, he's making out with Bad Rats.

TOTAL: 01

So wow yeah, this one was pretty short huh? GEE I WONDER WHAT THAT COULD MEAN FOR THE NEXT ONE?

It means Buckle Up, Homestuck.

Last edited by BEAT; 11-23-2016 at 08:25 AM.
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  #72  
Old 10-26-2016, 05:21 PM
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ANGRY SKELETON WILL BE BAD RATSING SHORTLY, WHEN IT HAPPENS IT WILL BE HERE
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  #73  
Old 10-26-2016, 06:07 PM
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OKAY SO THERE WAS LIKE A GOOD HOUR'S WORTH OF SETBACKS AND TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES BUT NOW I'M GONNA STREAM SOME SHIT.

http://www.hitbox.tv/beathatesall
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  #74  
Old 10-27-2016, 12:45 PM
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PART 24

QUARTER-END CLOSE
CHAPTER 3.11

AUDITORS
FanboyMaster - ATurtleDoesBite - Rebelfire - MarsDragon


The third chapter of this grim saga painfully limps and staggers to a close, One question remains on our minds: When are we gonna get to the 3D puzzles already? Well I'm happy to say that this update contains not one, but two two equally valid answers for you to choose between! Take your pick:

1.) The 3D levels start at the beginning of chapter 4.
2.) All the levels are 3d! You just gotta BELIEVE!

NOTES
  • SHOUT OUTS TO BREAKMAN IN THE CHAT! Thanks for showing up dude! hope you enjoyed watching!
  • CHAPTER 3.1 STARTS WITH YOU HAVING TO GET THE BALL OUT OF A BIG VERTICAL BOX. I'm not sure if I can call that "challenging" in a typical video game sense because getting it out of that space is much less "knowing which rats can move the ball up and out" and much more "waiting for Disco Rat to remember how to stand in place without tipping over".
  • DISCO RAT HAS A LOT OF TROUBLE STANDING IN PLACE WITHOUT TIPPING OVER BTW. Holy shit he is so fucking horrible. we aren't even a full minute into the video before I kick his ass out.
  • ABOUT 2 MINUTES IN THE GAME TRIES TO KILL ITSELF AGAIN. Exact same deal as what happened in Part 17 where I wouldn't shut up about No More Heroes 2. Turns out it's possible to FORCE the game to keep going post-crash by just clicking within the window! I demand everybody take a moment to properly marvel at this brand new milestone in failure.
  • MY FIRST IDEA FOR A NON-DISCO-RAT SOLUTION DEPENDS ON PAPAL RAT GRABBING THE BALL HARD ENOUGH TO KNOCK HIMSELF OFF A CLIFF. Needless to say, it doesn't work.
  • WHEN I GIVE KUNG FU RAT A SHOT, THE RESULTS ARE...MIXED. The little bastard smashes it into the wall uselessly like 20 times, then suddenly he shoots way off into the stratosphere, where it lands on the other side of the map. I size onto that "solution" like it's the last dying light in a grim and dark world. FanboyMaster rightfully reads me the riot act for this.
  • LIFE THROUGH BIG ANIME EYES. As the conversation turns to Japanese trash cartoons, I take a strong stance on how much I hate how nerds contextualize the world in terms of weeaboo bullshit instead of legit classics. But my podium crumbles to dust when Mars brings up one of those legit classics, Metropolis, forcing me to admit that I haven't actually seen the groundbreaking 1927 silent film! No, I just saw the anime.
  • AFTER AN ETERNITY OF VAINLY TRYING TO GET KICK RAT TO WORK, I GIVE UP AND TRY A REALLY STUPID IDEA WITH FLU RAT. The idea was to send the ball up my makeshift ramp by throwing flu rat into it, which obviously would never work what the fuck was I thinking. Fortunately for me the ball responded to my madness by flying out into the foreground! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!
  • IT MEANS I FREAK OUT WITH JOY AT THE IDEA OF GETTING ANOTHER 3D ANSWER. It is... difficult for me to determine where exactly the dividing lines are between "giddy joy", "delusional rambling", "sinister whispering" and "flipping my shit" in this state. Even listening to it now with the gift of hindsight I'm not sure what I would call it. Fortunately for my quotes sections at the bottom of each post, Fanboy's reactions are much easier to classify. Thank you Fanboy. Thank you.
  • WE ALL STILL A BUNCH OF JOJO NERDS. "Crazy Diamond can't fix Bad Rats, because Bad Rats purest form is failure."
  • THIS LEVEL IS PROBABLY THE MOST DIFFICULT TO SOLVE WITH A 3D BREAKOUT SO FAR. It takes a surprising amount of experimentation to get everything working after the initial "break the ball out of 2D" moment. Papal Rat can only see so much of the stage past the platform he's sitting on, Yogi Rat can't seem to get the ball back on the raised platform, and Sacrilege Rat's big-ole-ball-a-miracle doesn't extend quite as far as I need it to. But hey, this should be good practice for the upcoming 3D levels, right?
  • SPOILER ALERT: NO IT FUCKING WON'T. Ahahahahahahaha "good practice ahahahahaha. PLEASE. As if anything could prepare anybody for the unrelenting hell that is Chapter 4 of this fucking game.
  • 15:00 TO 15:40 IS BAD RATS SHOW IN A PERFECT MICROCOSM. If I had to explain Bad Rats Show to someone who had no prior knowledge in under a minute, I would just show them that 40 seconds. It is everything beautiful, terrible, ugly and amazing about the game all at once. A perfect encapsulation of the hope and despair, triumph and defeat that composes the very soul of art. They should have sent a fucking poet.
  • THEN I DECIDE TO HIT YOGA AND JEBUS WITH A MISSILE. Watching my footage a week after the fact, I'm not sure which surprised me more: The fact that past me could be so incredibly deliberately stupid, or the fact that it actually fucking works. How did I know to do that? Would I know to do it again? Is that even me on the screen?
  • THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION SUCKS AND IS TERRIBLE. Some dumb shit with pope rat on a balloon placed juuuuuust so that his floating lines up with disco rat's ball bouncing and uuuugggghh I don't caaaare. Weirdly, the curtain worked fine this time, if there's a pattern to that particular glitch, I haven't figured it out yet.
  • SPECIAL SNEAK PREVIEW OF CHAPTER 4 IN 3D!!1! Get hype motherfuckers! See you next time.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
NONE. FUCKING POPE BALLOON. YOU'D NEVER WORK LIKE THAT FOR ME.
TOTAL: 19

FANBOYMASTER FLIPS HIS SHIT:
04:08
BEAT: So what I learned here is that I have a way to get it past the intro!
FanboyMaster: WHY WOULD YOU TRUST THIS? WHY WOULD YOU TRUST THIS!

11:55
FanboyMaster: Like it's disgusting that you seem to think that this- "ah yes, these are good ideas".
BEAT: [Oblivious to the pain that surrounds him] I got it. I got it. *gehhehhe* I got it!
FanboyMaster: NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!
BEAT: I got it! You guys are just haters and losers. Trying to bring me down.
FanboyMaster: YES YOU'RE CORRECT! I DO HATE THIS!

12:34
FanboyMaster: What are you- NO!
BEAT: Yes. Yes.
FanboyMaster: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
BEAT: Yes.
FanboyMaster: WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOPATH ARE YOU?!
BEAT: The kind that wins.
FanboyMaster: NO!
BEAT: Yes. Yes. [Starts "singing" Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)]
FanboyMaster: YOU'RE THE KIND THAT GETS ARRESTED BEFORE THE CONTEST EVEN BEGINS! GET OUT!

TOTAL: 07

Last edited by BEAT; 11-23-2016 at 08:27 AM. Reason: TYPO FIXXXIN LOL
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  #75  
Old 10-27-2016, 05:51 PM
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[*]15:00 TO 15:40 IS BAD RATS SHOW IN A PERFECT MICROCOSM. If I had to explain Bad Rats Show to someone who had no prior knowledge in under a minute, I would just show them that 40 seconds. It is everything beautiful, terrible, ugly and amazing about the game all at once. A perfect encapsulation of the hope and despair, triumph and defeat that composes the very soul of art. They should have sent a fucking poet.
I made a lot of noise at this point, but I couldn't tell you if I was laughing or crying.
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  #76  
Old 10-28-2016, 10:20 AM
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I was planning on doing an update today (pre-close at work, slow week) but I forgot to upload the raw footage to youtube haha.

Oh well.
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  #77  
Old 10-28-2016, 12:16 PM
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SHOUT OUTS TO BREAKMAN IN THE CHAT! Thanks for showing up dude! hope you enjoyed watching!
Of course I did! Someday when you're streaming, and my wifi connection isn't shitty, and I'm not exhausted, I'm gonna join the Skype (or Discord, or whatever it is) call too.


Important, relevant update: the case that I thought had Psychic Force in it actually contained Philosoma. So, I might not have that one anymore (or maybe it's just lost in some other case). I definitely have Psychic Force 2012 though.
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  #78  
Old 10-28-2016, 12:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
15:00 TO 15:40 IS BAD RATS SHOW IN A PERFECT MICROCOSM. If I had to explain Bad Rats Show to someone who had no prior knowledge in under a minute, I would just show them that 40 seconds. It is everything beautiful, terrible, ugly and amazing about the game all at once. A perfect encapsulation of the hope and despair, triumph and defeat that composes the very soul of art. They should have sent a fucking poet.
HEY GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND.
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  #79  
Old 10-28-2016, 02:24 PM
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I made half a buck off this survey.

I'm still trying to process the chain of events that led to me indirectly earning money off of BEAT's LP of Bad Rats.
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Old 10-28-2016, 02:32 PM
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You earned enough money to buy five copies of classic Bad Rats.

I'm pretty sure you are capitalism now.
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  #81  
Old 10-28-2016, 02:48 PM
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The Buggy Invisible Hand of the...

*connection lost*
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  #82  
Old 10-28-2016, 07:53 PM
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Man even I haven't earned money off my LP of Bad Rats this is bullshit.
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  #83  
Old 10-31-2016, 10:26 AM
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Default OH FUCK.


Last edited by BEAT; 10-31-2016 at 10:26 AM. Reason: BACK IN THE WORKSHOP
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Old 10-31-2016, 11:47 AM
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PART 25

NEW DIMENSIONS OF SUCK
CHAPTER 4.1

STAND AGOG AND MARVEL.
FanboyMaster - MarsDragon - Lady


Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.

NOTES
  • PLEASE WELCOME BEATSTREAM NEWCOMER: LADY! Hi Lady! I'm so glad you decided to join us today of your own free will and were definitely not bullied into it by an angry skeletal moron with no concept of grace or tact!
  • WELCOME TO THE 3D MAPS, EVERYTHING IS AWFUL HERE. And when I say awful I mean ho-lee sheeeeiiit why would you do this to me. The simple act of moving the rats around before you run the game is now an exercise in suffering, the camera controls are atrocious, and it's not really clear how any of the rats are meant to work in the third dimension. The fullness of how unworkable this is gonna be is made crystal clear when I click the button on pope rat that's supposed to drop him down to the surface immediately below him, and he responds to the command by shooting upwards to stand on nothing.
  • "NO, FUCK YOU, I DON'T ACCEPT YOUR CRASHING." The novelty of being able to tell the game that it doesn't get to crash yet has worn off at this point.
  • SO HOW EXACTLY DO THINGS WORK IN THIS NEW DIMENSION? When I hit play Mafia Rat shoots the ball way the fuck out of the arena and Papacy Rat drags it way the fuck back. I miss the goal by a fraction of an inch, which instills in me a sense of false hope that maybe, just maybe I can make this shit work! HOPE IS A LIE.
  • "COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH". "Try not to die Mars. Try not to die."
  • I TRY TO ADJUST POPE RAT A BIT TO GET THE BALL OVER THAT FRACTION OF AN INCH. of course this somehow causes the ball's trajectory to completely change and end up nowhere near the goal. Back to the drawing board.
  • THEN SUDDENLY I WIN! In this case victory is obtained by moving mafia rat around so he shoots the ball AWAY from the goal instead of towards it. That's how logic works now. This is what I chose.
  • "HEY FANBOY, YOU REMEMBER THAT LEVEL WHERE THE CURSOR DE-BOUND EVERY SINGLE TIME?" The more things change, the more they stay the same. It would have been nice to see what the devs wanted me to do with this thing, but I guess it just wasn't to be.
  • WHEN I ATTEMPT TO QUIT THE GAME, IT CRASHES AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME FOR REAL. Like straight up "this program is not responding windows is looking for a solution to this error" Classic crashing. Bad Rats Show knows it has entered it's twilight, but it refuses to go down without a fight.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 4.1 BY CURSOR UNBINDING! BEEN AWHILE SINCE WE SAW THAT ONE!
TOTAL: 20

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
07:53
BEAT: Hey I solved it. TA DAAAAAAAAA! YOU'RE ALL AMAZED BY MY INCREDIBLE... SOMETHING.
FanboyMaster: It was the same but backwards.
BEAT: NOT WATCHING THIS. SO LADY! HOW ARE YOU YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS PLEASE SAY YOU HATE IT. BECAUSE I HATE IT. I HATE IT SO FUCKING HARD.
Lady: Oh wait, it started already?

TOTAL: 52

Last edited by BEAT; 11-15-2016 at 09:28 AM. Reason: I WAS PLANNING TO MAKE THIS VIDEO LONGER, BUT DOUBLECRASH JUST FELT LIKE A LOGICAL STOPPING POINT.
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Old 11-01-2016, 10:37 AM
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PART 26

SCREAMING IN SILENCE
CHAPTER 4.2

THOSE THAT WERE SPARED
FanboyMaster - MarsDragon - Lady


In which my headset Mic dies a hero.

NOTES
  • THE GAME CRASHES BEFORE I EVEN GET PAST THE TITLE SCREEN. I didn't need to include the footage. I could have just started the video after that reset. But no. I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know what we went through.
  • I DON'T THINK IT'S IMMEDIATELY APPARENT IN THIS VIDEO JUST HOW BAD THE 3D DRAG AND DROP MECHANICS ARE. Everything just feels really off and weird, especially in the default 3/4th angle view, where you're never QUITE sure if dragging your mouse upwards will move your rat into the air or off into the horizon. The rats all also try and attach to whatever floor is beneath them, meaning if they reach the edge of whatever box they're on they'll just shoot down behind it meaning you can no longer see them and uuuuggggghh. You CAN select more hard-locked camera angles using the camera buttons in the top right corner, but they all default to way too close to be useful. Also dragging the camera around is slow and clumsy, and zooming in and out with the mouse wheel never seems to bring you closer or further to what you were looking at. It's just bad on every possible front.
  • OBVIOUSLY MY FIRST IDEA TO SOLVE THIS IS MAFIA RAT + POPE RAT. If it ain't broke.
  • OBVIOUSLY THE GAME TRIES TO CRASH A FEW SECONDS INTO POPE RAT'S RUBBER BAND TANGO. This time I'm like no fuck you and make it keep going. And keep going it does! Around and around and around and oh my god I think it's gonna make it!
  • OBVIOUSLY ONE FRAME BEFORE THE MOMENT OF TRIUMPH IS WHEN THE GAME DECIDES TO CRASH FOR REAL. Victory cruelly and unfairly ripped from my hands. My commentary team braces themselves for an explosion gutteral profane roars that are surely welling up in my throat.
  • BUT THEY ARE SPARED BY THE NOBLE SACRIFICE OF AN UNLIKELY HERO. My microphone sensed the evil of the game's intentions, and stopped transmitting a few seconds before the for-real crash. Be assured dear viewer, the shit flip happened you just don't have to hear it this time. thank you brave microphone. Thank you.
  • THEN WHEN I GET IT WORKING AND RE-START THE GAME, POPE RAT JUST STOPS WORKING. As expected of Bad Rats. Now instead of slowly bringing the ball closer and closer, he just fucking yanks it all over the place before KOing himself. I should .gif some of these because of this because holy shit.
  • "TOO RAT, TOO STRONG, TOO RAT, TOO STRONG. Man, Sonic Rush had a good soundtrack.
  • AFTER WE'RE DONE MARVELING AT POPE RAT'S ORBITAL TRAJECTORIES, I TOSS IN SACRILEGE RAT SO WE CAN JUST BE DONE ALREADY. The game objects to me actually trying to make progress by claiming that it's gonna crash again, but fortunately it's the kind of crash I can just ignore. The level ends, and we are "rewarded" for our perseverance with an animation of a cat getting killed by a wrecking ball full of dynamite.
  • SHOUT OUTS TO BREAKMAN IN THE CHAT! You know, he's right! this game would be a lot better if Papacy Rat had a Popemobile!
  • FANBOYMASTER DROPS SOME SCIENCE RE: GAME MARKETING. "Why is this like, a chapter of Bad Rats Show rather than an attempt at it's own game? Like this should be Bad Rats 3. Dee. Bad Rats 3D."
  • THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURE ALMOST MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT. I mean just... wooooow.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 4.2 WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
TOTAL: 21

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
04:20
FanboyMaster: Is this the sequel to Kerbal Space Program?
MarsDragon: Kerbal Rat program.
BEAT: [DEAFENING SILENCE, AS HERO MICROPHONE SACRIFICES ITSELF TO SEAL MY INFINITE RAGE WITHIN THAT MOMENT OF TIME, NEVER TO ESCAPE.]

06:57
BEAT: Yeah, Sonic Rush had like- WAAAAT! OH MY GOD THIS THING IS JUST DETERMINED TO PISS ME OFF.
FanboyMaster: Sonic Rush has an amazing sountrack by Hideki Naganuma, who's like the only person in video games who does sample-based soundtracks. Wooow- WOW WRECKED!

08:45
BEAT: WELL I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THEY THOUGHT THAT WAS GONNA GET SOLVED!
FanboyMaster: OH NO!
BEAT: NO IDEA WHAT THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE DOING!
MarsDragon: WOOOOOOW.
BEAT: THAT'S IMPRESSIVE. I'M IMPRESSED.
FanboyMaster: WHAT WAS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO DO?!
BEAT: [NEAR BREAKDOWN] I DON'T KNOW!!

TOTAL: 55

Last edited by BEAT; 11-15-2016 at 09:28 AM.
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  #86  
Old 11-01-2016, 10:41 PM
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FanboyMaster: Is this the sequel to Kerbal Space Program?
MarsDragon: Kerbal Rat program.
Gerbil Space Program.
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  #87  
Old 11-02-2016, 09:27 AM
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Default I JUST FOUND OUT WE HAVE A VIDEO TAG SO HERE'S THE BEST 5 SECONDS OF THE LAST VIDEO.


Last edited by BEAT; 11-02-2016 at 09:31 AM. Reason: THIS VIDEO EXISTS BECAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE A .GIF OF THAT MOMENT BUT IMGUR GIFMAKER MADE A VIDEO THAT LOOKED GOOD WITH A 419K FILESIZE AND THE GIF LOOKED AWFUL AND WAS 5 MEGS.
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Old 11-07-2016, 11:18 AM
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PART 27

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WON!
CHAPTER 4.3 - CHAPTER 4.4

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WON!
FanboyMaster - MarsDragon - Lady - Patito


Congratulations! You Won!

NOTES
  • "OH YEAH, THIS IS MY STAND POWER." One of the little joys of editing and writing up these videos is remembering all the little moments when we just bring up JoJo's Bizarre Adventure for no reason. Because JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is very good, and it's cool to like very good things.
  • OH MAN YOU GUYS, WAYSIDE SCHOOL! You remember those books? They were like the best part of 3rd Grade. anyways one of the chapters in one of those books was about a student that was really a dead rat in like a million raincoats. No we didn't make that up.
  • I GUESS I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT CHAPTER 4.3 HERE OR SOMETHING. The idea is to ramp the ball from it's starting point to a second incline to the goal. If it If you miss it or overshoot, it'll fall to the ground and you'll never fucking get it back. I guess it's kind of notable that this is the first 3D level with a lumpy grassy-lookin floor instead of a flat slab of concrete but it's just another bullshit way to increase the "difficulty".
  • THE BIGGEST PROBLEM HERE IS GETTING THE BALL FROM PLATFORM 1 TO PLATFORM 2. It seems like it would be really simple, but before the video even reaches five minutes I've already tried and rejected through most of my standbys and am quickly running out of options. In order of appearance:
    Plague Rat gives it nowhere near enough momentum and sends it off at seemingly random angles.
    Gangster Rat sends the ball off into the fucking stratosphere.
    The Turbine barely nudges the ball before fucking off into space.
    The Turbine w/ Dhalsim still fucks off into space.
    Karate Kid Rat sends it slightly less into the stratosphere than Chicago Typewriter Rat, allowing Pope Rat to spring into action and redirect the ball into the scoreboard.
    Evel Knievel Rat does basically the exact same goddamn thing.
  • HAVING TESTED BASICALLY EVERYTHING, MY COURSE OF ACTION IS CLEAR: PLAGUE RAT. Wait what. Wasn't flu rat the very first thing I eliminated in the tryouts? What the fuck are you doing PASTBEAT?
  • HI PATITO! Look at this hell that has happened here. Oh also for some reason the terrible flu rat solution almost sorta-kinda works? What the fuck, man.
  • MY ATTEMPTS TO PLACE A BOX TO STOP THE BALL ON RAMP 2 ARE ALMOST PAINFUL TO WATCH. Moving shit around is basically impossible with the horrendous controls, made worse by just how much of a hard time the game has with the fact that he ground I want to place it on is slanted. everything is pain.
  • THE ADDITION OF YOGA RAT MAKES EVERYTHING FLIP THE FUCK OUT. On the upside, the ball is no longer falling off the edge of the second platform! On the downside the ball is now getting tossed far into the background to live forever in the rolling hills behind the completely needless screen.
  • BUT THEN I PUT HIM NEXT TO THE TOP AND SOMEHOW THAT MAKES ME WIN. Again, I have no idea how doing this somehow "fixed" pope rat's actions or anything else. Bad Rats Show is nothing if not cruel and arbitrary.
  • THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION WORKS. Worse still, it works with fucking motorcycle rat! The same motorcycle rat who sent the ball pinwheeling off into the atmosphere when I used him in the exact same spot! Marsdragon's answer to this logical impossibility: "Well, Bad Rats."
  • SHOUT OUTS TO DTSUND IN THE CHAT WAIT WHAT? Conratulations? Nope. No. Noooooo. Fuck you man we aren't friends anymore.
  • "I'M NOT EVEN GONNA TRY ON [CHAPTER 4.4]. I'M GONNA FUCKIN CHEAT. "Cheating" in this case just means throwing down Jebus, Cube and Pope in the most immediately obvious spots. The game does it's best to halt my impending victory by attacking me with terrible controls once again. The machine is not crying, it's bleeding to death.
  • "CHEATING" WORKS OUT BETTER THAN I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY HOPED FOR. Immediate victory One and done. I am the Bad Rats Whisperer.
  • THEN THE GAME FUCKING CRASHES ON THE CAT MURDER ANIMATION BECAUSE OF COURSE IT FUCKING DOES. And it's there I throw in the towel for the night. Congratulations. I won.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 4.4 CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WON!
TOTAL: 22

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
09:30
BEAT: TA-DAAAAA! GOT IT! NAILED IT!
FanboyMaster: Congratulations! You won!
MarsDragon: Congratulations! You won!

BEAT: I hope you all die.

TOTAL: 56

Last edited by BEAT; 11-15-2016 at 09:28 AM.
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  #89  
Old 11-07-2016, 01:09 PM
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Kalir Kalir is online now
Crabjörn
 
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Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
HAVING TESTED BASICALLY EVERYTHING, MY COURSE OF ACTION IS CLEAR: PLAGUE RAT. Wait what. Wasn't flu rat the very first thing I eliminated in the tryouts? What the fuck are you doing PASTBEAT?


I don't know what the other two looked like so I'm just casually assuming that fanboymaster is Ra, Egyptian god of the sun, and that MarsDragon is Batman.
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  #90  
Old 11-07-2016, 01:14 PM
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BEAT BEAT is offline
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalir View Post
I don't know what the other two looked like so I'm just casually assuming that fanboymaster is Ra, Egyptian god of the sun, and that MarsDragon is Batman.
YOU'RE MORE RIGHT THAN YOU'D THINK.

Also that's the last of my current footage I guess I'll have to record more soon!

Probably not tonight though.

But soon!
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