View Full Version : Tales from the Table

09-20-2010, 06:16 AM
Title shamelessly taken from KoDT's similar section. Post your best/worst/funny stories from tabletop gaming in this thread.

I had a moment this weekend I knew I needed to share.

Some friends and I had gotten together for a board game night and had sat down to play some Arkham Horror. It was my first time playing it, but I had a lot of fun. The short rundown for those unfamiliar, is that it is a cooperative Cthulu-mythos themed board game where each player gets a unique character to help try and stop an ancient evil from awakening. The game uses six sided dice - a roll of a five or six is considered a "success".

Each turn, each player must draw an Encounter card based on the location on the board they are currently on. I was traveling through a portal, attempting to close it, so my encounter card was particularly nasty. As close as I can recount it read:

"You push your body to the limit. Roll one die for each stamina point you have. For each die you fail with, lose one point of stamina. For each die you succeed with gain a clue token."

I tossed seven of dice, and only two came up as successes. I was on the verge of losing most of my stamina. However, I looked at my character sheet and re-read my character's special ability, which was: "Hard Body - Reduce each stamina loss by one point, to a minimum of 0."

I looked back over at the card and re-read it. I might have a way out of it.

I argued that each particular die constituted a "different" stamina loss. Thus, I wasn't facing one five piont stamina loss, but five one point stamina losses. As such, my ability reduced each of them by one, to zero.

The guy who owned the game didn't seem particularly happy with my argument, but several other players argued that I was technically right, according to the wording. In the end, I lost no stamina.

That being said, since Arkham Horror is fully cooperative, everyone at the table had an interest in my character not losing his stamina. I'm not sure I would have been able to pull that off if there was anyone there in a true adversarial role.

09-20-2010, 09:00 AM
Years ago I played in a high powered Rifts campaign. We had a 4 players, one of which was some kind of borg, I don't remember what kind exactly. The gist is that the borg could look like a normal human and, when the need arose, they could change into borg form. They had all kinds of crazy abilities, including flight and what not.

This particular player, which was a man playing a woman character, had chosen to include a chest cavity to hold grenades. Now that is a great idea: A flying character could hold smoke grenades or other nonlethal grenades in order to help the party. But not this guy. He, instead, decided to put plasma grenades in the storage. The GM warned him what might happen if he/she took a shot to the chest.

Well, you can see where this is going. We get into combat, he takes a shot to the chest, and something like 12 plasma grenades go off at once. Can you say "TOASTY!"

His next character was actually worse then this one: An elven Tattoo Man, despite it clearly stating that elves suffer derangements from tattoo magic. We then had a kleptomaniac schizophrenic. That one lasted only a session.

09-21-2010, 02:35 AM
My first D&D game I played a halfling druid who had a pair of dire rats for his two hit dice of animal companions. Despite being a halfling and the only non-human, I was tied for the highest strength score in the group, which led to an assumption (at least on my part) that my druid was an insanely ripped little dude.

I was always the voice of reason in that group, but unless the group needed me to protect them from the big scary wilderness or make healberries for them, they never paid me much attention. Like the time we stumbled upon a young black dragon in the sewers of a floating mage city, barely managed to beat it, and then...

"No, guys, we won, we're alive and freed from the crazy wizard, let's just get out of here."

"But... it's a dragon. We're in a mage city. We can part it out to apothecaries and get some loot."

"Dragging a dead dragon around the city is... is... there's so many things that could wrong. I mean, first you take a job that requires a three day cross country trip where we manage to get attacked by wolves and bears along the way. Wolves and bears. On a small island. Then we get here and you get us all knocked out by an evil wizard. Then I have to strip almost naked and cover myself in soup to break us all out of his dungeon, and Rool and Franjean [my animal companions] sacrificed their lives in the process. Then we just happen to stumble upon a hostile dragon in the sewers during our escape. Name one thing that's gone right since we left home. You really think a black dragon is an omen of good luck for us?"

"Stop worrying, it'll be fine."

And we're promptly arrested for dragon poaching as we emerge from the sewer.

Note that the bard who overruled me about leaving the dragon corpse is the same guy who took the trapped money pouch given us by the evil wizard from me and opened it in said wizard's living room so he could look at the shinies, causing us all to be knocked out within easy reach of the villain.

(Oh, and my rats died in the general breakout part of the adventure, not in my druid stripping and souping up (souping down?). Just thought I'd clear that up. At least both of them were immediately avenged by critical strikes on my part that killed their killers.)

"Who wants to help rub soup on the halfling? Come on, I'm muscly!"

09-21-2010, 05:46 AM
Then I have to strip almost naked and cover myself in soup to break us all out of his dungeon

True story: Once, I also escaped from a dungeon by covering myself in soup.

09-21-2010, 09:29 AM
Maybe it's just me, but I have trouble seeing soup as an adequate disguise/escape plan.

09-21-2010, 09:41 AM
Maybe it's just me, but I have trouble seeing soup

Which is why it's the best costume for an escape!

09-21-2010, 11:41 AM
Maybe it's just me, but I have trouble seeing soup as an adequate disguise/escape plan.

Dunno about ThornGhost, but in my case we were being held in stereotyped cage-type prison cells with doors made out of bars. The GM said they were just barely too close together for even my halfling to slip out, but then he also described the soup we were being given as "barely fit for consumption and extremely greasy."

He seemed surprised when I made the connection I did.

09-21-2010, 12:27 PM
I was playing a pick up DnD game at a convention with a friend and a GM that we just happened to wander upon. We ran into the living quarters of a band of angry orcs who just happened to be cooking up some soup.

These guys jumped us and we were absoutely overwhelmed. Before long, my friend's thief was down and my cleric had only a handful of HPs left. I guessed we were heading for a TPK. The GM seemed to be getting annoyed that all I was doing was fighting and urged me to "think outside the box."

I decided that, if nothing else, these guys were probably very stupid and superstitious. I cast light on the soup and poured it all over me, covering myself in glowing soup. I waved my arms around and told them I was actually an angry god and that I wanted them to let me go. What did I have to lose?

Anyway, it apparently spooked the orcs enough that they let me grab my friend's body and escape unmolested.

That guy...was not the best GM.

09-21-2010, 12:43 PM
"He's pouring white-hot soup over himself! This is getting too freaky for me!"

Soup: good tool for breaking out of a dungeon, or best tool?

09-22-2010, 06:24 PM
Here's one I'm fond of telling about a short lived Shadowrun game. The party consists of my Troll Who Can Pass Through A Metal Detector (no cyberware, no guns, not even all that tough looking as trolls go, put everything into mental stats and was just a speedy adept), a ghoul who was also oddly even-tempered, someone who was trying to go for the "charismatic face of the party" schtick, and like 3 other characters who never did anything to make me remember them when telling this story.

Session #1- None of us know each other, we're getting contacted by various third parties, told to gather in this warehouse in the middle of nowhere, where we'll get a call explaining what exactly it is we're being hired to do. Nice properly paranoid Shadowrun style setup. Everyone shows up, phone on the table rings, Face picks it up, GM pulls him aside for what gets said since he opted not to put it on speaker phone or anything. He, for what it's worth, totally fails to ever relay any of what was said to anyone. Eventually, a bum outside starts peering in through the window. Face goes out to get him to move along... by attempting to scare him away. Shortly thereafter, some cops show up to find out why someone here is threatening the life of passing bums. "I'm going to intimidate the cops into leaving us alone!" You can guess how well that worked out. The ghoul sees the outcome of this coming a mile away, scrambles out the back window and climbs up to the roof of the building to wait things out. Everyone else but me piles into Face's car and engages in a high speed chase, eventually spending the night in a holding cell (and bribing their way out). I just hang out, wait for a cop to come in and question me, and truthfully state that I just heard whoever owned this place was looking to hire someone to do some miscellaneous heavy labor, came to meet them, and came in just before they did. Because seriously, nothing legally questionable had occurred thus far.

Session #2- I take it upon myself to gather everyone back together and try to work out what the heck went on there, whether there's an actual work offer out on the table, or this was some weird sort of setup by someone we'd all happened to wrong or what. I'm all super paranoid about it, have everyone wander over to a few picnic tables in a public park and act like they're all just taking lunch breaks outside on a nice day. Again, atmosphere of high paranoia here. We talk for a bit, generally work out that yes, there is a proper ethically questionable but high paying job to be done, and start discussing how to go about it. At which point Face there tells the GM he's pulling his phone out to call one of his contacts, a corrupt cop, to share the plan with him and see if he has any useful input. "So wait, he's just spontaneously calling a cop in the middle of us planning this?" "Yes." "OK, I lean across the table and crush his phone before he can get a word out." "It's a wrist-mounted phone." "Yeah, well, this'll probably be pretty painful for him then." Some panicked explaining later...

Session #3- Since the only vehicle anyone owns large enough to hold the party has is still in an impound yard, we steal a random van to get where we need to go, and take it to, of course, one of Face's many contacts to have it repainted and get the plates changed. Pulling up at the garage, Face... hops out of the van and runs down the street, presumably to work something out with yet another of his many contacts, but this isn't explained to the party and he's just in full on note passing mode with the GM. After a fair amount of time passes without any word from him, and us just sitting in a parked, very recently stolen van, it becomes apparent that Someone is going to have to go in to the garage and negotiate this. Now, the reason the rest of the party is so anonymous in my mind is that yeah, they're on board with this plan, but the only other person besides me willing to risk getting out at this point is, of course, the ghoul. So, a troll and a ghoul walk in, unannounced, into a chop shop. Do the proprietors attack us on sight? Yes they do. On the upside, hey, since I dislocated the shoulder of one of them while trying to pacify/interrogate them, the ghoul has a way easier time of lopping it off to satisfy that whole pesky hunger for human flesh problem he has to contend with.

After this session, I pull the GM aside and explain how seriously, from the perspective of my character it is impossible NOT to come to the conclusion that Face there is a plant actively trying to get everyone else arrested and/or killed. The GM not only can't fault the logic, from my perspective, but agrees it's honestly the only thing that makes sense. The character in question is retroactively declared to seriously have been such a plant, and that player is (really, in the nicest possible way) encouraged to make a new character more oriented towards combat usefulness than social interaction. So we really just end up totally making lemonade out of the lemons of the astounding catastrophe of these first few sessions, and actually have a really great opening hook for the campaign now.

Session #4- Upon arriving at the home of a mage we're supposed to get some information from, the replacement character for face there arbitrarily throws a grenade through his window. And... that's about the moment that that we all collectively gave up on this as a lost cause.

09-24-2010, 05:02 AM
Hmm, random recollections from tabletop RPG sessions:

I had one major campaign that lasted for a couple years. Over the course of this, two of my players went through several phases of, "Aww, I'm bored, I don't want to play anymore," which was always vexing. I'd probably handle it differently now, but back then, the concept of playing any PC's gave me cooties. So I usually killed them when this happened. The first time Player A got "bored" was conveniently when the main antagonist had his first run-in with the party, and created a giant chasm, which I simply had devour all of the characters that dropped out. For whatever reason, Player B was determined to save an NPC that had been relevant to player A. We had about a 30 minute argument over why he could not potentially save him no matter what. I should note that Player B was, "The guy that argues with the narrator over everything." But it's good to have one of those.

Later on, player A wants back on-board, so I do a lot of ret-conning to villain ambitions, so that everyone that fell in the chasm ended up in fact being teleported about, and being manipulated by the villain for his nefarious deeds. This worked fairly well. I ran Player A on solo sessions for a while to get his characters power-level'd back to the main cast before they were able to rejoin them.

While Player A is off on his own, Player B decides "HE'S bored." Fortonately, the main party is in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, so I just matter-of-factly start the next session with, "Player B is out. This character of his went back his his farmstead, dragging this character with him, and Player B's 3rd character was eaten by zombies." I kept one character around as an NPC briefly because they were too relevant, but a few sessions later, had them killed in a sacrificial ritual to resurrect the evil witch mother of one of Player C's characters. Even used the sacrificed character's sheet to make the new one. :D

So, Player B comes back, decides he wants to leave one of his chars on the farmstead, but bring another back, and I make it happen. He still argues with me that no character of his was eaten by zombies - they just wandered off. :) He took the sacrifice in stride, though. Shortly after coming back, his main character ends up facing off with the main villain.

We were playing Chivalry & Sorcery 3rd Edition. I liked it, shut up. Unfortunately, as I hadn't played it as much as AD&D 2nd, I had few house rules yet, and hadn't found holes int he system. Player B's characeter was min-max'd for fighting the villain, every bit of experience dumped into his Willpower attribute (to resist "Power Word" spells) and his hand-to-hand combat, as he was a monk of sorts. So, he charges at the villain, and thinking him a fool, villain casts Power Word: Death. His Willpower is high, but chance of resisting is still low. Yet he does. No problem, it's a long distance to villain. He casts again... and it's resisted. 3 more times. I probably should have plot contrived something, but, I wasn't panicking. I was imagining it as a heroic show of will and the villain finalyl being damaged at all before incinerating this guy. Then he uses a throw technique. The description says it stuns for 1d10 Action Points (the turn counter), + your # of levels in Hand-to-hand. He had a LOT of levels in hand-to-hand. The player rolls a 10. This results in the villain being stunned from the throw so long that he doesn't even get to do anything before another throw can be done. So he is thrown again. 9. So he is thrown again. The villain keeps ALMOST being able to take action, but the rolls just keep barely preventing it, and I keep getting miserable rolls on his resists. The penultimate villain is about to be body slammed to death from the midst of one of his ominous speeches. Next throw, villain is unconscious. I am stunned. Player B is laughing his head off. Player C stands up, grabs a branch from nearby, and takes a hefty swing at Player B. It was good/odd times.

Villain ended up living and escaping, but after that embarrassment, be couldn't have the same "umph!", so I switched him from, "Unbeatable dark villain of legends" archetype into, "semi-sniveling and pathetic man of guerilla warfare". He aggravated the party in much more annoying, less combative ways, never showing his face, and became hated instead of feared. Secretly enlisted two PC's, regiving him some value while I lamely began conceiving of the "secret boss of the guy you thought was the real villain!" Around this time, Player A's characters finally met up with everyone, and the over-sized party entered an epic war battle raiding a castle which I thought would thin their ranks, but they ended up being surprisingly intelligent and diplomatic about it, resulting in the battle ending prematurely and with no deaths. Unofortunately, Player B's villain-throwing monk seemed to be growing nigh-invincible, and during peace-talks, secretly stormed his way into the treasury.

Now, one of Player A's main subplots for his character was a sentient sword he acquired shortly after branching off on his own arc. He enjoyed interacting with this NPC, a paladin that had been cursed into a blade via shennanigans. The PC was a "dark" hero, so their motivations often clashed, and he would receive lectures about the morality of his actions as he used his annoying but magically beneficial sword to slaughter his adversaries. This character had ended up in the prison of the castle the party raided, and was set free during the war battle. But his magic sword was in the treasury. So nigh-invincible Player B monk was quite happy to get this sword. I kinda' liked the idea of him having it for a while. But Player B went insane. Particularly when their characters met, and he refused to give him the sword. Player B got so irrate, and Player A saw the campaign going south, so he went ahead and surrendered the sword for the good of the group.

Now, pesky villain show sup just as peace is settled upon, and sets the entire castle sinking into mud bog. As everybody flees away, the intelligent ones fleeing to the few casters about to be teleported to safety, Player A decides to be dramatic for some unknown reason and to simply sit upon the castle roof as it sings into the bog. Player B sees this, and wanting to rescue the sentient sword, grabs it and proceeds with fleeing for his life. This derails Player A's suicide, and he charge off after him.

Player A was in horrible spirits that day, and what proceeded was a game of chase for which I really should have separated the players. Such conversing as such:

[Me]: "As you reach the door for the cottage Player B has just fled into, you hear the turn of the lock."
[Player A]: "I break the door down! What do I need to roll?"
*attempts begin to break door down*
[Player B]: "As he slams against the door, I use my Stealth to creep to the back window and outside."
[Player A]: "I run to the back window!"
[Me]: "...you had no indication that he was doing that."
[Player A]: "Still, you can't say my character wouldn't decide to check the back window!"

I believe this also ended up with Player B getting fed up and firmly shoving the sword towards Player A, telling him he'd kill him if he bothered him again (in character), while Player A swore that he would become powerful enough to wipe the floor with him (out of character).

On a side note, the NPC that Player B was so determined to try to save... Player A was very upset to learn he'd died in his absence. Apparently that NPC was better than I thought...

Alpha Werewolf
09-24-2010, 07:07 AM
This is all over the course of one session, when we were all in middle school, in D&D 3.5e.

So the party consists of a Bard and his friend who's class I can't recall, a Fighter, a Cleric, and myself, a Wizard. We just got to a city, and Bard&Friend decide to try pulling a trick on a mage to get some stuff off him. They impersonate a guy we met earlier and either killed or imprisoned - I don't remember specifics by now - and the mage catches their trick by asking how's the wife, who of course doesn't actually exist. City watch catches Bard (Friend escapes), so of course we need to break him out.

The plan goes like this. Cleric, Fighter and Friend cause a disturbance to draw away the guards at the jail's entrance. Meanwhile I will go into the jail, invisible, get Bard, and run away. The party's around level 10 for this, so no teleportation is available. I have a LOT of Intelligence, meaning a lot of spell castings.

So the plan kicks off. The guys start a disturbance and I slip into the jail. No problem so far. And then shit gets real. Bard is chained to the wall, and anyway he can't become invisible, so we need to get him out of there somehow else.

I cast the spell that makes you smaller on him. Five times. And then I cast Mirror Image on myself for a good amount of copies, cast Flight on myself, and cast Polymorph Self to become a dog.

We all fell over laughing as ~10 flying dogs came out of the jail, one of which had a tiny man on it, shaking his fist.

09-24-2010, 12:57 PM
Session #4- Upon arriving at the home of a mage we're supposed to get some information from, the replacement character for face there arbitrarily throws a grenade through his window. And... that's about the moment that that we all collectively gave up on this as a lost cause.

This reminds me of the time when one of my players asked why we were so surprised his PC would do what he'd just done and we had to explain to him that being lawful good, especially when you're a half-celestial and can't be evil, means that you don't try to shoot in the back cooperative, voluntary prisoners who only fought you in the first place because they were being magically controlled. No, not even when you think they've outlived their usefulness. Even the evil paranoid schizophrenic PC thought that was messed up.

Speaking of which, that same game is why I now have a "no paranoid schizophrenic PCs" house rule.

I think that was the last session of that short-lived game anyway, since that player was going to trial on charges of assault with a deadly weapon and wouldn't have time to play D&D for a while.

I should note that Player B was, "The guy that argues with the narrator over everything." But it's good to have one of those.

Man, have I got a player for you, then.

Me: "Alright, after the monster's armor is applied, you deal X damage. Now-"

Player A: "Shouldn't it be Y damage? My sword has armor piercing."

Me: *looks it up to confirm* "Alright, it does, and if they had force fields you'd be golden but this is natural armor. Know what you're doing, Nanako?"

A: "Hold up. What do you mean my sword doesn't go through armor?"

Player B: "The piercing attribute negates force fields. You want penetration to ignore armor."

A: "That's stupid. Okay, I have penetration instead. I deal Y damage to them."

Me: "No."

A: "Why not? I made a mistake in character creation and I fixed it."

Me: "A mistake you made over a year ago and apparently never noticed until now, despite it being relevant in at least one other fight. In the middle of a climactic dungeon crawl is not the time to retcon your character."

A: "Why not?"

B: "He's already designed the dungeon around our characters. Our games are already slow enough without you grinding it to a halt like this."

A: "But I didn't even see that they're different."

Me: "Penetration and piercing are right next to each other in the attribute list. It's not the GM's responsibility to make sure you read everything, read your mind, and make your character exactly the way you want it. We can change it after this adventure. Now, Nanako."

A: "But-"

It took us almost fifteen minutes to talk him into shutting up so we could keep playing. Then he changed his stats between sessions instead of after the adventure like we agreed, I said "fuck it," and since then I've been using almost totally abstracted NPCs with just a couple of stats I fake off the cuff, most especially just counting the hits they take rather than actually tracking HP. The players haven't noticed.

A: "Come on, having a paranoid schizophrenic in the party in the first game you GM will be fun! He'll just hallucinate a few deer are demons and murder them horribly. It'll be cool."

09-24-2010, 02:23 PM
OK, so, while everyone's tossing out the stories where That One Player just kinda completely derails the game via trollish sociopathy, here's one about a GM doing it.

Premise: D&D3 game with this gimmick of an ocean liner crashing and the party being stranded on an island unable to return to civilization. Oh hey, sounds cool. So the PCs are playing it all serious scouting around for threats, setting up some sort of shelter, working out how to get renewable food and clean water, etc.

First major warning sign that something may be wrong- The GM is pretty much ignoring everything the PCs say they're doing and just rolling on the Random Event Table he made. OK, I can deal with that. Then though, he kinda railroads the party into eating the Random Transformation Table native plants. As in, OK, you find some plants that look good, do you eat them? "No, I'm sticking with the rations I took from the ship's hold." Well they'd probably be better if you used these plants for seasoning. "Yeah, not going to take that risk." Well then you built your camp fire over some and it contaminated things anyway! Your eyes feel weird, everyone else roll a fort save because you're looking at someone with basilisk eyes! Oh hey you failed, you turn to stone.

OK... this is bad GMing. Probably just an awkward forced adventure hook though, I can deal. Some time later: OK, there's a random stampede of boars! "We run towards the nearest sturdy trees and climb them." OK, there's some trees over there. Everyone make a perception check. If you pass, you notice the trees are right by the edge of a cliff and stop before you reach it, everyone who failed keeps running though. OK, now make another perception check. OK, now make another. Yeah, you totally run right off the edge of the cliff, and hover in mid-air for a while, then you look down and fall like in a road runner cartoon! "... What." Take... 36 falling damage!

I envy the two players whose characters the GM killed with his random charts, for they didn't have to explain why they weren't coming to the next session.

09-24-2010, 03:00 PM
First major warning sign that something may be wrong- The GM is pretty much ignoring everything the PCs say they're doing... he kinda railroads the party

Sometimes I worry I'm railroading my players. But then they just continue to ignore me anyway. And usually when I'm heavily hinting at things it's actually something that would help them, so I don't feel all that bad when a lizardman jumps out of the water at them and latches onto one of their faces. Besides, the one time that happened it happened to the heavily-armored robot schoolgirl, who didn't even feel it.

...Our games might have a hint of adversity between the players and GM, despite every rulebook introduction ever saying not to. But that's ok, because even that can be manipulated to tell a story. (What? Golly, you're going to disable those big generators I pointed to and said "It would be bad for my evil NPCs if these were taken out" so that you can quickly overpower the bad guys in the dark so we can avoid a long fight and knock out communications so I have a realistic excuse not to have them call for help and flood you with reinforcements? Aw shucks, why did you have to do that?)

I didn't mean to devolve this into a gripe-about-your-players/GMs thread though. We need more awesome stories like Alpha's!

09-24-2010, 03:31 PM
One time our party knew we were going to be fighting a beholder. Since I was playing a Wizard and am awesome, I pulled out an anti-magic field to pre-emptively shut it down when we came to it.

The risk of a Disintegration Ray (from the Beholder) has caused us to worry that the hall we're in could cave in, so we move out into the more spacious lair... and the DM has two NPC mosnters allied with the Beholder.

They both move up and kill my Wizard. Now, I could be mad, becuase hey, I certainly don't look like the most dangerous guy there. However, it was my own risk for not feigning death after the first guy hit me, and heck, I should have remembered that anti-magic field = no magical protection = don't move such that you're not behind a big guy with armour. But there is a silver-lining...

We read the rules, and determined that while my chararcter migth have been legally dead, my anti-magic field wasn't! With the magically negating corpse, the PCs managed to triumph over the minions plus the beholder.

Good times.

- Eddie

09-25-2010, 11:34 AM
I've heard tales of asshole Warhammer players so frightened of losing they tried their damnedest to bend the rules so they came out victorious every time. In text-based online RPG this is usually termed 'god-modding.' Does anyone encounter players like that?

09-25-2010, 12:20 PM
I've never played the minis game myself, but I've watched quite a few matches of it and I've never seen anything like that. There are always guys who are going to take the strongest spell they have available, but that's not really an assholish thing to do. Most wargame players I've seen just like the game, and the closer a match is the more fun they have all around.

Alpha Werewolf
09-25-2010, 12:23 PM
Ah, I've forgotten about this short story!

Same game and guys as the previous tale. It was my first time, and only Cleric came that day (Friend hasn't joined yet, others were missing). Cleric and co. were having an orc-hunting contest against a bunch of NPC parties, so when I arrived he happened to be fighting a bunch of orcs. He didn't see me - I was on a hill above him.

So I cast magic missile and an orc who was attacking him just falls down and dies.Think about this from the Cleric's perspective - Divine Intervention indeed!

09-26-2010, 02:43 AM
I had to get a lot better at quick-thinking due to my Player C. He enjoys analyzing physics, and harassing random NPC's. It isn't at all uncommon for him to stop some random passer-by to ask for directions. Okay, normal. Then he'll ask me to describe the random person's appearance. Fair enough. Then he'll ask their name, and I'll have the NPC give it cautiously as they edge away. Three session later, the Player has somehow found a way to keep this guy in tow, and half the party is crashing at the NPC's aunt's house. This would be amusing... Except I had to struggle to keep this from happening with nearly any NPC they interacted with. They somehow always ended up making me construct intensely detailed characters and backstories for almost any random person they might run into. God forbid they ever go to a store without ending up dating the shopkeep's daughter, murdering the grandfather, and forcing the storeowner to give a detailed analysis of everything he's ever used his 20-year-old stilleto for. This sounds easy to avoid, but it wasn't with him! And I kinda' enjoyed it, though I would internally sigh anytime he began looking for random townsfolk.

As for analyzing physics... This is also my player that tries to cook food using mana darts, or when a portal opens in the air, rushes to push objects into the side of it to see what happens. He ended up in an enchanted fortress, and found a cabinet that always has a bottle of wine and a loaf of bread in it. The next 30 minutes were spent taking them out, re-opening it, moving the ones in slightly to see if it spawned more or not, putting other objects in it after taking the bread and wine out, etc. And then just declaring that he put 40 of each on the table before moving on for his amusement. Then his character got an illusionist for a girlfriend. And he made her cast spells so he could analyze them all the damn time. Such as asking her to make a book appear to be a gold coin. Then having someone attempt to drop the "gold coin" through a hole the book couldn't fit through. And vice versa, dropping a coin that looked like a book through a hole. The guy was a magic physics scientist.

Comb Stranger
10-05-2010, 09:36 AM
In pence's Pathfinderized Red Hand of Doom game, I played a sniper. At one point in the siege of a city, the party comes across an enemy sniper. It was supposed to be a tense Enemy at the Gates style cat-and-mouse. Instead, as we crept across the open, he fired and critically blew through my knee. I go down instantly, but manage to return fire from prone. I critical, blowing his hand off at the wrist.


He fled, and I had a new nemesis.

Alpha Werewolf
10-05-2010, 10:23 AM
So once, in a party different from the one inmy previous two posts, we had a Druid who bought a portable colony of, uh, in english they'd be foxes*. We'd occassionaly check up on them, and we saw them going through all sorts of civilisation stages, including farming communities and kingdoms. It is in the kingdoms part that this story is set.

There were two kingdoms, and a war broke out over which side of the bread you should put the jam on when making a sandwich. My character solved this conundrum by displaying the triple-breaded sandwich, a sandwich which uses one slice of bread with jam on both sides, and another two slices of bread to complete the sandwich. Peace was made, and the foxes built statues of my character in honor of this.

Some time later, there was another war. So another character squashed one of the fox kings (who were tiny) with his finger, and the opposing kingdom built a statue of him, emphasizing the finger.

*foxes here being the creature from Dr. Seuss' Fox in Socks. In Hebrew, there was no Fox in the story, just a creature called Ba (plural Baim), and those were the creatures the Druid bought. Also ours were bipedal.

10-05-2010, 01:13 PM
Natural 20 stories are the best.

One time, I was playing a level 2 D&D 3.5 Wizard, and got myself a Wand of Summon Monster (for flanking, utility and distraction purposes). I would usually summon Celestial Fire Beetles, who were small and low on HP but had a strong attack (2d4+3 dmg due to my Augment Summoning feat, and an additional +1 damage for a single Smite Evil ability) compared to, well, a celestial monkey or whatever (I saved those for checking for traps).

We were fighting some Wargs; I get an early initative and summon a Fire Beetle behind it. The next round, it gets an attack, and I Smite Evil: Critical hit! It's the first hit on the Warg, and takes 4d4 +8 damage (I think I rolled high, and got about 20 damage on the creature).

Next round, the Warg moves away from the Fire Beetle, provoking an attack of opportunity. Critical hit.

My DM rules that my Fire Beetle, with it's second bite, decapitated the Warg, shaking it's head over it's head in menacing victory, shaking the blood from the still quivering Warg's head all around the area. He also rules that the other Warg in the battle runs away in terror, living to tell future baby Worgs that Fire Beetles will fuck you up.*

- Eddie

* I may have added that last part myself.