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Old 04-15-2017, 06:30 PM
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Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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Oh boy. Ooooooohhhhh boyyyyyyy

The Best YouTube Search Ever Presents



THE SKELETON WARRIORS

OKAY! THIS IS A REAL THING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!

Near as I can tell, this is a cartoon made to advertise a toy line. A toy line of magical heroes and a million billion SKELETONS. Just the intro alone is a solid two minutes of sweet flying motorcycle-riding Skeletons while the theme song (which is just someone Van Halening the hell of of the words "SKELETON WARRIORS". This is 1000% my jam already. The show itself is just He-Man, except with an actual animation budget and if instead of a SKELETON wizard, it had a million billion skeletons, wizard and not!

But before we get to the good stuff, we have to deal with prologue. Seems that two brothers, Justin and Joshua (just finished watching the first episode and, no, I still can't figure out which is which) and they're having an arguement while having a shirtless lightsaber fight. Seems their father the King of Lumonosity up and died and left the older Brother the new King. And that's only a source of contention because he doesn't want his brother to hang out with his buddy Baron Dark. The Evil Cackling Wizard who lives in Lumonocitys Evil Haunted Mansion district.

You know, just in case you didn't figure out that he's a bad guy from the fact that his name is literally Baron Dark.

Anyway, Weenybro ain't having none of it, so he whines his way out of Castle Lumonocity and heads over to Baron Darks Spooky Castle, and the Baron has a great idea for getting back at his brother; they should steal the Lightstar Crystal, source of Lumonocitys luminosity. And he agrees because he's a big ol' dingus.

Prince Weeny and the Baron break into the Lightstars chamber which, being the source of the planets electricty, is defended by King Lessweeny and their sister Jess and her bird. But don't do a great job of it, since the Baron just up and shoots it to pieces. This has two dramatic effects; first it immediately causes the planet to go full Post Apocalypse, making everyone start wearing tattered rags and causes everyone in the Lightstar Room to turn into tornados which leaves them changed.

Specifically, King Less Weeny gets magical lasers, Jess can fly, Prince Weeny turns into a hunk of beef jerky who can also teleport. And as for Baron Dark? Well... HE IS A GIANT SKELETON WIZARD. And he scarpers back to his haunted mansion to show off his RAD SKELETON-BOD to his generals. Also, he he discovers that he can turn others into magical skeletons by touching them and that means he is a Skele-pire! HE IS A BONE DRACULA! AHHHHHHH!

Naturally, this means that the Baron and his Skeleton Warriors should go ahead and attack Lumonocity and finish destroying the Lightstar and probably make more skeletons out of people. As you do.

Their attack goes pretty well since in addition to being a BADASS SKELEBOSS who owns a fleet of flying skull-and-axe encrusted motorcycles that shoot lasers (HELL YES!) Baron Dark and Associates are impervious to harm and can regenerate themselves when harmed. Compared to that, Flight, Teleporting and Lasers are sucky superpowers. So the siblings get the heck out of dodge and flee to their uncles house. With no transition scene so... I don't know how? Their Uncle is straight up Man-At-Arms, btw. Like... in all ways.

Uncle Man-At-Arms says "So, blew up the Lightstar Crystal, eh? Yep, that'll give you magic powers all right" and then gives everyone custom-fit SKELETON ARMOR and superhero code names (King Lightstone for Good Bro, Talon for Flying Lady, and Grimskull for Jerkyboy) and then Baron Dark finds them again as he can psychically connect to Grimskull, as he's half-SKELETON.

Technically, everybody is Half Skeleton, if you think about it.

Anyway, The SKELETON WARRIORS are still invincible and everything, so Uncle Man At Arms just goes ahead and blows up his house, and the explosion scatters Baron Dark and his soldiers so thoroughly that it's a day or two before they can reassemble, giving TEAM FLESHY time to escape and the idea to start an Anti-Skeleton Resistance.

And that's where the first episode ends. And with at least one new, completely obsessed fan.

Last edited by Octopus Prime; 04-16-2017 at 06:05 AM.
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