Alexander pulls out his magic (s)map - Let's Play King's Quest VI

Happy New Year, one and all! And what better way to welcome another year of LPs here at Talking Time than with another fine Sierra adventure game (courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Sky Render)? Let's play!

Quick Links to the LP

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI
Part VII
Part VIII
Part IX
Part X
Part XI
Part XII
Part XIII

LP Complete

Prologue - Nostalgia vs. Reality: The Final Battle

Let's face it: King's Quest V was a dark point in the series, as I've documented quite thoroughly in LP form. Even with everything it did better than its predecessors, it replaced most of the old dick moves with brand new ones. They had a lot of apologies to be issuing for the game with the 1992 release of King's Quest VI, and... for the most part, they did a great job.



Granted, it's still very easy to lose in King's Quest VI, but the odds of it happening are much lower, unless you're especially fond of doing overly foolish things. But we're going to do those stupid things anyway, because really, going against the grain is what makes adventure game LPs fun.

The counts for this one are a little different than last time. Tracking dick moves in KQ6 is pointless (what few there are are mostly hold-overs from KQ5 anyway), but tracking deaths will definitely still be in. We'll be keeping track of when Alexander acts like a complete douche instead of design dick moves, just so we can get a better idea of just what an upstanding man it is that Cassima is longing for. (No need to get indignant, fellow KQ6 fans. It's all in good fun.)

Introduction - Seeking the Girl in the Tower

We begin with an FMV (which is slightly more interesting in the Windows 3.1 release, but we're working with the DOS version, so nyah).



Ooh, intro FMV text! Does this mean there will be subtitles?



I guess not. Yeah, this is all voice-acted, so I'll have to sum it up for you. Alexander (the troublemaker son of King Graham who inadvertently caused King's Quest V to happen) is all mopey because he can't find the Land of the Green Isles. He promised Cassima at the end of the last game that he'd come visit her there, and that's a bit tough when you can't even find the damned place. His mother, Valanice, tries to console him, but it's pointless. He wants his princess hottie.



Gotta give him credit for being devoted. Even if it is vaguely stalker-esque.



Suddenly the mirror on the wall goes all Zuul-mothafucka-Zuul on him, and he hears Cassima's voice!



Hey, there she is! It's worth noting that, in the few months since KQ5, Cassima's voice has gone from high-pitched-possibly-14-year-old to deep-and-probably-in-her-late-twenties. Cassima grew up fast!



Our co-dependent hero calls his mother over so he can gush to her about how he can find Cassima now because he saw the stars outside her bedroom window. Yeah, ProTip for ya, Alexander: unless she happens to be roughly in the same hemisphere (or at least on the same side of the equator), that won't help you much.



But our brave hero doesn't care about impracticalities like that, and sets sail for a land he's never seen! Knowing the idiocy inherent in the Daventry royal family line, he probably also only sails during daylight hours.




After those "three long months", they finally spot the first bit of land since leaving port! Hooray! Wouldn't it be a lucky coincidence if that was the Land of the Green Isles? Also, pretty pathetic that the "known sea" around Daventry can be fully explored in under 3 months. Explorers these people are not.



The crew's cheerful about it, anyway. Hey, after a quarter of a year eating nothing but salted mackerel and moldy oranges, you'd be pretty eager to make landfall too.



Further proving his stupidity, Alexander orders the ship to sail in close just as a storm is rolling in. Good grief, Alex, have you no sense at all?



Seriously. You do not sail towards an unknown island in the dead of night during a storm unless you have a death wish! Or does the term "sandbar" mean nothing to you? Or possibly "reef"? Maybe "jagged fucking rocks 5 feet from the ship prow"?



Huh. I guess it doesn't mean anything to him. Oh well, his asshole score in his quest to win the heart of his lady love gets a rousing starter with his slaughtering the entire crew of the ship. Well, at least we can give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he had a skeleton crew (literally now hur hur).

Reckless Endangerment Point: +1
Alexander's Asshole Score: 1

So... yeah. Methinks his boat has been thoroughly murdered. Now Alexander is a castaway, though fortunately there are no volleyballs in sight for him to become unnaturally obsessed with.



There is, however, a single-pixel item on the very first screen! Nothing like holdover dick moves, huh?




Ever notice how there's a ton of planks in adventure games with shipwrecks? It's a constant problem. At least this one has a box under it.



Woo, money! A whole one copper coin, to be exact. Wow, Alexander's fortunes are worse than his father's were early in King's Quest V. Come on, at least make it a silver coin!



Feeling bad about killing all of his men, Alexander decides to see if he can't go salvage their corpses. He has clearly never heard of the term "undertow" before.



Its meaning, however, becomes clear to him quite quickly.



Oh would you just drown already!?



Thank you.



What... the... fu...?



Did Alexander's spirit just appear in a Hellish underworld of some sort, get queue-shuffled through a giant skull's cooch-shaped mouth, and then disappear for good? ...That's actually kinda cool.



Ugh, bad puns return... Anyway, we have our first death!

What's an Undertow? Point: +1
Alexander's Death Count: 1



So instead of a slow painful death at sea, Alexander instead opts to head up the path and off the beach.

You stand at a crossroads. Obvious exits are west to the village, east to the castle, and south back to the beach.

Well, gentle readers, where to first?

Castle! Castle! They'll totally be happy to see visiting royalty from a place they've never heard of before.

Girl in the towwwwwwwwwer

Castle!

And you were asking for it when you ran into the ocean -- they even gave you a warning.

I was always disturbed, even as a wee lad by Queen Valencia's muffin top in that FMV! Also I remember being blown away by how real it looked!

Go to the town there are more interesting things there

I remember this being a major problem when I first got the game, because installing the intro FMV meant the entire installation needed 18 MB. I didn't have that sort of free disk space! To their credit, Sierra did make it possible to delete just the video when you'd seen it, leaving only the 10 MB of core game.

BAD MERUS

Go to town and amaze the shopkeepers with your lack of situational awareness, then go to the castle!

Since KQ6 has multiple solutions to some of the major puzzles, some more correct than others, will we be going for a maximum point run here? If I recall correctly, even doing certain things out of order yeilds less points than the Sierra approved solutions.

Oh yeah honey, are we gonna play "Royal Flush" or "Hide the Rod"? Oh you know I just wanna... Umm... I'll be in my bunk.

Go with the town. I think he needs to release some tension.

I know this game pretty well, and I'm almost certain order doesn't matter.

I vote for showcasing alternate solutions as they appear. If I were you, I'd do the beauty's clothes path first, and then go back and do the paint path, aiming generally for maximum points.

I say you make your way back to the beach and try to swim back to Daventry.

This new country has entirely too many hithertoo unsuspected ways to die. Back there, we are at least we know what we're up against.

Part I - Daventrian Nights

Into town it is! Alexander, putting on his best "not a total outsider" face, heads into the quaint village of Wherever-the-Hell-This-Is-Ville.



Looks like town was a good pick; there's two shops and some crazy old coot in the streets selling lamps.




I think it's pretty obvious that this man is insane and we will never be talking to him again. Yep.



Oh hey, a pawn shop! This merchant seems nice enough, so why not chat it up with him, right?



Wow, no beating around the bush. I like that. It's refreshing from a series that prides itself on padding out every scene.



I like this guy already. He's gonna be my avatar for this LP now.




Riiight. So maybe the crew didn't die? I'm still counting those asshole points for earlier, Alex, you sailed into obvious danger against all logic.



So it IS the Land of the Green Isles! Score!



Some more banter later (where the merchant rightly questions Alex's ability to find an entire nation based on star positions), the merchant asks the million-copper question. Naturally, Alexander states his goal right away.



To which the shopkeep is even more skeptical. Seriously, I love this guy. He's the snarkiest bastard I've seen in a King's Quest game ever.



Turns out the castle we saw is where Princess Hottie-Pants herself lives! Huh, well then, this should be a short game, right? ...Right?



Alex, being a gentleman, figures he should get his lady love a gift. From a pawn shop. To be fair, he DOES only have a single copper coin on hand.



Coincidentally, that's how much the items on the counter all cost! How convenient! I suspect a rotating inventory system will come into play later in this game.



Luckily, the pawn shop owner doesn't seem to care that it's a Canadian penny, and lets Alex have his pick.

Just for future reference, here's all four items: a mechanical nightingale, a flute, a paintbrush, and a tinderbox (which is a kind of lantern).



Yep, it's a rotating inventory system.



Knowing the value of first impressions, Alexander decides to take care of his, erm, "halitosis problem".



Next door is a used book store. So... basically, every shop in this village sells secondhand wares? That's not at all creepy.



This creepy bastard in the back of the shop doesn't help matters, either. I don't like the glint in his eyes. ...Wait, since when do peoples' eyes glint yellow?



And we're back at this again. Joy.



Well seeing as it's called the Land of the Green Isles, I'd wager the answer to that question is "yes". You dingbat.



Um, "at least three"? Either this guy is an idiot who can't count, or the Land of the Green Isles Census Bureau is in dire need of a re-org.



...So basically, it's the Census Bureau thing?



Yikes. I guess if I were the local census taker, I wouldn't want to go counting the islands properly when one of them was the freaking Land of the Dead either. You're forgiven, Census Bureau!



When someone says something like that in an adventure game, it basically translates out to "yes that place exists and you'll be visiting there later". Just a heads-up.



I guess Alexander has decided to put his quest for his lady love aside to go sight-seeing. Wow. What an ass.

ADHD Lover Point: +1
Alexander's Asshole Score: 2



Turns out there's only one way on or off any of the islands, and some moron let the vessel in question go to hell. Lovely. The book store owner does at least tell us to go see the ferryman.



Duly noted. To the docks!

Oh joy. Maybe I should be tracking how bad of assholes people are on the Land of the Green Isles too. ...Nah.



Hmm, harsh stepmother? Check.



Enjoys insulting her adopted offspring? Check.



Treats the girl like a slave? Check.



Emotionally abusive and tries to keep her from ever finding a husband? Check.

Well, I think we all know what classic fairy tale Sierra ripped off this time. The nerve of them, stealing from Thumbellina! ...Wait, that's not right...



Whatever, off to the docks! Where a strange boy is inviting Alexander to come swim with him. Huh.



A valid question, given that the ocean around here can more or less suck the flesh right off your bones.



Reeeeally... Hmm, this kid has the same glint in his eye as that guy from the book shop, too...



Well hey, might as well trust him. I mean what can possibly go wrong?



Oh dear. That was probably not smart after all.



Shut up, you little douche-bottle, and lend a hand.



I knew it. Never trust the Illumineyeti.



Yeah, that was pretty stupid of him. And ironically what his father had to do constantly in King's Quest V.



Well, we won't be doing that again, now will we?

Dying to Help Point: +1
Alexander's Death Count: 2

So instead Alexander blows the kid off, and we see one of the lines of dialogue that you can never actually hear with speech enabled due to a glitch in how they re-tooled the game for spoken dialogue. Also, as we've established, that kid lies.




Um, no. That was clearly not "diving under the water". In fact, it was more like a puff of smoke. And people don't usually vanish into a puff of smoke...



And there's the ferryman. He acts like someone pissed in his Cheerios, but really, he's probably just sick of people banging on his door asking him if he can "give them a ferry ride" and snickering as they run off.



Oh don't worry, Alex, time is the only thing this guy has on his hands. (I hope.)



Um... How 'bout them Dodgers?



Looks like Zanthia has some competition for the non-sequitur championships this year!



So it's an unlucky charm? How... useful. Still, inventory is inventory. Yoink-o-matic!



Oh jeez, here we go yet again...



Hey, a valid question AND one he hasn't asked yet! Well, Cap'n Ferry?



Vizier Alhazred? Yeah, that's subtle. Why didn't he just name himself Usurper McBackstabber? And why has nobody noticed, for that matter? I mean, kinda a big red flag there, shutting down the only vessel that can travel between the islands that make up the nation...



Wow, another good question! You're on a roll, Alex!



Aaand that's as much as we'll be learning for now. Lovely.



Some more jibber-jabber later, the ferryman spits out a vital bit of information: the pawn shop owner's got himself a magic map. Sweet! As if the guy wasn't awesome enough before.

The rest of the dialogue with this guy is optional, and basically just causes him to sum up the area: the Isle of Wonder is weird, the Isle of the Beast is inaccessible, and the Isle of the Sacred Mountain is really interesting if you happen to meet the locals. Oh, and he exposits on how Cassima is all that and a bag of chips, but come on. Alex doesn't need any more convincing of that.

So we'll just skip to Alexander leaving.



And the ferryman rather creepily checking out Alexander's ass. I'm starting to understand why they call him the "ferryman", and it has nothing to do with the ferry.



So Alex makes his way back to the pawn shop, where of course, the creepy gold-eyed old man from before is. They're watching you, Alex. They know your every move. Beware the Illumineyeti.




Hey, the ferryman was telling the truth! Erm, not that I thought he was lying or anything...



What a lucky coincidence for you and me both! I bet the old guy didn't so much croak as poofed himself into an aardvark or something. Wizards in King's Quest games tend to go out in embarrassing ways like that.



Ahh, there's the rub. I kind of doubt a mechanical nightingale or a breath mint is "of equal value", so that pretty much leaves Alex's family ring.



Well, it's worth a shot, anyway.




He resisted the urge to lie about his rank in the nobility? I'm impressed.



And the pawn shop guy is actually trying to discourage him from selling it? I'm even more impressed.



And Alex ruins the whole moment by deciding to give into his on-a-whim desire to go sightseeing. Disrespectful jackass.

Family Doesn't Matter Point: +1
Alexander's Asshole Score: 3



At least the shopkeeper is still awesome, and agrees to hide the ring away so Alex can hawk it back.



It's like the shopkeep realized he was over-explaining this contrivance and just cut it short. I think he knows the fourth wall isn't really there.

Can you really call it "stealing" when the mints are set out so anybody can take one if they want one?



Jeez, what's IN those things? Alex thinks twice about freshening his breath with one before going to see the princess.



I'm sure this is totally unrelated to anything we've seen so far. Not sure why they're bringing it up, actually.



Shock and awe! Intrigue and amazement! The old man in the concealing cloak was some guy in a turban! ...Wait, how the hell did he get back to the castle so fast?



And he promptly passes out. What are those mints laced with, congac?



Prince something-or-other of some-place-I've-never-heard-of, I think.



Or maybe it was that. Yeah, let's go with that.



Oh fizzlebees, he figured it out. Well that's no fun.



Oh hey, I bet this is Usurper McBackstabber. I mean Vizier Alhazred.



So he bought Ness' attack spell from EarthBound? Awesome! I can't wait to cast SMAP on some enemies!



SMAP? It's this really sweet attack spell. See, it makes these funky lines all over the screen in technicolor and



Oh I get it, he's talking about the magic MAP. My bad.



Obviously you failed.



Aww, is Alex a monkey wrench thrown into the gears of your plan? That's cute.



"Smap!"
"...IDIOT!"

Okay, so that bit doesn't happen, but it'd be funnier if it did. Anyway, we're at another decision point! Do we give into Alexander's sightseeing urges, or do we continue to explore the Isle of the Crown (ie. visit the castle)? You decide!

Visit the castle, clearly.

Visit the castle. If Cassima is there, it wouldn't be good to keep her waiting.

You know it's kind of odd they let Alexander go on this quest, I mean Graham did just have a heart attack. Even though he recovered enough to save his family in the last game, Alexander is still the heir.

Then again from the perspective of a completed game they can't have seen all those deaths. So these adventures probably seem downright easy.

I haven't played this, but I already love that underworld sequence after Alexander dies and the pawn shop guy. My vote goes to the castle for now. Maybe there will be something to kill help him there!

Castle! Castle! Castle!

If you have the cover art for this one, you should post it - I dimly remember there being a minotaur and an awesome-looking doorway. Really striking.

isn't that amazing?! Also not that it is #1 and that Roberta Williams gets top billing on that box... That doesn't happen often with games

You mean this?



Yeah, it is pretty impressive. Kinda reminds me of the cover for DooM II, actually...

Back in the day, Roberta Williams was CliffyB and Ken Levine and Will Wright rolled up into one. Sierra really pushed the notion of "game director/designer as auteur" with her. Several of her games' official titles are actually "Roberta Williams' [Game Title]". And if you went to quit the game in KQ2, a lurid 16-color portrait of her popped up and asked you "do you really want to quit?"

It's kind of funny how she just up and left the industry after KQ8.

*headslap* I forgot that she and her husband actually founded Sierra. So there was also a healthy amount of ego involved.

Now this I have to see.

It was actually from King's Quest IV. There's even a glitch surrounding it. You can see both the butt-ugly portrait and the glitch in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZmB8TeUzJ8

Haha, wow. It's like she's auditioning to be in Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom.

Excellent! I love the purple eyeshadow that Roberta's rockin' there. Mrowr.

Is that really the only game where La Williams pops up to ask you if you want to quit or restart? Granted, my memory could be totally faulty here - I never owned the KQ games, but friends did.