View Full Version : A Questionable Grasp of Botany: Let's Play Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom!

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Octopus Prime
02-22-2009, 03:41 AM
The observant LP viewer may notice that I like adventures games, NES games, and combinations thereof. So it should come as no surprise that an NES adventure game wherein all the characters are vegetables is right up my alley. Well, maybe not so much the anthropomorphic vegetable part. But I digress, because hereís an NES adventure game wherein all the characters are vegetables.


Letís get this show on the road!

Chapter One: The Melon Massacre!
~Part 1: The Thirsty Baby~

One day, Minister Pumpkin betrayed King Broccoli. He kidnapped Princess Tomato and stole the Turnip Emblem. He took them to his castle in the Zucchini Mountains. He sent his cruel Farmies to terrorize all the vegetables in the Salad Kingdom. Shortly thereafter, the poor king died from the loss of his beautiful daughter.

But he promised you, Sir Cucumber, the Princessí hand and the Kingdom if you bring them back safely.

God Speed, Sir Cucumber!

From this we can extrapolate the following-
First: If the Princess is a Tomato, and the King is made of Broccoli, that would imply that the Queen must also a Tomato, and, like having red hair, Broccoli-dom is a recessive gene.

Second: Presumably the King and Princess had a symbiotic relationship, and without her nearby, the king was doomed to death.

Third: The Princess has no problem marrying someone she presumably never met assuming he is capable of defeating a nefarious Pumpkin.


Assuming that the Zucchini Mountains are those hills in the background, one might notice that none of the three vegetables that comprise the mountains are a Zucchini. The reasonable assumption is that the Zucchini Mountains were named after who discovered them rather then what they are actually made of.

Thereís also a flower there in the middle of the path. Itís kind of weird to see a flower just lying there in the middle of what is clearly a well-travelled road, so letís remove the offending flora.

Nice to know.
It would also seem that while fruits and vegetables are anthropomorphic in the Salad Kingdom, other bits of plant matter are not. The only logical assumption is that THE FLOWER IS MADE OF MEAT!

Moving forward brings us into the Celery Forest and brings us face to face with a baby Persimmon. Also, the ground is covered with small Broccoli crowns, which adds to the mystery of the royal familiesí genealogy.

Aww, I hate to see a persimmon cry, especially a baby persimmon which is apparently dying of dehydration. Thatís just cruel. Of course, the only items in my inventory are the flower and 3 gold coins, neither of which being immediately useful for giving the Persimmon a drink. So we abandon the dying baby for now.

Sir Cucumber is a hero!

The Spinach Heights are not very high, but Iím willing to give them the benefit of the doubt on the Spinach status.

The Signpost is kind enough to point out what each of the three paths lead to, but not which path leads where. Still, Lake Quench sounds like the kind of place to go to if you wanted to get a drink.

I also picked up some Spinach, sinceÖ well, why not?

Octopus Prime
02-22-2009, 03:43 AM

Lake Quench, besides being full of water, also has a Fern Bird nest nearby. Iím a bit more concerned about getting that baby some drink before it dies. Or wilts. Or whatever.


Anyway, I take some Water in a non-existent Pot, a Pot which is only large enough to offer three drinks. It is presumably a small pot.


Looking inside the Nest gives me another Gold Coin. Which is nice.

Back in the Celery Forest, the Baby Persimmon is still sitting in the middle of the path, crying, or vomiting, itís hard to tell.

Giving the Water to the Persimmon causes it to make a different, but still revolting, face. The Baby is also more talkative.

I just escaped from the Farmies! My friends are in the Melon Patch. The Farmies have stopped giving them water. The Farmies are so cruel. We must go help the Melons!

GAH! That is one ugly baby! Percy, the Horrible Persimmon Creature now joins me in my quest to save the Princess. He can give me hints on how to proceed should I get stuck. Getting stuck is a certainty, and some puzzles can only be solved by talking to Percy.

First we must go to the Melon Patch to save the Melons.

Itís nice to know that Melons and Persimmons have been able to look past their physical differences to become friends.


02-22-2009, 05:07 AM

の の

The Salad Kingdom freaks me out. Some of the vegetables are people, but some are trees? And others are mountains? If our world worked that way, we'd have mountains made of people. Just sitting there in the distance...pulsating. This is disturbing! I have disturbed myself!

02-22-2009, 05:14 AM
Somewhere, somehow during this LP I will make a Kakarot joke. It is my destiny.

02-22-2009, 06:21 AM
Finally. I've been waiting for this LP to start since ever.

Don't let me down, 'pus.

Octopus Prime
02-22-2009, 06:43 AM
の の

The Salad Kingdom freaks me out. Some of the vegetables are people, but some are trees? And others are mountains? If our world worked that way, we'd have mountains made of people. Just sitting there in the distance...pulsating. This is disturbing! I have disturbed myself!

This gets much more fundamentally disturbing before this ends.

Also, if updates on this one seem more sporadic then my previous LPs, well... you can blame Gamemaster Arino and the two-headed beast that is Dragon Quest and Street Fighter.

Octopus Prime
02-22-2009, 07:30 AM
Psst, it's "botany."

Awww ruckus. PM for editing sent.

02-22-2009, 09:46 AM
The Salad Kingdom freaks me out. Some of the vegetables are people, but some are trees? And others are mountains? If our world worked that way, we'd have mountains made of people. Just sitting there in the distance...pulsating. This is disturbing! I have disturbed myself!

It's PEOPLE! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sp-VFBbjpE)

Pajaro Pete
02-22-2009, 11:00 AM
This gets much more fundamentally disturbing before this ends.


I'm so happy! Also just to scar your soul a little bit more, the only thing Percy is wearing is a fundoshi.

02-22-2009, 11:01 AM
Oh my god! I always thought this was some kind of platformer. I am going to play this now.

02-22-2009, 12:26 PM
Oh my god! I always thought this was some kind of platformer. I am going to play this now.

So did I! D:

02-22-2009, 12:43 PM
The "Farmies?" Was this game intended to be a commentary on the cruel conditions vegetables endure in crowded hothouses before they're consumed by humans?

We're such a greedy, cruel society. Anyone can subsist on air if they'd just try.

02-22-2009, 12:49 PM
The "Farmies?" Was this game intended to be a commentary on the cruel conditions vegetables endure in crowded hothouses before they're consumed by humans?

We're such a greedy, cruel society. Anyone can subsist on air if they'd just try.

"The Farm" by Upton Sinclair

02-22-2009, 12:54 PM

Lake Quench: Because Lake Poison Ground Water just did not sound right :\

02-22-2009, 01:19 PM
The "Farmies?" Was this game intended to be a commentary on the cruel conditions vegetables endure in crowded hothouses before they're consumed by humans?

We're such a greedy, cruel society. Anyone can subsist on air if they'd just try.


02-22-2009, 02:54 PM
You go, brave little cucumber man.

Octopus Prime
02-24-2009, 02:17 AM
Chapter One: The Melon Massacre!
~Part 2: To Save a Melon Patch!~


Not that I can help, since the Farmies have used their diabolical sciences to construct a barrier preventing all entry!


Thereís also a sign informing that No Vegetables are allowed in. SoÖ since Persimmons are fruits, Percy should be allowed to come and go as he pleases, shouldnít he? Of course, Sir Cucumber is a vegetable, and the game is from his viewpoint, so we canít go in.

Maybe later we can find some way to outwit that fence. In the meanwhile, lets head to the Town of Saladoria.


The Turnip refuses to allow Sir Cucumber into Saladoria without first presenting a pass. Iím not entirely sure whether itís that you need a ticket to enter this particular town, not unlike travelling through an amusement park, or The Salad Kingdomís borders are so closed that you even need a passport to travel inside it.

Of course, thatís a moot point, since I donít have a pass either way. I canít bribe the Guard and heís too tough to feel you hitting him. Percy chimes in, eventually, that his friends in the Melon Patch might be able to help.

SoÖ back to the Patch I guess

http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj201/OctopusPrime/Salad%20Kingdom/princess_tomato0024.png http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj201/OctopusPrime/Salad%20Kingdom/princess_tomato0025.png

Looking at the Sign causes some Cherry-Birds to flutter past, and checking the Bush reveals a sleeping individual.


The Bush contains Prince Lettuce! Who is probably the son of King Broccoli and the Brother of Princess Tomato. Clearly, King Broccoli kept a number of wives which he spent up until one would bear him a Broccoli heir.


The unconscious, partially buried prince awakens when we poor water on his head. Only one sprinkle of water left.

There is a passage under the fence. The Melons need your help. Iím alright, please save the others. Minister Pumpkins Farmies will destroy all of us vegetables. We must stop him!

Whatever you say, my liege!


It would seem that the Melon Patch is inhabited by some Bok Choy, some lettuce, what appears to be a cantaloupe (or perhaps Honeydew Melon) and an unidentified green creature with a handkerchief. Assuming that last one is also a melon, then that would mean that the Melon Patch has a mere 50% Melon population. This is either the result of a horrific campaign of ethnic cleansing on the Farmies partÖ or the Melon Patch is just a misnomer.

Octopus Prime
02-24-2009, 02:18 AM

The game insists that they are a Nappa Cabbage, Cantaloupe, Honey Dew and Watermelon, respectively. Iím willing to accept that one is a Watermelon, and Iíll give the benefit of the doubt that the first one is a Nappa instead of Bok Choy, but there is no freakiní way that that lettuce is ANY kind of melon.

Anyhow, like Percy mentioned earlier, the Melons are being denied water, and consequently, are not at their most talkative at present. Iíve got one drink of water left, so I might as well use it on them.


My third and final drink of water rejuvenated the Melons, and Lettuce-Related Vegetables, inspiring the Cantaloupe to give me a Pass for getting into Saladoria. Neat!

First I head back to Lake Quench to refill my Water Pot, just in case I need it again. I also check out that shrine that was waaaay back in the background.


The Shrine looks lonely, and is apparently colored wrong. I donít think many rocks are the appropriate shade of red for an apple statue, myself, but then the Salad Kingdom has a fairly unusual ecosystem, so maybe the fact that the statue isnít red IS unusual.

I give the Shrine my Meat-Flower and it looks much prettier. It doesnít seem like thereís anything else that can be done here now, so off we go, to give that Guard my pass.


Oh frig; Iím going to have to shave a cat or something, arenít I?

The Guard confiscates the pass and still refuses to let me pass. What a jerk. However, talking to Percy informs me that the Guard sometimes falls asleep.


Sure enough, leaving the screen and coming back reveals that the Guard is now fast asleep, and I can slip past him easily. So the whole Gate Pass thing was a total waste of time.

Also, the guard will remain ever vigilant UNTIL Percy mentions that he sometimes falls asleep. Making this the only adventure games I know of where you HAVE to use the hint feature to advance. Well, I think one of the Space Quest games did that too, actually, but whatever.


While entering the town, Percy trips and drops everything except my Gold. Frigginí pear.


And So Ends the First Chapter of Princess Tomato In the Salad Kingdom. Sir Cucumber managed to outwit a narcoleptic, ignore and later save a starving child, and didnít rescue a mostly buried Prince.

What perils await him in the future? Is Saladoria a place of friends, or foes? What of the Turnip Emblem? How has the public reacted to the death of the national patriarch? All this and more*Ö Next Time!

*None of these questions may be answered

02-24-2009, 06:19 AM
Also, the guard will remain ever vigilant UNTIL Percy mentions that he sometimes falls asleep. Making this the only adventure games I know of where you HAVE to use the hint feature to advance. Well, I think one of the Space Quest games did that too, actually, but whatever.

Oh look, my area of expertise!

Space Quest IV did, except the "Space Quest IV Hint Book" was basically a gag item with one or two genuine hints in there. And the other hint in there told you to get yourself killed in increasingly creative ways before it told you that it's a dead end and to go another way.

02-24-2009, 07:51 AM
Also, if updates on this one seem more sporadic then my previous LPs, well... you can blame Gamemaster Arino and the two-headed beast that is Dragon Quest and Street Fighter.

Me too!

Octopus Prime
02-26-2009, 12:25 PM
Chapter 2: The Town Without Pity


The bored ďGarlicĒ (apparently) informs me that there is a scholar on the mountainside. I guess thatís valuable information.


The Garlic sleeps on a bench, incidentally, so Iím not sure how useful (or indeed, lucid) his advice is likely to be. Unless the Garlic was forced out of his home by the Farmies, in which case I feel bad for presuming he is strung out on whatever passes for recreational narcotics in the Salad Kingdom.

No, screw it, that Garlic is strung out on goof-balls.

Also, he wonít give me any more info until I get him some coffee. Presumably to sober him up.


By God! So they do!

Moving ahead puts us in the Main Street, and shopping district of Saladoria. And what is on this abandoned street?


All right, Coffee, Juice, and Electronic shops I can understand. I get what those are. But Ant Shop? No idea what that is.


Oh, an Antique Shop. That makes some sense, I guess. Why itís one of the only shops to not close down is a mystery though.

ďThe Minister kidnapped Princess Tomato! We must save her!Ē

Iím not sure who that second line was spoken by.

And I canít buy anything here since Gold isnít recognized tender in Saladoria, apparently, I need Saladorian Coins.

Hopefully thereís a money exchange nearby. In the meantime, letís head to the Coffee Shop.

ErrÖ the Coffee Shop is managed by a shriveled, hideous plum, named Lady Plum. It also contains a broken telephone, what the game assures me is good smelling cup of coffee.

Excuse me, a damn good cup of coffee.


Sir Cucumber is totally incapable of knocking an old lady unconscious. I donít know how confident we should be that he can overthrow Minister Pumpkin.

Iíve got the feeling that weíll be similarly incapable of doing anything in either of the other shops, so we might as well head off to see that Scholar that the Garlic mentioned.


I choose to interpret that as a cry of horror.

Mr. Corn is hard of hearing, and he hates the city. He doesnít say much else, so I question his status as the Scholar we were looking for.


Talking to him a few more times gives some useful information, however!

Also, the ground is covered with Clover, I take one. Nothing else here, so I head back into town and head into the Deli, off the entrance way.


Well ainít that a peach?

Thereís nothing in the Deli right now, I just wanted to make the pun.

02-26-2009, 01:44 PM
Excuse me, a damn good cup of coffee.

Every game would be better with an Angelo Badalamenti soundtrack. And goodness knows this one looks surreal enough for Lynch to have worked on it.

02-26-2009, 05:21 PM

Um ... am I crazy or is the "deli" back wall advertising fruits and vegetables for sell? To eat. And presumably thin-slice for sandwiches.

Freaking cannibal plant creatures. They probably all have mad-fruit disease.

Octopus Prime
02-26-2009, 05:23 PM
Um ... am I crazy or is the "deli" back wall advertising fruits and vegetables for sell? To eat. And presumably thin-slice for sandwiches.

Freaking cannibal plant creatures. They probably all have mad-fruit disease.

Sir, that is only the beginning.

Octopus Prime
02-28-2009, 08:28 AM
Town Without Pity: Part 2


Looking at the fountain gives me sarcastic comment about hitting it. Hitting the Fountain causes a coin to pop out.

Adventure Game Logic!


I use the coin to buy some Coffee, which will hopefully make the surly Garlic bulb a bit more gracious.


Maybe not. The Donut shop, incidentally, was one of the first businesses that the Farmies forced closed when they took over. They certainly know how to prioritize.


Looking at the Main Street twice, after being told of the Donut Dilemma, causes another shop to appear, that you wouldnít have noticed otherwise. Seriously, that is how this games puzzles work.


No part of either of those statements makes a lick of sense. Like everything else in Saladoria, I canít enter the building without any Saladorian currency. Since we advanced the plot, slightly, maybe we can finally get out money exchanged at the Antique Shop?

Please take this letter to Miss Peachy. Itís very important.
Well, that helped. You really have to put yourself into the right frame of mind for this game.

Please take this sandwich.
OhÖ kay, thatís a peculiar reward. Did anyone want a sandwich?


Mr. Pear didnít want the Sandwich, but now heíll exchange worthless gold for valuable coins! I donít have many coins, though, so Iíd best spend them sparingly. First stop: Cabaret!


02-28-2009, 08:42 AM
I donít have many coins, though, so Iíd best spend them sparingly. First stop: Cabaret!


03-01-2009, 08:41 AM
Why is the baby allowed in the fruit salad whorehouse?

Pajaro Pete
03-01-2009, 04:35 PM
Um ... am I crazy or is the "deli" back wall advertising fruits and vegetables for sell? To eat. And presumably thin-slice for sandwiches.

Freaking cannibal plant creatures. They probably all have mad-fruit disease.

I think those are the prices for the customer. Like, it isn't saying "Bellpeppers - $1.00", it's saying that Bellpeppers only pay $1.00 for their food.

No part of either of those statements makes a lick of sense.

Some Japanese restrooms are BYOTP, so they have people selling TP with advertisements on the street.

I'm reasonably sure that in the JP version, the cabaret is supposed to be a host club (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostess_club). Have fun sleeping tonight!

03-01-2009, 04:49 PM
I think those are the prices for the customer. Like, it isn't saying "Bellpeppers - $1.00", it's saying that Bellpeppers only pay $1.00 for their food.

So what you're saying is that they aren't cannibals, but they have race-based pricing for food? That's... better?

And the host club thing weirds me out on so many levels.

Pajaro Pete
03-01-2009, 04:52 PM
Not better, just different.

Octopus Prime
03-02-2009, 07:14 PM
Town Without Pity: Part 3

Previously in the Salad Kingdom: We went all over the small town of Saladoria trying to get useful information out of a surly (and possibly intoxicated) garlic bulb, culminating in our Gold being replaced with coins and gaining access to a club of some sort.


I thought that was an Orange, not an Apricot, but I’m willing to take their word for it. Also, I don’t think it counts as being “The one and only” if there are three of them…


Banana Boy has a malevolent air about him. I bet he’s a bad guy.

Let’s see what Miss Apricot has to say.

It’s not safe here. It’s note as peaceful as it used to be
I’m not sure if Wanderers is a euphemism for vagrants, or for strangers. For that matter, I’m also not sure if Coffee isn’t euphemism for anything. Let’s assume it isn’t a bowlederization of anything, and it’s just that the people of Saladoria are just late-risers.

That said, what about Miss Lemon?

But you don’t have the crest of the Resistance! Everyone adores Resistance members here.

But Sir Cucumber is a hero! Everyone loves heroes!

It’s probably safe to say that we’re going to become members of the Resistance soon. Likely before the end of this chapter.

And Banana Boy?

Hey guys, I want you to meet someone. He’s waiting in the restroom.

A character (who is very strongly implied to be a villain) insists that I should meet his friend, who will only see me in an out-of-the way location, free from any sort of protection from the public?

The game really expects me to be that stupid?

Octopus Prime
03-02-2009, 07:15 PM

WellÖ yes, yes it does. And Sir Cucumber decides to tip the waiter for his advice. Geez!



And the bathroom is empty. I feel kind of disappointed by this, actually. I was expecting something exciting to happen there.


The trashcan contains a donut however. Thatís AWESOME! I take the Garbage Donut.


Upon returning to the main floor of the Cabaret, the Waiter is gone. That jerk swindled me out of a Coin and I demand vengeance!


Well, thatísÖ sureÖ some sort of aÖ thing.


The entrance to town now contains a crying babyÖ leafed vegetable.

Heís hungry, and I have both donut and Sandwich. I know I have to give the donut to the Garlic, so I guess the baby gets a Sandwich.


Baby appreciates the Sandwich, and tells me that his (negligent) father is the gentleman sleeping on the benchÖ The kid wakes him up.


No problem MrÖ Whatever you are. Please go ahead and tell us your life story:

Once I was the Minister here until the Farmies occupied our land. Then I became a Wanderer. I feel so miserable. We are building a secret Resistance Base in the Parsley Forest.


WellÖ thatís great. I have no idea what a soursop is. It may just be a juvenile insult. Anyway, the important thing is that we now have a vague destination in mind! Lets find the Parsley Forest Resistance Base, so we can finally start to bring the fight to the Farmies! To the Mountains! SinceÖ thatís on the way to the Parsley Forest, I guess!

03-02-2009, 09:02 PM
that dude doesn't look anything like a soursop!

this game is made of madness.

03-03-2009, 03:02 PM

The trashcan contains a donut however. Thatís AWESOME! I take the Garbage Donut.

Note to self: never accept food from OctoPrime.

03-03-2009, 05:02 PM
Octoprime makes the best LPs, but the worst salads.

Pajaro Pete
03-03-2009, 09:06 PM
Maybe he just doesn't know how to properly toss salad?

03-03-2009, 10:55 PM
Maybe he just doesn't know how to properly toss salad?


03-04-2009, 08:26 AM
Maybe he just doesn't know how to properly toss salad?

It was only a matter of time before someone made this joke. I'm glad it was you.

And not me.

Octopus Prime
03-04-2009, 11:09 AM
It was only a matter of time before someone made this joke. I'm glad it was you.

And not me.

It was originally in the title, then I thought better of it.

Pajaro Pete
03-04-2009, 11:28 AM
OctoPrime: Making the wrong choices since February 2009.

03-04-2009, 11:40 AM
OctoPrime: Making the wrong choices since September 1985.

Yeah, I looked at OctoPrime's profile. You wanna make somethin' of it?

03-04-2009, 11:49 AM
Yeah, I looked at OctoPrime's profile. You wanna make somethin' of it?


Octopus Prime
03-04-2009, 12:27 PM
OctoPrime: Making the wrong choices since September 1985

Man, if I didn't like what I had there now, I would totally use that as a Member Title.

03-04-2009, 01:20 PM
There's a character limit on that. Awfully short, too, or else I would have "does not give the excitement".

Octopus Prime
03-04-2009, 04:41 PM

The Corn Guru mentions that the leader of the Resistance is incapacitated by a headache. That seems like a pretty lame reason to stop leading a freedom force dedicated to stopping a totalitarian regime, but considering the size of the heads of most the residents of the Kingdom, I would imagine a headache would be pretty nasty.

I guess.

We won’t be able to join the Resistance while its leader is in a likely surly mood, so we must seek medical aid! The Corn Guru mentions that there is a Pharmacy near the cabaret. Which probably means that there is now a Pharmacy near the Cabaret that wasn’t actually there before.

Except that there’s nothing there, so maybe the Cabaret itself can shed some light?


It’s Mr. Scallion! The friendly… Scallion. He’s such a nice guy, let’s praise him!


There we go! Constantly telling Mr. Scallion about how nice his tie is the key to causing the Pharmacy to Materialize. …honestly, this is the LEAST sensible adventure game I think I’ve ever played.


Mr. Fix has exceptionally shiny glasses. The sparkle from them is BLINDING.


That goes a long way to proving several of my theories about the residents of the Salad Kingdom…


Thanks for the free medicine Mr. Fig! I’d question how you can stay in business when you don’t charge for medicine… but then I think the answer to that question is directly related to all the illegal pharmaceuticals behind you.

To the… Mountains again… I guess!


There’s somebody new in the Park. Might as well talk to her. She’ll either be INCREDIBLY useful, or a red herring.

She’s selling flowers, which, as previously mentioned, are likely made out of Meat. I could always use some more Meat-Flowers, they really spruce up a home. Might as well buy some. Odds are that the Chapter will end soon, and therefore make just about everything in my inventory worthless anyway. Money included. She becomes much more helpful and talkative after getting some Meat from her.

The Bookshop is the meeting place for the Resistance. They are planning to rescue the Princess. Get help at the Bookshop.

So… go to the Bookstore?


We Suuuure did, Perce.


Wait… so the Salad Kingdom has a Germany? So… this game takes place on Earth? Then why haven’t we heard about the violent coup in the Salad Kingdom? A thing like that would have at least gotten mentioned on CNN, probbaly only on a slow news day, but still.

Perhaps the better question is… why was all public knowledge of the Salad Kingdom removed? Who stands to benefit from a cover-up such as this? Who… and perhaps more importantly… why?

Octopus Prime
03-04-2009, 04:43 PM

Simon (if that is he real name) doesnít even mention the Resistance. Maybe thereís a code or a password or something? Some way to prove Iím loyal to the cause, and dedicated to defeating Minister Pumpkin?

So I punch him.


Sir Cucumber is a hero!

Simon runs away after a single punch, Take THAT you greasy Beatnik!


Without Simon around we rummage around the shop and find a key. I have no idea what this key goes into, but BY GOD we have it! We leave the Bookstore, since there were no actual Resistance members in here that we could sign on with.

Possibly except for Simon, who ran away.


And now weíre in jail. Super.

Will out heroes escape the clutches of the evil Farmies? What of the Resistance? Will we ever give the Bored Garlic his sandwich?


03-04-2009, 06:16 PM
Just a thought: maybe you got arrested for assaulting the bookstore... uh... rutabega? Not sure what that guy was.

03-04-2009, 06:25 PM
Just a thought: maybe you got arrested for assaulting the bookstore... uh... rutabega? Not sure what that guy was.


03-04-2009, 09:07 PM
wait... so is punching Colonel Klink-abega in the face is the right answer??? MADNESS!

Octopus Prime
03-08-2009, 02:58 PM
Chapter 3: Sergeant Peppers DEADLY Hearts Club
Part 1:

To recap: Sir Cucumber and Percyís attempts to join the Resistance kind of faltered after they beat the crap out of a German Bookstore attendant for no reason at all, and they were arrested by the Farmies. We join out intrepid heroes as they wallow in their cell.



The other inmates donít quite seem to match their silhouettes, but thatís hardly surprising by now. Letís see what they have to say.

Sprout: ďMinister Pumpkin controls the Police. Weíll die in this jail!Ē
Turnip: ďThe Resistance Base is in the Parsley Forest, butÖ the Parsely Forest is a giant maze!
Potato: ďI have nothing to say!Ē
Mushroom: ďMr. Mole found some kind of instructions. Please save the PrincessĒ

Okay, well half of that was useful. Mr. Potato is tight lipped though. Letís see how he responds to violence from his fellow inmates!

Here, take this File

That worked well. Iím not sure how he managed to get a File into the cell without it being discovered when he was searched. On a similar note, Iíd rather not think about how that was possible.

Incidentally, the Farmies didnít take very many items from me. They took my Clover, but thatís about it. The Saladorian police force is extremely ineffective at their job it seems. That does explain how the Potato managed to sneak in a file. No sense letting a good thing goes to waste, letís use the File and escape.

Oh No! An officer is coming! Heís taking us to the Interrogation Room!


Sergeant Pepper looks lonely in his heart. He should join a club. He also looks hideous. There may be a connection between that and the lonliness.

Youíre Resistance Members!

A file? Give it to me! So thatís how you escaped your cell!

Sir Cucumber is oddly compliant for a hero dedicated to stopping the Farmies. And his compliance is rewardedÖ


With a trip to the Torture Chamber. What a jerk Sergeant Pepper is!


Thatís what SHE said!


Percy is kind of missing the concept of the room, I think.


After looking at the door for a while, and punching it twice, the Sergeant decides to leave. While he appeared to be genre savvy enough to watch the room to make sure you would die in it, it was just an elaborate trick to make sure that itís proven that Sir Cucumber canít punch his way out of the room. Bearing in mind that Sir Cucumber was previously unable to beat up a shriveled prune, Iím not entirely sure why he bothered to wait. The Sergeant is an enigma.

03-08-2009, 06:14 PM
Mushroom: ďMr. Mole found some kind of instructions. Please save the PrincessĒ

Mr. Mole?

Is this our first non-plant-based NPC?

Octopus Prime
03-08-2009, 06:18 PM
Mr. Mole?

Is this our first non-plant-based NPC?

Possibly! The juries still out on the police.

03-08-2009, 06:24 PM
Well, and I've been wondering if the evil "Farmies" are really the greatest monster of all: MAN!


Octopus Prime
03-09-2009, 02:17 AM
Don't worry, it's not a spoiler. The Police and the Evil Farmies are seperate entities.

Seperate... Evil entities.

Farmies totally are people though. They're evil, goofy-looking bald guys.

03-09-2009, 04:00 AM
Notice that the "seedy" (ha) patrons of the jail are vegetables grown underground or in the darkness, with the exception of Sprout? I sense some demographic-based racism here.

Also, Sgt Pepper has an ashtray on his desk. What do they smoke in the Salad Kingdom? Carrot tops?

Percy was dying of thirst. His end will be horrible and hilariously ironic.

03-09-2009, 10:01 AM

Ho ho, Turnip's in jail!

Pajaro Pete
03-09-2009, 12:39 PM
Actually, that's my father.

03-10-2009, 12:49 PM
I've spend a full day trying to think of some vegetable based crime he may have been put away for.

I'm sorry Talking Time. I've let you down.

03-10-2009, 01:37 PM

This game is amazing.

03-10-2009, 02:01 PM
I've spend a full day trying to think of some vegetable based crime he may have been put away for.

He was arrested for impersonating a rutabaga?

Yeah, I got nuthin'.

Pajaro Pete
03-10-2009, 03:11 PM
This game is amazing.

You can pick up another Gold Coin if you look at the street when the Octoberry is walking by.

He was arrested for impersonating a rutabaga?

He was a brave man who refused to offer up his firstborn as the sacrifice for the Turnip Emblem. You see, the Turnip Emblem... is... people! Well, as close to people as any of the Saladorians are.

Octopus Prime
03-11-2009, 02:58 AM
Sergeant Peppers DEADLY Hearts Club: Part 2


Now that the Sergeant is gone, we can use that key from the Bookstore to open the door and leave.

To recap: The keyhole to let someone out of the death chamber is on the inside. With the person it’s designed to kill.


Rather then dwell on this, let’s take a gander around.


The wooden door is currently holding the Garlic Wanderer from earlier!


The man can certainly prioritize. Since the Farmies didn’t bother to confiscate any of my important items, I decide to give him his donut. It may well keep him lucid long enough to help me.


Okay, under normal circumstances, an Asparagus Donut would sound fairly unappetizing. In this world of sapient vegetation however… and if it’s his favorite, that would mean he’s eaten many in the past…

…I now seriously doubt now that the Garlic Wanderer was arrested for crimes of loitering and panhandling.

My memory is still a little foggy.

…yeah. I’m not going to bother commenting on that anymore. There’s nothing else the Wanderer can do for me, so we leave the room…


…. Then we re-enter the room and talk to the Wanderer again to receive a grenade.

This is because the game works on an advanced form of Adventure Game Logic. So advanced, in fact, that it appears as arbitrary running around with no clear event triggers to a lesser creature like you or I. But to Sir Cucumber and company: It all follows together.


At least the Wanderer is aware that he is a terrible, terrible monster who should never be released.

03-11-2009, 12:15 PM
He was a brave man who refused to offer up his firstborn as the sacrifice for the Turnip Emblem.

Or was it for possession of marrow-ana?

Ba dum TISCH

Two days ago that might have been funny.

Octopus Prime
03-13-2009, 05:16 PM

Back to the right… is nothing. Let’s see what’s farther to the right.


Screw you, Percy. Sir Cucumber don’t listen to no baby persimmon!


I see nothing particularly diabolical in here. I mean, sure, there’s a scythe (which I’m sure is MUCH more terrifying from the vegetables point of view), and a barrel of… Juice (which I’m sure is even MORE terrifying from the vegetables point of view. It’s like a human prison having a very large barrel filled with blood in a storage closet) but nothing to warrant a warning from percy. I take the none-terrifying items (rope, leaflet and rusted bucket) and leave the storage closet, heading back to The Sergeants office. You know, to vandalize it a bit before leaving the prison. There may be another reason to want to do that, but damned if I know what it is.


Percy, I believe we’ve already established that Sir Cucumber plays by his own rules.


Don’t get up or anything Sergeant. After all it’s not like…




The fake Grenade manages to scare the hell out of Sergeant Pepper just long enough to let us tie him up with the rope and leave him for dead. Incidentally, I love the fact that doing this causes absolutely no change in the Sergeants expression.

I’m sure that tying up the Police Sergeant and leaving him in the middle of the police station is a perfectly sensible idea that will never come back to prove itself to be our ruination.


Also, tying up the Sergeant caused a Lantern to appear in the closet. I can’t explain that. We take it and leave the Closet and the Police Station.


Luckily, all the Policemen (who I assume are some variety of orange) are wielding lanterns, like the one I just picked up! So the perfect disguise would be to light up my lantern and waltz out the door!


This works perfectly, despite the fact that Sir Cucumber is… well… a cucumber wearing a suit of armor, which stands out rather well from a whole bunch of oranges wearing kimonos.



And so our heroes managed to escape from the most poorly guarded prison I think I’ve ever seen. Good for them. They also managed to lose all their unimportant items again, thanks to Percy being the worst sidekick ever.

03-13-2009, 05:38 PM

they are keeping a barrel of hooch in the police station. what an awesome police station!

I like to imagine that they sealed a dead rice man inside that water-filled barrel and left the corpse to rot until it became a delicious alcoholic beverage.

03-13-2009, 07:12 PM
This game was just fun and bizarre until the one-two nightmare punch of Sergeant Pepper and his storage room.

03-13-2009, 08:41 PM
Wait, Percy dropped some of your stuff again?


Oh Percy. You're such a goof.

Octopus Prime
03-14-2009, 06:54 AM
This LP is doing so much to disabuse me of my long-held notion that Princess Tomato was this nifty, overlooked gem I'd never gotten around to.

That's what I'm here for. To show the world what it's missed out on re: NES games.

Octopus Prime
03-15-2009, 04:55 PM
Chapter 4: The Terror of Saladron


And so our heroes find themselves back at the Spinach Heights, either because the Prison was built very close to the fields, or because Sir Cucumber and Percy simply didnít stop running. Either way, this is where we are.


Our heroes plunge on ahead and head back to Lake Quench to get some more water, on the reasoning that Water seems to come in handy in this game pretty frequently. Whether for saving dehydrated people, or drowning your nemesis, Water is always handy!


While gathering the Water, Sir Cucumber notices a Blue Umbrella, and decides to steal it.

Sir Cucumber is a Hero.

Saladoria is likely still swarming with Farmies and/or police, so our Heroes head back to the Melon Patch. SinceÖ thatís the way the game progresses.


Also, the Small Shrine is now properly red. I have no idea how that happened.


OhÖ kay, this place has changed a bit.


Apparently the residents of the Melon Patch are totally unwilling to assist themselves since the last time he had a drink was when I poured water on his head back in Chapter 1. This confirms my (just newly created) theory that the Melon Patch is in fact a socialist commune, producing nothing yet expecting the hardworking people of the Salad Kingdom to come and help whenever they are thirsty.

Since Sir Cucumber has no problem with this, and he gives the Watermelon one of his few drops of water.

ĒEveryone was harvested! But I was too bad looking. I saw Mr. Leek, he was carrying a Blue Umbrella. But he lost it. Iíll be okay, thanks!Ē

If the Farmies left the Melon because he didnít look good, then that would imply that they just wanted the healthy looking ones. Since the Melons were totally immobile they plainly werenít concerned about them forming a resistance. So therefore the Farmies were either killing them for sport or, more likely (based on what weíve already seen, at least), they were going to DEVOUR THEM.


Anyway, Sir Cucumber leaves the sickly, immobile Watermelon in the dirt (because heís a Hero) and checks the holes for clues. Or because he got distracted and ignored his quest to save the kingdom to futz around in a small hole.


The third hole is, in fact, a Mole hole. Sir Cucumber decides to toss the Umbrella into it. Simply becauseÖ wellÖ there is no damn reason whatsoever why that is what he should do. But BY GOD thatís what Gamefaqs told me to do!


Even Percy is terribly, terribly confused by how that worked. I guess that by opening the Umbrella you confused the Mole who thought it was night. Thatís a stupid reason, but itís still the most sensible explanation for anything that has happened so far in the game. Sir Cucumber gives some of his water to the Mole as a peace offering.

ĒIn the Parsley Forest thereís a monster called Saladron. Heís protecting a treasure, the Yam Medallion! Not much Water Left! Saladron is very Dangerous! You must be Careful! This is the left half of some instructions I found near a big tree. Iím sorry, but I couldnít find the other half. Go see the Forest Guard, Watermelon can help you.

In addition to being the first animal weíve found, Mr. Mole is also the most talkative character so far. Granted, he only talks in fragmented sentences, but his meaning is easy enough to glean:

1. Weíve got a Salad-monster holding an important treasure.
2. Weíve got to kill that monster
3. Weíve got some incomplete instructions
4. Watermelon has directions.


What the hell, Perce? You were standing right next to me, werenít you? Pay attention!


Thanks Watermelon. Sir Leeks Cottage is Over there.


Thanks Percy. I know.


Behind the shack is a river. Of course, we canít cross it without Water Wings. Iím assuming those are for Percy, but Iím not basing that on anything. Also, Iím pretty sure that both Persimmons and Cucumbers are buoyant.


This is another one of those obnoxious puzzles (well, especially obnoxious) where the solution is to talk to Percy. Nothing can be done to enter the Leek Shack, nor will Mr. Leek appear until you ask Percy for advice.

03-16-2009, 01:20 PM
I don't remember who told me about this game or how I ended up with it... But after seeing you play it I'm going to get rid of it.

So much that is wrong all in one place... It's enough to make a man lose hope in humanity...

Octopus Prime
03-18-2009, 02:42 PM
Chapter 4: The Terror of Saladron Part 2

I can see your little friend canít swim. Oh yes, I almost forgot to tell youÖ Cross the river behind my shack! AhÖ andÖ Please do not litter in the forest. Ah yes, I almost forgot to tell youÖ If you defeat the horrible Saladron, Iíll help you. AhÖ andÖ I forgot.

Mr. Leek is almost stunningly unhelpful. That jerk doesnít deserve to get his umbrella back! Iíll give it to him anyway, though.


What the hell, Mr. Leek? You just finished warning me that the river is crawling with Farmies, and now youíve given me everything I need to get across there! Your mindset is baffling Mr. Leek, I shall take your Water wings and cross the river. I sincerely hope I donít cross your path again.


Thatís about my feelings on the matter too, Percy.

And we now come face to face with pure evil.


ÖThis is one of the Farmies that threaten the Salad Kingdom? Seriously? ThatÖ that is what weíre faced with? I was expecting, like, a carrot in Stormtrooper armor, or something. Not a fat, balding human with a hoe. ThatÖ is pathetic. Also, it begs the question of why humans are taking orders from a pumpkin. Youíd think that they would be the dominant organism in their relationship. This is just sad.

Screw it, Iím going to kill this guy on general principle!




This is our first encounter with the games battle system. It involves playing Rock-Paper-Scissors. If you win, you have to guess which direction your opponent will look in. If you guess right, youíll win. If you lose, you have to look away from your enemy. It is a baffling combat system.


Having killed a Farmie in what I assume to be a lethal game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, we arrive in the Parsley Forest. You know that part in some adventure games where you are thrown into a large maze with no indication of where to go, and all the rooms look pretty much identical and itís never any fun?

Thatís this part right here.

Well, actually, that describes the entire game, really.

03-18-2009, 03:22 PM

This is our first encounter with the games battle system. It involves playing Rock-Paper-Scissors. If you win, you have to guess which direction your opponent will look in. If you guess right, youíll win. If you lose, you have to look away from your enemy. It is a baffling combat system.

Sir Cucumber doesn't know much about Look the Other Way.


The only game of worth in the Casino is offered by Grate Guy himself, after talking to him a few times. "Look the Other Way" is evidently a Japanese concept; I've seen it in a few anime as sort of an eastern alternative to rock-paper-scissors. You pick a direction to look, and if Grate Guy points in the other direction, you win.

Octopus Prime
03-18-2009, 03:23 PM
While enlightening, it doesn't really make it any more sensible that you manage to kill a man by playing it.

03-18-2009, 03:33 PM
Depends what you do to him while he's looking the wrong way.

03-20-2009, 04:03 AM
Okay, so they are humans, and they're harvesting the veggies after all.

...why were they depriving the veggies of water, then? Makes as much sense as starving cows on a feedlot.

Mmmm, gourmet wilted lettuce!

Pajaro Pete
03-20-2009, 10:41 AM
To put it bluntly:
Farmies : Veggies :: Nazis : Jews

03-20-2009, 10:52 AM

This is our first encounter with the games battle system. It involves playing Rock-Paper-Scissors. If you win, you have to guess which direction your opponent will look in. If you guess right, youíll win. If you lose, you have to look away from your enemy. It is a baffling combat system.

I like how Sir Cucumber is forcing Percy to fight for him to the death here. I take it he's still annoyed with all those times Percy screwed up?

Octopus Prime
03-21-2009, 09:24 AM
Luckily, Gamefaqs exists in this world, so spending several weeks running around a hedge maze is a fate I am spared.


After a while of wandering through identical rooms, I find a tin can. Sir Cucumber picks it up, because Litter is NOT to be tolerated.


Farther into the simplyÖ simply awful maze we find a shovel. Cool. It too is stolen.


At the end of the crappy labyrinth is a s-s-scary tree! Sir Cucumber is a hero, so he isnít frightened of any creepy tree!


By which I mean he tells Percy to throw a can into it.


By doing so we awaken the grim and terrible SALADRON! And we enter battle with the leafy atrocity!


Like all truly terrible players of Rock-Paper-Scissors, Saladron always chooses the same thing, in this case, Paper.

With Saladron dead, we are free to check out his lair.


Checking the Vicinity reveals an Altar that we can look at. Checking the vicinity twice reveals a lump of dirt. The dirt is the important part. Sir Cucumber forces Percy to dig with the shovel.



After using the Shovel 6 times (and getting almost the same message each time, meaning there is little means to tell youíre doing the right thing) Percy digs up the Yam Medallion.


Heading back outside we find Mr. Leek waiting for us. I didnít want to see him again, heís a jerk.

Take this bottle of Grape Juice.


And Percy fulfills his obligation as being the worst sidekick ever.

And so our heroes bumbled through another obfuscatingly stupid series of terribly planned challenges, defeating a Salad-monster and killing a balding-man with the raw power of expertly played House-Rules Rock-Paper-Scissors. Maybe soon they will actually get to join the resistance?

03-21-2009, 04:07 PM


It all makese sense now.

03-21-2009, 04:47 PM

http://cdn.purevolume.com/cdnImages/crop_50x50/Listener-3192929-stewie_evil.jpgWhat the hell is THAT?

I have seen the face of evil. And it's name is Saladron!

It's like a vegetable gremlin Carmen_Miranda (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmen_Miranda).

And I think it's giving us the finger.

Pajaro Pete
03-21-2009, 05:03 PM
Finally, the real me shows up!

Body of a dressing bottle with a fork and spoon for hands!

Octopus Prime
03-21-2009, 05:18 PM
Finally, the real me shows up!

Body of a dressing bottle with a fork and spoon for hands!

I hope you're happy, by the way. It was your stupid avatar that gave me the stupid idea to play this game!

Which is also stupid!

03-21-2009, 05:22 PM
How is a tin can suppose to wake something up? I'm not finding the logic at all! Why can't you just walk in and play rock-paper-scissors with the guy?

Thank goodness your inventory is limited and constantly trying things might eventually get you to throwing a tin can into a tree to trigger a boss fight. When was this made? Did Sierra use it as a planning doc for Gabriel Knight 3?

Pajaro Pete
03-21-2009, 05:23 PM
You spell "Totally Awesome" very strangley.

Octopus Prime
03-23-2009, 05:03 PM
Chapter 5: The Savior of the Resistance


The chapter begins with Sir Cucumber and Percy just outside the Resistance Base. Finally, that plot point began way, way, WAY back in Chapter 2 will be resolved and we’ll join the Resistance, overthrow Minister Pumpkin and save the Princess. Let’s mosey!


Yes, Percy, we should. This is where great things shall be undertaken! Let’s advance into the heart… of Freedom!


There are grapes hung above the door. No doubt to symbolize how… the Farmies loom overhead? And can be crushed? Into wine?

Anyhow, let’s barge in and show these Resistance Members that they can throw strategy out the window, because a HERO has arrived!


Hey guys. S’up?


Well, maybe they’d be less uppity if they had some proof that Sir Cucumber is a hero

Oh, the Yam Medallion! We are going to rescue Princess Tomato Together!

“Yeah, you jerks, I beat Saladron, the Salad Monster. You mooks can’t even threaten a pumpkin.”

At which point another Resistance Soldier walks in.

It’s Lisa

Well not quite the… phylum I was expecting, to be honest. I guess they needed to throw some heroic humans in there to counteract the villainous ones. Can’t go being speciest.


Geez, King Broccoli slept around a lot.


Luckily, Doctor Pepper’s got a little prescription for that!


We leave the base and then head back in, giving Lisa enough time to administer the Aspirin, as well as giving the medicine enough time to have an effect, and therefore letting us finally meet the Generalissimo.


I can easily imagine the teenagers/college students of the Salad Kingdom putting up high-contrast posters of the General in their rooms.


Minister Pumpkin’s Castle is in Sopville. But if you are seen in Sopville, you will be recognized! I present you with the Crest of the Resistance.

Okay, firstly: I’m starting to get kind of annoyed at how every single person in the Salad Kingdom speaks with such teeny-tiny sentences rather then proper statements. I mean really, you people can use commas to join related thoughts. It’s okay.

Secondly: I don’t think that wearing the Crest of the Resistance is going to help with the whole “You’ll be arrested on sight” thing. Well, unless the Farmies get confused because their intelligence states that they were told that Sir Cucumber isn’t a member of the Resistance, so they’ll just think he’s just another anthropomorphic cucumber in a suit of armor, travelling with a clumsy, anthropomorphic persimmon.

Anyway, we’ve been made Honorary Members of the Resistance, and now we have a vague sense of direction. Come, noble Percy…to Sopville!

03-23-2009, 05:17 PM
Those aren't sentence fragments. I'm not sure Sir Cucumber knows how communes actually work, either.

Octopus Prime
03-23-2009, 05:19 PM
Those aren't sentence fragments. I'm not sure Sir Cucumber knows how communes actually work, either.

Sir Cucumber knows a lot of things.

He's a hero.

03-24-2009, 10:29 AM
I'm not racist, but I'm uncomfortable with the idea of vegetables mating with our women and producing...mixed offspring.

03-24-2009, 10:53 AM
I'm not racist, but I'm uncomfortable with the idea of vegetables mating with our women and producing...mixed offspring.

Gnah, horrible, horrible jokes about women and vegetables, stop it brain! ....

Sorry, that was uncalled for.

Octopus Prime
03-26-2009, 11:56 AM

Shortly after leaving the base, again, our Heroes remember that they werenít actually told where Sopville is. However, they DO notice some boxes, which are also quite exciting!

So exciting. So exciting.


Itís an old banana skin! Hold it! Thereís a Shiny Object! Itís a Pendant!

Awesome, we get an old banana peel and a shiny pendant! Itís a good thing Sir Cucumber decided to look at those boxes. Repeatedly, until an event trigger told him that there was an item in the box, and then looking at the Object separately so he could actually pick it up!

Lets barge into Lisas room and show her our trash-jewelry!


Sir Cucumber is a Hero.


ĒMy pendant! Oh thank you! Have you heard of the Dice-o-Matic? Itís the most powerful weapon in this land.Ē

Lisa is impressively tolerant and accepting of a sword-wielding cucumber breaking into her room to give her a piece of jewelry he found in the trash, rewarding him with knowledge of a devastating super-weapon named like a generic off-the-rack kitchen appliance.

Itís a weird kind of segue.

That being dealt with, lets head in that other door and see what else the resistance base has.


What. The. Hell?

Some disgusting atrocity against nature managed to get into the Resistance base. Sir Cucumber chokes back his own bile and leaps at the bubbling horror.


Oh God. It Talks!


This disgusting blob is Grapy. He longs for a death that will not come.

Take this Clover Juice

I give the thing some Grape Juice, letting him forget the waking nightmare that is his life by sticking him in a perpetual stupor. He rewards me with what is also presumably a bowlederized alcoholic beverage. I think he is too far gone to even notice that he is likely drinking the crushed remains of a former relation of his. He is a sad thing, and is to be pitied.


ďThe Armaments Room is across the hall. Take anything you like. I told Grapy to unlock the door for you. I heard you destroyed Saladron. How wonderful!Ē

Going back into Lisaís room and telling her that we got their horrific guardsman some wine. And she, in turn, tells me that the room he was guarding is now unlocked.

If you guessed that the room would absolutely not be unlocked until we spoke to Lisa, congratulations. Youíve been paying attention to how this game works.


Iím actually kind of surprised at how well stocked this place is. Considering how, you know, the resistance was brought to its knees by one of itís 6 members having a mild-headache.


Looking around a few times proves that the armaments are a little more underwhelming then I a first glance would let on.


And a closer examination proves that, except for the Nut Bombs, everything is totally worthless. So we take the Nut Bomb. Just one Nut Bomb. No more.

Letís go show the General and soldiers that weíve got ourselves an explosive legume.


Hey, theyíve been given a small amount of characterization now! They have names based on their military rank! Well, it worked in Halo, in any case.

Major: The Storage Guard complains that he doesnít have enough juice. He loves Grape Juice.
Captain: There is a monster named Bananda that lives in a cave near the Peanut Village.
Sergeant: I heard that Bananda has a Dice-o-Matic!
Chief: Now that you are well equipped, you must find Banandaís Cave. You can get to the Peanut Village via the Carrot Plateau from this base.

Okay. So apparently Sir Cucumber was drafted into the Resistance in order to kill the hell out of poorly named monsters? Anyway, we leave the Resistance Base on our new quest: To find and kill Bananda: The Monster intelligent enough to use tools!



And thusly did our heroes leave the Resistance Base, charged by a parsnip to find and kill the monstrous Bananda. Who, based on the naming scheme shown so far in this game, has about a 50% chance of actually being a Banana. Also, Percy once again proves his mettle of being detrimental to the quest.

03-26-2009, 12:10 PM
Hahaha, Percy's totally fucking with you now.

03-26-2009, 01:09 PM
Percy just does not give a fuh.


Itís an old banana skin!

In the context of things, shouldn't this be kind of horrifying? Well, not any more than the grape juice, I guess.

03-26-2009, 01:18 PM
Oh, percy if only we could kill you. You and every other horrible sentient plant in this game...

So is grappy a grape or a blob of grape jelly? The latter is the most horrifying thing... *shudder*

03-26-2009, 02:08 PM
Percy's a double agent, a pumpkin sympathizer. Really, there's no other explanation.

03-26-2009, 02:29 PM
Just like Big Boss in the original Metal Gear. Pretty soon he'll be telling Sir Cucumber to "CREEP INTO THE LORRY ON THE RIGHT SIDE.


So is grappy a grape or a blob of grape jelly? The latter is the most horrifying thing... *shudder*

Upon close examination, his head is a bunch of grapes. The rest of him -- no idea.

Pajaro Pete
03-26-2009, 04:33 PM
Guys, the game is about to get awesome.

Octopus Prime
03-26-2009, 04:35 PM
Guys, the game is about to get awesome.

I will admit, the end of Chapter 6 made me forget all the crumminess

03-26-2009, 05:06 PM


03-26-2009, 07:35 PM

23 posts and here you are already kicking ass. Well done.

Octopus Prime
03-27-2009, 01:02 AM
Strangely, the Creepy-Smiley actualy makes Percy more tolerable to look at.

03-27-2009, 01:20 AM
I had to stare at it for a few minutes, but I figured Grapy out!
I'm not so afraid of him anymore!

03-27-2009, 02:44 AM
23 posts and here you are already kicking ass. Well done.

This is good! I was honestly a little concerned I might get banned for doing that.

Still would have been worth it though.

03-27-2009, 03:47 AM
I had to stare at it for a few minutes, but I figured Grapy out!
I'm not so afraid of him anymore!

Nope. Still looks like intestines.

03-27-2009, 03:47 AM
This is good! I was honestly a little concerned I might get banned for doing that.

Well, I can't promise you won't.

Octopus Prime
03-27-2009, 11:30 AM
Nope. Still looks like intestines.

I was thinking he was the grape version of Tetsuo, myself.

03-27-2009, 11:31 AM
I was thinking he was the grape version of Tetsuo, myself.



03-27-2009, 11:42 AM



03-27-2009, 12:18 PM


03-27-2009, 03:03 PM
I'm less concerned about negative repercussions on "Awesome Percy" now.

03-27-2009, 10:50 PM
An IRC chat excerpt that's unrelated, but still relevant:

[Zafflesia] Persimmons will make you shit. My grandma's got stories about it
[Zafflesia] "this one time I ate so many persimmons...!"

03-28-2009, 02:33 AM



I don't know how much you know about persimmons (I'm an expert)...

03-28-2009, 02:41 AM
*golf clap*Fix'd for accuracy?

Octopus Prime
03-29-2009, 05:30 PM
Chapter 6: Carvers Paradise

Our Heroes find themselves in the Carrot Plateau. A sunny field not touched by the horrors of the Farmie Conflict.


Also not touched by any kind of cleaning crew, it would seem.


Sir Cucumbers attempts to stymie the terrible effects of casual littering are themselves stymied by his greed. No deposit, not trash clean-up! Well if the Salad Kingdom won’t give five cents to its HERO then screw it, He’s just going to move on.


The Peanut village seems to have several non-anthropomorphic peanuts as residents. That’s weird. Since they’re standing a distance away and have no mouths we will ignore them and focus on the crying Peanut man and his crying peanut wife.

Boo… Hoo… Bananda could have eaten Nutty already! Sob..weep..sob..sob! Won’t you help Nutty? Our house is at the far end of the village.

So it seems that they’re sadsacks because they’re daughter is about to be eaten by a banana. I could understand the Farmies being a threat, because humans generally do eat vegetables, and Saladron was a monster, so that was also fine, but a Banana?


First things first though, Sir Cucumber heads to the Peanut Park, hoping to abandon Perce somewhere, thereby dropping quite a bit of dead weight. He speaks to the children gathered around.

Shroom:The Convenient Store sells many different things. Can you little friend play with us?
Peaja: Yes, what is it? Carrot the Hermit lives at the other end of the park. Go talk to the Old Hermit.
Peasha: No one can read the characters on this statue. Isn’t my boyfriend cute?

Ohkay, well… Peaja was kind of useful? And despite what Shroom asks, you can’t leave Percy behind. Dammit. Sir Cucumber does find some money that one of the kids dropped, however. Which then goes into his wallet. Sir Cucumber is a Hero.




Sir Cucumber and Percy then head to the Convenience Store to buy a squid.

Well? What would you do in that situation?


One Cephalopod later, we head for the Carrot Hermit’s house. He is hungry and demands food. Because every hermit in this game is greedy and won’t help until you pay them off. We give him the squid.


Get your little friend to ask the Village Chief for a Lamp. Come back here after beating Bananda. Bananda is such a bother!

Yes, I’d say that a cannibalistic Banana Monster is downright vexing.

At least he was direct and concise with the information he was giving, making him possibly the games single most helpful NPC. To the Peanut Chief’s House!


He seems kind of non-chalant about the whole “My daughter has been abducted by a potassium-rich monster” thing.

I’ll reward you handsomely if you save my daughter!

Well jeez! You should have said so earliar! Off we are to Bananda’s Cave!

Pajaro Pete
03-29-2009, 06:15 PM
Shroom:The Convenient Store sells many different things. Can you little friend play with us?


03-30-2009, 06:49 AM
I wanted the writing on the Hudson Bee statue to be morse code. But all I can get out of it is "AATTST AATTST N" (or possibly "aamst aamst n") which isn't very enlightening.

03-30-2009, 01:38 PM
Maybe it's braille?

Octopus Prime
03-30-2009, 01:50 PM
You can buy a code book to deceipher it, but I didn't have enough coins after buying the squid.


Pajaro Pete
03-30-2009, 02:59 PM
It says: "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine."

Pajaro Pete
03-30-2009, 03:02 PM
It says: "Secret Code"

Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!

Octopus Prime
04-01-2009, 02:30 PM

Seems dark and foreboding! Lets spelunk!


Oh yes, I forgot about the whole lamp thing. We better go back and ask about borrowing one.

Can you lend us a lamp to use in the cave? Boss, he gave us a lamp!

Yes, you need to try to go into the cave, and then fail, and then go back to the Chief before you even get the opportunity to ask for a lamp. Even if you already know to ask for one from the HermitÖ yeah.


Lamp in tow, we can now advance slightly deeper into Banandaís Cave.


Another maze! AWESOME! This one isnít so bad, though, since itís a straight line into Banandaís lair.

Who wants to bet Iíll be coming back soon and having to navigate the whole damn thing?


I have to admit, I wasnít quite expecting Bananda to be a Banana version of the Ogdru Jahad. Hell, I was barely expecting him to be a Banana at all. Regardless, s/he is (they are?) a monster, which means they are bad, which means that Sir Cucumber has carte blanche to murder him/her/them.


You know, Sir Cucumber, there are other ways to fight besides playing Rock Paper Scissors. Just throwing that out there.


Lacking the chance to play murderous Rock-Paper-Scissors, Sir Cucumber just chucks his Nut Bomb at the monster, blowing it to smithereens. This might seem a little excessive, but remember, monsters are okay to kill, under any circumstances. Sir Cucumber takes some of the flesh of the exploded Bananda, either as proof that the monster is dead, or because Sir Cucumber is a sick bastard. Either way works.

Oh, thank you! I had given up hope! Letís go!

After digging like hell through the many, many skins of ruptured Banana-Monster, Our Heroes finally find the missing Nutty. Yay. This probably means that, yes, she was actually devoured by Bananda and was miraculously unharmed by the detonation of the fiend. Which is kind of weird since wasnít he supposed to have a vegetable-dicing weapon? Probably would have been more prudent to use that then to just swallow her whole. Anyhow, we return the beleaguered, slightly digested, nut back to her parents.


The Chief and his Wife seem rather more pleased now that their daughter isnít quite as deceased as they were expecting. Which is nice of them.


The couple has deep seated emotional troubles and canít properly express emotions. Theirs is a tragic fate.


The Chief and Nutty are simultaneously in front of their house, and at the entrance of the town. Sir Cucumber decides to ask about this little bit of befuddling quantum mechanics.

Please take this battery. It starts the Dice-O-Matic. You must defeat Minister Pumpkin next!

That doesnít answer my question, but it does provide me with a battery that I can use to power a vegetable-slaughtering weapon. And it also gives me a direction to head in, a direction that Iíve been trying to head in for more then a month now, mind, but a direction all the same! Now I have to head back to the Hermit, since he wanted to know when I blew Bananda to itty-bitty-pieces.

Here, Iíll give you this Medicine!

The Carrot Hermit wonít actually do anything to help me, this time, unless I give him some Clover Juice. This is because, as previously noted, all Hermits in this game have to be as unhelpful as possible. The Carrot Hermit broke protocol by being INCREDIBLY useful with one item given to him, so that was about all I was getting. But hey, nondescript, no-name brand medicine, thatís sure to be useful. No where to go now, BACK TO BANANDAíS CAVE!

BecauseÖ why not?

Pajaro Pete
04-01-2009, 03:10 PM
This is relevant reading (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yamata_no_Orochi). You see, Bananda is "ヤマタノバナナ" in Japan and, well, that means the Salad Kingdom's Kusanagi is pretty awesome.

Octopus Prime
04-01-2009, 03:16 PM
I had a feeling that Bananda was related, somehow, to the legend of Orochi.

Except instead of getting him drunk, he was blown to pieces by a high-yield explosive.

Pajaro Pete
04-01-2009, 03:19 PM
Sometimes when you get drunk it feels like you've been blown to pieces by high-yield legume-grade explosives.

04-01-2009, 04:50 PM
I've managed to learn something from it. Nothing useful, just a small bit of Japanese mythology but I learned something regardless...

Though, the game is only incidently related to my learning... So, it still has little to no redeeming value :P Thanks Turnip for the edutainment!

04-01-2009, 05:10 PM
But what Japanese myth is Saladron based on?

04-01-2009, 05:51 PM

Pajaro Pete
04-01-2009, 06:03 PM
But what Japanese myth is Saladron based on?

A sexual fever dream of your favorite comic book writer, Junji Ito.

04-01-2009, 06:05 PM

Oh my gaaaahhhhhhh~

Octopus Prime
04-01-2009, 06:35 PM

That is the best thing to ever be associated with the game.

04-01-2009, 07:37 PM

Indeed, this has made all the pain worth it.

04-02-2009, 01:44 PM
I'll never do an LP if original art is going to be required to them... This and the art in the MMBN LP, ad of course all of Loki's art is shaming the rest of us.

Octopus Prime
04-02-2009, 04:49 PM
Wait, wait...

Did this LP inspire Mopinks to find Princess Tomato fanart, or did I inspire him to create it?

Because if it's the latter, then I guess I can scratch "Cause inspiration for a pornographic artist" off my To-Do-Before-I-Die list.

04-02-2009, 06:22 PM
Aw, you're skipping a lot of the fun sidestuff, like the game breaking the fourth wall and telling you there's not enough memory to go back to the first screen of the game, or Percy accusing you of falling in love with the juice shop girl.

and turning the apple statue red gives you a valuable protip on how to beat Saladron.

fun fact: when I was a kid, I was so scared to fight the Farmies. Come to think of it, I never did legitimately finish this game, I always used a password to skip right to the final chapter because the last maze stumped me so much.

Octopus Prime
04-03-2009, 10:51 AM
Aw, you're skipping a lot of the fun sidestuff, like the game breaking the fourth wall and telling you there's not enough memory to go back to the first screen of the game, or Percy accusing you of falling in love with the juice shop girl.

In fairness, this is my first time playinmg the game, so I didn't know about these things either.


This time weíre in the Maze for reals. Of course, with Bananda dead, thereís nothing even remotely interesting in it. Itís just a series of dozens of identical rooms. I trust nobody will complain if I skip right to the end?



At the end of the crummy maze is the entrance to the Dice-O-Matic, which is admittedly a rather lot larger then I was expecting.


The door, however, is locked. And it has a round-hole in it. In a conventional adventure game, this would mean that thereís a round item either nearby or already in my inventory, related to the machine. This is Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom, so naturally, I try everything in my inventory that is not round and is totally unrelated to the door.

The gold, water-wings, Crest, Lamp, Banana-Peel, Battery and medicine all have no effect whatsoever.

All thatís left is the Yam Medallion. No idea why that would work, since there is no logical reason why it should, except for the shape. Which is at least half-way there.


Yeah, suck on THAT logic.


Sir Cucumber installs the Battery and BAM! Weíve got ourselves a fully operational death-machine capable of making Julianne Fries! (Incidentally, you have to HIT the Lever to start the machine. YeahÖ yeah)


Youíd think that a massive mobile destruction fortress would have a nicer view screen. Anyhow, after moving forward three times (causing absolutely no change on the screen, incidentally) we are facedÖ with THIS!









The Dice-O-Matic, only having a pincer for a hand, is only capable of making the signs for Rock and Scissors, meaning that if you pick Rock every single round, youíll win. Also, since their necks can only swivel, not tilt, they can only look left or right for the Look the Other Way game. Iím genuinely impressed that Hudson took those aspects into account for the game.

We destroyed all the enemies except Minister Pumpkin.

Percy provides his own commentary.


Okay, this is it, Sir Cucumber in a battle to the death against a rebellious, possibly Pious Pumpkin (unless heís Prime Minister, and not the religious kind) who is riding around in a Giant Cantalo-bot.

Letís rock.


Of course, Minister Pumpkinís Dice-O-Matic has the exact same design flaw as the other ones had, and is beaten every bit as easily. ThatÖ was anticlimactic.

Octopus Prime
04-03-2009, 10:53 AM

Of course, Minister Pumpkin ran away, since there is still another 2 chapters to go before this stupid game will end. So, lacking any nemeses to battle, Sir Cucumber decides to do what he always does in these situations: He looks at every-goldarn thing in the area until something happens.

This must be Chameleon Grass!

That kind of goes a ways to proving my theory that the actual plants of the Salad Kingdom are made of meat.


And Sir Cucumber only finds the Right Half of the Instructions after finding the Chameleon Grass. And the instructions are for how to use Chameleon Grass. How convenient. And not at all contrived.

Hey, I turned into a pizza! Hey Boss, I think the grass turns you into whatever you are thinking of!

IÖ see?

Now we can get into Sopville!


And so, our heroes had a series of massively anti-climactic, yet strangely awesome, battles against a multi-headed Banana, a giant salad-chopper, and another salad chopper that has a cantaloupe for a head. And then Percy dropped everything again, because he is awful.

04-03-2009, 10:56 AM
Aw, you're skipping a lot of the fun sidestuff,

There's fun stuff in this game? Though the gamne telling you there isn't enough memory is kinda funny... What I found more interesting was that as a child you owned this game. Which means either your parents thought it looked like a good game or you picked it off the shelves yourself... I'm having trouble understading how either of them could possibly come to pass?


Octopus Prime
04-05-2009, 04:18 PM
Chapter 7: The Heart of Darkness

Having eaten mysterious plant life which turned them into ugly, dumpy humans, our Heroes were able to infiltrate Sopville. We join their adventure, already in progress.


Percy, being the vestigial sidekick, points out what I just mentioned in case I had forgotten.


That bastard! Letting the possibly impoverished people enjoy a day of dancing, drinking and merriment!


Looking around reveals a trio of people who are not so quick to fall prey to the Ministers evil, evil, EEEEEEVIL festival, lets see what they have to say!

Yam: I’m hungry!
Asparagus: I’m thirsty!
Squash: Are you guys really Farmies?

Yam and Asparagus’s concerns can be justified by this point of the narrative; The Farmies plan does seem to revolve around producing malnourished crops for later consumption. Young master Squash, however is a bit more puzzling. Considering how Sopville is the Farmies base of operations, you’d think that he wouldn’t even question our presense. Unless, of course, he asks every Farmy he comes across that same question. The Farmies, naturally, would get annoyed by this before too long, and would likely retaliate by limiting his friends food and water rations.

Which is why Squash is across the street from them.

To lay poor, stupid, Squash’s fears to rest, Sir Cucumber shows the Crest we got from the General. To prove that he’s a h- well… a Resistance Member.

You’re not Farmies? You must be in the Resistance! I didn’t know you were Resistance Members! There’s a rumor in town that someone is here to rescue Princess Tomato. It must be you! There’s a secret passage to get into the Castle. Ask around on Pea Street! I wish you luck.

Nice of Squash to reveal so much to the first Farmie he sees carrying a Crest of the Resistance. Because, you know, there’s no way that one could possibly be carrying that crest other then being a Resistance Member in disguise. So why not tell him about the secret entrance to the Castle?

Sir Cucumber may be a Hero, but Squash… is an idiot.

Screw following that jerks advice, Sir Cucumber goes into the bar.


Okay, so… those narrations are supposed to be from Percy, right? And this isn’t even a bowlederized bar, it’s a pub. And… Percy is, like, 4, and no one even mentioned that he should maybe not be in there.

What I’m getting at is that I’m not terribly surprised that so many residents of the Salad Kingdom are such heavy drinkers.


Radish Ron’s name is hardly surprising. Marginally better then Mr. Radish, which was about what I was expecting him to be named, but George and Dan? Those don’t sound like any vegetables I’ve heard of. Such interesting characters must have something to say!

George: Minister Pumpkin is the greatest leader!
Dan: Welcome Farmies!
Radish Ron: Being a resistance member is real dangerous!

Okay, George and Dan’s reactions are fine. Again, Sir Cucumber is currently disguised as a Farmy, so complementing them is appropriate. Radish Ron, however, is pretty much admitting to being a member of the Resistance. 10 points for style, but minus about 50,000 for sensibility.

Maybe showing them that Sir Cucumber is one of the Good Guys will turn their attitudes. And possibly get Ron not-pureed.

Well, actually, nothing happened.

To Pea Street with us!

04-05-2009, 05:52 PM
Loving it! Octo you forgot the / in your end bold line though so you're code is hanging out where everyone can see it...

Octopus Prime
04-06-2009, 02:08 AM
Aww nuts. This is why you shouldn't try to edit a post while under the influenece of the over-the-counter cold medicine.

04-06-2009, 07:18 AM
I am amazed at how unintuitive this game is. The triggering of events and the ridiculous number of commands make this game seem like quite a hassle to play. I dislike games that require you to have a FAQ nearby to get anywhere important. It might be fallout from playing Legacy of the Wizard as a kid.

04-06-2009, 01:33 PM
Looks like there's a fan remake and...



04-06-2009, 01:45 PM

That awful, grinning Percy - the one who looks like he's inflicting horrible pain on you out of some kind of sick love - is the only part of those that is awful. But god, so awful. I'm going to have nightmares.

Seriously, he actually reminds me of a more sadistic Jody from Preacher.

Octopus Prime
04-06-2009, 02:11 PM
Looks like there's a fan remake and...



Oh God! Oh GOD!

What did I do to you to deserve such horrors visited on me!

04-06-2009, 03:15 PM
Oh God! Oh GOD!

What did I do to you to deserve such horrors visited on me!

A Questionable Grasp of Botany: Let's Play Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom!

04-06-2009, 04:10 PM
I don't understand the thought process of the person who made the remake. How low do your expectations of video games have to be to think Tomato Princess was deserving of a remake?!

One even wonders if this person has any other experience with the media, playing any game, any at all, would quickly reveal how terrible Tomato Queen is. GK3 has nothing on this game!

Octopus Prime
04-06-2009, 05:14 PM
snarky rebuttal

That's a self-inflicted wound, and you know it!

04-06-2009, 05:22 PM



He knows what you did.

Octopus Prime
04-06-2009, 05:26 PM
Oh God, I feel like I need to get the computer exorcised, now.

04-06-2009, 05:28 PM
Oh God, I feel like I need to get the computer exorcised, now.


"Hey boss, I chucked out all of the holy water after you saw my horrible visage!"

04-06-2009, 08:50 PM
PLAY IT! Oh please dear god play it and compare it to the original! There's no way now that this LP will be complete without you playing it.

Please, won't you think of the children?

Octopus Prime
04-07-2009, 01:16 AM

The street is occupied by two foul olí vagrants, delightfully named EP (Extended Pneumonia) and DR (Dastardly Ragamuffin).

Estranged Park-bench: I can give you information. But itís going to cost you gold!
Dry Roustabout: I hate farmies!

Again, the residents of Sopville arenít terribly used to sensibly reacting around the member of the force that is forcefully occupying your hometown. But, since thatís the right thing to do, Sir Cucumber shows him the Crest, proving that an unspecified number of Farmies are, in truth, nice people in flawless disguises.

Someone dug a tunnel halfway to the castle. See the old lady around the corner, she knows a lot!

Wow, the people in Sopville are pretty helpful once you reveal to them that youíre not coming around to meet your Daily Beating quota.

Incidentally, that advice that Emmanuel Plankton was offering me?


His advice was selling me a shovel. Thatís sensible.


Iím not sure if the Old Lady is a old banana or a horrific cashew, but there she is. All withered, and elderly.


So Sir Cucumber barged into the bedroom of a sleeping old lady? Well, he is a Hero. And what does a Hero do when faced with a napping senior-citizen in the middle of a violent occupation by a hostile, expansionist empire? He force-feeds her medicine.

Radish Ron found a key to a room in the castle.

The Old Lady wasnít particularly helpful, on the whole, so Sir Cucumber steals from gold from her. You all know why he did this. He also heads back to the Bar in order to see what that lousy jerk Ron has to say now.


George: ZzzzÖ ZzzzzÖ
Dan: Ha haÖ
Radish Ron: You guys again? George and Dan are helping the Minister! The Minister is holding The Princess in his castle!

Well, that was totally unhelpful. Might as well leave the Bar and then go back in and then Talk to him again. Just to show him whoís boss!

I found this key in the Castle Garden. Itís for a room in the Castle, but I donít know which one. Poor Princess Tomato. Youíre going to the castle? Here, take this key!

Yeah, re-entering the bar was just the incentive Ron needed to start yappiní and handing out treasure. Now to prove to the Old Lady that yes, we spoke to Ron.

It isnít completed so be sure to take some tools. When you are in the passage go FORWARD, RIGHT, LEFT AND FORWARD. Sheís just mumbling, Boss.

Thanks for the directions, Old Lady! Lets head into the Passage!



If thereís anything better then navigating a maze where almost every screen looks the same, itís navigating a maze where you literally cannot see anything at all. Itís a fine thing then that Old Lady was kind enough to provide me with directions before she lapsed into senile babbling. So, forward.

Octopus Prime
04-07-2009, 01:17 AM

What? No, Percy, it’s Right. I wrote it down.





After stumbling through the pitch-black dungeon, coping with Percy’s misleading directions (and the Old Lady’s equally misleading directions, I might add) we arrive here, at the end of the Dungeon: A featureless rock-wall that looks like an entirely black screen. Sir Cucumber wields his Shovel and destroys the wall.


Shoveling is the only thing Sir Cucumber excels at more then even heroism.


This is kind of puzzling. Either the door is INCREDIBLY small, or it opened into a vast underground cave. In either case, whoever built the tower built a door outside, in the basement, either leading to a sheer drop, or a solid wall. My Earlier theories about the Royal Family being pretty messed up via inbreeding seem to have stretched to their architects too, it seems. Well, let’s mosey on in and save ourselves a Princess!

…wait for it.

…wait for it.


Anyone surprised by this point?

And so Our Heroes have infiltrated The Castle. The Climactic Showdown against Minister Pumpkin is nigh. Will they persevere, save The Princess and vanquish their foe? The answer… is looming ahead

04-07-2009, 03:57 AM

Oh come on, at least say you lost it while stumbling around in the dark!


;_; Don't hurt me!

04-07-2009, 01:02 PM
PLAY IT! Oh please dear god play it and compare it to the original! There's no way now that this LP will be complete without you playing it.

Please, won't you think of the children?

04-07-2009, 01:21 PM
The street is occupied by two foul olí vagrants, delightfully named EP (Extended Pneumonia) and DR (Dastardly Ragamuffin).

Estranged Park-bench: I can give you information. But itís going to cost you gold!
Dry Roustabout: I hate farmies!

"Mommy, why did he get better acronyms than me?"

04-07-2009, 01:24 PM
I think Eggplant is pretty obvious but hell if I know what R.D. is.

Dry Raddish?

04-07-2009, 01:27 PM
My guess is it's supposed to be Daikon Radish (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daikon_radish)?

04-07-2009, 01:28 PM
Possibly Daikon Radish?

Edit: oh damn you have entirely beaten me to it

04-07-2009, 01:34 PM
Possibly Daikon Radish?

Edit: oh damn you have entirely beaten me to it


Daikon! Daikon! I wanna chop me up some Daikon!

Octopus Prime
04-07-2009, 01:55 PM
PLAY IT! Oh please dear god play it and compare it to the original! There's no way now that this LP will be complete without you playing it.

Please, won't you think of the children?

I will mangle you!

04-07-2009, 01:58 PM

"Come on, OctoPrime. Don't you want to play through the game again with your ol' pal Perc? It'll be fun, I promise."

04-07-2009, 07:51 PM

N-no! No! Nooooooooo!

Seriously, he actually reminds me of a more sadistic Jody from Preacher.

"Want a smoke?...You change your mind, just let me know."

04-07-2009, 11:53 PM

04-08-2009, 03:30 AM


Octopus Prime
04-08-2009, 04:42 AM

No! Death will only make it stronger!


Chapter 8: I’m Sorry Sir Cucumber, But The Princess isn’t in Another Castle!

And so this is it, after months of wandering across the country side, killing various monsters/people/robots and doing (on average) a few extremely minor acts of heroism, such as getting a sandwich for a cannibalistic mass-murderer, and giving a guy with a cantaloupe for a head some aspirin, our Heroes have reached the Castle. Wherein lies Princess Tomato, who is overdue to wed Sir Cucumber as soon as he thwarts Minister Pumpkins villainous Regime. All that stands in his way between the sovereignty of the Salad Kingdom and an endless regime under the thumb of Farmy rule is the trek from the castle’s basement to its highest tower. Well… it’s room farthest down the hall from the basement door.

Our Hero will win. He… has to.


Sir Cucumber and Percy check the area, surely there would be some device critical to the defeat of Minister Pumpkin somewhere in this storage closet. Where else would it be?

There is an oil pot and a pine tar pot.

Despite Percy’s objections, Sir Cucumber picks up the oil and tar. Just to be on the safe side.


Another quick look around, after picking up the Oil and Tar reveals more items that would have otherwise been invisible. Sir Cucumber also has Percy pick those up.


I’m reasonably certain that Percy is tired of his indentured servitude. Sucks to be him, I guess. Now, out of the store-room and ONTO DESTINY!


I’m inclined to agree with Percy on this one, this is one fuh-hug-lee hallway. Our Heroes try the lower-right door, since that seems as good a spot as any.

It’s locked

Well, so much for that idea. Let’s try another door then…


Wait, what?


Is… she asking Sir Cucumber, or he asking her?

The Princess went to take a bath. All Farmies should be at the festival.

As soon as the festival is over, the castle will be swarming with Farmies. No time to waste, let’s barge in on the Princess while she bathes! Sir Cucumber is a Voyeur! And a Hero! To the Upper Left Door!


Cram it, Perce, we’re Heroes! It’s part of our geas to barge into rooms as loudly as possible!


Excuse me, Miss Princess? We’re here to rescue you now.

She doesn’t react. Clearly the shower is on full strength and she can’t hear her rescuers. Only one thing to do… PUNCH THE SHOWER!


…Okay, well… umm… Princess Tomato is rather less like a Tomato then I was expecting, somewhat surprised with that, honestly. So… Hi, we’re here to rescue you, as soon as, you know, you towel off a bit?


Oh, OH! Okay, so we just barged into the bathroom of a complete stranger while she was showering. That’s fine, that’s cool. Uh… sorry about that. You makes sure you rinse properly. Assuming you’re using any shampoo, what with being an orange and all.

Come Percy… TO THE GARDEN! Which is the Upper-Right Door in that ugly, ugly hallway?


This time the door is locked, and there is no sheepish attendant to open it for a boisterous hero. Time to do some deductive reasoning; Okay, we’ve got a Key for the Castle in the last Chapter, which was an important item, so Percy didn’t drop it. And we have a locked door, which is typically the kind of thing a key can be used on. Let’s put two and two together and get THROUGH A DOOR!


Yeah, how do you like that, Minister Pumpkin? Bet you weren’t expecting that I had a key, were you?

Octopus Prime
04-08-2009, 04:45 AM

This room is rather more dingy then I was expecting. Certainly a lot less Garden-y then I was expecting. Welp, let’s get CHECKing.

The VICINITY contains One (1) Desk.
the DESK contains 1 Picture, 1 Scrap of Paper and 3 Drawers
The First Drawer contains nothing
The Second Drawer also contains nothing
The Third Drawer contains 1 Gold Coin
The Picture is of Minister Pumpkin and someone who looks exactly like Minister Pumpkin.
The Paper is a letter to the Minister signed “Jr Pumpkin”

Our Heroes steal the money and the personal correspondence to the Minister from his Son. Now back into that ugly hallway and into the second ugly hallway!


At least the second hallway is the same color as the first, otherwise it’d be pretty tacky. To the Left, young Percival!


Bingo! The Princess should be around here, now we can rescue her! Percy, you go check that Pond for her.

I fell into the water, Boss! Help! Help! Help!

Well, Percy is finished, might as well keep looking for the Princess on my own.


Probably should have thought of that before you kept dropping all my stuff, Percy.

Excuse me, I'm going to cherish this for a while. I'm not going to lie, this is my favorite scene.

04-08-2009, 06:00 AM

*cue HAL 9000 voice* - "What are you doing? I'm afraid I can't let you do that Octoprime."

blubber blubber.

04-08-2009, 06:33 AM

Between this and Bananda there's enough fetish fuel here to last a lifetime.

I'm glad I played through this game in my formative years.

04-08-2009, 08:01 AM

AHHHHH! Anthropomorphic Fruit Fan Service! What the hell is wrong with this game?


I think he likes it.

Octopus Prime
04-08-2009, 01:24 PM

Hey Boss, she's got soft skin.

04-08-2009, 01:59 PM
I hope you realize you've started a new Talking Time meme, young man.

04-08-2009, 02:23 PM
I love the way you've just left it with Percy drowning. Serves him right, the useless vegetable.

04-08-2009, 02:49 PM
How does a fruit drown? I'd bet money that the fan version of this game has an even more "revealing" orange in a shower scene...

Just a hunch

04-08-2009, 08:12 PM
Secret ending: The lake is made of Everclear and Cool-Aide, and the Farmies are really Frat boys. Percy is the final ingredient in their Evil Hunch Punch.


04-08-2009, 10:08 PM
Percy once told me that he beat Milon's Secret Castle in two days. Damn lying persimmons.

How did I ever miss this thread, I need to check the LP forum more.

There's fun stuff in this game? Though the gamne telling you there isn't enough memory is kinda funny... What I found more interesting was that as a child you owned this game. Which means either your parents thought it looked like a good game or you picked it off the shelves yourself... I'm having trouble understading how either of them could possibly come to pass?


I rented it because of the cover art, and I fell in love with it. My mom read the first chapter to me when I was five. Later, when I could read better, I bought it for $10 at a flea market. This game and Deja Vu guided me gently into Lucasarts adventure games - I have an affinity for it that no amount of logic or analysis can overcome.


Yes, I keep them together. No, I don't like Milon's Secret Castle.

04-09-2009, 12:56 AM
I hope you realize you've started the best Talking Time meme, young man.


Hey Boss, I think school just let out.


04-09-2009, 01:27 AM
I've got a pervasive sensation that Percy is watching me, everywhere. And as I walk down the street, I will turn around and shout 'PERCY' at the person behind me, who will ask 'Who's Percy?'

04-09-2009, 08:25 AM
Hey Boss, I think school just let out.

Oh God he's escaped

04-09-2009, 10:35 AM
If all the Precy images don't stop I'll soon be worried he's watching me as well. Though as I think more about it, it seems that Percy plays a vital role in the story, in fact he might be a perfect archetype: the bungling assistant. Don Quixote had Sancho Panza, Abbot had Costello, every straightman needs a clown and Percy is a clown par excellence...

04-09-2009, 10:44 AM
So.....Percy is this forum's Pedobear?

EDIT: NO! He's the forum's Brian Peppers!

He even looks like a bit like a yellow pepper in the remake. Percy Peppers, anyone?

04-09-2009, 10:46 AM
So.....Percy is this forum's Pedobear?

I think so.

Octopus Prime
04-09-2009, 11:44 AM
Hey Boss, don't let me get too wet.


Sadly, as despite really wanting to, we can’t abandon Percy while he’s in mid-drown, so we toss him the Water Wings he’s been strangely resilient to dropping for the past 4 Chapters.

I think I can get out! Oh, I thought I was going to die, Boss… Look, I found this in the pond! It’s some kind of Ornament! Got a towel?

Incidentally, I couldn’t throw the Wings to Percy until I dropped something first. Anyway, there is a distinct lack of Princesses, Tomato or otherwise, in the Garden. We take some Water and head back to the Hall and head to the Right.


Geez! A Guard! I wasn’t expecting there being anyone who was actually supposed to be in the castle! Time to use the same tactics employed in the Home Alone franchise!

Look out, Boss! He noticed us!

Look, the soldier slipped and hit his head! Okay, I tied him up with the chain!

And, after dispatching a guard off-screen, we’re in front of the jail! The door is locked, but a frantic series of LOOKing and CHECKing causes the guards’ keys to appear in the middle of the hall.

Looks like the castle’s one-room jail had as many inmates as Saladoria’s entire Prison.

Cabbage: Who are you? Leave us alone!
Lettuce: Can we trust you?
Garlic: You’re Farmies!
Bell Pepper: Get Lost!

Of course, it being that all the prisoners were arrested by Farmies, it stands to reason that they’re not entirely fond of anyone who looks like a Farmie right now. Might as well show them the Crest, so as to earn their trust.

You’re Resistance Soldiers!

That helped.

Cabbage: I still don’t trust you guys!
Lettuce: I’m not hiding anything!
Garlic: I have a nephew at the Saladoria Police Station
Bell Pepper: I’ll trade information for 1 Gold Coin.

I’m sure Garlic meant that he has a psychopathic relative in the Police Station. Anyhow, none of these jerks are overly helpful. Well, Bell Pepper’s advice was this:


Which I’m sure will be helpful in the near future. Anyway, looking in the room a couple more times brings the Barrel to Sir Cucumber attention, which therefore lets him look inside it. Inside the Barrel is a slightly wilted White Leaf. One splash of water later and…


J. Jonah Jameson?

You’re helping the Minister, aren’t you!

Man, I hope we get rid of these disguises soon, everyone is being overly unhelpful while I’m wearing it. Fine, we’ll show J.J. the stupid Crest.

You’re Resistance Soldiers! I am Lord White Leaf. We must stop the Minister and his son! His son is allergic to caterpillars! Good luck!

Wait, wait, wait… Pumpkin Jr. is allergic to caterpillars? How? I mean… Caterpillars don’t produce any kind of allergen that I'm aware of. I’m also not entirely sure that caterpillars eat pumpkins, and even if they did, I don’t quite know if that counts as an allergy.


As it would happen, doing CHECKing the inmates reveals that one of them has a Caterpillar in his head. I’m not sure if Sir Cucumber just took a quick, cursory glance across the room, and Mr. Lettuce just happened to have a big-damn caterpillar in his head, or if he went to each inmate and gave them a thorough parasite-search.

Either way, Caterpillar GET! Now, to the Lower Left Hand door in the previous hallway!

04-09-2009, 03:46 PM

Sorry guys This took so long in Paint

04-09-2009, 04:47 PM


04-09-2009, 06:35 PM
No apology can atone for that atrocity. I can't believe you would...


...oh, uh, hey Percy...I was just...


Wh-what are you doing? Why are you coming over here?! Get away! Get away from me!





04-09-2009, 06:57 PM
I like how Percy has completely derailed the thread for the past while. Even outside of the game, he's leading OctoPrime off-track!

EDIT: Oh God, inverted Percy may be the most frightening version yet. http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee231/PapillonReel/emot-gonk.gif

J. Jonah Jameson?

You’re Spiderman, aren't you!

Wait 'til everyone reading the Daily Bugle hears about this!

04-09-2009, 07:05 PM
Despite Percyís objections, Sir Cucumber picks up the oil and tar. Just to be on the safe side.

If Sir Cucumber had dropped the contents of the jars as well as, somehow, a lit match, I would have awarded this game an automatic A+.

04-09-2009, 07:39 PM

HEY BOSS! I picked up some stuff!

Because it's inverted

... shut up.

04-09-2009, 07:57 PM
"Hey boss, I licked a funny stamp."

04-09-2009, 09:25 PM


Hey boss! I swear she looked ripe to me!

04-09-2009, 10:24 PM
Hey boss! I swear she looked ripe to me!


Ghost from Spelunker
04-09-2009, 11:14 PM
Me next!

04-09-2009, 11:15 PM
This thread is just getting surreal now. It's like 8% Princess Tomato LP and 92% Percy 'shops.

04-09-2009, 11:53 PM
This thread is just getting surreal now. It's like 8% Princess Tomato LP and 92% Percy 'shops.



04-10-2009, 01:15 AM
Oh sweet Jesus Pappy has done something horrible.

04-10-2009, 01:29 AM
I have never felt so uncomfortable and entertained at once.

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

04-10-2009, 02:33 AM

What's the matter Boss? Don't you like me?

Octopus Prime
04-10-2009, 03:53 AM
Me next!

Equal parts horrifying AND prescient!

Well done, sir!

04-10-2009, 05:25 AM
Percy's so awesome he's managed to distract everyone from Celery Hitler.

04-10-2009, 04:26 PM
Pence gets it. I love this game and its insane logic and nonsensical world.

Octopus Prime
04-11-2009, 12:53 AM

Iím inclined to agree, this is a curiously labyrinthine straight hallway.


Hey, she looks Tomato-esque! Letís get rescuing!


Dangit. I want to save a princess! Well, letís move through the room then (which, incidentally, you have to CHECK before you can attempt to walk through).


This room is a bit more brightly decorated. Good for it. Nothing in it, so we leave the room, and go back into the hallway. Then we re-enter the maids room, go through the bright room again, and then keep repeating that until the Maid wakes up. Then the other door in the Bright room will be unlocked, allowing me into the third room.
Because this game is just that sensible.


Okay, so this is where the Princess gets dressed. Thatís cool, but why is there a wig on the counter? If Princess Tomato is a tomato, then human hair would look damn weird, and if sheís (roughly) human, like her sisterÖ then does that mean that being half-Broccoli causes premature baldness?


And this just muddies the issue farther!

Dammit, this roomís minor details piss me off, Iím going to vent my frustrations on that stool!

Hey boss, this stool has a storage space! Boss, I opened the lid and found a diary!

Oh, I see. The old ďPunch a stool until it is revealed to be a storage container, then read the carefully hidden diaryĒ trick. Almost fell for it, too.

Day by day, Iím putting on thick make-up to make myself look ugly. But Iíve resigned myself to my fortune. Take care!

IsÖ is she aware that the King is dead? Which is why sheís being forced to marry Pumpkin Jr. in the first place? Well, thatís all there is in this room, so letís leave the room, back into the hallway, and then go back through the maids room and into the brightly colored one again.


Oh hey, thereís another person with a large, red head in this room. Letís say hello!

Who are you? I didnít give you permission to come in!

Rude, and ugly as hell! HeyÖ you donít think that this tomato-headed person is actually the Princess in disguise, do you? Letís try showing this shriveled prune of a tomato the Crest.

But I donít trust you, this could be a fake crest! Youíre not going to fool me! Get out of my room!

Okay, well, I have to give her credit for being more astute then everyone else in the Salad Kingdom. Letís try backing away from her and talking to her again, this time forcing her to eat Chameleon Grass.


Yeah, thatíll teach you to be rude to the people trying to rescue you, but are currently disguised as the same people who imprisoned you in the first place! Also, she looks significantly less human then her sister does.

Iím sorry, but since I was taken here, I couldnít trust anyone. Please destroy Minister Pumpkin and bring peace back to The Salad Kingdom! Minister Pumpkin stole the Turnip Emblem from us. On behalf of all the vegetables I beg the favor of you to go get the Emblem back for us.

Okay, thanks for the help, but I was going to do that anyway. SoÖ itís back into the Hallway with us! And slightly farther ahead this time!

04-11-2009, 01:48 PM
She's happy you made her beautiful after all the hard work she'd done getting ugly?!

Wouldn't it make more sense to restore her after you defeat Minister Pumpkin?

Oh wait I used the word 'sense' there... nevermind!

04-11-2009, 03:05 PM


Pappy what have you done?

04-11-2009, 07:00 PM
Pappy what have you done?


04-12-2009, 10:45 AM

I'm going to miss this thread when Minister Pumpkin finally meets his end.

Octopus Prime
04-12-2009, 01:19 PM

Holy Moses! Yikes!

Pappy, you're making me dread my own LP!

04-13-2009, 12:59 AM
Holy Moses! Yikes!

Pappy, you're making me dread my own LP!


Octopus Prime
04-13-2009, 01:17 AM

Itís an Eggplant? Guarding a door? Such fallacy cannot be! Prepare yourself, monster, for the oblivion that awaits you!

In this Castle, Iím second only to Minister Pumpkin in Finger Wars!

An Eggplant with a porn-stache, no less. Give Ďem hell, Perce!


Contrary to his bragging, Eggplant is exactly as easy to beat as everyone else in the game. Keep picking Rock, and pointing up and heíll lose. Now, into the Throne Room!


Thereís nothing much in the Throne Room, actually, just an empty chair, an unexciting door, and a discarded suit. The suit is kind of weird, I guess. Anyhow, we glance about the room a bit until Sir Cucumber finally notices the door, allowing him to walk through it.


He tells Percy to steal the clothes. Because heís a kleptomaniacal cucumber.


And here we areÖ in the Ministers Bedroom, which is curiously nicer then the Princesses. A quick (read: exhaustively repetitive) Look and Check reveals very little thatís exciting; The Trophy is hollow, but empty, and Bed is kind of strange and the bookshelfÖ


Has what I assume to be literature appropriate for someone with an inferiority complex over the fact that heís a pumpkin.


Sir Cucumber is so disgusted that his enemy has a healthy reading habit that he instructs Percy to take an armful of them. Then he checks the hole in the Shelf again. Just to make sure thereís nothing left there.

The holes will help guide youÖ What could it mean, Boss?

Baby Monster? Oh crap, thatís probably foreshadowing, isnít it? Well, nothing to worry about right now, I suppose. Percy, go rummage around that creepy old pumpkin-mans bed.

Letís take a look! Hey! Oh, no!.... Someone pushed us down into the Basement! Itís totally dark!

Cunning bastard, waiting until we were distracted by a staircase to run over and push us down. Only a Pumpkin could be so sneaky. Yes, Iím falling back on the stereotype that all pumpkins are untrustworthy scoundrels.

Anyway, one more forward from a Totally dark room reveals a fully lightedÖ



Octopus Prime
04-13-2009, 01:21 AM
Luckily, this is the last maze before I am finally free of this infernal video game, so let’s make it count;


After moving/wandering/following a map through the maze for a short while, we encounter the first of its several guardians: The Baby Monster! It’s equal parts cute and kind of unpleasant. And now our hero makes up for saving a terrible baby so many weeks ago by killing a semi-adorable baby now;


Oh what the hell man? I already Rock-Paper-Scissored a man to death, and I exploded the Banana-Themed-Spinoff of Orochi, which had small child inside it. Why can’t I fight the Baby Monster? Fine, I’ll use the better part of valor and run away from the little bean-sprout.


After turning around, and running like hell from the teeny-tiny critter, our heroes encounter a hole in the middle of the floor. Could this be what that book faintly alluded to?

The hole asks if we just ran the baby monster, but asks no more. Fine, we don’t need advice from no disembodied voice! Or a talking hole. Or someone who is buried not very deeply in the basement. Or whoever was just talking.

This is the Second Hole, Keep Going!

I believe I just said we will be ignoring the advice of holes.

Also, at the behest of showing the entire monster family, I made it a point to track down the Moma Monster;


The Moma is pretty horrendous looking, but can be fought. There is no benefit for doing so, however.


Screw that noise, Third Hole in the Ground!


And, naturally, we encounter the Papa Monster after running through the gauntlet of monster-infested straight hallways that make up this basement. Unlike the Baby, we CAN fight the Papa Monster, and unlike the Mama, there IS a benefit to killing it.

So let’s us destroy the patriarch of the Non-Sexually-Dimorphic-Monster-Family!

Oh, there’s an Opening in the wall!

Unlike most opponents, The Papa Monster actually DOES randomize his guesses for the Rock Paper Scissors part. He almost always picks Rock, however, so just picking Paper time-and-time again will allow you to prevail. And since he lacks any optic muscles (I guess?), he can’t look in any direction but left.

Okay, that’s been taken care of, so lets exit the Basement and see the jerkass who knocked us into here in the first place;

04-13-2009, 02:59 AM

D'Awww, he's kinda quite, in a monsterish sort of way.

And you went and murdered his papa. You fiend.

04-13-2009, 04:21 AM
He tells Percy to steal the clothes. Because heís a kleptomaniacal cucumber.

Do not say these things! Sir Cucmber is a hero.

Octopus Prime
04-13-2009, 01:21 PM
Do not say these things! Sir Cucmber is a hero.

He can be a Heroic Kleptomaniac.

Like... Nobby Nobbs, or Locke!

04-13-2009, 02:57 PM
I don't get the whole baby monster and hole in the ground thing... But then I haven't got much of what this game presents as story, game play, etc...

Octopus Prime
04-15-2009, 10:46 AM

OkayÖ okayÖ I can deal with the fact that Minister Pumpkin is not, in any shape or form, a Pumpkin. ÖIím fine with the fact that heís a green pepper, or perhaps some kind of a squash. ThatísÖ okayÖ IímÖ Iím not shocked, or incensed in anyway that Iíve been playing this game since frickiní DECEMBER (sporadically) with the guarantee that eventually, yes, I would be bashing the head of a pumpkin, and now I realize that this was a false hopeÖ IÖ DAMMIT, YOU DIE NOW PUMPKIN!



You have beaten my monsters! You must be tough! But there is no way you can beat me! Come on!




As implied earlier, the hint that I bought from Bell Pepper was, in fact, The Ministers attack pattern. Unlike the Papa, he isnít randomized so much as strictly following a seemingly random pattern.


Oh, whatís the matter, Minister Pepper? Did I ROCK your World?

I gave it to my son! He will marry Princess Tomato and become the King of Saladoria!


Minister Pepper apparently vanished as soon as he gave his last line. Well, we didnít get the Turnip Emblem, but at least we saved the Princess and beat Minister Pepper to death. All in a good days work, eh Perce? Come on, letís save the Princess and watch the ending credits, I guess.

Octopus Prime
04-15-2009, 10:47 AM

Incidentally, Eggplant is still standing there. Stalwartly guarding a room with a dead monarch.


Yes, your expression is incapable of showing anything but ecstatic glee. Or at least bemusement. Or the creepy-smiley that looks like it’s about to bite you. Or that there’s an adorable puppy to my immediate right.


M’yeah… about that…


His son. He said so. And why would a MINISTER lie?


Sounds good to me, your Tomatoness.


Godammit Percy, why do you do these- wait... he didn't drop anything? Maybe I misjudged you. Or perhaps you learned your lesson about throwing away seemingly useless items after your little drowning adventure*.


And so, the pitiful, stupid, excessively unpleasant saga of Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom comes to a close. Or does it? Because there’s still one Chapter to Go:

Stay Tuned, Cats and Kittens for; Chapter 9: The Mildly Cleverly Titled Epilogue

*Yeah, he totally dropped everything, he just didn't mention doing it. What an asshole.

04-15-2009, 12:31 PM
Oh Minister Pumpkin is a pumpkin, all right - he's just unripe, is all.

Octopus Prime
04-15-2009, 12:34 PM
Oh Minister Pumpkin is a pumpkin, all right - he's just unripe, is all.

I don't know man, when I gaze into the abyss that is his soul, I think "That guy there, he's a Buttercup Squash"

04-15-2009, 12:56 PM
I bet his son is some kind of root...

04-15-2009, 01:05 PM
I feel so betrayed! I don't know if I can stick with this till the end now. :(

04-15-2009, 01:29 PM
He almost looks like a green tomato...

Holy plot twist, he's the Princess' real father! It all makes sense now!

04-15-2009, 02:47 PM
Yes, your expression is incapable of showing anything but ecstatic glee. Or at least bemusement. Or the creepy-smiley that looks like itís about to bite you. Or that thereís an adorable puppy to my immediate right.

Wow, this game is surprisingly deep.

Anyhow, I kind of always thought it was amusing that Sir Cucumber, (who is a hero,) always makes Percy do all his fighting for him. And the hitting of stuff. And the carrying of his baggage. And pretty much anything that isn't looking at things. It gives me the impression that Sir Cucumber is one of those haughty nobles and the whole "Knight" thing is a largely inherited title. Percy is more of a squire that he happened to have picked up along the way.

Granted, now that we know what Percy really looks like, that's probably the real reason he does all the fighting. Sucker just has a kind of sadistic look to him.

04-16-2009, 03:59 AM
Minister Pumpkin is most definitely a kabocha squash!

what I'm saying is you should have sliced his head into pieces and deep-fried them.


04-16-2009, 03:53 PM
I hear unripe pumpkin pie makes for good eating.

You'd get caterpillar-sized eyebrows between your teeth, but...

Octopus Prime
04-17-2009, 01:26 AM
Chapter 9: All Good Things Must Come to an End, and so must this Game


With the defeat of the Farmy Regime, Orange Park, back over in Saladoria, is a hub of excitement and celebration. Generalissimo Cantaloupe is smiling, Lisa is looking mildly nonplussed, someone with a red bean for a head is getting really, really drunk, and Nutty and some carrot-girl Iíve never seen before are laughing it up. All is as it should be. Letís go Mingle, Perce!

Nutty:Oh! Cucumber, youíve defeated Minister Pumpkin! Congratulations!
General:Youíve done it! Iím proud of you!
Carrot:I canít believe you did it!
Lisa:Thank you for saving Princess Tomato! This land will be happy and peaceful, once again. ďATTENTION EVERYONE!!! LETíS WELCOME OUR HEROES!


Itís Jr. Pumpkin! We have to save her quickly!

Itís too late, we need a miracle to save her. We need... a HERO!


He winced for a moment from the sudden blow and the Princess was saved, butÖ

Oh thank God, I was worried for a second there that Sir Cucumber would have to do something heroic.


I have your precious Emblem! Are there any noble Finger Warriors among you?

Okay, wellÖ The Ministers unibrow-clad son has step forthÖ not so much to avenge his dead father as to re-kidnap the Princess. I canít see why a guy with a winning personality like that would need to resort to overthrowing the local government in order to get himself a girlfriend.

Anyhow, letís teach this young upstart where his parents went wrong raising him;


Which really isnít difficult since he keeps picking Rock. Heís still a big dick, though, and wonít give up the Turnip Emblem. If only he had some kind of Achilles Heel we could abuse. Like, an allergy, or natural aversion to something. But, of course, I donít have anything like that because, despite not mentioning it before, Percy totally threw away everything in my inventory after escaping the Castle. Everything, exceptÖ



Octopus Prime
04-17-2009, 01:28 AM

Jr. Pumpkin ran away like a frightened child! But he left the Turnip Emblem! Finally, weíve recovered the precious Emblem!


Oh thank God for that.


I told you! They are HEROES!



Those heartless, heartless bastards!

And so, this LP comes to a close. It was arduously long, and, more then once, caused me great physical discomfort. But it was all worth it if somebody read it, and decided to not play it. Because thatís what this LP truly is: Itís not a series of screenshots of the game with running commentary, no. No, it exists as a warning.

Stay alert, stay safe.

Hey Boss, I hope you had fun playing with me.

04-17-2009, 01:33 AM
I'm going to miss this thread, I admit. It was a blast following along with your adventures into the Salad Kingdom, and even moreso once you factor in all of the crazy Percy-shops made. Thanks for playing, and good on ya, OctoPrime. This thread was truly one of the greats.

Since this is the end, I think I'll take the time to post all of the other shops I've made...





04-17-2009, 01:33 AM
I am humming the music from the first chapter of Princess Tomato, it's been a long time since I saw that ending sequence.

04-17-2009, 02:39 AM
Hey Boss, I hope you had fun playing with me.



This LP was great, though, as expected from the venerable mister Prime. The thread would have been excellent even if Loki hadn't inflicted the terrifying visage of Remake Percy upon us and caused a wave of horror/Photoshops, but it's all the better for it.

Anyway, as a reward for this unforgettable Let's Play, I present OctoPrime with this golden...


Sorry Boss, I dropped all our stuff when we came into the thread!


04-17-2009, 03:45 AM
I... I'm not ready for this to end. I was just starting to get to know Percy and why he does the things he does! It's because he LOVES US.

...oh my. How does one identify if one has Stockholm syndrome?

04-17-2009, 03:59 AM
May this thread live on forever as a repository for horrifying Percy 'shops.

04-17-2009, 04:11 AM

Three hours later, the festive mood withered when Princess Tomato and Sir Cucumber caught Percy peeking around the door of their honeymoon suite.

04-17-2009, 05:15 AM
Thank you Octo for this thoroughly enjoyable LP, even though the horror of Percy has started to escape into other threads already.

You may be crazy for playing the game in the first place, but you're a hero.

04-17-2009, 05:55 AM
Excellent, excellent LP. Crazy game. I think I might even miss it.

04-17-2009, 08:11 AM
I like how Percy appears to be wearing Mike Haggar-style suspenders in the ending. It just goes to show that he was the fighter of the group for a reason.

I really enjoyed this LP. Thanks for plowing through this game for us, Octo!

04-17-2009, 09:26 AM
How has no one pointed out how weird it is that the farmies were set free to become "honest carnivores"? Unbelievably, I think this game is telling us to eat meat, and only meat, at all times!

Of course, the only animals in the game seem to be the farmies and the monsters - of which there are only three. Once again, the message is cannibalism.

This game is horrifying.


Eat the flesh of the infidel, Boss! Gain their strength!

04-17-2009, 10:33 AM
How has no one pointed out how weird it is that the farmies were set free to become "honest carnivores"? Unbelievably, I think this game is telling us to eat meat, and only meat, at all times!

Of course, the only animals in the game seem to be the farmies and the monsters - of which there are only three. Once again, the message is cannibalism.

This game is horrifying.


Eat the flesh of the infidel, Boss! Gain their strength!

That jumped out at me, too! It's like the Anti-PETA game.

(Also, due to a stupid joke in a book I'm reading, I originally read it as they ran off to become cannibals!)

I... I'm not ready for this to end. I was just starting to get to know Percy and why he does the things he does! It's because he LOVES US.

...oh my. How does one identify if one has Stockholm syndrome?

I think we may have all just become a case study for Percy Syndrome: The irrational love of a horrible game one's become attached to. Also known as Battered Gamers Syndrome. God help us.

(thanks for an awesome LP!)

04-17-2009, 10:56 AM
Just joining my voice with the many others here thanking you for a great LP, and thanking everyone for all the hilarious Percy-shops.

For the rest of my life I'll take a vicious pleasure from eating persimmons!

04-17-2009, 11:41 AM
This was a great read, and I'll now be forever haunted by persimmon eyes.

Thanks . . . ?

Octopus Prime
04-17-2009, 02:31 PM

Boss, everyone is making me feel so special.

Also, That winking Percy? It's been two weeks and I'm still not tired of seeing it.

Octopus Prime
04-17-2009, 03:14 PM
One Mr. Shinji-Fox just created this bit of Princess Tomato Fanart:


It is non-canon, but all the better for it.

04-18-2009, 03:11 PM
That's fantastic work by Mr Fox. This thread just keeps giving.

Pajaro Pete
04-19-2009, 10:44 AM

04-19-2009, 01:10 PM
This LP was awesome. Percy is made of nightmares.

04-19-2009, 01:59 PM
My god, is that a Dr. McNinja reference-reference, or is that a reference to the original reference?

Octopus Prime
04-19-2009, 02:06 PM
My god, is that a Dr. McNinja reference-reference, or is that a reference to the original reference?

It was intended as a reference to the original source material, but more people seem to recognize it from The Good Doctor.

So I'm cool with it either way.

10-15-2009, 11:27 PM
Extremely late to the LP, I know, but I just read through this thing a little while ago to see what I missed by renting but never finishing this game back in the day, as well as more good ol' intel on that creepy Percy pic's wherabouts.

Looking back, this graphic adventure is so, so Japanese in its structure and references.....and in spite of the message to not play it, I'm tempted to play it for how fucked up it is.....and because I'm in a mentally masochistic state after that read, I'm tempted to play it in Japanese to spot the differences. SHOOT ME PLEASE. @.@

That Banan-orochi monster is freaking awesome, now that I recognize the reference.

10-16-2009, 04:03 AM

10-16-2009, 04:11 PM
We should sticky this LP as required reading for newcomers to the board and/or for use against our enemies.

10-28-2009, 02:13 PM
I know I'm just striking the corpse of Octopus Prime's Let's Play with electricity again, but I found some stuff of interest when searching for Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom under its Japanese name, "Salad no Kuni no Tomato Hime", mainly Japanese boxart. First, there's this boxart for the Famicom version.

Hey, Boss! I'm all red and feeling up your leg!

And also, there's apparently an MSX version, predating the Famicom Disk System port by three years. Here's its boxart.

Awwwwww, I'm not in this picture, Boss!

Anyway, thought that was of interest. Dunno why I'm finding hunting for info on this game so appealing.....OHWAITDIFFERENCESRIGHT.

Boss, let's use the fake grenade to coerce ol' Squidbot into suffering through raw Japanese MSX hell!

No, we can't do that. Because you dropped it. Like you drop everything.

Credit goes to GameFAQs for the boxart rips.

EDIT: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v475/ValocDarkmyre/CigaretteCoffee.png
Looks like the old plum lady's a cigarette dealer in the Japanese version. Mrs. Plum just became ten times more awesome, and I bet Mr. Garlic's "donut" probably glass-shaped and filled with alcohol.

Oh, 80s and early 90s Nintendo of America censorship. You so crazy. =P

10-29-2009, 01:58 AM
Looks like the old plum lady's a cigarette dealer in the Japanese version.

And that'll be why she's so wrinkled.