Ho Ho Ho, Merry Middle of December, when new video game releases largely dry up until the middle of January. So fill yourself with some mustarded' up crumbs of cheese and sell all your hair for chains you can fight off hairy mountain hermits with.
That's the true meaning of Squishmas.
Jumping on to your roof and burgling their way in your house-throat this week is another update to the NSO, at the Expansion Pass tier; three highly anticipated N64 games Jet Force Gemini (a 3rd person shooter famous for an uncomfortably thirsty Gamefan review) 1080 Snowboarding (Tony Hawk Pro Skater, except chilly as h*ck) and Harvest Moon 64 (the game where you get cows and married). While all three are beloved fixtures (or at least beloved-ish), the NSO still doesn't let you remap buttons, so JFG (and presumably 1080) are borderline unplayable unless you pay for the replica N64 controller. Harvest Moon probably fares better, and it's the most seasonally approprate game released this week because you Hoe-Hoe-Hoe!
Now, if you want to relive an old video game, but not one nearly as old as anything released on the N64, why don't you sit your little badonkus right down here and look at our next release; Hammerwatch: Anniversary Edition and NOT ONLY THAT but also it's sequel; Hammerwatch 2 (also available as a bundle)! They're basically Gauntlet, except with Online multiplayer, an innovation that... really? We went this long without someone realizing that was a good idea? Really?
Well, whatever, it's a good idea, and here we are, with that thesis being proven true.
Take any one of a WHOLE DANG BUNCH of Fantasy Peeps, smack 'em into the monster infested ruins of Castle Hammerwatch and pulverize goblins with Buds and Pals until Goblins cease to be an issue. The sequel appears to be more of a sprawling adventure than a Series of Monster Dungeons, if that tickles your fancy any more
And you know what else looks like and plays like a video game I loved in the late 80s/early 90s; Koumajou Remelia 2: Strangers Requiem, that's what! But instead of Gauntlet, it looks like the other "Kill Every Monster In this Monster-Infested Monster Castle" game, Castlevania! But the difference is that it's based on Touhou instead of Bram Stokers seminal work about a real-estate lawyer writing to his fiancé.
You're a knife-maid and you've just wandered back into theHouse of Hell Accursed Demon Castle of Dracula Scarlet Devil Castle and stab the absolute bajeezus out of everything inside because everyone in Touhou solves their problems with fusillades.
Next up is a Kemco RPG, and I usually skip those on the grounds that they come out constantly and are, on average, Dragon Quest with the serial numbers filed off and without the polish, but I'm mentioning this one as it looks unique and, honestly, pretty cool. Metro Quester is a dungeon crawler where you take a bunch of scavengers into the vast mutant-infested depths of the future Tokyo underground trying to find supplies and survive in a deeply weird post apocalyptic future.
I get some Dungeon Encounters vibes from it, except with vastly nicer visuals, which is a weird opinion to have about a Kemco RPG.
Speaking of Dungeon Crawlers meant to replicate old computer games, here's a port of an old dungeon crawler computer game! Xanadu is a port of the Japanese PC game that is best known over here for the NES spinoffs, Faxanadu and Legacy of the Wizard (a few of the later games were also localized, but the NES ones was BY FAR the most popular); explore a scenic Blurry Cave and get to the bottom of it so you can bust up a dang ol' dragon what lives down there and is being a nuisance.
Or it's just... living down there and you're trying to kill it because "Hey, there's a monster" and no second reason.
Early 80s RPGs didn't need terrible complicated plots.
And we're bringing an end to this prepostersense with YET ANOTHER 80s computer game; but this time it's a European computer game and also it's a collection of them! Monty Mole Collection (no relation to the Super Mario enemy) is a collection of no fewer than 5 Monty Mole games, inspired by the 1984 UK Mining Strike!
Did you know there was a Mining Strike in the UK in 1984? I didn't, but it clearly meant a lot to Microcomputer programmers since we got five games out of it!
Explore scenic "The Dirt" as a CRIME MOLE who must steal junk for survival and/or wealth.
And though it's been said, many ways, many times... Merry Video Games... to you
That's the true meaning of Squishmas.
Jumping on to your roof and burgling their way in your house-throat this week is another update to the NSO, at the Expansion Pass tier; three highly anticipated N64 games Jet Force Gemini (a 3rd person shooter famous for an uncomfortably thirsty Gamefan review) 1080 Snowboarding (Tony Hawk Pro Skater, except chilly as h*ck) and Harvest Moon 64 (the game where you get cows and married). While all three are beloved fixtures (or at least beloved-ish), the NSO still doesn't let you remap buttons, so JFG (and presumably 1080) are borderline unplayable unless you pay for the replica N64 controller. Harvest Moon probably fares better, and it's the most seasonally approprate game released this week because you Hoe-Hoe-Hoe!
Now, if you want to relive an old video game, but not one nearly as old as anything released on the N64, why don't you sit your little badonkus right down here and look at our next release; Hammerwatch: Anniversary Edition and NOT ONLY THAT but also it's sequel; Hammerwatch 2 (also available as a bundle)! They're basically Gauntlet, except with Online multiplayer, an innovation that... really? We went this long without someone realizing that was a good idea? Really?
Well, whatever, it's a good idea, and here we are, with that thesis being proven true.
Take any one of a WHOLE DANG BUNCH of Fantasy Peeps, smack 'em into the monster infested ruins of Castle Hammerwatch and pulverize goblins with Buds and Pals until Goblins cease to be an issue. The sequel appears to be more of a sprawling adventure than a Series of Monster Dungeons, if that tickles your fancy any more
And you know what else looks like and plays like a video game I loved in the late 80s/early 90s; Koumajou Remelia 2: Strangers Requiem, that's what! But instead of Gauntlet, it looks like the other "Kill Every Monster In this Monster-Infested Monster Castle" game, Castlevania! But the difference is that it's based on Touhou instead of Bram Stokers seminal work about a real-estate lawyer writing to his fiancé.
You're a knife-maid and you've just wandered back into the
Next up is a Kemco RPG, and I usually skip those on the grounds that they come out constantly and are, on average, Dragon Quest with the serial numbers filed off and without the polish, but I'm mentioning this one as it looks unique and, honestly, pretty cool. Metro Quester is a dungeon crawler where you take a bunch of scavengers into the vast mutant-infested depths of the future Tokyo underground trying to find supplies and survive in a deeply weird post apocalyptic future.
I get some Dungeon Encounters vibes from it, except with vastly nicer visuals, which is a weird opinion to have about a Kemco RPG.
Speaking of Dungeon Crawlers meant to replicate old computer games, here's a port of an old dungeon crawler computer game! Xanadu is a port of the Japanese PC game that is best known over here for the NES spinoffs, Faxanadu and Legacy of the Wizard (a few of the later games were also localized, but the NES ones was BY FAR the most popular); explore a scenic Blurry Cave and get to the bottom of it so you can bust up a dang ol' dragon what lives down there and is being a nuisance.
Or it's just... living down there and you're trying to kill it because "Hey, there's a monster" and no second reason.
Early 80s RPGs didn't need terrible complicated plots.
And we're bringing an end to this prepostersense with YET ANOTHER 80s computer game; but this time it's a European computer game and also it's a collection of them! Monty Mole Collection (no relation to the Super Mario enemy) is a collection of no fewer than 5 Monty Mole games, inspired by the 1984 UK Mining Strike!
Did you know there was a Mining Strike in the UK in 1984? I didn't, but it clearly meant a lot to Microcomputer programmers since we got five games out of it!
Explore scenic "The Dirt" as a CRIME MOLE who must steal junk for survival and/or wealth.
And though it's been said, many ways, many times... Merry Video Games... to you
