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  #1  
Old 04-16-2018, 11:48 AM
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Default WHAT THE FUCK ARE THE SHORTY AWARDS.

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.
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  #2  
Old 04-16-2018, 11:53 AM
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Old 04-16-2018, 12:06 PM
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OKAY YES BUT LIKE.

I GOT LINKED TO THIS ARTICLE?!

Quote:
The Shorty Awards, as everyone involved with the Shorty Awards will no doubt be happy to tell you, are the future of awards shows, an annual event honoring those twin pillars of social media monetization: influencers and brands. The 2018 edition of this collective death march into eternal distraction was held last night in New York City; there, Wendy’s #NuggsForCarter and Backpack Kid were celebrated, and Distracted Boyfriend was named Meme Of The Year. It was the kind of night where people give acceptance speeches that begin, “This is why I got into marketing,” and it nearly crushed Adam Pally’s soul.
WHICH CONTAINED IN IT THIS YOUTUBE? (WHICH I HAVE HELPFULLY SET THE START TIME FOR YOU LIKE AN HOUR AND 30 MINS IN.



AND IT'S JUST THIS DESPERATE SAD MAN STRIVING AGAINST THE SOULLESS MACHINE THAT IS NOW FORCING HIM TO GIVE GOPRO AN AWARD FOR IT'S INCREDIBLE PROMOTION OF GOPRO?

WHAT THE FUCK.
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Old 04-16-2018, 12:09 PM
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I feel like I should not click this even with your helpful timestamp.
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Old 04-16-2018, 12:14 PM
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I hear Drew Scanlon got an award for best gif
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Old 04-16-2018, 12:15 PM
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I'M LIKE, 80% SURE THAT ADAM PALLY IS IN A CHEMICALLY ALTERED STATE, BUT I'M NOT SURE IF HE'S ANGRY DRUNK/ANGRY HIGH OR SIMPLY DRUNK/HIGH ON ANGER.

THEY PUT A GUN TO THIS MAN'S HEAD AND FORCED HIM TO SAY

Quote:
Originally Posted by BROKEN HUMAN BEING
And the award goes to... "Content is king Hashtag Gopro produced by GoPro"
AND YOU GET THE IMPRESSION THEY WERE SURPRISED WHEN HE WAS NOT THRILLED ABOUT IT.

EDIT:
I ALMOST FEEL BAD FOR THE MEGA-DWEEB HOLDING THE GOPRO SELFIE STICK THAT COMES UP TO ACCEPT THE AWARD AFTER THAT SPEECH, FORCED SMILE PLASTERED ACROSS HIS FACE LIKE HE DEARLY WANTS TO BELIEVE THAT THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT OF HIS LIFE AND THAT HE'S NOT GOING TO LET THIS MAN WHO OBVIOUSLY HATES HIM RUIN IT.

I ALMOST FEEL BAD.

ALMOST.

EDIT 2:
ONE OF THE LADIES FLANKING THE MEGA-DWEEB TRIED TO MAKE A POT SHOT AT THE BROKEN MAN BY THANKING EVERYBODY FOR "KEEPING IT POSITIVE".

IT FELT ABOUT AS SINCERE AS WHEN STARBUCKS ASKED IF WE WANTED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT WHITE SUPREMACISTS WITH THEIR COFFEE CUPS.

Last edited by BEAT; 04-16-2018 at 12:26 PM.
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  #7  
Old 04-16-2018, 12:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teg View Post
I hear Drew Scanlon got an award for best gif
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.

LIKE

I'M ACTUALLY ASKING HERE.
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  #8  
Old 04-16-2018, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.

LIKE

I'M ACTUALLY ASKING HERE.
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  #9  
Old 04-16-2018, 12:22 PM
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Oh that's a shame.
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Old 04-16-2018, 12:24 PM
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Drew is legitimately the coolest dude in the world and it is criminal that the thing people know him for is a four second gif of him blinking.
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Old 04-16-2018, 12:28 PM
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Branding is an abyss, beckoning to us so that it might watch us die.
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Old 04-16-2018, 12:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by four-so View Post
Marketing is an abyss, beckoning to us so that it might watch us die.
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Old 04-16-2018, 01:35 PM
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Old 04-16-2018, 01:46 PM
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Old 04-16-2018, 03:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teg View Post
Drew is legitimately the coolest dude in the world and it is criminal that the thing people know him for is a four second gif of him blinking.
To be fair, it's a really relatable blink.
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  #16  
Old 04-16-2018, 06:59 PM
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Apparently one of the "winners" last night was one Spencer Pratt.

HUH, said BEAT to himself. WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT NAME BEFORE?

Turns out it was a 6 year old Seanbaby article titled The 6 Most Spectacular Low Points in Modern Pop Culture.
Quote:
There have always been and will always be celebrities who are famous for nothing. The fact that they exist tends to baffle and infuriate industrious people, but that's a good thing -- uniting in our disgust of objectively terrible people is how we won World War II. About five years ago, we saw a huge spike of empty celebrities. The Writers Guild strike turned TV into a wasteland of reality programming, and hundreds of people were making a living by being stupid bitches with anger management problems.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were probably the worst examples of this. Everyone hated them, so they got more media coverage, so everyone hated them. They were so successful at being douchebags that they wrote a book about it. It was only published in English because it translates into a declaration of war in every other language.
So nice to know he's been keeping busy.
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Old 04-16-2018, 07:06 PM
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The secret best joke in the bit where Adam Pally was presented was where he was like "Isn't this just the webby awards?" because it highlights just how sheerly redundant an awards show this is
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  #18  
Old 04-16-2018, 07:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by muteKi View Post
The secret best joke in the bit where Adam Pally was presented was where he was like "Isn't this just the webby awards?" because it highlights just how sheerly redundant an awards show this is
“Look Pa, the 9:25 to Hollywood!”
“Yep. Those are the folks that fill our lives with blockbuster movies, moronic situation comedies…award shows
where award shows
win awards...?
. . .
Get my gun, boy.”
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