View Full Version : The Spite Ends HERE! Lets Play: Hydlide!

Octopus Prime
10-01-2008, 03:24 AM
My friends, I propose to you a question. Should we not do a Lets Play for games that are despised? ‘NO!’ say some, you should only Lets Play games you’re knowledgeable of. ‘NO!’ say others, you should Lets Play games people haven’t seen before. ‘NO!’ say the rest, you should Lets Play games that are beloved by all.

I… REJECTED those answers. I chose the unpleasant. I chose… HYDLIDE!


A small bit of backstory for the uninformed: Hydlide is actually part of a series that lasted until 1995, but the only games in it to make it to the America’s were the NES port of the original, and Virtual Hydlide for the Sega Saturn. I will be playing the NES port, since it’s what I have access to.

Since it came out originally in 1984, it’s hard to fault the games many, many shortcomings, but it didn’t come out here until 1989, after which point we’ve had 2 Zeldas, a Dragon Warrior and possibly a Dragon Warrior 2. So it’s a bit hard to appreciate it in hindsight. Point in fact, even though its aged like a carton of milk, I can’t even bring myself to spite it properly. It’d be like mocking a Special Olympian. Consequently, this is likely the first, and probably the last, summary of the events of Hydlide which involve little-to-no-Tard Harshing.

So let’s get crackin’


And Lo, with a Push of Button, the Great adventure did begin! The theme song sounds a lot like the Indiana Jones theme. While this sounds terrific by proxy, it’s a really tinny sound and it’s also the ONLY song in the game.


The game has absolutely no dialogue whatsoever, so this is all the story you’re getting before you start. To elucidate: The Demon Borealis attacked the kingdom and turned the fair princess Anne into three fairies. YOU (by which I mean, the knight, Jim) just journey forth and reassemble the Princess and destroy Borealis.

Tl/dr: Go get magical macguffins to fight a dragon.


‘And so, the great quest of an age begins’ thought the lone armored figure, standing outside the forest.

The knight was named Jim. He had just graduated at the bottom of his class in Adol’s Christian School for Swordplay and Damsel-Rescue. Many graduates of that prestigious academy went forth to become immortalized in word and deed. Saving all the land from dread forces, reunited a war-torn country, discovering lost civilizations and the like.

As soon as Jim had heard that the Princess of the country (?) of Hydlide (possibly) had been turned into a bunch of fairies by a dragon, he knew where his destiny lay.

Jim ignored the cutting barbs and jabs of his fellow graduates who mocked his choice of quest. Of course, saving Hydlide and rebuilding a Princess weren’t his first choice, he wanted to go to Hyrule or Alefgard or some-such. But those places were already filled to overflowing with heroes of legend (even the Deadly Towers and Neutopia had some heroes to call their own), and Hydlide wasn’t getting any less doomed, so he sucked it up and set forth. Armed with nothing more then the shirt on his back, the horns on his helmet, and the field guide of questionable usefulness.

Jims a nice guy, like that.


As soon as he set foot into the… middle of the countryside, Jim could see why the land was in such a state. The open field was swarming with hideous shambling mounds of goo. These abominations, these… SLIMES are luckily among the weakest monstrosities in Borealis’ army. For a proper hero and knight, they would stand little hope of prevailing.

Jim is no such knight.

One of the main reasons that Jim performed so poorly in Adol’s Christian School for Swordplay and Damsel Rescue was his complete lack of arm strength. The poor lad could barely carry a sword, let alone swing one. Clearly a poor trait for one enrolled in a Swordplay school. But what he lacked in bladed prowess, he more then made up for with his wide shoulders and upper-body strength.


While Jim couldn’t swing the sword to save his life, he was more then comfortable flinging himself, bodily, into monsters to destroy them, and harvest their precious, precious experience points.

Fortune paid its way to Jim. Despite the acidic mounds being… well… acidic, his rampant tackling of them proved to be a perfectly viable strategy. As he felled more and more of the goopy threats, his experience grew ever more steadily.


But danger was nearby. In the forest was a KOBOLD. Though the dog-man was still of little danger compared to many of Borealis’ minions, it was still considerably more powerful then the Slimes. Luckily, the jackal-man is quite shy, and will not leave its forested home, and Jim is not nearly foolish enough to challenge him.


Oh, but the cruel slimes were still able to overwhelm out hero, as he had but 3 HP to his name. And so, did Jim fall, on the first screen of his quest. And, unlike other Adventure Heroes, who may get another chance upon their failure, a chance to continue or an extra life, perhaps, when Jim dies, he is dead. And his entire quest must restart.

Luckily he hadn’t proceeded too far, so not much progress was lost. And his Identical twin brother, Jim the Second (henceforth: Jim) stood up to take his fallen brothers place.

10-01-2008, 03:39 AM

Wow this game looks special. I'm a firm supporter of making LPers suffer so nobody else has to. I applaud you for your sacrifice.

10-01-2008, 04:50 AM
I've played through Hydlide with save states out of curiosity.

I do not envy you.

10-01-2008, 08:44 AM
What about Super Hydlide for the Genesis? I have such fond memo- wait no I don't. Although I did own it, and might still.

10-01-2008, 10:26 AM
The knight was named Jim. He had just graduated at the bottom of his class in Adol’s Christian School for Swordplay and Damsel-Rescue.

I was going to chastise you for using such a terrible pun, but then after seeing how Jim fights I changed my mind. That's actually wildly appropriate.

10-01-2008, 11:25 AM
1Up's just posted a new Broken Pixels video of Seanbaby, Crispin, and Shane play Virtual Hydlide! Amazing suckiness!

10-01-2008, 02:03 PM
I... like Hydlide.

...I'll see myself to the forums exit, thank you

10-01-2008, 02:05 PM
I... like Hydlide.

...I'll see myself to the forums exit, thank you

Elevator's broken, you'll have to use this 37th story window.

10-01-2008, 02:10 PM
Elevator's broken, you'll have to use this 37th story window.

Well, perhaps like was too strong of a term, but once I got the mechanics down, it was enjoyable while I was unemployed with no diversions or anything except the NES emulator on the Dreamcast and a 9 inch tv.

Coincidentally, that's also the story of how I maxed out EVERYTHING on DQIV

10-01-2008, 06:19 PM
Adol’s Christian School for Swordplay and Damsel-RescueI see what you did there...

10-01-2008, 06:54 PM
I see what you did there...

I don't.. : (

10-01-2008, 10:45 PM
I don't.. : (

Adol Christian is the hero of the Ys series. And he went to Adol's Christian School for Swordplay and Damsel-Rescue. Like I said before:

I was going to chastise you for using such a terrible pun, but then after seeing how Jim fights I changed my mind. That's actually wildly appropriate.

It's appropriate because in Ys 1 and Ys 2, Adol fought enemies in the same manner that Jim does. It's still pretty facepalmingly awful, though.

Octopus Prime
10-02-2008, 02:05 AM
Retreating from the threatening wounds suffered on the pseudopodia of the Slime army, Jim retreats the East, and spies a Castle, with a large hole blown into it. A more courageous or powerful hero would gladly leap into the crevasse in an attempt to explore and discover new treasure and weapons. But Jim is still pitifully weak and threatened by slush, so he shall evade the castle for now, and instead head back to the west and to the south.


Jims courage in exploration was scarcely rewarded, though, as his new heading put him into what could possibly be described as a graveyard, and this field was full of the bountiful armies of the living undead. Zombies stalked this necropolis.

The husks were powerful, far, far too powerful for Jim to even hope to defeat this early in his quest, and so, trying not to cry out loud, he slinked off to the north and once to the west, again.


Luckily, all the long-distance running he had undergone thus far served to refill Jims meager life bar, and he was feeling significantly more confident about his chances to actually prevail in his quest to destroy Borealis.

His optimism was rewarded, as the fates had seen to leave a chest in his wake, just outside a vast, outdoor, labyrinth. Surely there would be some powerful relic inside, perhaps a sword with which to cleave the dark armies, or an enchanted shield to repel any blow?


Jim was somewhat crestfallen to discover that his treasure was, in fact, just a simple cross. No doubt of great spiritual worth, more so if there were any priests or parishioners remaining in Hydlide, or indeed if Hydlide had any religious service available ever.

It would appear that the only use for the Cross in this day and age would be to assist with battling Vampires.


Jim recalled the words of old man Adol back in his schooling days, “If you get stuck on your quest, and are not strong enough to prove a match for the local monsters, grind, grind away”, and so he did.

Octopus Prime
10-02-2008, 02:08 AM

Jim bravely walked forth and tackled Slime after Slime until his experience level rose to a new plateau. He was even feeling brave enough to tackle the Kobolds and was delighted to learn that they fell almost as quickly as his gelatinous oppressors.


However, cruelly, Jim fell into an innocuous tree, which was full of furious bees. And a single sting did prove fatal, as Jim was deathly allergic to bees.

Hearing of his Brothers death, Jim the Third did take up the mantle to trek forth and slay Borealis.

And so did the third Jim succeed where his two brothers failed, and he did level up. His strength increased, so that the foes of the world would tremble before him, and his life bar did extend slightly, so he would not die as quickly as Jim 1 or Jim 2.

Jim 3 kind of wished that there was some sort of audio cue that he had leveled up, rather then him noticing that the bar had emptied again, and his Strength and Health bars were slightly longer.


Jim 3 was feeling confident enough to try to plumb the depths of the Castle he and his brothers had been so frightened of earlier, but his newfound bravado was meaningless, for the castle could not be entered. Perhaps later, when some variety of magic item was obtained, could the cave be entered, but until then, Jim shrugged and headed North.

A short hike through the Woods refreshed Jim’s spirits and he found another large hole gouged into the ground. He felt much more capable of entering THIS crevasse!

To Be Continued...

10-02-2008, 06:10 AM
Shit is tense.

10-02-2008, 06:28 AM
So how did Hydlide get away with including crosses when Dragon Warrior and Castlevania had to remove/alter them?

Dynastic Bird
10-02-2008, 06:40 AM
So how did Hydlide get away with including crosses when Dragon Warrior and Castlevania had to remove/alter them?

Hydlide needed all the divine help it could get

10-02-2008, 09:32 AM
so when you die, do you lose all exp and start fresh every time?

10-02-2008, 09:38 AM
Have we seen the extent of the world map now or is it much larger? How long did you spend grinding to level up? What are those words below the map screen, that say "turn, fire, ice, wave, flash?"

Why am I getting excited about a game that is so terrible?

10-02-2008, 12:42 PM

This is thrilling!

10-02-2008, 12:45 PM
Octoprime is the king of bite-sized LPs of games nobody else wants to play.

He's our very own Deceased Crab.

10-02-2008, 12:54 PM
You should have an expository post on the intricacies of the combat system

They exist, I assure you.
(not that much, though. The combat basically consists of playing chicken with the attack button and hoping you blink before they do)

10-02-2008, 01:51 PM
So how did Hydlide get away with including crosses when Dragon Warrior and Castlevania had to remove/alter them?

Too crappy for Nintendo's QA censors to play.

10-02-2008, 01:52 PM
Its amazing that the "Official Nintendo Seal of Quality" didn't lose the "Quality" much earlier with games like this.

Octopus Prime
10-02-2008, 02:29 PM
I'm going to answer all these questions at once!

so when you die, do you lose all exp and start fresh every time?

Potentially, yes. There is an option to save in the menu (which I only discovered the existence of when I accidentally hit the wrong button to pause, much later in the game), but it's only a quick save that disappears when you load again. There's also a menu option for a password save if you don't feel like beating the game in one sitting. This is a wise, sensible feeling.

Have we seen the extent of the world map now or is it much larger? How long did you spend grinding to level up? What are those words below the map screen, that say "turn, fire, ice, wave, flash?"

Why am I getting excited about a game that is so terrible?

Whoa, slick, one at a time.

1. That's not the extent of the map, no, but it doesn't get a whole heck of a lot bigger. It does loop around though, so as to give the impression that it's an infinitely sprawling landscape. It doesn't give this impression very well, mind.

2. Too long. Each pixel of that experience bar was aquired, no, EARNED by killing about 2 or 3 slimes. It was made less painful by having my DS handy.

3. You'll find out soon enough *wink, wink*

4. I seriously don't know, it's creeping me out.

Octoprime is the king of bite-sized LPs of games nobody else wants to play.

He's our very own Deceased Crab.

...Thank you?

You should have an expository post on the intricacies of the combat system

Why wait?

Run into stuff, hold the A button and hope it dies before you do. Running into stuff from behind or slightly off-center works better. Not holding A does less damage, but raises your defense. This is totally unimportant until near the end of the game.

10-02-2008, 04:27 PM
I've never, ever understood this "method" of attacking. I'm sure before people got the hang of console RPGs it kind of made sense as a dice roll, but without numbers (or commands) it kind of just fries my brain. I'm sure Ys is good (or gets good in later versions), but I've never had any desire to try.

10-02-2008, 08:31 PM
I've never, ever understood this "method" of attacking. I'm sure before people got the hang of console RPGs it kind of made sense as a dice roll, but without numbers (or commands) it kind of just fries my brain. I'm sure Ys is good (or gets good in later versions), but I've never had any desire to try.

Ys's battle system is actually a little different (going back as far to the NES versions at least) in that you don't move a whole tile forward, but you move per-pixel, so in Ys you need to hit enemies in the back, or from the side, as in:

If EE is an enemy, and AA is Adol:

AA is bad.
AA is good.

The main problem with the early Ys games is that the collision detection wasn't the greatest.

Octopus Prime
10-03-2008, 03:55 AM
Reader Beware, You're In for a Scare!

As it would so happen, Jim COULD enter the second cave, but it was too dark to see anything. Well, too dark to see anything but the curiously sentient flames that danced through the night, in any case. But though his search in this cave was pointless and warranted a hasty retreat, id DID teach Jim two important things:

There must exist some item that allows one to see in the dark, and (perhaps more importantly) you have to press the A Button to enter caves.

Jim headed back to the castle, with his new-found knowledge of the games basic controls.

The Castle possessed significantly better lighting then a mangy hole in the ground, and so Jim could easily see his surroundings. Though, honestly, they were drab enough that he didn’t feel particularly thrilled about it. The Castle was a labyrinth of bats and curiously thin walls.

The Bats were far more powerful then the Kobolds and Slimes that lurked outside, but even more dangerous then them was their master, the feared and fearsome VAMPIRE.

Indeed the Vampire was far too powerful for Jim 3’s meager experience cache to hope to defeat. Or, at least, that would be the case if Jim 3 didn’t have an Ace up his Sleeve. Besides the Cross, which allows him to damage his quarry, reaching Level 2 means that Jim also knows the incredibly useful TURN spell?

The magic of Turn causes all nearby monster to flee in terror of Jims fearsome visage, rather then staying to fight, and since Monsters can’t hit back if they’re running away…



At last, the Undead Monstrosity perished at the onslaught of Jims constant bumping and bequeathed its spoils, a Lamp. While the quality of the treasure Jim and his progeny had uncovered was more then slightly disappointing, at least it was functional. With the Lamp, Jim should be able to enter the previously darkened tunnels and caves. Jim heads North again and re-enters the previous Cave that was too dark to traverse.

Octopus Prime
10-03-2008, 03:56 AM

The cave interior was full of the same sentient flames (his field guide would later identify them as WISPS), but Jim could now see well enough to navigate around them, and make his way to the treasure chest. Perhaps after two spectacularly uninteresting treasures, Jim would finally get some impressive tool for his questing.


Not before meeting his end at the living flame that inhabited the cave though. It seems that Turn isn’t quite so effective against these foes. Hearing of Jim the Thirds death, his father, Jim Sr. took up sword and shield (or rather, strong shoulders and back) to avenge his various sons.


Jim Sr.’s dogged perseverance paid off, however, as he was rewarded with the genuinely useful SWORD. The Sword causes Jims attack power to sky-rocket. According to his Hitchhikers Guide to Hydlide, the sword would double Jims attack power. This is a bit of a misnomer, however, since it actually raises Jims attack power by 10. It was previously at about 10 anyway, so the effect is the same.


Jims new found strength served him well, making him able to escape the terribly powerful ghosts by show of force, where previously, they would destroy him utterly. Jim could even battle the Zombies easily now. The world was Jim’s oyster, all he had to do was crack it open and steal the pearl.


There was also a new Chest in the graveyard, but it would not open to reveal its delightful contents. He decided to return to it later.

10-03-2008, 07:22 AM
*Thing I always say*

I really thought poor Jim3 was gonna make it. I hope Jim Sr does because I don't know if I could stand learning what their mother's name is.

10-03-2008, 07:28 AM
*Thing I always say*

I really thought poor Jim3 was gonna make it. I hope Jim Sr does because I don't know if I could stand learning what their mother's name is.

Mrs. Jim.

10-03-2008, 10:58 AM
So how long did those two updates take? I'm trying to get a feel for how much time you've spent in the game so far?

Octopus Prime
10-03-2008, 11:03 AM
I played through those parts a few weeks ago, but I think it was something to the tune of about 2 hours. Give or take.

If it weren't for the grinding, and if you knew where to go, you could realistically have the game beat in about an hour.

As it is, it's impossible to proceed past certain parts without grinding.

Octopus Prime
10-04-2008, 04:11 AM

A short ways north of the Graveyard was the Roper Labyrinth, a confounding maze of small walls and land-based cephalopods. With Jims Sword, the ROPERs should prove little danger.


Though the path twisted and turned in a thousand directions and 4 screens, Jim was able to navigate it successfully and found his reward: A Pot. Clearly Borealis had taken steps to remove almost all the treasure that looked like it was worth taking. Fortunately, most of the treasures that are worth taking appear to be worthless. The Pot reveals hidden caves, such as the one that appeared as soon as Jim retrieved it.



As Jim entered the newly discovered cave, his heart simultaneously soared and plummeted. I believe that would be considered a coronary in other parts of the world. The cave contained both a literal treasure trove, and a small standing army of gold-plated warriors: GOLDAMS. Jim double checked his field guide, certain that there was a typo, but unsure if the creatures were supposed to be Golems, or Gold Armors. Regardless of the proper etymology of the creatures, they were quite formidable foes, even with Jims sword.


Sadly, some of the treasure chests were duds, containing nothing but a method to lure Jim into a trap as the possibly mechanical monstrosities drew ever closer. Luckily the TURN spell was more then capable of dealing with the metallic beasts, causing them to drop their guard, and allowing Jim to slay them easily.

Octopus Prime
10-04-2008, 04:13 AM

Jims perseverance paid off, and he had discovered a Key. While he wasn’t completely sure what the key did, Jim felt comfortable assuming it would either open a door, or unlock a chest. He made a mental note to try that chest he couldn’t budge from the graveyard when he escaped from the cave.


Leaving the cave through the southern exit, Jim found himself back outside… somewhere. The lay of the land was unfamiliar to Jim, but the local fauna was just a Slime, so he didn’t feel particularly threatened.


A short distance from where he emerged, Jim ran across the vast-ish expanse of Hydlides desert landscape. Jim was worried about the SAND WORMS that burst from the dunes, as they appeared to be rather more dangerous then what he battled so far. He steeled himself, saved his quest, and ventured forth.


And wisely, for the Worms were exceedingly powerful. Hearing of Jim Sr.’s death, Jim 2’s best friend, Jim, decided to avenge the James family.


Jims questing managed to cause him to level up once again, causing another meager upgrade to health and attack power.

Octopus Prime
10-05-2008, 04:41 AM

Jim retreated from the desert and headed to the north, where he came across a curious sight: a completely mobile forest, though the sight of such a thing is diluted somewhat by merit of being shown in screenshot format. Jim wasn’t a horticulturist, he was an adventurer, but Jim still knew that tree’s usually don’t move on their own. He decided to investigate. Investigation, in this case, means “attack”. Attacking wasn’t especially wise, as the trees were seemingly immortal. Jim decided to leave back through the tunnel to see about that chest.


Jims hunch about the key proved right, for he could open it, and he was justly rewarded. The Jewel caused Jims life and magic to recover faster (at least it did according to his field guide), which on its own, was a fine reward. Even better, however, was the fact that the Jewel is one of the items needed for Jim to battle Borealis at the end of his quest.


Jim also discovered, upon hitting the Third level, that he learned a new Spell. The FIRE spell could launch a bolt of eldritch flame towards any beast he deemed too dangerous to battle personally. He wouldn’t gain any experience for defeating a monster in this cowardly fashion, though.



Jim’s questing about the countryside soon revealed another cave, and Jim was eager to do some spelunking. Besides the already encountered, and still quite formidable, Goldams, Jim also met his first LADYAM. The Ladyam was seemingly identical to the Goldam, except colored pink, and they, presumably, are ladies.

Octopus Prime
10-05-2008, 04:43 AM


The pink-clad knights were hardly dangerous, however, and fell in heaps under Jims relentless walking. The tunnel came out back in the Desert, and Jim again prepared himself for a dangerous trek across the windy sands.


In the southern end of the miniscule desert, Jim came across another castle, and decided to enter it. He lacked any other direction to go, and reasoned that it must have some variety of helpful item. If nothing else, it should possess monsters powerful enough to allow Jim to continue level grinding. He could become no more experienced from slaying Slimes and Kobolds, he was already too well versed in combat.


Surprisingly, instead of a monster infested cave, Jim found himself in the moat outside the castle. He would likely drown rather quickly in the moat, so he opted to find whatever he was looking for quickly. Jim was running out of next-of-kin to appoint this quest to.


Jim washed ashore on another part of the land, within view of Borealis’ castle. The keep was guarded by a fire-breathing dragon, which was likely to be exceedingly powerful. Even if Jim wanted to try to defeat the Demon King now, he wouldn’t be able to access the castle without a fully reassembled Princess and three jewels. Jim turned away, at least knowing where the final dungeon lay.

10-05-2008, 04:20 PM
We're gonna need another Jimmy (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Mr._Lizard)!

10-05-2008, 05:16 PM
Go Jimmy! You can do it!

I'm wondering where the fairies could be, it seems like you've gone pretty much everywhere haven't you?

Octopus Prime
10-05-2008, 05:43 PM
Yeah I have been just about everywhere, they're RIDICULOUSLY well hidden.

Were it not for the various hint-guides and FAQs available for the game, even way-back-when, it's not unreasonable that people never found those damn butterflies. Point in fact, I DID reveal the areas where two of the three of them are, but didn't realize it until I checked Gamefaqs later on.

Heck, every remaining item in the game is hidden so well that you get the impression that they designed the game to spite you as badly as possible.

10-05-2008, 07:27 PM
I remember this game because it was advertised on the back cover of every Archie comic my brother collected.

It was a prime example of cover art making a game look far more exciting than it actually was. But I wasn't suckered in because I figured that a game ad boasting a "PASSWORD SYSTEM!!!!" didn't have much else to boast about.

10-05-2008, 08:58 PM
But I wasn't suckered in because I figured that a game ad boasting a "PASSWORD SYSTEM!!!!" didn't have much else to boast about.

You were wise beyond your years, my friend!

Octopus Prime
10-06-2008, 04:14 AM

The east of the castle was the hunting ground of the foul and staggeringly powerful WIZARD. Not only were Wizards mighty enough to smite the low-leveled Jim, in the unthinkable chance that Jim killed one, another would instantly revive it. Jim would need some method of striking both wizards simultaneously to prevail.

Lacking any other ideas, or prescience of mind, Jim decided to head back to that cave full of Goldams and Ladyams to gain more experience. Something told him that his quest was set in such a way that it was impossible to complete unless he was at least at Level 5 and learned the WAVE spell.


As luck would have it, one of the Ladyams possessed a SHIELD, and was happy to relinquish it to our intrepid hero. As it name implies, The Shield increases Jim’s defensive rating, making him slightly less likely to be slaughtered at the hands of his enemies. It would have been nice if there was some sort of indication that the Shield was a random drop from Ladyams (and indeed, one of the only item drops in his quest), but the important thing is that he found it.

Oddly, slaying a heap of Goldams on the other side of the cave revealed another chest, containing a RING. Similar to the Jewel, the Rings magic will allow Jim to battle Borealis eventually, and it increases his health and magic regeneration.


Leaving the Cave, Jim returned to the field he often returned to for healing purposes. One of the previous adventurers named Jim fell to the deadly, deadly bees randomly contained within these trees. Jim reasoned that a tree that potentially contained deadly bees, also likely contained deadly treasure! It wasn’t much to go on, but Jim was running dangerously low on treasure to discover, and had absolutely no leads whatsoever on finding those fairies that the Princess was broken into.

Octopus Prime
10-06-2008, 04:16 AM

As luck would have it, one of those same fairies was inside a tree, along with the aforementioned deadly bees. Jims weapons and equipment made this deadly swarm far less deadly the one that killed his predecessor. He was saddened that the previous Jim was so close to rescuing one third of the Princess before being stung to death, and thusly Jim renewed his determination to see this quest through to its completion. Since this batch of curious trees revealed one of the Fairies, Jim figured that the OTHER grove of peculiar trees, the moving ones, may have something handy as well.

It’s not like he had any other ideas.


Jim also decided to slaughter Ropers until he could level up and learn the ICE spell. ICE functions very much like FIRE, except it can pass through solid walls. Just like in real life.

As luck would have it, FAIRY 2 was indeed concealed within one of the immortal super trees. Tragically, this was as far as Jims quest could proceed until he learned the Wave spell, as (according to his field guide) the third and final Fairy was held by a pair of wizards who could only be defeated by the that piece of magic. The rest of Hydlides treasure trove could not even be accessed without a prescient princess, either.

TK Flash
10-06-2008, 06:32 AM
Go Jim! You can do it!

10-06-2008, 07:15 AM
Wow, we went from almost 0% quest items to like 50% in a single update. They sure made 'em short back in the day, huh?

Octopus Prime
10-06-2008, 07:25 AM
Mercifully, yes.

10-06-2008, 11:08 AM
I kind of want to play this game now that I could actually make progress. It seems like it might be sort of an enjoyable diversion once you knew exactly what to do and where to go.

Octopus Prime
10-07-2008, 01:12 AM

And so, Jim did go around the countryside, grinding his foes into dust, time and again. And while he did his grinding, the mysterious power on high that seemed to guide Jims every action instead played Disgaea DS, for it was vastly more engaging then the rampant slaughter of Ropers and Ladyams.


After a tediously long expedition of slaying Ropers, Jim FINALLY hit his fifth level of experience and learned the WAVE spell. Similar to FIRE and ICE, WAVE is capable of instantly destroying almost any enemy it hits, without earning a single point of experience. Unlike the other two attack spells, however, WAVE was able to pierce through enemies. Also, unlike those other two attack spells, WAVE could only be fired to the east or west. Jim should be able to destroy those pesky wizards now, assuming they took the time to line up horizontally and wait patiently for Jims one shot of magical annihilation.

And the mysterious force guiding Jims actions managed to clear about 3 maps in Disgaea, which should give a fair indication of how long this took.


Regrettably, Jim had become so accustomed to the tricks and skills needed to slaying beasts that he could no longer claim to become more experienced fighting anything weaker then a Goldam. This meant that his further needs for level grinding would have to be fulfilled by the vastly more powerful WORMS and EELS. Also, the occasional HYPER would appear outside Borealis’ castle. The Hyper was a more powerful version of the Roper, still weak enough to slay with a single… bump, but powerful enough to still allow for the accumulation of experience.


Octopus Prime
10-07-2008, 01:13 AM



Victory Was His! Jim’s deft use of the A and B buttons, employed simultaneously, launched forth and destroyed the vile wizards. All three components of Princess Anne were assembled, and they whisked Jim straight into the bleak heart of Borealis’ Fortress, all to the tune of the Indiana Jones March! Not all was well, however, as the fairies didn’t wait until Jim’s Life bar was refilled before whisking him to the final dungeon, and the Dragon that guarded the place was currently invincible. Fortunately, the dragon lacked any peripheral vision, and simply walked back and forth in front of the castle, leaving Jim to restore his lost life and magic in the small field south of the castle.



When he was ready, Jim leapt out with a cry of “HAH!” and tossed a small fireball at the great beast. The fireball did nothing, as one would expect from a ball of flame tossed at a fire-breathing monster, but it DID manage to burn down the tree in front of the Castle, revealing the entrance to the fell lair. Jim entered the Castle, musing about how the dragon didn’t expose the entrance all ready, with all the fire it was breathing.

10-07-2008, 09:42 AM
Not much left huh? I don't know if I'm ready to leave Hydlide...

10-07-2008, 10:49 AM
Hurray for short LPs! I some of the longer ones, but I really like these quick ones. Good to keep a mix.

I think the FFX one was still in the prologue two pages in.

10-07-2008, 11:13 AM
Hurray for short LPs! I some of the longer ones, but I really like these quick ones. Good to keep a mix.

I think the FFX one was still in the prologue two pages in.

And the Suikoden one was... three pages? just deciding the main character's name. But damn we got a good one!!

Octopus Prime
10-07-2008, 11:46 AM
Don't worry, we've still got a good update or two left. Just because that's the final dungeon doesn't mean that Borealis is home yet.

Also, I'd like to point out that that there was the only bush in the game that is flammable, and there's no indication that it needed to be lit on fire.

10-07-2008, 12:12 PM
Not to derail, but how the heck do you pronounce Hydlide, anyway?

10-07-2008, 12:13 PM
Not to derail, but how the heck do you pronounce Hydlide, anyway?


Octopus Prime
10-07-2008, 12:14 PM
I assume it's "Hide-Lied"

10-07-2008, 02:45 PM
I assume it's "Hide-Lied"

It's code for "what happened to the quality?"

TK Flash
10-07-2008, 05:29 PM
My favorite part is when we get to hear who takes up the gauntlet when a mighty Jim falls. Not saying I like it when you die or anything.

Octopus Prime
10-07-2008, 05:35 PM
My favorite part is when we get to hear who takes up the gauntlet when a mighty Jim falls. Not saying I like it when you die or anything.

Unfortunately, this Jim manages to survive. He would have been followed by Mrs. Jim, Aunt Jim and Jim Jr., the son of Jim 1.

Octopus Prime
10-08-2008, 02:14 AM

The entrance to Borealis’ Castle was guarded by the BLACKAM soldiers, easily among the most powerful of Borealis’ army. With careful timing, and proper use of his TURN spell, Jim was able to escape their mighty presence unscathed.



The second room contained an even more horrific sight: SKELETONs. These undead monsters were even more powerful then almost any other monster in Borealis’ employ, and they guarded demon himself! While privately shrieking in pants-wetting terror to himself, Jim tried to ignore the small army that had assembled and focused. Skeletons were dead people and dead people are in graves, so the skeletons must be here because of the grave nearby! Jim reasoned this out to himself and bravely attacked the nearby gravestone.


Jim succeeded in his act of wanton defacement of a memorial, and was disappointed to see that the unstoppable skeletal forces were not perturbed. There was a greater happening above ground, however.


It seems that the grave that Jim smashed was a stopper for the rivers and lakes of Hydlide, and without it, they all dried up within seconds. Also, derived of anything to drink, the previously invincible dragon became vulnerable.

Octopus Prime
10-08-2008, 02:16 AM

The dragon grew vulnerable, not weak. Jim opted for a bit more strategy then usual, choosing to use his Defense Command, instead of Attack, and causing Jims defense to increase at the expense of his strength. Even so, the Dragon was powerful enough to bring Jims life down to a critical level before even a full notch of the dragons’ life could be depleted. Luckily, unlike Jim, the dragons’ life could not regenerate, causing the battle to be one of attrition.


Finally, after ample guerilla tactics, Jim manages to destroy the vile Dragon and receives A MEDICINE. A medicine is capable of fully restoring Jims life points, should be fall in battle. It is only usable once, however, so Jim will be making sure to be careful not to end up using it before fighting Borealis. If necessary, it will be sent to his next of kin.



Drying up the riverbed had another great benefit, as it revealed the chest containing the long lost RUBY. The Ruby is the third and final jewel needed to battle Borealis and causes Jims regeneration to hit a point that he can even receive health by walking on tiles that were previously harmful! His regeneration on said tiles was incredibly slow, and it would take about 5 minutes to refill it, but it was still something. Now all that is left is to battle foes until Jims strength and health are high enough to let him survive for more then two seconds against Boeralis!


Jim returned to the Cave where he acquired the Sword for his experience Grinding. The WISPS were weak enough now that he could kill them in mass, they still gave experience, and they weren’t able to kill him with a single blow. Also, they spawned in large groups.

Next Time:
The Final Battle!

10-08-2008, 06:50 AM
Geez, this game gets less intuitive the more you write about it. Destroying a gravestone not only drains the rivers but somehow makes a dragon vulnerable? You would think a hero would consider the adverse effects on the local ecosystem without a source of fresh water.

10-08-2008, 10:04 AM
Without a FAQ how could anyone have figured that out? Were any of the other tombstones destructible? The puzzles in this game are as bad as those in Gabriel Knight 3!

Octopus Prime
10-08-2008, 01:57 PM
Compared to many of the other puzzles in the game, the Grave thing was pretty obvious, really. I mean, it's sticking out like a sore thumb, with a different kind of ground all around it. Running over and knocking it down may not be the first thing to come to mind, but you'd probably figure it out by accident.

The Tree that randomly contains either deadly, deadly wasps, or a fairy? That's obtuse.

The moving tree's that kill you instantly if you pick the wrong one? That's obtuse.

The Wizards who only release a fairy if you kill them both with Wave? That's bloody stupid.

The grave thing is okay.

Also, I've noticed that a lot of my LPs involve the heroes unleashing catastrophic enviromental damage, and not caring about the consequences. I'm just waiting for Nightshade to wipe out an endangered species or something.

10-08-2008, 02:59 PM
I can't wait to see the ending for this. You're a real hero, OP.

Also, this combination of terrible gameplay and obtuse "puzzles" is making me want to see someone do a Tower of Druaga LP.

Octopus Prime
10-08-2008, 03:02 PM
I can't wait to see the ending for this. You're a real hero, OP.

Also, this combination of terrible gameplay and obtuse "puzzles" is making me want to see someone do a Tower of Druaga LP.

I'm no hero. I'm just a warrior.

And I've wanted to play Tower of Druaga for a few weeks now, if you do it, I won't have to. And I would thank you.

10-08-2008, 03:08 PM
Oh my no. I can't play Druaga. Not... not again...

10-08-2008, 03:15 PM
My eyes saw Tower of Druaga and my brain saw Deadly Towers. Now that's a game that needs an LP!

Octopus Prime
10-08-2008, 07:08 PM
This is is, ladies and gentlemen. The final update. At long, long last will we see how Jim's quest reaches its end. But please, before we begin, a moment of silence for the memories of Jim, Jim 2, Jim 3 and Jim Sr.


Thank you.

And now, on to the grand finale.


At Long Last, Jim hit Level 6 and learned the final and most devastating magic spell in his repertoire; FLASH. The power of FLASH releases all the ambient magical energies of nature as far as the eye can see, obliterating every single visible monster, except for Borealis, and probably the Dragon. It most likely wouldn’t have worked on the Vampire or Wizards, either.


The rest of Jims Grinding was done in the Graveyard. Jim was able to battle the Zombies effectively now, and nearly every single creature caused his Experience Bar to fill ever more. In a cruel turn of events, though, the bountiful Slimes that had infested these fields had been upgraded to Hypers. Better for experience, to be sure, but vastly more dangerous as prey.

After the deaths of many, many zombies and Hypers, Jim hit Level 7, and felt as though he may yet be able to defeat Borealis. He prepares to send word to his successor, just in case, and heads back to Borealis’ Castle.


But First, Jim opted to gain another level or two, ultimately heading back to the Castle at the lofty perch of Level 9. New Magic stopped becoming available long ago, but the greatly increased strength and Life would be well appreciated. Jim discovered that the Kobolds had also upgraded to their more powerful form of the GOBLIN after destroying enough of them. Goblins were comparable to Hypers in all ways, and were therefore useful for gaining experience. Far more efficient then the other local monsters.



And LO THE GREAT BEAST APPEARED! Jim faced down with the great, deadly monster… who his guide identified as Varalys? That seemed like a translation error; Jim would have to write a complaint letter to the publisher of his Field Guide when he finished his quest.

Borealis/Varalys is flanked by an army of Skeletons and Blackams, but the guards are easily dispatched with a massive burst of FLASH magic, temporarily leaving Jim alone with the Demon. Similar to his battle against the Dragon earlier, using his Attack command against a monster as powerful as this would result in instant death, so Jim brushed against his foe without pressing the A Button, whittling his enemy down, point by point, finally using his A Medicine, until, finally…

Octopus Prime
10-08-2008, 07:10 PM

…With a crash that would shatter the heavens, Borealis fell, bursting with a flash that caused Jim to see white and black repeatedly. Suddenly the monster had vanished, taking his armies with him. Jim walked forth, knowing he had just fulfilled two of the three tenets of Adol’s Christian School for Swordplay and Damsel-Rescue:

1. He Had ground for experience until his limit was reached
2. He had killed a monster referred to in text as “The Demon King”

There was only one task left; Rescue the Princess.

Octopus Prime
10-08-2008, 07:12 PM

And so, after a tediously long venture, The Democratic Kingdom of Hydlide was saved from the nebulously evil forces of Borealis. The Princess had been rebuilt from the three fairies she was turned into, and Jim was prepared for his ultimate reward: A lump of blue text that congratulated him vaguely, and a different kind of horrible, tinny background music.

That was all, there were no parades, no triumphant songs and stories… just a little blue “congratulations”, and the Princess nodding at him. There weren’t even any credits to show who was responsible for designing this world of Hydlide.

It was less then Jim felt he deserved, but he knew it was foolish to ask for more.


And there you have it, my friends. The sad, sad story of Jim, Knight of Hydlide. I certainly hope you enjoyed reading it more then I enjoyed playing it. Because, honestly, the alternative is just plain impossible.

10-08-2008, 07:59 PM
Thanks for playing! Thanks to you, now I'll never have to play this terrible, terrible game.

10-08-2008, 08:04 PM

So whats the next horror will you unleash upon the Lets Play board?

10-08-2008, 08:23 PM
I like how after Hydlide makes you listen to the first half of the Indiana Jones theme for hours on end, your reward for finishing the game is getting to listen to the second half of the Indiana Jones theme.

10-08-2008, 08:48 PM

(I'm honestly surprised they spelled it right).

Once again, better you than me. Now I can die without wondering what I've missed. Thank you.

10-08-2008, 08:51 PM
So whats the next horror will you unleash upon the Lets Play board?

I vote for Deadly Towers.

10-08-2008, 08:52 PM
I vote for Deadly Towers.

Seconded! (Or, rather, firsted)

My eyes saw Tower of Druaga and my brain saw Deadly Towers. Now that's a game that needs an LP!


10-08-2008, 10:09 PM
Good job OP, that was mightily enjoyable! I really like the short LP style of this and Starfox, and I'd like to see more of them if people are up for it.

10-08-2008, 10:31 PM
Good thread! I have a strange love for these shitty, ancient RPGs who attempt to be so much more than technology and skill could allow.

Alright then, who's doing Virtual Hydlide?

10-08-2008, 11:52 PM
No offense or anything Octoprime but this guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYVRNr59wKY) done kicked your butt.

10-09-2008, 02:40 AM
Yeah, but that guy had the power of TECHNOLOGY* to help him, whereas all OP had on his side was his indomitable will.


Octopus Prime
10-09-2008, 03:30 AM
Oh come on, how could he have gotten the two Fairies, Key and Ring on his first try? They're randomized!

Also, my next game is going to be Nightshade, since I don't feel like playing two games like this in a row.

I'm sure that I'll end up doing Deadly Towers at some point in the future, but lord knows I'm not looking forward to it. And as for Druaga, isn't that game endless?

10-09-2008, 07:41 AM
Yeah, but that guy had the power of TECHNOLOGY* to help him, whereas all OP had on his side was his indomitable will.

Well that shows you what indomitable will is worth, doesn't it?

Lesson learned: when it comes to shitty games you shouldn't be playing in the first place, always cheat.

10-09-2008, 08:27 AM
Thanks for another entertaining read, OctoPrime. HOORAY!

Also, again, I highly recommend that the soundtrack to Hydlide 3 (aka Super Hydlide on the Genesis) be listened to, if you've had enough of H1's Indiana Jones theme bullshit for a lifetime.

SAMPLE TRACK FULL OF AWESOME HERE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Stwi5OQ_3tw&feature=related)

10-09-2008, 08:34 AM
CONGRATULATIONS! I think you now hold the record for shortest LP ever.

10-09-2008, 08:35 AM
CONGRATULATIONS! I think you now hold the record for shortest LP ever.

Now I feel like LPing Passage just to be a dick.

10-09-2008, 08:38 AM
Video LP Wario Ware.

I guess you don't have to play at 150% speed...

10-09-2008, 09:58 AM
After watching that video I had no idea how shitty that music really is. You are a brave soul Octopus.

10-09-2008, 10:25 AM
Yay! We did it! You did most of the heavy lifting but we had to stare at those terrible screen shots with their bad pixels and everything!

The story of Jim was epic though!

I look forward to never playing this game and seeing what you have next for us!

10-09-2008, 12:02 PM
That was beautiful.

And as for Druaga, isn't that game endless?

Nope. Just 60 floors. There's a second quest for the NES version, though. And you have no idea how absurd the puzzles are for that game. Example: to get the Gold Pickaxe on floor 29 you have to press up, right, down, left, up, right, down, left, up, right, down, left.

There is absolutely no indication in game that you have to do something like that. It is pretty special.

Octopus Prime
10-09-2008, 06:17 PM
CONGRATULATIONS! I think you now hold the record for shortest LP ever.

Well, my LP for Tombs and Treasures was finished before the third page.

10-09-2008, 08:53 PM
Applause! I enjoyed this. A nod from the Princess. How chaste can you get.

10-09-2008, 11:15 PM
Applause! I enjoyed this. A nod from the Princess. How chaste can you get.

Jim better be getting more than that for his hard work puzzling out the absolute nuttiness of Hydlide. OP, I have no idea how anyone could play this thing and I adore quick, bad games.

10-09-2008, 11:34 PM
Wow, that ending was pretty lame. I bet that if this team had access to newer and better technology, they'd be able to create some of the greatest moments in game history.

Or maybe they'll just pay some white bitch to look around while grinning stupidly. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp3HnITe08A) Either way.

Good work getting through it, OP. You're a true hero. CONGLATURATION