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  #91  
Old 11-07-2016, 10:50 PM
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FanboyMaster: "the rats don't have a god."
They are a forsaken people.

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Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
[*]SHOUT OUTS TO DTSUND IN THE CHAT WAIT WHAT? Conratulations? Nope. No. Noooooo. Fuck you man we aren't friends anymore.
BEAT: "dtsund says "congRATulations" and now I hate him."
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  #92  
Old 11-10-2016, 08:48 PM
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HEY.

GET IN HERE

YOU KNOW

IF YOU WANT TO, I GUESS
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  #93  
Old 11-11-2016, 11:58 AM
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Default POSTING BEFORE IT FINISHES PROCESSING CUZ IDGAF

PART 28

REMEMBER THAT TIME
CHAPTER 4.5

NOT BRAZILIANS OR BRASILIANS
Caliscrub - ATurtleDoesBite - MuteKi


My penultimate Bad Rats show stream starts not with a bang, but with a whisper.

NOTES
  • SPEAK OF THE DEVIL. When I mention how the game crashed at the end of the last stream, my commentators misunderstand me, and believe that I'm saying that our game has already crashed before I could even get past the start screen. A simple moment of confusion that we immediately resolve!
    Then the game crashes on the fucking start screen.
  • THE PASSWORD FOR CHAPTER 4.5 IS "BRASIL". This gives me terrible, vivid flashbacks to a certain moment from my LP of OG Bad Rats. Using the magic of video editing, you too can re-live that wretched moment with me!
  • CHAPTER 4.5 ISN'T REALLY THAT BAD COMPARED TO SOME OF THE OTHER STUFF WE'VE SUFFERED THROUGH. I mean yeah, Hockey Rat is barely functional, the controls are godawful, and the majority of the "challenge" comes from fighting to position the rats just so. I mean the game didn't stop being Bad Rats or anything, just that we've all seen worse and will see worse again. Compared to Bad Rats operating at full Bad Rats power, 4.5 is just kinda... there.
  • MUTEKI ROLLS IN ALL UNANNOUNCED AND I HATE HIS TWITTER NAME. "DJ Serial Kisser"? Are you fucking kidding me? Holy shit I hate you.
  • THE ENDING ANIMATION IS THE NUCLEAR BOMB AGAIN. We all know exactly what that means, But I poll the commentary crew, and they request I try to show the original solution anyways because why the hell not. I shrug and resign myself to my fate, but it's not to be!
  • WHEN I HIT ESCAPE TO SKIP THE REMAINDER OF THE VICTORY ANIMATION, THE GAME JUMPS ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE START MENU. Re-watching the video, I think what happened was I hit escape as the resuts screen was coming up, and for some reason that just kicks you back to the title screen without the usual "Are you sure you want to quit" prompt. But the fact that I'm able to theorize why a glitch might have happened a day after the fact doesn't mean that what we're seeing is somehow not a complete fucking failure.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 4.5 BUT NOT THE WAY THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION USUALLY FAILS ON BOMB LEVELS!
TOTAL: 23

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
01:35
BEAT: WE DIDN'T EVEN START YET! LIKE WE COULD LITERALLY START OVER BUT I'M NOT GOING TO! I'M NOT GOING TO. I'M GOING TO KEEP THIS FOOTAGE JUST SO I CAN CUT IT WITH ANOTHER DRILL TWEET AND POINT OUT HOW FUCKED UP THIS GAME IS.

05:25
BEAT: Oh my god. Oh my god are you seeing this? YOU HAD ONE JOB HOCKEY RAT! YOU HAD. ONE. JOB.

08:55
BEAT: Wait- Why is it back at the main menu?
ATurtleDoesBite: Wow.
BEAT: WHY DID IT GO BACK TO THE MAIN MENU?! AAAAND THE LEVEL I JUST FINISHED IS- OKAY. I HIT ESCAPE TO QUIT THE ANIMATION CUZ IT TAKES FOREVER, AND IT TOOK ME ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE MAIN MENU AND THE LEVEL I JUST FINISHED IS STILL NOT UNLOCKED. SO WE'RE GOING TO SKIP AHEAD. WE DON'T GET TO SEE THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION THERE BUT THAT'S DEFINITELY A FAILURE DON'T GET ME WRONG. I'M COUNTING IT AS A FAILURE.

TOTAL: 59

Last edited by BEAT; 11-15-2016 at 09:29 AM.
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  #94  
Old 11-14-2016, 06:10 PM
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WITH ANY LUCK THIS WILL BE THE FINAL STREAM OF BAD RATS SHOW!!!!1

CATCH IT LIVE OR DON'T IDGAF.

http://www.hitbox.tv/BEATHATESALL
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  #95  
Old 11-14-2016, 06:49 PM
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HOLY FUCK FANBOY AND MARS WOULDN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT PUZZLE BOBBLE

ALSO IT'S DONE.

I'M FREE

EXCEPT FOR THE EDITING AND WRITEUPS AND EPILOUGE WHICH WILL TAKE LITERAL HOURS OF EFFORT.

BUT THEN I'M FREE.
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  #96  
Old 11-14-2016, 08:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
HOLY FUCK FANBOY AND MARS WOULDN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT PUZZLE BOBBLE

ALSO IT'S DONE.

I'M FREE

EXCEPT FOR THE EDITING AND WRITEUPS AND EPILOUGE WHICH WILL TAKE LITERAL HOURS OF EFFORT.

BUT THEN I'M FREE.
Until the sequel. *scare chord*

Or the next time someone gifts you a visual novel.

Ooh... There's a thought - a Bad Rats visual novel.

...

Oh, so this is what happens when you know you're destined for hell...
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  #97  
Old 11-15-2016, 08:52 AM
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PART 29

I REJECT THIS
CHAPTER 4.6

SWORN TO SILENCE
Caliscrub - ATurtleDoesBite - MuteKi


Nothing can quite piss me off like a working original solution.

NOTES
  • BEAT CLAIMS HE CAN READ. Oh yeah I can totally read! I just like, choose not to, man.
  • POLITICS. Politics happened the day before this was recorded. It sucked, but we can't allow ourselves to simply stop doing the things we enjoy just because politics is the worst it's ever been, lest we lose ourselves to hopelessness and sorrow. A little bit of my sincere personal philosophy there for ya. On the house.
  • "HOW YOU BEEN MUTEKI?" "I think the last time you were on one of my streams was for Sakura... Wow I hate you. I hate you so much."
  • I GUESS I SHOULD ACTUALLY WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT THE LEVEL ON ONE OF THESE BULLET POINTS. I guess. It's actually one of the more difficult ones, albeit for typical Bad Rats reasons. I spend an absolutely disgusting amount of time trying to get Mafia Rat to play nice at the start, but it's slow going puncuated by infinite repeats and do-overs. In other words, it's a Bad Rats level.
  • THE CAMERA REALLY HATES THIS LEVEL. Every time I try to run a solution it just freaks the fuck out and starts shaking all over the place.
  • LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR JOBS! Then let's suddenly stop talking about our jobs because what if our bosses enjoy watching let's plays? WHAT THEN?
  • WHILE WE'RE ENJOYING OUR CONVERSATIONS ON WORKING AND DRINKING, I SOMEHOW MANAGE TO ALMOST WIN. A typical Gangland/Papacy/Jebus setup as we've all seen before. The ball stops a single millimeter from the goal, like we've all seen before. There is nothing new under the sun.
  • SO I ADD YOGA RAT AND WIN. I still have no idea why Sacrilege Rat insists on stopping his work right before the ball reaches the goal. It's completely inexplicable.
  • THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. Football rat? Hockey Rat? A slapshot through the fucking window?! No! Fuck you! There is nothing right or fair about this!
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
NONE.
TOTAL: 23

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
12:20
BEAT: And Hockey Rat- WHAT. No. No. No.I reject this notion. I REJECT THIS VIOLENTLY!
CaliScrub: Oh it works! It's working!
BEAT: I REJECT THIS! THIS IS NOT FAIR! THIS IS NOT GOOD THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
ATurtleDoesBite: The hell...
BEAT: NO! NO! NO!
MuteKi: It looked like it wasn't gonna work for a second.
BEAT: NO! NO WE WILL NOT SPEAK OF THIS! WE WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THIS!

TOTAL: 60

Last edited by BEAT; 11-15-2016 at 09:29 AM.
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  #98  
Old 11-15-2016, 08:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
BEAT CLAIMS HE CAN READ. Oh yeah I can totally read! I just like, choose not to, man.
BEAT was never alive able to read!
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  #99  
Old 11-18-2016, 05:41 PM
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Congratulations on freeing yourself from the menace of Bad Rats, at least until they make a third one
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  #100  
Old 11-21-2016, 11:21 AM
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PART 30

TINY CARNIVAL
CHAPTER 4.7 - CHAPTER 4.8

HELP ME HATE
Caliscrub - ATurtleDoesBite - MuteKi


The rats are breaking apart before our eyes. All will be dead soon, and we welcome it.

NOTES
  • "YOU DID NOT SEE SHIT!" Yeah I was pretty angry about how 4.6 ended, wasn't I?
  • CAMERA SHENANIGANS. So as in many 3D games, you can zoom in and out on your character with the mousewheel. In most games, if you get the camera too close to whatever it's locked on it'll just stop. Bad rats isn't most games, so here it'll make the camera orbit circles around at incredible speed, never QUITE making contact! Because Bad Rats.
  • THEN I SOLVE CHAPTER 4.7 ON THE FIRST TRY. Skillz. The death animation is some kinda fireworks that the camera is way too zoomed out to actually show, and I get the achievement "Real bad Rat". I don't want this achievement. Someone take this achievement away from me.
  • THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION FOR 4.7 IS SOME FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE SHIT. Like I'm this close to saying they just fucking cheat. I mean the ball isn't even in front of the motorcycle when it gets sent into the goal. What the fuck.
  • CHAPTER 4.8 IS DUMB AND BAD AND AWFUL AND I HATE IT. Some 3-story megastructure shit where you gotta get the ball from the "First" floor" all the way up to the "roof". as it were. Bonus points: Mafia rat suddenly decides he's legally blind now, and refuses to shoot the ball that is exactly in front of him.
  • THE CAMERA IS THE WORST IT'S BEEN SO FAR. The game shows the ball through basically any walls or objects that are in front of it. In theory this would be a helpful feature, allowing you to keep track of it's position regardless of how much shit's in front of it. In practice it's just fucking awful, as it means you never actually know if the ball is in front of something, behind something, or behind seven layers of somethings. Even when Bad Rats helps, it hurts.
  • "OKAY THINK. WHAT WOULD BAD RATS DO?" File that one under questions no good person should ever ask themselves. Also if Invent 4 Entertainment tries to put that on a bracelet, I'm suing them for every penny they've got.
  • POPE RAT SUDDENLY STARTS FALLING OFF THE TOP OF THE TOWER FOR NO REASON. It's weird because up till this point I was pretty sure that pope's pull on the ball wasn't actually something that followed Newtonian physics, with equal and opposite reactions and shit. Yet suddenly it seems like he gets yanked by the ball as much as the ball yanks on him? The fuck is even happening?
  • EVENTUALLY WE GET SOMEWHERE WITH A COMBINATION OF FANYOGI, MATCHBOXMESSIAH AND RUBIXPOPE. Yeah I... I really can't describe it any better than that. Words escape me. Just watch the fuckin video, you'll get what I mean.
  • ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURE! "Yes! Yes! Fuck I feel so good inside! It's like there's a tiny carnival inside my heart!
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 4.8 YES! YES!!
TOTAL: 24

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
01:45
BEAT: Go, this is a one and done. I solve this on the first try. I am positive of this.
MuteKi: Wait, did you-
BEAT: Naw I solve it on the first try! I did! [Sudden Realization] WAIT I DID HOLY CRAP!? THAT DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH IT AND I SOLVED IT! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

07:05
BEAT: what the fuck man. WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD Okay Okay he is looking at the ball. I have positioned him so he is staring at the ball. But he can't see it!
MuteKi: Is the ball, like, stuck in the geometry?
BEAT: No- no it's just- the ball is right there, right? Like, here's the ball, here's Mafia Rat! [...] His little nose is pointed at it! HE CAN SEE THE BALL!
MuteKi: Yeah.
BEAT: HE JUST DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT!

08:35
BEAT: WHY IS POPE RAT FALLING?! WHAT-WHAT-WHAT KNOCKED KNOCKED POPE RAT DOWN?!
ATurtleDoesBite: Uh, maybe the explosion?
BEAT: No, I reject this notion WAIT WHAT IS HE DOING DOWN OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD NO, I AM NOT HAVING THIS.

11:03
BEAT: OH-OH WHAT ARE YOU DOING POPE RAT?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Ohhhh gog. Why? Why do I do this? Why, why, there's a reason right? There's a REASON! THERE'S A REASON!
ATurtleDoesBite: In theory!
CaliScrub: Wait so, does the ball pull him too? Like gravity?
BEAT: I DON'T- IT- IT NEVER DID BEFORE! IT NEVER DID BEFORE NOW BUT I GUESS IT DOES?!

TOTAL: 64
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  #101  
Old 11-22-2016, 12:27 PM
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  #102  
Old 11-22-2016, 01:06 PM
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PART 31

"ART" GAMES THAT ARE TOTALLY BULLSHIT
CHAPTER 4.9

ON SOME BASIC LEVEL, THEY SPEAK TO ME
Caliscrub - ATurtleDoesBite - MuteKi

In which I babble about Robert Rodriguez and Gochi Suda, while Muteki gets in on the shit-flippin.

NOTES
  • EVERYBODY ON THIS CALL NOT NAMED BEAT OR CALISCRUB IS UNCULTURED SWINE. How can you not have watched Desperado?! HOW?!
  • KILLER7 IS FUCKING AMAZING. Gog dam I love me some Suda51 mindfuck artgame. Kalir's let's play from 2011 is still a great read 5 years later, so maybe you should go check that out if you haven't already.
  • OH RIGHT I GUESS I SHOULD TALK ABOUT BAD RATS SHOW. I guessssss. Chapter 4.9 some total bullshit with big Stonehenge-lookin rocks and a ground that's uneven af. I ran out of new ways to say that the solution is obviously a combination of Jebus and Pope Rat 20 videos ago, so try not to be too disappointed when I say that the solution is obviously a combination of Jebus and Pope Rat. And of course, knowing how to solve a Bad Rats Show map, and actually solving a Bad Rats Show Map are two different things entirely.
  • "YOGI RAT IS SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE RAT." "Wow. Wow. Okay, I know I say this all the time Muteki, but we aren't friends anymore. I'm sorry. No, no I'm not even sorry. Fuck you man."
  • "IS THAT GOING ON THE BEAT SHIT- UH, FLIPS HIS SHIT COUNTER?" "I dunno, was I yelling?"
  • IN CASE IT'S NOT OBVIOUS, NO, THAT DID NOT MAKE THE BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT COUNTER. But don't worry Muteki, because as today's counter can attest, you still contributed plenty!
  • OH RIGHT THE GAME. Adding Dhalsim Rat gets us closer, and by close I mean ahahahahah fuck everything. After way way too many sessions of running tiny variations on the solution and getting nothing but random bullshit for our efforts, Yogi rat finally manages to accomplish something almost like success, which is enough to give me the spark of inspiration I need to make shit work proper. Victory is mine!
  • "OH! WELL THAT'S A PLEASANT SURPRISE!" Ahahah original solution failure. Fuck the devs!
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 4.9 FUCK THE DEVS! FUCK THE DEVS! FUCK THE DEVS!
TOTAL: 25

BEAT & MUTEKI FLIP THEIR SHIT:
02:22
Muteki: I wanted to point out for the description for this level, the first tip was "Now that you've gotten this far into the game, we surely don't need to give you any more hints!" And then right below that was "Okay okay, we'll give you this one: Use Pope Rat."
BEAT: THAT'S NOT EVEN A HINT THAT'S JUST WHAT YOU DO!
Muteki: I KNOW! IT'S LIKE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND! THAT'S HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME!
BEAT: THAT'S NOT EVEN A HINT!!
Muteki: USE FUCKIN POPE RAT!
BEAT: USE POPE RAT! FUCK YOU!

05:44
ATurtleDoesBite: This time... will be different!
Muteki: Famous last words... OH NOOOOO
BEAT: OH THAT WAS SO CLOSE! YOU ALL SAW THAT OOOOHHHH
Muteki: UUUUUUUHHHHH!
BEAT: This time. This time! ATurtleDoesBite, were you quoting Aqua Teen? Because like, we do that all the fucking time.
ATurtleDoesBite: I was quoting you.
BEAT: I was quoting Aqua teen! "It's not different at all, IS IT STEVE?!"
Muteki: OOOHHH THAT'S HEARTBREAKING!

06:24
BEAT: I'm pissed off that it didn't work, and that's why I'm just gonna brute force it!
MuteKi: WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING TO POPE RAT AT THIS POINT?!
BEAT: WHO CARES?! HE DOESN'T GET A CHOICE! IF POPE RAT GOT A SAY, HE WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING AGES AGO.

06:58
BEAT: Okay wait wait wait- OHHH THAT IS SUCH BULLSHIT!
MuteKi: OH NOOOOOO!

TOTAL: 68

Last edited by BEAT; 11-23-2016 at 07:14 AM.
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  #103  
Old 11-22-2016, 01:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aturtledoesbite View Post
BEATXDRIL
FUCKING BRILLIANT.
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  #104  
Old 11-23-2016, 09:42 AM
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PART 32

MAXIMUM BAD RATS
CHAPTER 4.10

ENSEMBLE CAST
Caliscrub - ATurtleDoesBite - MuteKi - FanboyMaster - MarsDragon - Rebelfire

Quote:
There was complete silence in the starlit garden, and then the black-browed FANBOYMASTER, implacable, turned in his chair towards BAD RATS, and said in a harsh voice—

"Who and what are you?"

"I am BAD RATS," said the other without moving. "I am the peace of God."

FANBOYMASTER started up, and stood crushing his costly robe in his hand.

"I know what you mean," he cried, "and it is exactly that that I cannot forgive you. I know you are contentment, optimism, what do they call the thing, an ultimate reconciliation. Well, I am not reconciled. If you were the game that brought us so much laughter, why were you also BAD RATS an offence to the sunlight? If you were from the first our father and our friend, why were you also our greatest enemy? We wept, we fled in terror; the iron entered into our souls—and you are the peace of God! Oh, I can forgive God His anger, though it destroyed nations; but I cannot forgive Him His peace."

BAD RATS answered not a word, but very slowly he turned his face of stone upon CALISCRUB as if asking a question.

"No," said CALISCRUB, "I do not feel fierce like that. I am grateful to you, not only for wine and hospitality here, but for many a fine scamper and free fight. But I should like to know. My soul and heart are as happy and quiet here as this old garden, but my reason is still crying out. I should like to know."

BAD RATS looked at MARSDRAGON, whose clear voice said—

"It seems so silly that you should have been on both sides and fought yourself."

PATITO said—

"l understand nothing, but I am happy. In fact, I am going to sleep."

"I am not happy," said MUTEKI with his head in his hands, "because I do not understand. You let me stray a little too near to hell."

And then ATURTLEDOESBITE said, with the absolute simplicity of a child—

"I wish I knew why I was hurt so much."

Still BAD RATS said nothing, but only sat with his mighty chin upon his hand, and gazed at the distance. Then at last he said—

"I have heard your complaints in order. And here, I think, comes another to complain, and we will hear him also."
NOTES
  • THIS IS BAD RAT'S LAST STAND. Do not be fooled by the fact that is actually the second-to-last level. 4.10 is the apex of Bad Rats Show, the climax of everything we've learned about physics puzzlers that don't give a fuck about physics. Bad Rats knows it will die soon, but it'll be damned if it doesn't go down without a fight.
  • WHAT I'M SAYING IS, THIS LEVEL REALLY FUCKIN SUCKS. How much does it suck? Well, by 01:15 in the video, I've already gotten the ball to within one pixel of the goal! AND THEN THE VIDEO GOES ON FOR 22 MORE MINUTES. When I said this was The apex of Bad Rats Show in the prior bullet point, I didn't mean that it was the point where the Devs carefully crafted a unique and interesting challenge that put all my skills to the test. I meant it was the point where the game abandons all pretenses of basic functionality and just screams "FUCK YOU, YOU DON'T GET TO FINISH" in my face.
  • TRYING TO DESCRIBE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE WOULD BE A FOOL'S ERRAND, BUT I AM A KNOWN FOOL. Okay, so you know how Blasphemy Rat has a thing about getting the ball super close to the goal, but stopping juuuust before it touches? Well that's it. Only in this case, the goal is in this weird enclosed area that the camera absolutely refuses to let me get a good look at while the solution is running, which makes placing any other rat that could theoretically give it that last tiny little bump into the goal an absolute nightmare, as I can't really see anything other than the ball through the roof. Not that my placing of additional rats even matters, because at many, MANY points in this video they just sort of decide to ignore the ball after Blasphemy Rat's done with it! Like what the fuck Mafia Rat? Now is when you decide to stop shooting things?
  • ALL THAT MEANS WE'RE GOING NOWHERE SLOW. Past the intial Pope/Jebus setup, nothing I do seems to matter to anything. But utter futility never stopped me before! Let us grit our teeth, steel our souls, face God, and walk backwards into hell.
  • WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING from 04:15 to 04:30? Holy shit camera what have you done to yourself.
  • SLIM KITTENS DOES THE RIGHT THING AND RIDES THE BOMB TO HELL And the award for best musical reference ever goes to MuteKi! Holy shit I love that song so much.
  • I DON'T HAVE TO KISS MY WIFE. I get to kiss my wife. It's not an obligation, it's a privilege. Marriage is so good you guys!
  • THEN THE GAME CRASHES. Because Bad Rats. And so the night's stream ends with the ball no closer to the goal then it was in the first minute of this video. Denied victory by a single stalwart pixel.
  • 3 DAYS LATER I RETURN WITH AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COMMENTARY TEAM! MuteKi and Caliscrub are replaced by FanboyMaster, Marsdragon and Rebelfire! ATurtleDoesBite remains a constant on both halves of this video.
  • PRESENTATION AT START? Turns out there's a little introductory movie before every single map! I've ignored this option through the entire let's play because I don't give a fuck, but for some reason I decided to actually watch it this time. Turns out it's terrible!
  • "OH, WELL, MAYBE IF I PRESSED START STREAMING." Hi my name is BEAT and I am a very professional internet videos man. Please like and comment on my very polished videos that are of the highest quality.
  • I KNOW I ALREADY BITCHED ABOUT THE CAMERA IN THIS POST BUT HOLY FUCK. I mean just watch from 12:55 and look at what I have to do just to see where the ball is in relation to my rats. This is some fucking bullshit.
  • MARS AND FANBOY START TALKING ABOUT BUBBLE BOBBLE WHILE I TRY SOME DUMB BAD IDEAS. Some useless shit with Yoga Rat strapped to a rocket and Mafia Rat next to the ball's starting position. None of it results in anything. Don't worry about it.
  • THEN THE GAME CRASHES. AGAIN. Mars and Fanboy heroically refuse to let this halt their in-depth conversation on the lore of Bubble Bobble.
  • SO I RESTART AND BUBBLE BOBBLE BUBBLE BOBBLE BUBBLE BOBBLE. Bubble bobble bubble bobble. Bubble bobble bubble, bobble bubble bobble? Bubble bobble! Bubble- bubble bobble! BUBBLE BOBBLE! Bubble? Bobble.
  • BUBBLE BOBBLE BUBBLE BOBBLE BUBBLE BOBBLE POPE RAT FUCKS UP. I don't even know how he suddenly got himself on top of the fence. I think this game just sort of... does things. Like, just because.
  • PUTTING POPE RAT ON A RUBIX CUBE TURNS THE GAME INTO A SLINGSHOT NIGHTMARE. Eventually just fucking around with Pope and Jebus's Placements lead us right back to where we began. With Blasphemy Rat bringing the ball within one half inch of the goal and then having it stop dead. Dejected, I start fighting against the camera trying to get a good look at just where the hell everything in that fucking enclave ended up
  • AND THEN SUDDENLY I WIN. And I have no idea how. The ball was stopped, I wasn't trying to move it, I just wanted to get a decent read on it's location when suddenly everything goes green and the cat murder animation starts playing. There's no feeling of accomplishment or victory here. There is no logical explanation for what just happened.
    There is only confusion and anger.
    There is only Bad Rats.
  • AFTER SOME MOMENTARY CONNECTION GLITCHES WE SHOW THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION AND. Gog fukigg dammet. Seriously game? Seriously?
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
IT WORKED BUT I'M TICKED OFF ABOUT IT.
TOTAL: 25

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
22:30
BEAT: Wait, I won? EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP FANBOY I WON!
MarsDragon: Congratulations?
FanboyMaster: Huh. BEAT you shouldn't even be proud of that.
BEAT: NO I AM FUCK YOU.

TOTAL: 65

BUBBLE BOBBLE BUBBLE BOBBLE BUBBLE BOBBLE:
17:59
MarsDragon: Well, obviously there's multiple timelines in Bobble 2.
FanboyMaster: Like, this seems to be the only conclusion, cuz there's Bubble Bobble and Bubble Bobble Part 2 and Bubble Symphony and Bubble Memories and all those, but there's also Rainbow Island's The Story of Bubble Bobble 2 which leads into Parasol Stars
BEAT: You guys are just on some completely other shit at this point. I'm not even gonna bother.
FanboyMaster: I am on NEXT LEVEL love of Bubble Bobble!
BEAT: I am not even bothering.
FanboyMaster: Like you're trying to convince me that's Not the correct choice? We have evidence from Pax that it was the right choice!
BEAT: No, Bubble Bobble's Rad, I just don't know what the fuck you guys are on.
RebelFire: I don't even know what Bubble Bobble is.
BEAT: How can you not know what Bubble Bobble is?!
ATurtleDoesBite: Wait, you really don't?
BEAT: I'm pissed off at you for not caring about Bubble Bobble, and I'm pissed off at Fanboy and Mars for Caring too much!

TOTAL: BUBBLE BOBBLE

Last edited by BEAT; 11-23-2016 at 07:17 PM.
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  #105  
Old 11-23-2016, 12:07 PM
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PART 33

THE INEVITABLY GLORIOUS EXHUMATION OF DAYLIGHT
CHAPTER 4.11

BASIC FREEDOM, CIGARETTES AND FREE PORNOGRAPHY
ATurtleDoesBite - FanboyMaster - MarsDragon - Rebelfire

Quote:
The falling fire in the great cresset threw a last long gleam, like a bar of burning gold, across the dim grass. Against this fiery band was outlined in utter black the advancing legs of a black-clad figure. He seemed to have a fine close suit with a top hat such as that which was worn by the servants of the house, only that it was not blue, but of this absolute sable. He had, like the servants, a kind of sword by his side. It was only when he had come quite close to the crescent of the seven and flung up his face to look at them, that FANBOYMASTER saw, with thunder-struck clearness, that the face was white, fleshless face of his old friend BEAT, with it's single glass eye, and its insulting smile.

"BEAT!" gasped FANBOYMASTER, half-rising from his seat. "Why, this is the real Let's Player!"

"Yes," said BEAT, with a great and dangerous restraint, "I am the real let's player.."

"'Now there was a day,'" murmured PATITO, who seemed really to have fallen asleep, "'when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them.'"

"You are right," said BEAT, and gazed all round. "I am a destroyer. I would destroy the world if I could."

A sense of a pathos far under the earth stirred up in FANBOYMASTER, and he spoke brokenly and without sequence.

"Oh, most unhappy man," he cried, "try to be happy! You have nothing left to hate."

"My hatred, like flames, shall burn up the world," said BEAT. "I thought I hated everything more than common men can hate anything; but I find that I do not hate everything so much as I hate you!"

"I never hated you," said FANBOYMASTER very sadly.

Then out of this unintelligible creature the last thunders broke.

"You!" he cried. "You never hated because you never lived. I know what you are all of you, from first to last—you are the people in power! You are the commentators—the great fat, smiling men on the other side of the screen! You are the Law, and you have never been broken. But is there a streamer alive that does not long to break you, only because you have never been broken? We playing the game talk all kind of nonsense doubtless about this crime or that crime of BAD RATS. It is all folly! The only crime of BAD RATS is that it's BAD RATS. The unpardonable sin of the game is that I play it. I do not curse you for being cruel. I do not curse you (though I might) for being kind. I curse you for being safe! You sit in your chairs of stone, and have never come down from them. You are the seven angels of heaven, and you have had no troubles. Oh, I could forgive you everything, you that dictate all I do, if I could feel for once that you had suffered for one hour a real agony such as I!"
NOTES
  • CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVEN'T WON YET! So how bad is Bad Rats Show's programming? Try playing the ending before I've actually beaten the game bad. When I click next after finishing off 4.10, the game loads some kind of victory dance party and congratulates for having "won all original maps". Only I haven't won all original maps, I haven't even seen the final map yet! And when I make it back to the main menu it claims my save has 85 maps solved when there are only 44 in the game! I have absolutely no idea what caused any of that shit to happen.
  • THE FINAL LEVEL ISN'T ANYWHERE NEAR AS BAD AS THE ONE THAT CAME BEFORE IT. Like, it's still just a mess of randomly placed walls and shit but right off the bat I'm pretty sure I'll be able to figure out a way to-
  • RATS 2 DOT EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING. I forgot to mention in the writeup for the last video that the game tried to crash (again) but I wouldn't let it. So this time instead of getting the custom crash message, I get the standard windows crash spiel. Weirdly, when I restart the save file is displaying the number of levels I've actually finished instead of 41 more than the game actually has, so maybe my earlier crash-ignoring fucked up something in the level counter? How would that even work? This fucking game.
  • FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE PLAYTHROUGH, I TRIED TO ATTACH A BALLOON AND A FAN TO THE SAME RAT. Turns out you can only do one attachment per rat. This seems like a tragically missed opportunity.
  • FLIGHT OF THE POPE BALLOON. The visual of balloon Pope Rat rubber-banding himself and the ball around in odd elongated loops while slowly floating off into a brilliant red sunset is a better ending than anything the devs could possibly come up with on purpose. It's true to the nature of the game but oddly beautiful and melancholic while still being funny and holy shit why am I writing this what the fuck is wrong with me.
  • ANYWAYS RIGHT ONCE I'M DONE MARVELING AT POPE RAT'S BEAUTIFUL ADVENTURE I LATCH ONTO WHAT IS PERHAPS THE DUMBEST IDEA I'VE HAD THIS ENTIRE LP. What if, after Jebusing the ball out of it's starting position, I grabbed it with Pope Rat on a balloon, and then Machine Gun it until it bounces into Yoga Rat's bubble to make it to the goal? I know right? What kind idiot would even try to make such an aggressively stupid plan-
  • IT WORKS. Oh my gog ahahahahahaha oh wow! Okay then!
  • THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION IS… UH… HUH. I really wonder what was supposed to happen there! Like, most of the time you can kinda what they hoped would happen but this time… nothin!
  • WHEN I'M DONE VIEWING THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION, THE GAME TAKES ME TO THE LEVEL SELECT INSTEAD OF THE CONGRATULATIONS SCREEN. Even though this time I legitimately just finished the last level in the game. Weird, but honestly I don't think I even noticed it while I was playing the game, such was my relief to finally be free of Bad Rats Show's terrible grasp.
  • CUSTOM MAPS? NAH FUCK THAT NOISE. One of the advertised Features of Bad Rats Show is the option to make and share your own custom puzzles. Fanboy threatens to make some maps just to force to me stream them. I point out that to do so, he'd have to actually install the game on his computer. I think he got the message. An uneasy peace reigns.
  • I ACTUALLY QUIT THE GAME FROM THE START MENU, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THIS ENTIRE LP. I'm surprised to find out that there's actually little end screen that pops up up in it's own differently-sized window, telling you the current version and how long you played. Well that's kind of a nice piece of polish in an otherwise obviously unfinished and untested game!
  • THEN THE FUCKING QUIT SCREEN CRASHES. I stand by what I said about Pope Rat's journey into the sunset being the ideal ending for the game, but the game crashing as I exit it for the final time? That's the perfect ending for this LP series. Thank you and goodnight.
STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 4.11 HUH… MAYBE THEY WERE TRYING TO UH… WELL… HUH…
TOTAL: 26

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
00:02
BEAT: Wait, what? Congratulations you won all original maps? NO I HAVEN'T!
FanboyMaster: FUK YEA!
MarsDragon: AHAHAHAHA!
BEAT: NO I HAVEN'T I STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED THE LAST ONE!
MarsDragon: What?
FanboyMaster: No it's fine!
ATurtleDoesBite: It's trying to save you. It's one act of decency.
Rebelfire: It's realizing the hell you've gone through, and it's trying to make amends.
BEAT: I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT, BUT IT'S TELLING ME I FINISHED IT!
MarsDragon: It's doing the modern thing where you have to uncover the final map!
FanboyMaster: BEAT, this is the game daring you not to try the final map.
Rebelfire: You got like, over a million points too! That's something to be proud about!
BEAT: DO YOU THINK- DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I WOULD DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN FINISH THIS?! WE AREN'T DONE! OBVIOUSLY- 85 MAPS SOLVED?! THERE ARE ONLY 42! ONLY 44.

08:00 SPECIAL BONUS: THE EXACT WRONG WORDS TO USE!
BEAT: Okay good, pinwheeling off into eternity now. Yes- YES! OH COME ON YES!! PULLED IT OFF!
FanboyMaster: What.
BEAT: I pulled it off, I did it I won! We're done! Cuz I'm the best!
FanboyMaster: No, next you have to buy the DLC
BEAT: There is no DLC!
FanboyMaster: There will be DLC and you know it.
BEAT: You guys are not appreciating how awesome and out of the box my creative and fantastic final solution was.
FanboyMaster: Please never say the words "final solution". EVER.
BEAT: Oh. OHHH. I just realized that just now. Wow. Yeah okay.

10:25
BEAT: If you made a custom map and sent it to me? I would play it. But. You would have to actually make it.
Rebelfire: Like, after he unfriends you, he would play it.
BEAT: Yeah no I would play it, but you would have to actually make it
FanboyMaster: No it's fine-
BEAT: AND THAT MEANS- That means- Fanboy. Do you understand what that means?
FanboyMaster: It means booting up Bad Rats?
BEAT: It means installing Bad Rats Show, learning how to use the custom map maker, And then actually making a map worth showing off. Are you actually going to do all that?
FanboyMaster: Wait no! Why would you assume it had to be worth showing off?! I would just be making the worst garbage.
BEAT: No no no I have STANDARDS god dammit!
FanboyMaster: No you don't!
BEAT: Your map has to be SOLVABLE, and that means you have to solve it!
FanboyMaster: YOU JUST PLAYED ALL OF BAD RATS SHOW! YOU HAVE NO STANDARDS!
BEAT: OH NO NO NO NO NO! I HAVE STANDARDS FOR YOU! I HAVE STANDARDS FOR YOU, AS MY FRIEND, I DON'T THINK YOU WOULD SEND ME AN UNSOLVABLE MAP! YOUR MAP WOULD BE SOLVABLE!
FanboyMaster: My Map would be solvable but you could never re-create the solution because it's frickin Bad Rats!
BEAT: WELL THEN I GUESS YOU'D HAVE TO RECORD IT YOURSELF JUST TO MAKE SURE IT GETS DONE!
FanboyMaster: NO! No, no. I don't feel like-
BEAT: THAT'S MY DEMAND. IF YOU WANT ME TO DO ONE? YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THAT. THOSE ARE MY DEMANDS.
FanboyMaster: That's like saying "I refuse to commit suicide unless we make a pact out of it".
BEAT: EXACTLY! THAT'S A GOOD RULE! I'M NOT GONNA KILL MYSELF ALONE, I'D LOOK LIKE SOME ASSHOLE!

TOTAL: 68

Last edited by BEAT; 11-23-2016 at 12:45 PM. Reason: THE RAT WHO WAS THURSDAY.
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  #106  
Old 11-23-2016, 12:30 PM
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Congratulations!
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  #107  
Old 11-23-2016, 06:42 PM
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You won!
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  #108  
Old 11-24-2016, 05:59 PM
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I am so, so sorry.
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  #109  
Old 11-27-2016, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
FANBOYMASTER sprang to his feet, shaking from head to foot.

"I see everything," he cried, "everything that there is. Why does each thing on the earth war against each other thing? Why does each small thing in the world have to fight against the world itself? Why does a fly have to fight the whole universe? Why does a dandelion have to fight the whole universe? For the same reason that I had to be alone in the dreadful Council of the Commentators. So that each thing that obeys law may have the glory and isolation of the let's player. So that each man fighting for order may be as brave and good a man as the reviewer. So that the real lie of Satan may be flung back in the face of this blasphemer, so that by tears and torture we may earn the right to say to this man, 'You lie!' No agonies can be too great to buy the right to say to this accuser, 'We also have suffered.'

"It is not true that we have never been broken. We have been broken upon the wheel. It is not true that we have never descended from these thrones. We have descended into hell. We were complaining of unforgettable miseries even at the very moment when this man entered insolently to accuse us of happiness. I repel the slander; we have not been happy. I can answer for every one of the great guards of Law whom he has accused. At least—"

He had turned his eyes so as to see suddenly the great face of BAD RATS, which wore a strange smile.

"Have you," he cried in a dreadful voice, "have you ever suffered?"

As he gazed, the great face grew to an awful size, grew larger than the colossal mask of Memnon, which had made him scream as a child. It grew larger and larger, filling the whole sky; then everything went black. Only in the blackness before it entirely destroyed his brain he seemed to hear a distant voice saying a commonplace text that he had heard somewhere, "Can ye drink of the cup that I drink of?"
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  #110  
Old 11-29-2016, 08:09 AM
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BONUS CONTENT!!1

PERFECT ATTENDANCE AWARD

HEARD YOU WERE TALKING SHIT
BEAT - Caliscrub - MuteKi - ATurtleDoesBite - But Not FanboyMaster lol!!1


In which I talk trash about Fanboy, who foolishly missed a single recording session because he was hanging out with MarsDragon IRL instead of watching me play a bad video game. This is from right after the game crashed at the end of the second-to-last recording, which in my edited version, occurs midway through part 32.

Oh also I mention how popular I am on youtube. Spoiler alert: I'm not.

Also, @dril tweets. Speaking of which, here's a gallery of every dril tweet screenshot I used in this series. Did you catch them all in the videos? Can you figure out what the single common element in them is?! Will the mysteries ever end?!

Last edited by BEAT; 11-29-2016 at 10:03 AM.
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  #111  
Old 12-15-2016, 11:04 PM
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EPILOGUE BONUS POST!
SO WHAT WAS UP WITH THE RAT WHO WAS THURSDAY?


Its my favorite book!

No seriously it's really good. I like it a lot.

CAMES UP WITH DESCRIPTION TEXT IN A MIRACULOUS WAY.

So every time you select a rat, a little card pops up asking if you want to use it. It's your basic OK/Cancel box that's immediately understood by anyone who's used a computer in the last quarter century, which is why I didn't read a single one of them at any point during the eight hours I spent playing this monstrosity.

But you know, maybe I really should have because holy fuck.


THE "JOKE" IS RELIGION. ALSO RACISM. HILARIOUS.

Let's start off nice and simple with Pope and Yoga rats. I don't need to tell you that pope rat pulls the ball instead of pushes, that much is obvious. Slightly less so is the fact that while Yoga rat is a "he" Pope rat is an "it". If this is some sort of commentary on the validity of Catholicism in the modern world, great job. If not, what the fuck man.


CAN BE USED AS JOY, SORROW AND OTHER EPHEMERAL CONCEPTS.

The matchbox is largely notable for just how brazenly it lies to our faces about the quality of Bad Rats. I suppose you could call a garbage fire "pure" but it's not the first word I would use. The cube on the other hand displays nothing but the most blunt honesty. The cube is undeniably both complex and good. And there is no arguing that it can be used for base, height, and cube.


WHAT IS LANGUAGE, LIKE REALLY?

Ah, now this is the good stuff. It's one thing to just dump your original Portuguese text into google translate, and another thing to capture the very soul of art. This? This is art. If you say otherwise you are wrong, and I will not allow us to simply agree to disagree. This is the hill I choose to die upon, and I will stand fearless and resolute, screaming into oblivion as the falling artillery blots out the sun.

CREDITS:
THE FOUNDER OF THE FEAST:

ME: What, you guys thought I shouldn't appear in the credits of something I put way, way too much work into? I paid actual money for this game! The founder status is rightfully mine!
JK It's Smiler: When I asked him if he wanted to comment he responded "fuck no" because Bad Rats is a garbage fire. But if he hadn't bought me the first game back in 2014, then I never really would have gotten into doing let's plays in the first place, and this series wouldn't exist. So thank you Smiler, you absolute motherfucker.

SKYPE/DISCORD BROS:
FanboyMaster: Pinch shit-flipper, voice of reason, and almost-perfect attendant!
Patito: Magical space adventure advisor.
MarsDragon: Bubble Bobble.
Caliscrub: The guy I go to whenever it's time to drink ourselves to death.
Magflare (& Son): Providing my stream with a much needed example of good parenting!
GCrusher: Twitter friends represent!
ATurtleDoesBite: Turning my suffering into profit!
Rebelfire: Needs to learn about Bubble Bobble.
Lady: Telling sideways stories from Wayside School.
MuteKi: Flipping his shit in solidarity.

NON-SKYPE/DISCORD BROS:
EndyBeast: I really wanted him to be one of the voice commentary team this time, but sadly TIME ZONES kept that from happening. But even though he wasn't on the calls he never stopped giving me encouragement and support through twitter, and I really appreciate it!
Kalir: The thing hiding in this post is not just a jpeg. No. It's art.
Trar: I still can't get over how fucking stupid this video is I mean holy shit.
Torzelbaum: For the constant encouragement in the thread!
EVERYBODY ELSE THAT POSTED IN THE THREAD OR HUNG OUT IN THE HITBOX CHAT: No I can't list all of you. I'd be here all day.

BEST TWITTER:
@dril: I will likely never know just who the man behind the low-res photo of Jack Nicholson is, and I don't think I'm meant to. Still, thank you for continually churning out the funniest things ever written in 140 characters, 56 of which I screencapped and used to edit this series. Thank you, whoever you are. You magnificent warrior poet.

AND FINALLY...
YOU: I know I said I don't make these for an audience, but that doesn't mean I'm not overjoyed by every view, tweet and post. Thank you so much for watching and/or reading! I hope you enjoyed witnessing me suffer through this game so you'll never have to, and I hope I can keep entertaining you with this weird stuff for as long as possible!
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  #112  
Old 01-03-2017, 10:52 PM
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I know I'm late, and sadly could not make it to most of your streams, but I want to congratulate you on your ultimate victory. The legend will live on forever.
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