The Return of Talking Time

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  #31  
Old 08-05-2015, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted by aturtledoesbite View Post
Well, let's see.

Shiva - Shivam
Quezacotl - PaulLeFou (what are thunderbirds, anyway)
This gets my vote. I think we can do better for Squall though.
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  #32  
Old 08-05-2015, 09:37 AM
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This gets my vote. I think we can do better for Squall though.
Agreed on both counts.
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  #33  
Old 08-05-2015, 10:04 AM
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Lightning.
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  #34  
Old 08-05-2015, 10:15 AM
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Naming Squall after his gender-swapped semi-expy from FF13 would be amusing, but Lightning is not 7 letters. Also, so far Whateva is winning for his name.
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  #35  
Old 08-05-2015, 11:02 AM
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Well, let's see here. If we're gonna commit to names of Tyrants, then let's see what we can do about our gracious host's name.

SkyRend
SRender
SkRendr

I like that last one.
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  #36  
Old 08-05-2015, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by aturtledoesbite View Post
Well, let's see.

Squall - SkRendr
Shiva - Shivam
Quezacotl - PaulLeFou (what are thunderbirds, anyway)
I support this.
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  #37  
Old 08-05-2015, 01:44 PM
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Skrendr sounds like a Web 2.0 social network.
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  #38  
Old 08-06-2015, 03:04 AM
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Squall
Shiva
Quetzacotl

... What? I'm boring.
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  #39  
Old 08-06-2015, 09:12 AM
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I support this.
i vote this too
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  #40  
Old 08-06-2015, 11:03 AM
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..whateva

Wait a minute, it's seven characters, not nine. Whateva. Forget the ellipsis.

But all GFs should have periods in front if possible.
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  #41  
Old 08-06-2015, 11:19 AM
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Name all the GFs "Whatever"


It's thematically appropriate.
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  #42  
Old 08-06-2015, 12:06 PM
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"And I shall junction myself... to Whatever!"

I like this idea too.
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  #43  
Old 08-06-2015, 12:11 PM
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ADDED BONUS: We can then pretend that Squall is addressing his GFs by name
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  #44  
Old 08-06-2015, 01:05 PM
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Part I - A Trial by Fire

And so our grand adventure begins! On a hospital bed, getting stitched up from an overly dramatic sparring session gone horribly wrong. Man, our protagonist is not having a good morning, is he? But you think he cares?



Even his name expresses his utter disdain for what's going on here. Whateva, man, Whateva.



Look, lady, Seifer was the one who cut him open first...

Whateva "Tell that to Seifer."
Dr. Kadowaki "That Seifer... Won't listen to anyone. Why don't you ignore him?"
Whateva "I can't just run away."
Dr. Kadowaki "You wanna be cool, huh? Well, don't get hurt in the process."
{Little late for that, doc...}
Dr. Kadowaki "Let's see, your instructor is... Quistis! I'll call her now. Just wait here a minute."



He's never gonna live this one down. Good thing he doesn't really care either way.

Dr. Kadowaki "Yes, yes... His injury's not serious. It'll probably leave a scar. ......Right. Now please come by."



Uh, do I know you?



And then she just walks off. Okay, whateverWhateva...



Man, remember back in 1998 when we were impressed by reflections on things in FMVs? Boy I miss the late 90s.



That's Whateva's teacher? She's... um, let's say "young" and leave it at that.



Not the best position for your teacher to find you in.



Quistis does not approve. Close your legs, Whateva.



Yeah, I wonder, is Seifer off getting patched up too? 'Cause Whateva kinda did a back-at-ya on him with the whole "nose bridge tag with a sword" routine.

Quistis "Come on, let's go. Today's the field exam."

Already? Man, I haven't even studied yet.



Quistis, naively, tries to get something meaningful out of Whateva.



As you can imagine...



She fails. And knew she would, too.



Whateva is not amused by people making fun of his social ineptitude.

Whateva "What's so funny?"
Quistis "Funny? No, no, it's not that! I'm just happy. I feel like I'm beginning to understand my student a little. That's all."
Whateva "I'm more complex than you think."
Quistis "Then tell me. Tell me more about yourself."




Oh ha ha ha. What is this, grade school? Let's just get back to class so I can get on failing whatever exam you've set up for me, okay?







♪♪ Balamb Garden ♪♪

Suddenly FMV outta nowhere! FF7 had a few character-model-over-FMV setups too, but FF8's are far more impressive. Look at that attention to detail with the character models passing behind and in front of that pillar! That took some real work back in 1998.
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  #45  
Old 08-06-2015, 01:06 PM
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Whateva is all business as usual. Screw socializing, just get on with class already.



Good morning, Ms. Trepe!

Quistis "Let's start with today's schedule."



"No, I never did anything lewd with a bowling pin and a whip. Get your heads out of the gutter, you sick freaks."

Quistis "Yes, the field exam for SeeD candidates will begin later this afternoon. Those not participating and those who failed last week's written test are to remain here in study hall. Field exam participants will have free time until the exam. Just be sure you're in top condition. Meet in hall at 1600 hours. I'll announce the team assignments there. Any questions?"

Yeah, I have one: where is this 'hall' you speak of? You mean the entryway? 'Cause that's where we're supposed to meet, last I checked.



"Put a bandage on that wound already, your face is a mask of blood."

Quistis "Do NOT injure your partner while training. Be careful from now on."

Wait, I call foul! She didn't cite Whateva for his counterstrike on Seifer's face? What kind of double standard is this!?



Seifer is pissed too, and pounds impotently on his desk.



Quistis "And Whateva. I need to talk to you."

I'm gonna assume she's planning to write him up for his inappropriate response to Seifer's conduct or something. Just didn't want to embarrass him in front of the entire class. That's nice of her, I guess.



Well, Whateva has more important things to do than to get lectured. He's got a high-tech desk and he's gonna play with it, damn it!



Against his better judgment, Whateva checks the School Festival Committee page. It's usually worth a good laugh.



But in the end, there was no Garden Festival. That's 'cause no one volunteered to help out. But I have only myself to blame. I thought I alone could pull it off. I'll be starting a new life, but I sincerely hope someone will take over the Garden Festival committee!

Good-bye Balamb Garden!
Wimbly Donner


Well, that was kinda depressing. Now who's Whateva gonna laugh at?



Even more against his better judgment, Whateva checks the Tutorial. Cramming at the last second for an exam is no fun. He could be playing Splatoon instead, but no...




What? No. Those are not their names. Get it right, game!




Much better. Honestly, whoever coded this computer system has serious issues with spelling. How do you get "Quezacotl" out of "PaulLeFou"?



Anyway, the Tutorial is exactly what it sounds like. Apparently Squaresoft decided that the insanely complex mess of a gameplay system they'd made for FF8 might be juuuuuuuuuuust a bit intimidating to some of their fans, so they "solved" it by adding this monumental database to the game. The Tutorial also doubles as the game's Datalog, with the Information section updating occasionally to provide terse bits of info about the world and backstory that you might be interested in. Maybe. I think about 5 people have ever read all of the Information section, as it's only slightly less cumbersome than the FF13 series Datalogs.



Anyway, now that that's done, let's fix a glaring control issue. This is the default control scheme for FF8.



And this is what it should be. (Well, for a US game anyway.)



Is that a euphamism for something? Because I'm not sure I want to "go to the Fire Cavern" if it is.

Quistis "You won't be able to take part in today's SeeD exam if you don't pass the prerequisite."
Whateva (I was going to go this morning, but Seifer...)
Quistis "Hm? Do you have a good excuse?"
Whateva "...Not really."
Quistis "Then let's get going. If you're not too confident yet, you can review your studies at the {study panel}. I'll be waiting at the {front gate}, so come down when you're ready. You can access the {study panel} from {your seat}."


Wow, Quistis is the master of {blue text and brackets}! That's a handy talent. Also, you didn't cite Whateva for his misconduct. You're not a very good teacher, Quistis...

Last edited by Sky Render; 08-06-2015 at 01:43 PM.
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  #46  
Old 08-06-2015, 01:08 PM
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These three losers are "Trepies", or fans of Quistis. Yes, really. The last one even does a dramatic 50's-style arm-swinging snap with his declaration. Aw golly shucks gee willikers dang!



Oh no, is Whateva about to collide with a giant talking rabbit?



Well, not exactly! She's not Harvey, but she's definitely about as bouncy as a bunny.



Whateva, as usual, does not care.



"Sorry, I was kinda in a hurry. Oh yeah! Hey, did you just come from that class? Is...... homeroom over?"
*Whateva nods*
"Woo...Oh, nooo... This place is so much bigger than my last Garden! Oh, hey, hey. I just transferred here. Do you think you could give me a tour of the Garden?"


Why sure, let me just grab my tour guide hat that totally exists.



Yeah, you knew he'd brush her off.

"Oh, bummer. That's too bad. Well, see ya."

Honestly, that was shockingly nice for Whateva. Normally he'd just walk off and not say anything.



Seeing a fellow quiet sort, Whateva walks over and gives a little wave hello.

"My brother gave me these cards but they're really not my thing. You can have them if you'd like. What? How do you play a card game? Hmmm, I think it'd be best to look at the card game explanation in the Tutorial. I don't know much about it, really. If you want to play cards with someone, talk to them by pressing (^). But keep in mind, not everyone is a card player. Oh, and by the way, I don't play, so don't bother challenging me."

Nearly one sentence of what this guy just said was true.



Whateva, he gave us a deck of shitty cards, so that's something. Onwards!



So yeah, Balamb Garden is kind of huge. Really huge. Fortunately, there's a directory right here in the entryway hall.



Even more fortunately, checking it lets you jump instantly to any hallway you want on the entire first floor. It's amazing how many players never realize this fact.



What the Hell, Developers?

In the library, on a completely random bookshelf, you can find the Occult Fan I magazine. Why would you ever, ever, EVER check this shelf? Well apparently if you talk to NPCs in the library and around the Garden multiple times, someone will reference vaguely that there was an interesting book in the library they saw and maybe you might want to check it out. Which we're somehow supposed to interpret as "mash X in front of the bookshelf until you find the 1-pixel hotspot". Pure (cl)ass.



Back to the entryway hall! The save point here is going to get a lot of use later, but for now all you need to know is that FF8's save points are weird compass stars inside a pair of spinning blue and yellow bands.



Off we go! Remember, kids, always use the correct entrance and exit! (No, really, you have to do that or you lose points for your SeeD rank later. I wish I was kidding.)



Balamb Garden's exterior is similarly way too freaking huge. There's three screens between the gate to the Garden proper and the wrought-iron gates along the roadway (yes, there are actual asphalt roads in FF8). I guess it builds atmosphere, but it takes forever to cross all of these pointless extra screens!



Alright, let's get this over with.

Quistis "GF gives us strength. The stronger the GF, the stronger we become. ...So, here's a brief explanation on junctioning a GF."

...Are you seriously going to try to tutorial me, woman?



No.



Quistis "Once we get to the {Fire Cavern}, I'll explain how to junction magic. Use the command "Draw" during battle and stock magic from your enemies. Be sure to have some stocked! Ready to go? The {Fire Cavern} used for the test is located {east of here}."

Okay, seriously, this woman has a colored text and tutorial combined fetish. I'm convinced now.
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  #47  
Old 08-06-2015, 01:09 PM
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Anyway, what took Quistis an entire tutorial to explain I can sum up in one short paragraph. You equip summons to party members ala FF6, and they let you assign your commands and abilities. They also let you boost your base stats by Junctioning (assigning) magic to those stats. The more of a spell you have on hand, the more effect a Junction has on that stat, and each spell has a different level of effectiveness for each stat it can be Junctioned to.



♪♪ Blue Fields ♪♪

So now we're on the world map, and right away this is completely different from FF7 since it has no world map up and starts out in not-top-down mode. The world map controls are basically identical to FF7, though, so anyone who's played that game will be right at home.



That includes hitting Select to get the world map to show up, of course. For reasons known only to the developers, a globe-style polygonal world map is also available. It's completely unhelpful and will never be used.



♪♪ Don't Be Afraid ♪♪

FF8's world map has a surprisingly high encounter rate. We don't even make it to the Fire Cavern before a battle starts!



"The R1 is the trigger. Pull it just as you strike. Same for the Renzokuken!"

Seriously, Quistis, your tutorial fetish is getting creepy...



Levels are for Chumps

It's pretty well-known that your level in FF8 is something of a looming death sentence. Every time you go up a level, so do the enemies around you. Thing is, they get exponentially stronger than you do from levels. This is a bit of a newbie trap, and it will screw over anyone who goes the powerleveling route traditional to most RPGs.



FF8's developers seemed to realize just what a death sentence they'd created, so common battles are always a snap to run from. And run we shall, from everything that gives us the stink-eye from here to the Dollet mission. There the "level equals death sentence" thing eases up briefly, but only due to a curious design flaw in FF8's system that we shall exploit.



♪♪ Blue Fields ♪♪

Do I have to? I already explained how it works...

I'll be explaining how to utilize the magic you have stocked."

Oh yes, all 0 spells I have stocked. That'll come in handy.



No.

Quistis "Ok, ready to go? Oh!"

Now what?



...Really? Do I know how to use my weapon of choice, which I have wielded for the last 3 years and just completed a duel with one of my classmates using it? Well, no, Quistis. I do not. Clearly I've been huffing paint since the moment I woke up this morning and am now braindead OF COURSE I KNOW HOW TO USE MY GODDAMN WEAPON!

Quistis "Oh, ok. I was just concerned, that's all. Alright, let's go!"

Lady, you are really getting on my nerves. I'm gonna cut you some slack and assume that bout of stupidity was because you wanted to satisfy your tutorial fetish...



As ready as I'll ever be. I can't believe I was worried about studying for this.

Whateva "I'm ready."
Quistis "I'm his support. Instructor No. 14. Quistis Trepe."
"Select a time limit. Choose one suited to your abilities. Challenging yet reasonable."




This is actually a newbie trap. Unless you're really amazingly bad at FF8, anything more than 10 minutes is severely overkill.

"Very well. Good luck."

I don't need luck, I have skilla Gunblade.



♪♪ Find Your Way ♪♪

Quistis, just shut up. All I have to do here is beat up a fire demon. It's not rocket science.



...Are you seriously trying to get Whateva to react to you?



'Cause that's the only reaction he's ever gonna give you: indifference laced with disgust.

Quistis "I'm just kidding! Trying to keep you relaxed, that's all."

You wanna keep me relaxed? Then stay focused on the task at hand and quit wasting my time with small talk.





The Fire Cavern is pretty short, mercifully. The encounter rate is corresondingly high, but I only had two whole battles to run from. Actually, battle #2 started as that dialogue box there finished printing. As it always does for me. I have never had a single run of FF8 where that did not happen, I'm not even kidding.



♪♪ Don't Be Afraid ♪♪

"Use an ice attack for them."

Better idea: run the fuck away because we aren't here to faff about with monsters.

Last edited by Sky Render; 08-06-2015 at 01:24 PM.
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  #48  
Old 08-06-2015, 01:11 PM
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I was born ready. Actually, I was born naked and screaming, but you know what I mean.

Quistis "You seem confident enough."



Bring it on, demon. I know Gunblade-fu!



♪♪ Force Your Way ♪♪

I just wanted to point out that FF8's boss battle transition is pretty awesome. The screen does this cool mirror-and-zoom effect that was really something back in the day.



In your face, fire demon!



Ow, that burns.




And that stings! You're starting to tick me off.



Eat vibrating sword blade! (Whateva's Gunblade is unique in that it can never, ever miss. Blindness just reduces his damage output. As an added bonus, he can get a critical hit any time he wants by hitting R1 just before he swings. I don't get why people bash the Gunblade, mechanically it's pretty much identical to Timed Hits in SMRPG! I mean come on, if we can accept a goddamn Keyblade, I think a Gunblade is well within reason.)



The efreet is suitably impressed with our 'blading skills.



So he punches Quistis instead. Hey, I won't complain.




As the fight wears on (we're just doing melee attacks, why bother with anything more elaborate just yet?), Whateva starts to take a beating. Is this curtains for our protagonist!?



What's this!? A hidden skill off to the right of the menu has appeared! Our savior!



"Very well, I will join you."

Oh. Uh, we already won. Well nerts. We'll get to talk about (and show off) Renzokuken in a later update. I GUESS.



♪♪ Victory Fanfare ♪♪

Bosses in FF8 give no experience, which is nice.



They also tend to give excellent loot, which is even nicer.



And they give a ton of AP, which... oh yeah, I forgot to set GF abilities up. Damn it! Oh well, it really won't matter at all. Note to self: discuss GF abilities next time.



So we have a new firey fire demon of fire-ness. He needs a name too. 9 letters, as before. What is this fire demon's name? You tell me!

Last edited by Sky Render; 08-06-2015 at 01:25 PM.
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  #49  
Old 08-06-2015, 02:14 PM
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Who's the most needlessly incendiary?
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  #50  
Old 08-06-2015, 02:25 PM
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Who's the most needlessly incendiary?
Well, I seem to recall Brickroad got fairly hotheaded at times in his LPs...
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  #51  
Old 08-06-2015, 02:32 PM
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Who's the most needlessly incendiary?
That's a good question. If only we had a recent event where someone created a thread to bash people for their wrong opinions...

(This is a vote.)

(I'm sorry, madhair, I know that's not actually what you were doing.)
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  #52  
Old 08-06-2015, 02:40 PM
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  #53  
Old 08-06-2015, 04:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sky Render View Post
Well, I seem to recall Brickroad got fairly hotheaded at times in his LPs...
Is Alexandr in this one? I don't recall. If so, save Brickroad for him, because it is a giant dude-castle, which is close enough to being a giant dude-dungeon.

Tomm meanwhile has the whole mouth of fire thing going on.
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  #54  
Old 08-06-2015, 04:43 PM
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There is an Alexander GF.
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  #55  
Old 08-07-2015, 05:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sky Render View Post
Even more fortunately, checking it lets you jump instantly to any hallway you want on the entire first floor. It's amazing how many players never realize this fact.
!

I am one of those players. Also I forgot there's a save point there and have been running all the way around to Squall's room to save.

Quote:
Why would you ever, ever, EVER check this shelf?
What kind of person plays a video game without running up against every shelf/cupboard/whatever and mashing the action button?
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  #56  
Old 08-07-2015, 06:20 AM
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Mogri for Ifrit!
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  #57  
Old 08-07-2015, 09:57 AM
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madhair60 and Wolfgang for Brothers.
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  #58  
Old 08-07-2015, 10:06 AM
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madhair60 and Wolfgang for Brothers.
As great as that'd be, you name the Brothers collectively, I think.
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  #59  
Old 08-07-2015, 07:51 PM
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madgang60.

or maybe je-nl? *shrug*
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  #60  
Old 08-07-2015, 09:01 PM
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Je-nl for Brothers sounds like a fine idea to me.

I don't really keep up with divisive threads that aren't obviously troll threads so Ifrit I leave to you guys.
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